Chapter Fifty
Dusty
Approaching the door again, tea in hand, I got so many different conflicting emotions from my mate that tears pricked my eyes.
I’d planned on offering her the tea again. Even though she hadn’t said a word, I could tell from the bond what the test said.
Clearly, she needed more time. Putting one hand on the door, I silently sent her more hope and love, letting her know I was here. That I’d support her in whatever she decided.
A baby.
We weren’t ready for a baby right now.
In however many months until this baby arrived, we still probably wouldn’t be ready.
But babies never came when you were ready. Not for my moms, not for my friends. They came when they wanted.
I’d dad-up for my pack.
For her. Because I loved her with my whole heart.
I’d already looked up clinics, if that’s what she wanted. With a sigh, I put the tea back on the table. She’d come out when she was ready. To give myself something to do, I made myself some coffee.
Finally, the door opened. Her eyes were red and she held a test in her hand.
“You were right.” Her voice broke.
Pulling her to me, I gave her the biggest hug. I didn’t say anything else, because she didn’t need that right now. I poured all my love into her, and I felt her relax, just a little. Then a little more.
For a long time we just stood there, holding each other.
“I think I need that tea,” she finally said.
“On the table. Do you want your cookie?” I asked.
Shaking her head, she sat down on the couch and picked up her tea, which had probably gone cold. Grabbing my coffee, I sat down with her. For a long moment, we just sat in silence.
“Do you want me to try to make a clinic appointment for this afternoon? We can miss the game and just say you’re not feeling good,” I finally said. “There will be more games.”
“I don’t know. Though that would probably be the best option, because what do we know about being parents? I had a shitty mom. I don’t have a job. We’re not a pack yet.” Her shoulders slumped as she stared into her tea.
“You’re right, that would be the practical choice. We have lots of time for kids. But we don’t have to be practical if you don’t want to be,” I added.
She looked over at me. “What would being parents even look like for us? How much would our lives change? I mean, we are Pack Chaotic Himbo. Also… I don’t have a clan to help me.”
“You don’t need them. You have a pack, which includes an overzealous Fiona.
There’s plenty of fun, child-appropriate, dangerous shit we could still do.
I don’t really think life would change anything, other than there would now be a small person, and we might have to cut the swearing down once they start to talk.
But baby swearing is the funniest thing,” I told her honestly.
“Do you really think we could be parents?” She frowned, still clutching her tea.
“We’d be such good parents with really amazing kids.
Sure, it’s scary, but life is scary. I get scared every time I get up on stage.
There are probably jobs when you’re a little scared.
Fear keeps things interesting. If you’re ready to be a mom, then we’ll make it work.
Is there anything in particular that would concern you? ” I asked.
“I had shite parents.” She shrugged
“So, you’ve learned a lot about what not to do,” I replied, trying to be optimistic, but not pushy.
She thought for a moment. “True, and Fiona had an extensive amount of parenting classes at the omega academy.”
“Carlos loves kids. Hale’s from a big family.
We have lots of space for a baby. I’m not planning on traveling for at least the next six months anyway, unless I get something really big.
I can extend that. If you want, I can call my agent and see if I can get some local guest roles to have extra money for the baby fund.
Though we can afford a baby, regardless.
Honestly, I think the biggest problem would be that Fiona will plan the most ridiculous baby shower ever for you.
” I grinned. I could envision it, in all its spectacular decadence.
“She can plan the baby shower. But I get to decorate the nursery,” she replied firmly.
“Oh? Have you given a lot of thought as to how you would decorate one?” I asked curiously.
“I told you, she took a lot of parenting classes, many of which involved making mood boards.” Saoirse shrugged.
That wasn’t an answer, but I wouldn’t push her.
“Honestly, if you want to do this, we will,” I said instead.
“I’m sure people will have opinions.” Her voice became bitter.
“They always do. Um, speaking of opinions, my abuelita said it’ll be a girl. I thought she was talking about Fiona, but I guess she meant you? Not sure how? Mystical grandma powers?”
She nodded. “I could see that. Gran had that knack, too.”
