Chapter 3
Aged twelve
“Idon’t care what plans you had. You have to take care of your sister today. Your mother and I are away for the weekend. You agreed to this at the start of summer, Lucas.”
Curling myself up in a ball as Dad’s voice carries through the house, I wish I was anywhere else but here.
Lucas has a giant chip on his shoulder right now. He never used to. We all used to be a big, happy family, but the past couple of years, there’s been nothing but tension between him and my parents.
Dad’s right. At the start of summer, he and Mum told us they were going away for their wedding anniversary, and Lucas promised he’d be here because I’m not old enough to be left home alone.
The pay-off is that he gets an upgrade to the crappy car he got for his sixteenth birthday—he’ll be going to university after the holidays, and that heap of junk might be fine for around town but not so much long-distance.
“I didn’t know it was this weekend. I have plans.”
“Cancel them.”
I don’t have to see him to know Lucas is rolling his eyes. He’s so ungrateful, and where we used to be close, this growing resentment he has toward me really hurts. I love my big brother, and it’s not my fault there’s a seven-year age gap between us.
Last week, he made me cry by telling me I was an accident. Mum and Dad reassured me that wasn’t true, and I don’t really care if it was, but the way he said it was so nasty and cruel, I wondered if my brother had been possessed.
No doubt his plans for the weekend include going to Deacon’s place. Those two hang out playing console games and drinking beer, which I know Dad doesn’t approve of, but Deacon’s mother is pretty lax when it comes to that, so Lucas makes the most of it.
I’d be happy to stay home alone—all I’m going to do is read, but they’re insistent he babysit me.
At the thought of that, I roll my eyes. I think I’m more mature than he is most times.
“Fine!” Lucas yells. “Hurry up, Pippa.”
I put my book on my lap. “Hurry up? Where are we going?”
“The Millers. Get your arse in the car.”
“Lucas. That’s no way to talk to your sister,” Dad yells.
I let out a sigh. “Okay. Whatever. I’m coming.”
After grabbing my backpack off the floor, I drop the book I’m reading into it. I choose another couple of books, because God only knows how long a visit to the Millers will take, and place them into the bag before slinging it over my shoulder.
I stalk out to his car and drop my bag on the floor as I slide into the passenger seat.
He slams the driver’s door, and without saying a word, pushes the key into the ignition and starts the car.
“You know, once they’re gone you can just bring me home.”
He snorts. “Dad’ll kick my arse if I do that.”
“They don’t need to know.”
As he pulls out of the driveway, he lets out a loud sigh. “Pippa, you’re my responsibility whether I like it or not. It’ll just be for a few hours, and you can stay in the car if you want.”
I screw up my face. “The hot car that smells of boy germs?”
“You can’t come inside with us. This is going to be the most boring afternoon of your life.”
“Just as well I brought books with me then.”
He glares at me. “If you come inside, I’ll tell Deacon you’ve got a massive crush on him.”
My cheeks burn hot. “Why are you so mean?”
“I see you doodling hearts on your books. It’s so pathetic. You’re twelve. He’ll never be interested in you.”
I cross my arms. “You’re such a dick.”
The rest of the ride is silent. Lucas ignores me right up until we pull into the driveway.
I’m more than a little in love with the Miller house. Unlike our single-level, three-bedroom humble home, theirs is a white two-storey house with verandahs running around both levels. It reminds me of a wedding cake.
Mrs Miller’s passionate about her garden, and with the white picket fence along the front of the yard, it’s my fairytale house.
I don’t come here very often—Deacon’s usually at our place. It’s not like my nineteen-year-old brother and his best friend invite me to hang out with them.
Sliding out of the passenger seat, I grab my bag and stalk Lucas to the door. I’d much rather be at home, curled up on the couch reading, but my parents won’t let me stay home alone for at least another two years.
Deacon’s mum opens the door. She flicks a glance at me, her lips clamped in a straight line. “Your sister’s with you?”
He shrugs. “Mum and Dad have gone away to bond or some shit. I promised to look after her. Didn’t think I could just leave her at home.”
