24. Faye
24
FAYE
“You shouldn’t have followed me, Faye.”
The air around Bash felt like the split second before a firework exploded, yet Faye didn’t stop struggling to keep up in her heels and this tight dress through the house and into their room, shutting the door behind her.
“So you can be angry at me without letting me explain?”
Bash pivoted in the middle of the room. “So that I can calm myself down enough for you to explain.”
He was angry – which Faye completely understood – and so far away in the few feet between them that if she tried to reach out, she still wouldn’t feel him. Not the tension cording in his neck nor the wall he’d erected around himself. The misery hacking away at his features lit by a lamp made him look older than he was, and fractured pain right through Faye’s heart that she was the reason.
She moved to the bed and sat straight down, back stiff. Feeling every inch of Bash’s gawp as he stared at her.
“I’m waiting here until you’re ready,” she said. “I can’t go to sleep in this bed with you with one of us angry.”
This explosive air was all Faye had felt as a child when her parents had argued every single night. She shouldn’t be able to remember it, but she did.
Though she didn’t often put her foot down, she wouldn’t let herself shrink, and she wasn’t going to leave until they’d talked things through.
Bash wanted space, which was fine, but she still wasn’t going to leave.
Raking his fingers through his hair, he closed his eyes, voice strained but measured as he paced in front of her. “Faye, please , just go back downstairs.”
Even when he was angry, he still couldn’t bring himself to raise his voice at her.
“I’m waiting for you to let us talk.” Though her hands that Faye slipped beneath her thighs, trembled.
They’d never had this kind of heated argument before. It was inevitable, given how Bash had found out about her plans to leave London in a way he never should have done. The words should’ve come from her mouth directly to him and not as some overheard statement. But it was too late now. Faye knew Bash would jump to all kinds of conclusions in his mind, which is why she needed to explain.
Staring at her like she was going to disappear, Bash exhaled a lungful of tortured air through his nose before he took himself off to the bathroom and shut the door behind him.
Faye exhaled and shuddered all over, calming herself as well before tears broke.
The open curtains portrayed nothing but darkness outside across the lawn and landscape. Minute after minute, she waited for Bash, thinking of everything she needed to say to fix this.
So much of her childhood could’ve been happier if her parents hadn’t ignored their problems, or realised four years after she was born that they were never in love, and never should’ve married, a lot sooner than they did. Rushing too soon was a risk she was never going to take for herself .
They were both happy now in their relationships, but Faye didn’t think that they realised just how much those unhappy years had messed with her mind.
All of her doubts about getting married one day came from them. Every harbouring thought that even the best of things would fall apart. Every reason for not wanting to leave this room and let the best relationship she had crumble to pieces, came from them .
And yet she was a fool for still wanting to love. Her heart was stuck in a war with her mind that said taking a risk on something long-term would only end in disaster.
The bathroom door eventually opened. Faye stood and forced herself to stay steady in these heels she could’ve perhaps taken off.
Tortured and conflicted was the only way to describe how Bash looked, but at least not as red-eyed as before. Like somewhere in that bathroom he’d washed some of his rightful anger down the drain, hair messy because he’d certainly pulled at it.
“You’re moving away for a year,” he stated from inside the doorway as if he didn’t want to get too close to her. He’d taken his jumper off which was balled in his hand, and the top two buttons of his shirt were undone. For once, Faye’s focus didn’t drift to those inches of his smooth skin.
She tried to steel herself but it didn’t quite work. “Yes.”
“And you didn’t think to tell me?”
That was the clincher of it. The thing Faye’d tortured herself with for weeks.
She inhaled unsteadily. “I didn’t know how.”
“You just say it. You just tell me.” Bash tossed the green mass of his jumper in the general direction of his hold-all. At least he hadn’t reached for that yet to leave. “How long have you known?” His brows drew together as though it hurt him to ask such a thing.
Faye was too attuned to him to ignore the jitteriness in his movements, the loudness of his breaths, a swipe of his tongue to his lips.
Beneath the cotton of her dress that was suddenly too thick, she broke out in a cold sweat. She’d hoped he would get over her leaving for a while, but she didn’t think he’d take too kindly to how long she’d known about it.
“Since October,” she confessed, and Bash went still.
“Two months?” He pinned her with a damning look as his voice finally rose a notch. “ Two months and you didn’t think I’d want to know this stuff?”
“I was going to, I swear.” Behind Faye’s eyes began to burn.
“You said you’d signed a lease. You must have been looking at properties. What about telling me back then?”
