Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
Jonah
I follow Vivian around the truck. Is he going to kick the tires too?
They’re new. I bought them from the tire place across town.
I used my credit card for those. The guy selling the truck wanted five thousand.
It isn’t worth that, and we both knew it.
But it is worth more than I paid him. Paying in cash goes a long way.
That part was a little trickier. I had to find a bank that would let me withdraw the cash. Then I had to verify my identity. Evidently, I was supposed to inform my bank that I was going on a cross-country trip.
I thought Vivian would be happier about this.
He opens the passenger door and checks the interior, and I’m glad I ran it through the car wash and cleaned it already. “There’s only one seat.”
“It’s an old truck.” Leaning against the bumper, I watch him check the windows. Which is fair. I’d already checked them too.
“Hmm. What year is this?”
“Do you even know the difference between them?” I ask, but I don’t wait for his answer. “She’s in good condition. I checked.”
He glances over the truck at our parents. Then turns to face me, with his back toward them. “Like George checked the van?”
I hold back my smile. “I’m a better mechanic than my dad.”
His eyes sparkle. “I guess we’ll see.” And then he says so low, I almost miss it, “Thank you, Jonah.”
“You’re welcome.”
He bites his lip and glances up at me from under his lashes. Fuck. I remember that look. “Jonah, I really want to kiss you right now.”
“Stop torturing me. We don’t have time for a quickie. You have a job interview to get to.”
He grins, and it’s brighter than the Arizona sun.
Of course Dad has to check out the truck. I don’t mention the issues with the last vehicle he checked over. He has a good heart.
We want to get on the road, but Dad convinces us to wait a little longer. They want to talk to us about something.
Vivian smiles, but his nerves show in the way his body tenses and the tapping of his fingers.
I place my hand on his back. “We’re going to pack and load the truck. Then we’ll meet you…in your room?”
“The lobby,” Dad says, his eyes on Carolynda.
Once we’re in the room, Vivian heads to the bathroom to gather his stuff. I step in front of him. “Hold on.”
He glares, but there’s no heat behind it. “What are you doing? We have to get going.”
“I just need a minute.” I cup his face. “No matter what happens, I’m here. Okay?”
Vivian looks away, but I lift his chin to catch his eyes. “I mean it.” I should leave it at that, but I can’t. I brush my lips against him.
“We’ve talked about this. Stop being so sweet.”
“Give me one good reason.”
He closes his eyes, and his words are soft, barely there. “I’m afraid I’ll get used to it.”
I want to make him promises I’m not sure I can keep. Nothing will stop me from being there for him. But is that true? If Dad finds out—
But the clock is ticking, so I kiss him again and let him go.
We pack up and load the truck. Thankfully, it has a cover over the back.
Arizona is usually dry and hot this early in June, but monsoon season is right around the corner.
And the one thing I’ve learned on this trip is that I need to be prepared for anything.
The lobby is mostly empty with a few people checking in. Dad and Carolynda are sitting on one of the couches, and Maisy is playing with her dragon princess at the coffee table near them.
Vivian and I take the chairs on either side. I want to move my chair so it’s right next to his, but that might look suspicious.
“We’re listening,” Vivian says, his chin raised like he’s ready for whatever blow they’re going to give us.
Dad chuckles. “It’s not bad news.”
“You could have fooled us.” I’m done tiptoeing around things. “What’s going on?”
Carolynda smiles at George. It’s obvious how much they love each other. Did Mom ever look at Dad like that? Not that I remember. “Go ahead, George.”
“We’re going to have a baby.”
I stare at him. I mean, I guess it makes sense except— “Why all the secrecy?” I ask, my voice loud in the small area.
Vivian’s eyes widen. Okay, I might need to take it down a bit. But it’s not easy. Everything they put Vivian through. Why?
“We’re thrilled, of course,” Vivian says, more diplomatically than I could have. “But you scared us. I thought—” He shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Hold on, Vivian.” I can’t let him brush this off like it’s nothing. “It does matter.”
He’s barely holding it together, and I wished like hell I could go to him. Hold him or at least hold his hand. Dad reaches for Carolynda’s hand, and I dwell for a minute on the unfairness of it all.
We didn’t ask for any of this? Not being stepbrothers, not this trip, and not falling in love.
And that part might only apply to me. We can’t even display affection because it’s wrong somehow.
Well, fuck that. But Vivian’s giving me his don’t-make-waves look.