She nods. “I understand.” Turning to me, she smiles. “Pippa, how about I grab you a cool drink and a snack?”
I give her at tight smile. “That would be great, thank you. I’m just planning on reading.”
Her smile widens. “The swing seat is perfect for that. I’m often out here with my nose in a good book.”
“Thanks, Mrs Miller.”
Lucas shoots me a glare. “Stay here. We don’t need you getting in our way.”
I roll my eyes.
“Just be the lookout, Pip. Call out if anyone shows up.”
Exasperated, I huff out a breath, running my hand down my face. “Whatever.”
He disappears inside the house. Mrs Miller smiles at me again before she closes the screen door.
Stupid boys and their stupid games.
At least soon Lucas will be off to university. The only downside is that means Deacon will be too. I know he’ll never look at me as anything other than Lucas’s little sister, but he’s never impatient or unkind to me.
I let out a sigh.
He’s perfect.
He’s also nineteen and not about to fall in love with a twelve-year-old. I know that.
While other girls my age might flirt with older boys, I’m not that dumb.
Mrs Miller reappears with a tall glass of juice and a plate with some biscuits on it. “Here we go, Pippa. If you ask me, it’s much nicer out here instead of being cooped up in the house.” She places them on a small round table not far from the swing seat.
Pulling the table closer, she motions to the seat. “This is the perfect spot in the shade with a lovely breeze coming through. Call out if you need anything else.”
“I think I’ll be fine. Thank you.”
Her smile widens. “You’re welcome.”
And then I’m left in the quiet of the summer day. Mrs Miller was right about one thing—I’d much rather be out here in the shade than inside on a day like today.
Taking a sip of the juice, I lean back in the seat and inhale a deep breath before grabbing my bag and pulling out my book.
I’m likely to be alone for hours, so I stretch out and get to reading.
It’s warm out there—the heat of the sun can still be felt in the shade of the verandah. But there’s a cool breeze and before long, I’m closing my book and my eyes.
I wrinkle my nose when something brushes against it.
As I force my eyelids open, Deacon comes into focus, a grin on his lips and his index finger an inch from my face.
“Hey, Pipsqueak. What are you doing here?”
Bouncing my gaze between the door leading into the house and Deacon, I shoot him a quizzical look. “I thought …”
“We reached our fishing spot when Dad got a call from work. He’s just grabbing his things and heading out. Why are you here? Lucas driving you crazy?”
I shake my head. “No, I?—”
A roar from inside the house catches our attention, and seconds later, Lucas comes flying out the front door. His boxer shorts and bare chest are confusing. Seconds later, his jeans and shirt soar through the air from above.
What the hell?
Lucas picks up his clothing and drags on his jeans, his eyes fixed on me the whole time. “Some lookout you turned out to be.”
Deacon’s head spins my way, and if looks could kill, I’d be six feet under. The pain and anguish in his expression—his eyes full of hurt and anger—are enough to make my stomach ache.
Me?
He thinks I had something to do with whatever this is.
I shake my head. “Deacon, I?—”
“Whatever.” He storms into the house, the doorjamb rattling as he slams the door behind him.
Pressing my hands over my ears, I try my best to shut out the yelling coming from inside as hot tears spill down my cheeks.
I’m not even sure what happened—everything’s a blur.
“Get in the car.” Lucas stalks off, and I shove my book back in my bag, stumbling as I trip over my own feet in an attempt to get to him before he drives off and leaves me.
He already has the car started, and I run to the passenger side before tugging open the door and throwing myself inside.
The tyres squeal as he takes off, and I scramble to buckle my seatbelt before my idiot brother kills us both.
“This is your fault,” Lucas grumbles. “If you’d just said something when they pulled in.”
“I don’t even know what’s going on,” I sob.
“Elise loves me.” He slams his fist on the dashboard. “Not that piece of shit she’s married to.”
My eyes widen. “What … what are you talking about?”
“Everything was fine until he caught us.”
I blink rapidly. Nothing makes sense. I’m twelve. I know about sex. I knew my brother was having sex—he’s nineteen. But with Deacon’s mother?