Something in the way that she was completely wrong, and how everything Bash threw back at her made sense, made the next breath Faye took, shake.
“I … I’m sorry.” Please don’t say it’s too late, was all she could think of as more apologies tumbled from her mouth. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just—you’re my best friend, Bash. I didn’t know how to tell you that I have to leave … without you.”
A tear slid down her cheek, one she didn’t recognise until it hit her skin and she swiped it away.
“ Shit , Faye—” Soft cotton and woodsy cologne drew her in.
No – she didn’t deserve his hugs. Faye tried to resist as her silent crying hitched in little gasps, but Bash held onto her tighter.
“It’s okay. It’s okay, I—I’m just shocked,” he said gently above her head. “But I’m happy for you, Peanut.”
He was? He had an odd way of showing it.
Faye nuzzled into his shoulder, forgetting she wore make-up that definitely wouldn’t stand the test of tears. She felt like she was falling apart but all of her broken pieces were held secure in Bash’s arms.
“You’ve always wanted to expand the bakery. I just can’t imagine you being so far away,” he said as his fingers moved back and forth at the nape of her neck.
That touch of sadness in his timbre fractured another chip off of Faye’s heart .
She couldn’t imagine there being so much distance between them, either. If they weren’t so close to one another then maybe it wouldn’t have mattered so much. Or maybe if she stepped away and looked at their friendship through someone else’s eyes, she’d see that all of these emotions and reasons for not telling him were every indication she loved him so much more than she’d ever told herself so.
Loved him …
She loved him.
And she’d known it all along.
“It’s only for a year.” Faye sniffed in an attempt to compose herself with the word love circulating to every inch of her body. “Maybe not even that long if things go well.” I love him. “And I’ll come back down to London, of course I will.”
Had Bash worried that one day she’d just up and leave without saying a word?
“I guess I’ll have to up the data plan on my phone then,” he said, “because you’re wrong if you think I’m not going to be FaceTiming you every day.”
I love him …
Faye’s small laugh was wet and breathy and severely unflattering. Every day was a bit excessive, since they didn’t even see each other every day as it was, but she would take it. She’d take Bash making jokes over their fighting, always.
Out of nowhere, he stilled.
“The others know, don’t they?” His voice was unsteady and searching in a way that made Faye want to shed tears all over again. She swallowed, though the lump in her throat made it difficult.
“Not right away. Maisie guessed that something was going on, and then Sienna overheard us. I don’t think Freddy knows because we knew he’d tell you and I’d wanted to tell you myself. I’ve tried, Bash, but the words just kept on getting stuck. And then the days kept on coming and then they ran away from me. ”
She was so stupid for waiting. Holding back had only made everything worse.
Tender fingers passed over her spine. “It’s alright. I know how terrifying it is.”
“I’m not scared of going. I want to open the new bakery. I just … I think I’m in denial that everything will be fine. We’ll still be friends, but some part of me thought that everything would end completely.”
Bash manoeuvred her until he gripped her upper arms, his fingers skimming the tight sleeves of her dress. The sensation lit matches in alignment down Faye’s spine to her centre. Now was the completely wrong time to feel jolts of electricity like that.
“Faye.” He bent his knees and widened his stance to bow down to her level. “We’re stuck with each other. There’s no changing that, not for anything. And when we’re old, my room at the care home is going to be right next to yours.”
She barked with a still teary laughter.
A rakish smile worked onto Bash’s lips. “I wasn’t just saying that. I already reserved the rooms.” His fingers darted and started tickling her waist – the traitor!
Faye squealed and squirmed in circles to try and get away.
“You’ve got no choice, Faye. I’m never leaving you!”
Protesting to this torture, Faye grabbed onto the very low neckline of her dress before it slid down her chest and bared her breasts again. A very tiny, very stupid part of her brain wanted to let it happen just to see what would occur. She might not be embarrassed this time since, hell , Bash had already seen everything anyway. And she only just then remembered as her laughter slowed how he’d called her “stunning”. In French.
Ugh . Bash could charm the pants right off of her sometimes, which half explained why she’d loved him for a decade.
So much had happened tonight that the day seemed surreal. She’d gone from baking to almost being a victim of idiotic driving. Pressed up against Bash to flashing him her entire nakedness, to arguing and now laughing again. Whoever was in charge of writing her story had had a field day when they decided to turn her Christmas Eve into a rollercoaster.
If she had to partake in more flirting today, then Faye would pass out with her tiredness.