So, I take a breath. “It matters because you guys had a reason for not telling us. I’m tired of all the secrets. ”
Carolynda raises a brow at that and…fuck. Does she know about us? Dad seems clueless. Thank fuck. She gives us a sad smile. “Last year, I had a miscarriage.”
“What?” Vivian stares at her. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
She shrugs, but it’s not offhanded. More like it’s too hard to explain. “We were so excited about the baby. We waited to tell anyone, just to be sure. We even had a name picked out: Daisy.”
George grabs the box of tissues on the table and hands her one. “We should have told you, but it was a tough time and hard to talk about.”
“That’s why you were so sad last summer?” Vivian asks his mom. His eyes well up, and he shakes his head. “I wish you would have told me.”
I stand and motion for the tissues. Dad hands me the box, and I pull out a few tissues, giving a couple to Vivian and keeping one for myself. He gives me a grateful smile. Once I’m back in my seat, I ask, “Okay, but what about now?”
Dad clears his throat. “We agreed to wait until we knew it was safe. That it wasn’t going to happen again.”
I just can’t. “We deserve to know what’s going on in this family.
Even if it’s not good news.” Now that the barn door is open, I can’t shut it again.
“Do you know when I realized you and Mom were having problems?” People are turning to look at me, but I can’t stop the words from coming out.
“The day she walked out on us.” I point to my chest. “On me.” I’m shaking with anger, and it’s not the time or the place, but I don’t care.
“None of that matters now,” Dad says in a calm voice that doesn’t match the redness of his face or the look in his eyes. “This is about Carolynda and the baby—”
“George.” Carolynda squeezes his arm. She gives me a fond, almost motherly smile. “It matters. Of course it does. We were trying to spare you the pain we went through, but that wasn’t fair. You deserve to know what’s going on. And we were wrong to keep that from you.”
All my anger burns away, replaced by a sick feeling in my stomach. What gives me the right to judge them when Vivian and I are keeping our relationship a secret? When I’m still keeping things from my dad?
“I’m sorry.” My eyes dart to Vivian and then to my dad.
“I guess I needed to get that out.” I laugh nervously.
“I can’t say anything, really. I haven’t been honest with you, Dad.
” Vivian’s eyes widen. Does he really think I would say something without asking him first?
I shift in my seat. But nothing will make this easier.
“I don’t want to be a farmer. I like what I’m doing, but even if I decide to do something different, it won’t involve a farm or livestock. ”
My dad is quiet. Too quiet. I chance a look at him. He’s staring at his lap, and I can’t get a good read on him.
What the fuck was I thinking? Everyone is stressed, and I decide now’s a good time to tell him? Just because I feel guilty? “Dad?”
His eyes are sad when he looks up. Resigned. “I think I knew already. Just didn’t want to believe it. The farm has been in our family for— It doesn’t matter.” He shakes his head. “I never want you to do something you don’t enjoy just to make me happy.”
I feel terrible, but also like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Vivian stands. “We really need to go. But I think we should all hug it out.”
I’m surprised Vivian’s the one suggesting it, but I’m not ready. I shake my head, but then Maisy runs over to him with a big grin on her face. “Me too?”
“Absolutely.” He gives her a big hug, and she squeals.
That seems to break the tension, and then everyone’s hugging. My dad’s hug is quick and gruff with a hearty pat on the back. “I love you, Jonah. Sorry about…everything.”
“It’s okay, Dad.”
I hug Carolynda. “Thank you for being part of our family. You make my dad…and me so happy. And I can’t wait to meet Baby Hank.”
She laughs. “No. Absolutely not.”
“Why? I mean, it could work for a girl or a boy.”
Vivian grabs my arm. “Come on, troublemaker. Let’s get going.”
We say our final goodbyes. If they can get everything lined up, they’re going to meet us at Pridefest in time for the talent show.
Once we’re in the truck and buckled in, I smile at Vivian. Our family came outside to see us off, so I can’t kiss him. Yet. But we’ll soon be on our own for at least one day, and I hope to make the most of it. “Ready to rock this interview?”
“Ready.” His smile is fond and nothing like the looks he used to give me. “But since this trip is all about me, I get to choose the music.”
“Fine,” I say, grudgingly. But it’s a testament to how gone I am—absolutely head-over-heels gone—that I drive all night to get us to San Diego and don’t complain about his terrible taste in music. Not even once.