Nausea sweeps my body. “You … you were sleeping with Mrs Miller?”
He flicks his angry gaze at me before staring at the road again. “We love each other.”
“That’s gross.”
The brakes squeal, and the seatbelt cuts into me as I’m flung forward. Lucas’s Toyota Corolla might be old, but he babies it, and I’ve never heard the brakes make that noise.
“Get out of my car.” He grits his teeth.
“But we’re?—”
“Out!” he yells.
“Lucas, Mum and Dad are gonna?—”
“They’re already going to kill me after you let us get caught.”
“This isn’t my fault,” I wail.
“Don’t be such a baby, Pippa. You could have stopped all this, but no. I bet you had your nose buried in one of those damn books.”
The tyres squeal this time as he takes off, and I hold my sobs in, trembling as I grip the seatbelt. Is he taking us home? Ever since Lucas started driving, he’s been careful with me in the car. But now he just doesn’t care as he flings it around corners until we finally reach the safety of home.
As soon as he comes to a stop, I throw the door open before unbuckling my belt and grabbing my bag. Running to the front door, I fumble in my bag for the house key, and before Lucas can follow, I run to the back of the house—to the safety of my room.
I throw myself on my bed and let my tears flow, gnawing my fisted hand to stop myself making too much noise.
The door swings open with a snick, and a loud meow tells me Roger’s here. He always announces his arrival as if he needs to tell the world.
And he’s exactly what I need right now.
I get up and close the door—properly this time, while Roger jumps on the bed.
When I join him, he rubs around me, purring loudly. I’m sure he just wants food, but for now I’ll take his affection.
It doesn’t take long before I’m all cried out and exhaustion takes over.
Sleep claws at me before it finally pulls me under.
* * *
The scent of bacon wafts through the air, and I open my eyes and take a deep breath before memories of yesterday come flooding back.
Why, Lucas? Why would you do that?
Deacon’s haunted expression brings tears to my eyes.
My stomach rumbles, and I roll out of bed still dressed in yesterday’s clothes and not caring.
Lucas sits at the table, scooping food into his mouth at the rate of knots. He casts a wary gaze over me.
“If you’re looking for the bacon, I’ve already eaten it all.”
I glare at him. “You’re such a dick.”
“You fucked up yesterday.”
With a roll of my eyes, I head to the fridge. He really has taken all the remaining bacon, and my stomach growls again as if to punish me.
Settling for cereal, I pour some cornflakes into a bowl and with my gaze fixed on him, I drain the remaining milk. As I set the bowl on the table, it slops over the edge and Lucas snorts.
“You’re such a child.”
“Look who’s talking.”
“Mum and Dad are coming back early.”
I raise an eyebrow. “I didn’t tell.”
He shakes his head. “I know you didn’t. Mr Miller must have called them.”
“Oh, shit.”
Lucas laughs. “I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you swear, Pip.”
Scowling, I scoop up cereal onto my spoon and take a couple of mouthfuls before answering. “I think this is the right time for swearing. Mum and Dad’s weekend was to give them a break, and now look at what they’re coming back to.”
He drops his gaze. For the first time guilt crosses his expression, and he studies the kitchen tabletop before rising and heading down the hallway toward his bedroom.
Half an hour later, the back door opens, and my stomach sinks at the sight of my father. This is the last thing we all need—Dad upset.
“Lucas. Where are you?” he calls.
“Dad?”
He gives me a sad smile. “Hi, sweetheart. Are you okay?”
I nod.
He walks toward me and reaches down, brushing the back of his knuckles against my cheek. “I’m sorry you got caught up in all of this.”
“Mr Miller called you?”
He lets out a sigh. “He did. Your mum’s on her way inside too. I need to know where your brother is.”
I shrug. “Around here somewhere, I think. His car’s still there.”
“Lucas,” he yells before turning back to me. “Maybe you should go to your room for a while. This isn’t going to be nice.”
I swallow hard and nod again before heading toward my room.
Closing my eyes, I hold my hands over my ears when the yelling starts. A door slams, and footsteps fall outside my door before it opens.
