Chapter Fifty-Three
Hale
I put on a button-down shirt and some nice pants, something Fiona had bought me when she took me shopping. I wanted to look nice for my meeting.
Should I add a tie? No, I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard.
Carlos had left for practice. Not sure what everyone else was doing today.
I glanced at my phone to check the time. My friend and roommate, Big Tad, had texted me.
Tad
Do you have any more stuff hidden around someplace?
Me
Did Clegg ask you?
Clegg had been harassing me about it. I had some more, but it was in my locker at the lab.
Tad
He’s been bugging me. But I’m going to a party.
Me
I might have some more stashed at the house. I’ll trade it for a puppy.
Tad
I think someone may have gotten it when they broke in. They got mine.
Me
Someone broke in?
Tad
Yeah, didn’t you read the house chat?
Whoops. I scrolled through it. Sure enough, someone had broken in late last night. Not much had been stolen. Other than Tad’s drugs and all our booze. Weird.
Tad
don’t have a puppy. But you should ask around. Someone might have one. I was going to trade you for chores.
I listed a couple spots where I might have some.
Me
That works. If you find any, go for it.
Tad
When are you coming back? Are you coming back?
Me
I plan on staying for the semester, but I’ll be gone a lot. I’ll be back soon.
Tad
Okay. I’ll leave a new key for you in the planter. We’re getting it re-keyed this morning.
Me
Thanks.
Tad
I can’t believe you’re in a pack with a rockstar and a hockey player.
Me
Me neither.
Tad
Are you really selling your drug formula? Why man? Also, Clegg is big mad.
Me
The whole point was that it wasn’t on the drug test. I don’t feel like reformulating it. I don’t work for Clegg. He can find his own. Also, I’m selling it to Compass BioTek.
Tad
Shit, man. Really? I’d sell it to them, too.
I finished getting ready and I dropped in some of my group chats that I was looking for a puppy. Fiona was right. We needed a puppy. Maybe I couldn’t buy us a car, house, or furniture. But a puppy? That was something I could contribute to our household.
Down in the kitchen, Fiona and Saoirse were drinking coffee at the breakfast bar.
“Is there any coffee left?” I gave Fiona a kiss. I was a little afraid of our coffee pot. It was fancy and I could not afford to fix it if I broke it.
“There’s a little bit left, help yourself,” she replied.
I poured myself a cup of coffee and added cream and sugar.
“Did you want to take the car?” Fiona asked.
“It’s okay.” I shook my head. “I want to time out how long it would take me to get there on the subway. Dusty already helped me figure out how to get there and where on campus it is.”
Gulping my coffee, I gave her another kiss.
At the front door, I put on my shoes, which were now in some sort of shoe shelf. The flat top was a great place to put my backpack. My new coat hung on one of the hooks above it. It was tempting to get a label maker and put everybody’s name above their hook like I had growing up.
There were chalk marks on the stoop. Huh. Maybe the city was doing work–or there could be kids we hadn’t met yet. It was really weird not knowing the neighbors.
Pulling my coat tighter, I shivered, even though this was my new winter coat. While it did get cold where I lived, my Southern ass was not built for this. Maybe I should’ve taken that into consideration before mating an East Coast pack.
The space between my shoulder blades prickled, like I was being watched.
My phone rang.
“Hi Grace, what's up?” I asked as I walked.
“I wanted to wish you luck this morning. It’s going to go great. Thanks for sending over all your notes and formulas. I just want to confirm that you never taught anyone to make it? Or used it for an assignment or anything?” she asked.
“I mean, I showed Mom and Dad. Mom even helped me fix things. But that was ages ago and I’ve since refined it,” I replied.
“Great. Also, I will need the key to the code your notes are in, because Creed can’t decipher it.”
“Whoops. Hazards of having the parents as parents. Research espionage training started young.” I laughed. “I’ll do that later.”
“Thank you. I still need that sample. As big as you can get me. Spencer’s going to Philadelphia the day after tomorrow. So, I can tag along and meet up with you and get it. I can’t get you paid until I have the key and the sample,” she told me.
“Yeah, I can do that.” Oh. Right. That would mean going to the Circle. We didn’t have anything going on tonight that I knew of. Yeah, today would be as good of a day as any.
While Carlos and I had run down the aisles at Swoop, and Fiona bought me things at Hardwicks that she wanted me to wear, I wanted my own stuff.