Bash still tickled her. She begged for mercy, her body somehow twisting and contorting against him so distractingly that she didn’t realise how close they’d gotten to the bed until he let her go and she was at the edge of it. With her back turned, she checked both her breasts had stayed in place before spinning to face him again.
A pair of blue eyes snapped up from wherever he’d been looking somewhere in the region below her waist.
Had he been checking her out? The view from the front earlier hadn’t been enough, clearly. So maybe he wasn’t so indifferent to her after all?
No, it was just her imagination again.
Normally she’d have wanted to cover up, because friends-do-not-check-out-friends … but that feeling never came. Her body, instead, warmed under Bash’s attention. Faye reminded herself that he’d already seen her stark naked only hours ago, which brought a flush straight to her ears.
The sheepish smile pulling on his lips was his normal self. Cheeky . Animated . There was a smudge of her make-up upon his pale blue shirt but he hadn’t seemed to notice.
“Seriously though,” he said, taking one long, slow step nearer as he continued, “how I feel about your news, that’s on me. You don’t need to worry about telling me anything because even if I don’t agree, I’ll support you.”
Like when she’d wanted to start Baked By The Dozen , Faye realised, thawing inside. Like with so many other things in the last decade. He was always there for her without question. If she ever needed to bury a body in the middle of the night, he’d be there, and probably take the fall for it too.
How could she ever have doubted her faith in the strength of Bash’s friendshi p? Of course they would be fine whilst she was away; they were never going to not be.
“I’m sorry this is how you found out,” she said, adjusting her sleeve. “It was never supposed to be like this.”
There’d been enough touching between them in the last half an hour, so Faye didn’t reach out for him, lest she find herself doing something silly like brushing her fingers down that gap in his shirt and finding out how much her touch might make his heart beat faster.
“I’m glad at least that I found out before the day you move, which is … when exactly?” Bash winced.
“January Sixteenth.” Faye winced too as the maths swam in his eyes. “The property is completely bare and we’ve got a lot of decorating and installations to do, so it’ll take weeks.”
“That’s … soon.”
Faye nodded. And all of a sudden, all of the emotion within her rose again to the surface.
Soon. She had less than a few weeks left before she was uprooted and gone. God, she’d wasted so much time in not telling him.
Bash’s brow lined itself with concern. His hand raised towards her cheek and Faye waited for his gentle touch, tilting towards his palm.
“ Sébastien , ton père m’a dit qu ? — ? * ”
They sprang away from one another as the door opened.
What was it with people and not knocking today?
“What is … going on in here?” Michèle took one step inside, her eyes gleaming with intrigue until she realised they hadn’t been standing so close for the reason she might hope. “Faye? Are you alright?” She charged forwards like a worried mother. “Oh, you have been crying! ”
“ A?e! ? * ” Bash’s shoulders bunched from the swat of his mother’s hand.
“ Qu’est-ce que tu as fait? ? * ”
A chuckle slipped from Faye at the steady fierceness in Michèle’s eyes. Her salt and pepper hair was beautifully barrel curled, and the wrap dress she’d chosen for the party was holly-leaf green.
“It wasn’t him,” she said before Michèle went full mama bear on her behalf. “These … these are just overwhelmed tears.”
“Overwhelmed? Ma chérie ? * , what’s wrong?”
Faye hoped Bash’s temperament had been inherited from his father as she said, “I just told Bash I’ll be leaving London for a while. A year. I was scared to tell him, but he’s been so supportive, so” –she wafted her hand in the direction of her face– “overwhelmed tears.”
“Oh, ma chérie .” Michèle offered out her arms and Faye let herself be wrapped up. “This is good news though, no?”
“Good news, yes.” A thumb that wasn’t hers wiped across Faye’s cheek. This close, she was wrapped in a soft oriental scent of Michèle’s perfume.
“Sebby,” Michèle said, “you can go back downstairs. I will help Faye tidy herself up.”
It was a kind offer – she was sure to be all puffy and red eyed by now. Her mascara had definitely smudged beneath her eyes like she was three sheets to the wind. She wasn’t prepared for the inquisition that’d occur whilst Michèle helped her to fix herself back up again, but she couldn’t exactly refuse.
Bash’s eyes, full of regret like the reason for her tears was him, moved to her. His lips parted like he wanted to say something, but he never did. Faye gave a gentle nod, and he left without fuss.
* ? Sébastien, your father told me that?—
* ? Ouch!
* ? What have you done?
* ? My dear