Chapter 19 #2
He frowns. Is he remembering their words? All I did was snap at them. I wanted to grab them by their wigs and smash their heads together.
He studies my face and smiles. “You were fierce. But I did have a question… Oh yeah. Why is it okay for you to protect me, but if I try to stand up for you, you get all pissy about it?”
“I don’t get pissy.” It’s the wrong thing to say, but I can’t seem to help myself.
“Your first day at school, Benson was bullying you. I told him to stop. And you…you yelled at me. Told me to fuck off.”
“I don’t need you to protect—” Shit. He’s right. To an extent. “It’s not the same, Jonah.”
“Why? All I need is a why.”
I down my drink and slam the glass on the nightstand. I don’t want to talk about this. But I know he won’t leave it alone. “Needing help makes me weak.”
His mouth drops open. And it would be comical if my heart wasn’t pounding so hard. If my shame wasn’t laid open for Jonah to see. I might as well sleep in the van. I shift to get up, but he grabs my arm. “Vivian, wait. Do you think I’m weak?”
I snort. “Of course not.” Am I missing something— Oh, right. “I told you. It’s not the same thing.”
“You’re right. It’s not.” And for some reason, his agreement hurts. “No one thinks I need help. Ever. But it’s nice when someone cares enough to try. But you… Your dad is an asshole.”
“For fuck’s sake, Jonah—”
He pulls me closer and cradles my face in his hands. His thumb gently traces the bruise on my cheek. “I don’t know what bullshit your dad has shoveled your way, but I know for a fact that he’s wrong.”
“How can you know that?” I ask in a soft voice, afraid to hear the answer and equally afraid he won’t tell me. His vanilla scent wraps around me, making it difficult to think.
“You’re hands down the strongest person I’ve ever met.”
“You don’t really know who I am—” The softness in his gaze stops my words and the heat underneath sets me ablaze.
His hand threads through my hair, pulling me closer as his gaze drops to my mouth. “I want to know.”
Fuuuck. I shut my brain down and crash our mouths together. Kissing Jonah sets me free.
The relief at tasting him again is intense. The rum on his firm lips. The whimper that escapes his greedy mouth.
It’s also not fucking enough. I want to climb him. Show him who’s boss. But I also want to fall to his feet and submit to his every whim.
He tugs on my hair, pulling my head back as he bites and licks my neck, making his way to my mouth. Then he devours me like he craves the taste and can’t get enough.
Fuck. I thought he was innocent. Was I wrong about that?
When his hand moves to the collar of my shirt, he hesitates as if he’s waiting for something. And that’s when I know I was right. “Jonah, wait.”
“Shit,” he says with a groan. “I need another drink.”
“No, you don’t.” That’s the problem. Drunk Jonah. Sweet innocent Jonah. How can we do more than this if he doesn’t know what he wants? Or who I really am? Alcohol makes everything seem immediate. Necessary. But I can’t rush this. Rush him.
I move back. Not far. Just enough to put some distance between us.
He shakes his head. “Sorry. I didn’t mean— I messed up.”
“No, Jonah.” I lean in to catch his gaze. “You didn’t. But I think we should at least be sober.”
“And at most?”
He’s getting better at reading me. And that’s scary as hell. “You should know a few things about me.”
He takes another sip of his drink. “Like what?”
Sharing my darkest secrets with my stepbrother is dangerous. But this is what happens when I have too many rum and Cokes.
An overwhelming curiosity drives my response. “I like pain,” I say in a soft voice. “It gets me out of my head.”
He glances at my arms as if my wounds are visible. “Like cutting yourself?”
I almost laugh. Jonah is such an innocent cupcake. It’s annoying. And a little endearing. “Think less self-mutilation and more…” I sneak a glance at his earnest face. “Give me another, Daddy. I’ve been a bad boy.”
He chokes on his drink, coughing and sputtering. It’s cute, and I can’t help but grin. He clears his throat. “You’re into that?”
My good mood evaporates. Did I really expect anything different? “Well, this has been fun.”
Jonah grabs my arm before I can rise from the bed. “Hold up. I’m not judging you. I’m just surprised.”
“Sure.” I don’t believe him, but I’m hesitant to break this delicate thing between us.
Dropping his hand, he swallows. “I—” He stops and shakes his head. Pink splashes up his neck and across his cheeks.
I’m intrigued. “Jonah?”
He refills his drink and takes a healthy sip. His eyes avoid mine. “I like to boss people around.”
“That’s not a secret, doll.”
“I mean,” he says, his cheeks darkening, “I like—” He covers his face with his hands. “Never mind,” he mumbles.
Jonah in my face. Grabbing my hands. His voice commanding.
“You’re a Dom?” That explains a lot. Innocent Jonah isn’t as innocent as I thought.
His head jerks up, and he searches my face. Swallowing, he says, “I want to be.”
Something isn’t adding up. He doesn’t have trouble being forceful from what I’ve seen.
“Never mind.”
Then it clicks. “You’ve never actually tried it?”
He takes a sip of his drink and drums his fingers on his glass. “Never had the chance. But I’ve watched…others.”
“Others?” I raise a brow, trying not to laugh. “Voyeuristic kink? Did you get that from watching farm animals?”
He shoots me a shocked look. “Jesus, Vivian. Not actual people. I mean porn.”
I laugh. I can’t help it. He’s too easy. And an embarrassed Jonah is hard to resist. “They aren’t actual people?”
“You know what I mean. Stop teasing me.”
I hide my smile in my drink. I don’t know what to do with this Jonah. Sweet and sexy and vulnerable. I know what I’d like to do to him, but right now, that seems like it would be a very bad decision.
“I don’t even know if I could do it,” he admits, ducking his head.
“I call bullshit.”
Jonah crowding me against the door. Slamming his hand on the wall over my head.
My body responds to the memory, and I hold my drink in my lap.
Jonah scowls at me. “You don’t know everything.”
The insecurity in his eyes makes me reckless.
“How are you this clueless?”
“Stop being a dick.”
He shuffles like he’s planning on leaving. And I can’t let that happen.
“Fine,” I say with an exaggerated whine. “I can’t believe I’m going to admit this.”
Jonah stops but doesn’t look at me. That’s probably for the best. “Admit what?”
“That day in the hallway. You were in my face and had me pinned against the doorframe…”
“I apologized for that.” His voice is barely a whisper.
“You did.” I scoot on the bed until we’re facing each other. I lift his chin. “In that moment, I would have done anything you asked, Jonah. Anything.”
He swallows. “You’re only saying that to make me feel better.”
“Hm. That doesn’t sound like me.”
“Viv—”
“I was turned on and fucking pissed about it.” I hold his chin so he can’t look away.
“I stormed into my room to get away from you, but it didn’t help.
And it didn’t stop me from jerking off to thoughts of you ordering me to get on my knees.
It was the first time I got off thinking about my stepbrother.
” I hold his gaze. “But it wasn’t the last.”