“Any word about the research grant? Not to seem ungrateful, just curious,” I asked.
“No. I’m sorry. We try to route everything officially, and the department handling it hasn’t gotten back to me,” she responded.
My heart sank. It wasn’t no, but it might as well be.
“It’s okay, Grace. I appreciate you trying. I actually sat down with my mates, and they are more than willing to help me cover everything this semester if I don’t get the grant,” I replied. At least I had that.
“You’ve got this. Oh, what’s going on with you and Nate? Tru mentioned it in our regular gossip session. Did he find out about your pack and is giving you shit?” she asked as the subway pulled up and I got on. It was crowded, full of people going to work.
Grace never called him Dad. It was either Nate or the professor. Tru was one of my little sisters–she was very chatty, and good at math.
“I brought up some things that made him really, really uncomfortable. Oh, and I blocked Mumsy,” I replied.
“Mumsy is best blocked. What kind of uncomfortable? Is this about him abandoning you?” she asked.
“Yeah, and how Mumsy stole my education money.”
“She did what? Do you need a lawyer?” Grace asked.
“That's what Fiona says, that we should start by having a lawyer draft a strongly worded letter about paying back the money.” I could still use that money for my PhD.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Grace demanded.
“Because I figured my tuition out. But now it’s more like the principle of the matter,” I explained. “They claim taking it was a mistake, but they never paid it back. They took Mercy’s, too. Apparently, given she’s an athlete, she doesn’t need it.”
“Bullshit. Fiona is right. If you need help, ask me. Still looking into what you mentioned about Nate not being safe, thanks for the heads up. He denies everything. But I’m keeping an eye on it. Hey, I am so sorry, but I have to run. Good luck!” She ended the call.
I looked at all the cute pets people were offering me in the group chats. Oooh, what did everyone think about pet spiders?
Also, I booked my ticket to Research Circle.
Getting off the subway, I walked to Barwyn. It was an old and pretty campus with lots of trees–but very different from my university. Campus felt quiet, but they were on break, too.
Dusty gave good directions and I found where I needed to go easily. Taking a deep breath, I entered the science building. Here goes nothing.
“Hale, your proposal is great. I’d love to take you on, but it turns out that the university won’t let you use the lab, because you’re not a student. I’m sorry. It’s a liability issue or something,” the professor told me. “Which is a pity, because this is pretty brilliant.”
It was like a slap. Shit. Everything hinged on this. “It’s okay, I understand. Do you know of anyone else?”
There were still a couple of weeks until the semester started.
“I did ask around, because Professor Clemson speaks so highly of you. But most universities have similar rules. Your mother is Pippa Thorne, right? Of Strauss Chemicals? A couple of people turned me down right there. Something about intellectual property drama?” He frowned.
A sigh escaped my lips. Of course someone would bring that up. “Thank you for looking.”
“I’m so sorry I couldn’t help.” He truly looked sorry.
“It’s okay. Thank you for your time,” I replied. Trying to hide my disappointment, I left his office.
It made perfect sense as to why a university wouldn’t let a random non-student use their facilities. But it still made me feel useless. I’m sure the parents or my siblings would have had some brilliant solution to make the university change their mind.
But I had nothing.
My mentor had texted me. Might as well reply. I sat down on the bench outside the building.
Professor Clemson
How did it go?
Me
University said no. Liability.
Professor Clemson
I’m so sorry. I can see that. I’ll make calls.
Me
Thanks. I’m headed to campus. Are you free? Maybe you can help me figure out what my schedule would look like if I need to do my research there?
Professor Clemson
Of course. Can you make it in time for dinner? My mate is roasting chicken.
His mate was a very good cook, and I’d been over for dinner many times, especially in the last year and a half.
Me
Yeah, I can. Thanks.
Professor Clemson
You’re looking for a dog? I saw that in the lab chat. My neighbor has Labrador puppies.
Me
My pack needs a dog. I like Labradors.
A Labrador or Golden Retriever probably would be our best choices. Family dogs that were good with kids and could jog with Saoirse.
Oooh, did my advisor have an appointment open? It would be nice to talk to her in person, too, just to make sure I was still on-track. I went into the appointment portal. There was a spot tomorrow. Perfect.
Clegg had also continued to text me, demanding all my inventory, wanting to buy the formula, asking for who bought it, and generally giving me shit. Block.
I texted Grace.
