Chapter 28 #2
Her mouth twitched into something that was almost a smile and her eyebrows shot up. “You don’t apologize much, do you?”
“No. At least you know it means something when I actually do it, then.”
She gave a tiny nod and looked away again, not saying anything else for a long time. She just sat there, wrapped in that same blanket we’d slept under together last night, her fingers around her mug like it was the only thing tethering her to the here and now.
“It happened fast,” she said finally, her voice barely more a whisper. “She had a headache that day. Just a normal one. We thought it was the weather. She got sinus headaches sometimes when it rained.”
She let out a soft sigh, her voice taking on that breathy quality that spoke of someone who was getting lost in thought. “One minute, she was there, popping popcorn so I could have a snack while I did my homework.”
Laney’s eyes moved to the window and I saw tears shimmering in them, but she didn’t waver in her story. “She put the popcorn in the microwave, kissed my forehead, and told me to go grab my books. When I came back, she was on the floor.”
I gripped my coffee tighter, leaning forward a little and wishing I could do something to erase that pain in her eyes.
In that moment, if a crossroads demon had come to me to make a deal, I would have given everything I owned and ever would own to be able to give her back her mother.
It was a novel concept for me, being willing to offer up everything, but I would have done it without hesitation.
“The next minute, I was sitting in a hospital room with my dad. They said it was a brain aneurysm. There was nothing they could do. We stayed for a long time anyway, praying for a miracle, but she never woke up. Eventually, Dad and I went home alone. The popcorn was still in the microwave. The house still smelled like butter for days after.”
She looked back at me, her eyes glistening even more now, but no tears fell.
She wasn’t asking for sympathy. She was letting me in.
Something clenched deep down inside, sending urges barreling through me that I’d never felt before, but I fought them back, realizing that the worst possible thing I could do right then was to make it about me when she was doing something as profound as letting me into this part of her history.
She sighed quietly. “I don’t talk about it, but it’s not because I can’t.
I just don’t think anyone really wants to hear it.
Not anymore. It’s like there’s a window for grief, you know?
It doesn’t matter who you lost or how it impacted your life.
After a certain amount of time, people expect you to stop talking about it.
You’re allowed to keep missing that person, but not out loud. ”
“I do,” I said before I could stop myself. “I want to hear about it, Laney. All of it. Whatever you want to tell me. However many times you’d like to tell me.”
She held my gaze, searching for something in it, and she must’ve found it because she suddenly went on.
“My dad’s not a bad guy, but she was the love of his life.
Losing her turned something off in him. He tried, but I think sometimes he looked at me and saw everything he was scared of losing all over again. ”
“He’s scared of something happening to you ,” I said.
She nodded. “Yeah, and being a homicide detective doesn’t exactly help his worldview.”
Silence settled between us again, heavier this time. More intimate, but then Laney shifted, trying to prop her ankle on the cushion beside her. She hissed softly, her face pinching in pain.
“Wait. Here.” I moved quickly, taking the mug from her before she spilled hot coffee all over herself.
My other hand went to her knee, steadying her.
Just like that, we were close again. Much too close, her face only inches from mine and her breath warm against my cheek.
Her lips parted. Her hand brushed my chest as she tried to balance.
Her eyes were wary and uncertain on mine all of a sudden, like she’d lost all trust in herself—or in me.
“Why are you so worried about me?” she asked. “It’s just a sprained ankle.”
I swallowed hard. “I don’t like that you’re in pain.”
Something broke open in the air between us, like a crack that was raw and real. I was moving before I even thought about what I was doing. Acting without calculation and without pretense, I kissed her.
It wasn’t deep at first. A mere press of my lips that was tentative, like we were testing the feel of each other, but it lit something in me like a fuse. Judging by the way her breath caught in her throat, she felt it too.
Inches away from taking it too far, I pulled back while I still could and Laney blinked at me, clearly stunned, cheeks blooming pink as heat rose from her chest to her ears. I let go of her so fast, it was like I’d been burned. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
She didn’t say anything, but her fingertips brushed her lips, the look in her eyes slightly dazed. Forcing myself to move away from her, I got up and took a few big steps back.
“I have to go out for a bit,” I said roughly, my voice sounding hoarse even to my own ears. “You’ve got everything you need here. Food. Painkillers. My number.” Still, she said nothing, so I added, “I’ll be back in a few hours.”
Before I did something even more stupid, like kiss her again, but deeper this time, or ask her if she wanted to sleep in my bed tonight, I turned and left. I needed air, and distance, and maybe someone to slap some sense into me.
I’d married her as a deal. It was a contract signed in furtherance of a plan, but this fire that burned in my chest every time she looked at me was starting to make me feel like maybe my parents had been right.
What had started as an arrangement might very well just be turning into something much, much more.