Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Vivian
The last thing I want to do is talk about our parents and what’s going on with Mom. “Let’s not—”
A knock on the door interrupts me. The knocks are slow, as if the person knocking is too tired to do more. Mom or George? Or both?
Jonah rushes to the door. I don’t move, not wanting to wake Maisy.
“Everything’s fine.” I can hear George before he’s fully in the room. “Carolynda is resting.”
“Are you going to tell us what’s going on?” Jonah folds his arms across his chest, frustration vibrating from every pore.
“There’s nothing to worry about.”
“Then why have you been so worried?” His jaw tightens. “We deserve to know, Dad. Vivian—”
“Don’t speak for me, Jonah. Can you…?” I nod to Maisy.
Jonah leans down and takes Maisy. I stand and run my fingers through my damp hair.
My shirt is clinging to me, but I ignore that for now.
“I just have one question, George. For now.” I look him in the eyes.
“Is Mom…?” I can’t get the words out without breaking down.
My voice trembles, and I hate it. Blinking back tears, I force the words out. “Is she going to—”
“No. God no. Is that what you boys think?”
“It’s not like you’ve given us anything else to go on.”
Now that I know it’s not life-threatening, I’m enjoying the way Jonah is standing up to his dad. I push other inappropriate thoughts away. For now.
“I’m sorry. I really am, boys. Can we talk about this tomorrow? I don’t want to leave Carolynda for too long.”
“Fine,” Jonah says. “Tomorrow.”
“Thank you both for taking care of Maisy.” He holds out his arms, but Jonah tightens his hold. What is he doing?
“You’re exhausted, Dad. Do you want us to keep Maisy?”
I stare at him. Why does he have to be such a fucking Boy Scout?
“Thanks, but I’ll take her. Carolynda has been worried about her.”
After we gather her things for George, including meds, and usher them out the door, I turn to Jonah. “What was that?”
He shrugs. His face is still tight. “I was being nice.”
“Well, stop it.”
It’s almost like the old Jonah is back. His eyes flash. “I can’t be nice now? Good to know.”
I move closer, and he takes a step back. Ha. “Being nice is overrated. I’ve been waiting all day to get you alone.”
“You have?” He swallows.
I grab his shirt and pull him closer. “Ask me, Jonah.”
A nervous smile slips out. “Ask you what?”
“You weren’t that drunk.” But maybe I’m wrong. What if he doesn’t remember?
“Oh. I… Are you sure?”
“You’re the one who doesn’t look sure.” I hesitate, reminding myself that Jonah is innocent. And as stepbrothers, we’re stomping all over boundaries and social expectations. And I’m fairly certain George might kill me if he finds out. He’d definitely disown me. “We don’t have to do this.”
His shoulders relax. “I want to. I’m just nervous.” He closes his eyes for a few seconds as if he’s gathering his courage. His gaze drifts down to my mouth. “You’re all I think about, Vivian.”
His admission eases the last of my worries. Jonah wants me. I couldn’t stop this from happening if I wanted to. And I don’t want to.
I have an overwhelming urge to crush our bodies together. Taste the sweat on his neck. Kiss him until he moans against my lips. Instead, I place my hand on his chest and wait. Jonah needs to make the first move.
“No going back after this.” His words are soft like a breath.
Is there a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes? A slight hesitancy in his voice? As if he wants to take this last step, but he’s caught on something.
“We don’t have to do this.”
“I want this, Vivian. Want you.” He rests his forehead against mine. “I’m nervous, but—God, it’s embarrassing.”
Under my hand, the wild beating of his heart tells me more than his words. I kiss him. Slow and sweet. But it quickly turns to more. This, he’s confident in. His hand goes to my nape to hold me while he takes what he wants. Is he more experienced than I’m giving him credit for, or is he a natural?
We’re both panting hard when I pull away. I don’t want to stop him, but we need to discuss things before this goes too far. He whines at the loss, and I chuckle. “Hold on.” I brush my fingers over the stubble on his jaw. “We need to discuss a few things. What you like and don’t like—”
He groans and rests his head on my shoulder. Is this shy-Jonah? Or something else. “Do we have to?”