“For the record, you would be an amazing mom,” I added.
“You think so?” She curled into my arms.
“I do. If you’re worried about not being married, we can do that now.” It turned out there was never a marriage certificate from our rave-wedding. We did have the mating agreement, but for extra legal protection we should get actually married at some point.
Especially if we were having a kid.
“I think if you do Feral Ratville, we should actually get married on stage, but maybe we’ll let Ava marry us this time.” She laughed.
“I love it.” Beefy Pot Roast would absolutely do that. Though given it was in June I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to make the lineup.
But if I did, Saoirse wouldn’t be too pregnant to travel in June…
“You’d make a good dad.” Her voice grew soft.
“Really?” I’d like to think I would, but I loved hearing it from her.
She rested her head on my shoulder and I rubbed her back.
“What do you want to do right now? We can just sit here if you want,” I said softly.
Saoirse thought for a moment. “I think I want to eat the rest of my sandwich and then maybe we could go home? I don’t want to make a decision yet.”
“Then that’s what we’ll do.” I warmed up and brought her the sandwich, pickles, and cookie, then made her more tea.
Getting my own sandwich, I sat down with her, and we ate in silence. The warring emotions in her settled a little as she mulled everything over.
“Is it silly that I might want to keep the baby?” She looked over at me in earnest. “You’re right.
Life is scary. It’s fleeting. Why not seize what we can, while we have the chance?
We’re at a good age. We have the money, the house, the pack.
Maybe it’s not practical, given we’ve just packed up, but I don’t think it’s impossible or irresponsible. ”
“It’s not silly at all. If you want to keep the baby, then we’ll keep her. I’m up for all of it. The late nights, the diapers, the feedings. I can wear the baby and work. They make little headphones so that the music doesn’t hurt their ears.” I could see it now.
She started laughing. “Will that be your next song? You’ll go from Fuckboy Santa to Santa Dad?”
“Fuck yeah! We don’t have to bring the baby on stage. We can actually keep Baby Lovely totally quiet if you want,” I suggested.
“That is something to consider. What are your opinions on baby names?” She ate her last pickle.
Oh, this felt like a test.
“I like the name Rory, which can be short for lots of things,” I replied, tentatively. “What’s your Gran’s name?” Given how much her gran had meant to her, maybe she wanted to use that.
“Aisling.”
“Ohhh, I like that. We could name her after your Gran,” I offered.
“I’d like that. What names are Rory short for?” Her brow furrowed in puzzlement.
“Well, my birth mother’s name was Aurora, and her friends always called her Rory. Aurora Aisling or Aisling Aurora both sound really pretty.” My heart pounded. I’d never told anyone that I’d like to name a child after my mom. I still remembered flickers of her. Her smile. Her scent. Her eyes.
My moms, the ones that had been her best friends, showed me so many photos of my parents and told me all the stories to help keep their memories alive.
I’d like to think that my birth parents would love my pack.
“Your mother’s name.” Her hand went to her heart. “They do sound nice together.”
“We never talked more about last names after Fiona dropped it in the group chat. I’m happy to take yours.
Or we can hyphenate. That might be nice.
Aurora Aisling Woodrow-O’Halloran. I like it.
” While I loved my last name, my parents would understand.
Plenty of people changed their last names when they got a pack.
Also, I liked the idea of having an assassin's last name.
“We’re ridiculous,” she chuckled. “But I do like how it sounds. I think those three are considering all taking Rodriguez and just having a pack name. Though Fiona has offered to take my last name. Honestly, I’m fine with her taking one of theirs. I understand why Hale doesn’t want his anymore.”
“Yes, lots to think about, indeed.” I gave her a kiss. “We can wait until she’s born and see which version is better?”
“Good thought. Though we’ll need a boy’s name, too. In case.” She bit her lower lip. “I can’t believe I actually might want to do this.”
“All you need to do is believe in yourself. You know I’m your biggest fan.” I cupped her face with my hand.
“I think I’d like a day or two. Just to be sure this is what I want. What we want.” Her voice grew tentative.