Me
Has Spencer bought a lab in New York yet? Barwyn won’t authorize me using theirs. Though I’m required to have someone to sign off on my shit and make sure I don’t blow anything up.
She didn’t immediately text back. But Grace had important work to do. Unlike me. The national disaster.
My phone rang and I answered it without looking, thinking it was Fiona.
“Finally! What is this about you accidentally bonding with random people? Have we taught you nothing?” Mom yelled.
Shit. The phone said Carolina Women’s Correctional.
“They’re not random. I love them. We have a place to live and money for food. I’m not dropping out in my last semester. We’ll figure it out.” My eyes closed. I didn’t have the energy to do this, but hanging up felt wrong.
“It’s irresponsible. I’ve told you your whole life not to fuck up, and there you go being reckless. What were you thinking? Never mind, you weren’t. You can’t even get into a PhD program. How are you going to support a pack?” she scolded.
That hurt. Because she was right. I was the alpha. I should be supporting Fiona and Carlos, not the other way around.
“Just because you fucked up your life doesn’t mean I’m going to,” I replied, chest shuddering.
“You already have. Honestly, the best thing you could do is un-bond them. You got your father’s idealism, and you’re just going to screw up their lives the way he screwed up mine.” The venom in her words made me flinch.
“We can make it work, Mom.” My voice broke. He screwed up her life? Dad was the one thinking Grace was missing for all those years.
“No, you can’t. You’re throwing everything away. How did I give birth to such fuckup children? You’re such a disappointment. Don’t come crawling back to me when all your dreams are for nothing. Not that you even deserve them. What a waste,” she spat as she hung up.
Inwardly, I crumpled. Even my own mom didn’t think I could do this.
Shit. I should probably get my ass to the train station. I started walking to the subway.
The phone rang again. Carlos.
“He can’t help me,” I blurted. “University won’t allow it.”
“Shit. I’m sorry. Dimitri isn’t here or I’d ask him about that asshole who’s trying to cure cancer that he always kicks out of his parties.
Hardknob or something. I keep in touch with one of my nursing professors.
Maybe he knows someone,” Carlos offered.
“I’ll head home soon. Unless you want to meet me at Titos?
Drown your sorrows in beer and onion rings?
Or we can go to Taco Hut, and you can eat your feelings? ”
“I actually need to go to Research Circle. My mentor’s going to help me. I need my clothes. Grace also needs my drug samples which are in the lab at Briar. I won’t be back until tomorrow, because I also made an appointment with my advisor.” I sighed as I went down into the subway.
“Oh, okay. Makes sense. I’ll come with you, if you want?” he offered.
“It’s fine. But thanks.” I didn’t deserve his help. I didn’t deserve anything.
“Okay. I’m here if you need me,” he added.
“Thank you.” I ended the call and walked to the train station.
First, I had to take the ultra-bullet to the Capitol, then I could catch a regional train home. When the train pulled up, I found an empty car.
As the train took off, I stared out the window, my mom’s words echoing in my ears.
What a waste. My own mom thought I was wasting my life.
What if they were right? It wouldn’t be too late to un-bond, would it? I knew it was a process, but I still might be able to get it done before the semester started. Thank goodness I hadn’t given up my place and my job.
Wait. What was I thinking? I loved them.
What made the most sense would be to talk to my mentor and go from there.
But doubt tugged at me. My phone buzzed.
Fiona
Carlos said things didn’t go well. I’m sorry. Can we buy lab time for you? Do they make co-working labs like they do co-working spaces?
There she went, wanting to fix problems with money.
Who was I kidding, most problems could be fixed with money.
But I was the alpha. I had to figure out my own shit. I had to take care of people. If I couldn't, what business did I even have being in a relationship?
Fiona
Any word on the grant?
Me
Not yet.
Fiona
Would you like me to make a roasted chicken for dinner? I found a recipe.
Me
I have to go to the Circle and talk to my mentor, grab stuff for Grace, and get my clothes. I won’t be back until tomorrow.
Fiona
Oh. Okay. Yeah, he’ll have ideas. We’ll figure it out. Love you.
I stared at that. Did she though? What was even loveable about me?
The older sibling group chat lit up, but I ignored it.
No, there was nothing lovable about me at all.
My phone rang–Fiona–as worry and comfort came through the bond. I ignored it and turned off my phone. Balling up my coat, I used it as a pillow, and closed my eyes, trying to shut them out.
I didn’t deserve them.
I didn’t deserve anything.