“No, but, Jonah…” I wait until he’s looking at me. “If you’re not ready to talk about it, you’re not ready to do it.”
He closes his eyes and nods, as if he’s working up the courage.
“What things have you done already? Let’s start there.”
“With being a Dom?” he asks, looking away. “Or…at all?”
That stops me. “Let’s start with at all.”
The carpet has the same boring design that’s in most hotels, so it can’t be that interesting. But that’s where his eyes are glued. “I’ve done some stuff. Kissing. Touching.”
Normally, I’m blunt as fuck. But asking Jonah if he’s ever jacked someone off may spook him. “So you’ve used your hand—”
“Yes, of course.”
“—to get someone else off.”
“Oh.” His shoulders hunch a little more. “No.”
“You’re a virgin?”
He flinches slightly. And that old Jonah snark is back in his voice. “Is that a problem?”
We’re both tired. I recognize it now for what it is. A defense mechanism. “You being a virgin isn’t a problem. You snapping at me for asking definitely is.”
“Sorry—” He starts to pull away again. I hold on tight.
“Nope. Don’t run away, Jonah. Talk to me.”
“Look, it’s not a big deal. I just haven’t done a lot.” But his body language says there’s more to it than that. He stands rigid, turned away as if he might try to make a run for it.
“Why not? You weren’t out in high school, so that makes sense. But in college? I would have expected you to sow a few oats, farm boy.”
He laughs, and some of the tension leaves his body. “I…tried.”
I don’t press him. And after a few seconds, he lets out a heavy sigh.
“There was this guy. It was at a party. He was cute and flirting pretty hard. We were both a little tipsy. I wasn’t drunk. Liquid courage, you know?”
I have a bad feeling about this. Alcohol and consent rarely go together. “Jonah…” But he must see something in my face because he shakes his head.
“Nothing like that. I just knew what I wanted, so when he asked what I liked, I told him.”
Oh. “I’m guessing he wasn’t into it.”
“The look on his face.” He snorts. “It was almost funny.”
I doubt that. I take his hand and squeeze. “What happened?”
“Since his question was about whether I wanted to top, things ended pretty quickly.”
“What did he say to you?” I try to soften my voice, but it’s still hard.
He shrugs. “It wasn’t his words but how he said them. Like I was a freak or something.”
“Come here.” I wrap my arms around him. “There’s nothing wrong with liking kink. That guy is a fucking asswipe.”
“My brain knows that. But the rest of me? Not so sure.”
I catch his gaze. “Do you think I’m a freak?”
“No. You’re…amazing.”
My heart melts at that. “Then tell that voice in your head to fuck off. Now, enough about that jerkwad, unless you need to talk about him some more?”
He shakes his head. “Him? No. It wasn’t traumatizing or anything. After that I was just more careful about who I told—which means no one else knew. And then it was a matter of waiting.”
“What were you waiting for?”
He laughs. “I was waiting for you.”
“I call bullshit. You hated me.”
He places his hand on my non-injured cheek, and I lean into his touch. “Not you exactly. But someone who likes what I like. Someone who accepts me.” He swallows. “Wants me.”
I crash our mouths together. We still need to talk about consent and rules and safewords, and all that. But for now—this minute—I have one goal.
Erase the doubt from his eyes by showing Jonah how much I want him.
I can tell the moment he gets out of his head and lets his body talk for him. He picks me up, and I wrap my legs around him. We continue kissing as he moves… Is he going to slam me against the wall? Yes, please.
But his destination is much better as he drops me on the bed and then covers my body with his.
“Jonah—oh God—wait.”
He pulls back, searching my face. “Did you change your mind?”
“No.” I brush my thumb over the stubble on his cheek, trying to catch my breath and my scattered thoughts. “But we had a deal.”
His brows scrunch together. “A deal?”
“You’re sober, Jonah. Ask me.”
“Vivian?” He bites his lip, almost shyly. “Will you teach me?”
“Teach you what, doll?”
This smile is bright, and it banishes all my doubts. “Teach me how to boss you around.”