“Um. Do you want to talk to Ava? We were on tour, and had been partying hard when she found out, and she freaked the fuck out. She had elaborate lists and did research. Anyway, she’d be a good resource, especially if you want to go the secret baby route.” I pulled up a photo. “Meet Baby Meatloaf.”
Saoirse sucked in a breath. “Beefy Pot Roast has a baby?”
“She does. And no one really knows about the baby or that she’s mated to her omega makeup artists, and her alpha manager. She’ll be okay with me telling you, though.” I showed her another picture.
“That’s a cute baby.” Several different emotions swirled inside her.
I hugged her again. We’d have a cute baby.
“Why don’t we clean up and head back?” I asked as I gathered up the remnants of our lunch.
“Will you make me that soup, if we have time before the game?” she asked. “Please?”
My mate wanted my soup again. That made me so happy.
I kissed her. “I will make you all the soup you want. Though I think we need to stop at the store.”
“Okay.” She took my hand. “Thank you.”
“That’s what mates are for, Mi Cielo.” I squeezed her hand back.
We headed home, stopping at the market first.
My phone rang as I put some chicken in the basket as we shopped. “It’s my agent, can I take it?”
“Of course. I’m going to look at the tea,” she said.
“Hey, what’s up?” I asked.
“What are you doing in June? I mean this in all seriousness given you now have a pack,” he replied.
I thought for a moment as I wandered through the meat section.
“We’ll probably submit our pack application in June.
Sometime during the off-season we’ll have a party, and our pack omega might want to have a heat before hockey season starts again.
I’m not sure how much traveling I want to do right now.
I need to spend time in the studio and with my pack. Unless it’s worth my while, of course.”
“Oh, this will be worth your while. What about the last week in June? Can you block that off? I don’t have your specific day yet,” he continued.
My heart skipped a beat. “Is this Feral Ratville?”
“Yes. They were really impressed by your performance at Winter-Fest. I don’t know if you’re an actual headliner, but you will play the main stage,” he added.
“Sold. I have a pack and I’ll probably bring them. Also, I need to check with my mate, but it should be fine,” I replied. It was happening. I was going to do Feral Ratville.
“Please, check with your mate. They want you to bring her and your pack. The fact you packed up at Winter-Fest is something they love. That wedding video is still popular.”
Oh, that was a plus. We could do what Saoirse suggested, too.
“Hey, I know you’re looking, but I am all for local things. I’ll play clubs, go on game shows, whatever. I do have a pack now,” I added.
He laughed. “You do. I’m working on it.”
My agent updated me on a few things and I ended the call.
Feral Ratville. Fucking shit.
I bounded down the aisle and found Saoirse looking at tea. “Guess what, guess what?”
“You’re getting an award, though this time you’re going as a sink not a shower?” she asked.
“I went as a shower, because that’s where I started. I’ve been invited to Feral Ratville. It’s the end of June. What do you think? Should I do it?” I asked.
“Why are you asking me?” Her expression went puzzled.
“Because couples talk about big decisions. Me doing a multi-day event, on an island in Greece, is a big decision. Of course you, and the whole pack, can come with me,” I added. “I’d really like you to be there.”
“Oh. They asked you? Of course they did. Yes, you should do it. This is huge. Congratulations.” She gave me a big hug, pride going through the bond.
I kissed her forehead. “I will absolutely marry you onstage if you want. You won’t be too pregnant to travel, if you decide you want to keep the baby.”
“Is that a thing, being too pregnant to travel?” Her eyebrows rose.
“Yes, it is. Ahhh, I’m going to play Feral Ratville.” Picking her up, I spun her around the aisle.
“Dusty!” She laughed.
“Okay, I’m going to tell my agent it’s yes.” I texted him that I was in.
Saoirse grabbed me and kissed me. “I’m proud of you.”
“I love you,” I blurted.
She paused. For a moment I wasn’t sure if she would shove me or kiss me again.
Grabbing me by the shirt, she smashed her mouth to mine. “I love you, you ridiculous musician.”
“I love being ridiculous for you,” I replied. “Let’s finish up so we can tell the pack that we’re going to Greece.”