“Oh, Pippa. I’m so sorry, love.”
Mum wraps her arms around me, and I bury my face in her neck.
“What’s happening?”
She blows out a long breath. “Dad’s angry. Lucas is angry. It’ll settle down, but I know how you feel about Deacon.”
Hot tears spill over my cheeks. “He’s my friend too.”
“Yes, but I know you’ve had a crush on him for a very long time. There’s so much wrong with what Lucas did, but he also didn’t think about you getting hurt in all of this. And that makes me mad.”
I raise my head and swipe the tears away. “He blamed me. I didn’t know what was going on.”
She places a kiss on my forehead. “I know. He’s got himself into a bit of a mess.”
“What’s going to happen?” I ask.
Her eyes grow sad. “The Millers’ marriage is over. That’s all I know so far. Deacon will be going to university as planned, but what his father will do, I’m not sure yet.”
We sit in silence for a moment.
“Mum?”
She strokes my hair. “Yes, sweetie?”
“Are you and Dad okay?”
“Your dad and I are fine. Neither of us are going anywhere.”
* * *
Deacon’s father is leaving today.
It’s been a week since he caught Lucas with Mrs Miller, and while my parents say they’re not keeping anything from me, I’m up-to-date with what’s going on through eavesdropping on whispered conversations.
I need to see Deacon.
It takes me half the day, but I walk across town to Deacon’s house. He has to know that I knew nothing about it.
I have to make things right.
Deacon’s car sits in the driveway, the boot up. As I pass, I glance at the boxes inside. He stalks from the house to the car, not looking my way at all.
“Deacon?”
He turns, glowering at me, and I take a step back.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“Nope. No thanks to you and your brother.”
“But I didn’t?—”
“Don’t bother coming over here again, Pippa. Dad and I are leaving for good.” He turns back to the boot of the car and starts moving around boxes.
Tears prick my eyes. “Where are you going?”
He lets out a frustrated sigh. “Hamilton. Dad’s got a friend who can get him into the power plant there, and it’ll be closer to Auckland for uni.”
I blink, unable to speak. He’s leaving and he’s angry with me.
This is such a mess, and I’m not to blame for any of it.
When I sniff, he turns around again and his brows knit as I wipe my nose with the back of my sleeve.
“Hell, I’m sorry, Pippa. But the damage Lucas has done … it’s irreversible. And I can’t ignore the part you played in it even though I’m sure you thought you were just being loyal to your brother.”
Tears roll down my cheeks, and he grips my arms.
“I know you’ll miss me, Pipsqueak. I’ll miss you too.” After planting a kiss on the top of my head, he lets go of me and reaches for the boot lid before closing the back of the car.
“Dad. I’m ready,” he calls.
His father appears at the back door, gives me a mournful look, and nods. “I’m right behind you, son.”
Deacon climbs into his car, and his father ruffles my hair as he walks past. “Give my regards to your parents, Pippa. Take care.”
The cars start up, and Deacon drives away without a backward glance, followed by his father.
I trudge down the driveway and out onto the footpath.
My head’s still spinning with everything that went down.
Mum and Dad are so angry with Lucas. I’m not speaking to him. I can’t. While I knew Deacon would be away for university, he’s taken him away from me forever.
Heartbroken, I look back at the house where it all fell apart.
Mrs Miller’s standing at the window, peering out of it as her husband and son drive away.
I hate her.
Starting the long walk home, tears fall down my cheeks.
I swipe them away with my palms, but they keep coming.
When a familiar car pulls up beside me, I come to a stop, slamming my arms across my chest.
My brother opens the driver’s door and climbs out, staring at me from across the roof. “Get in. Mum’s on the warpath and you disappearing hasn’t helped her mood at all.”
Still sulking, I open the passenger door and slide into the seat. After buckling my seatbelt, I cross my arms again and look out the window.
“I know where you’ve been,” Lucas says.
I say nothing. There’s no point. He’s hurt me with his actions as well as Deacon and his father.
“Damn it, Pippa. Talk to me.”
Tears well in my eyes again, but I have nothing to say to Lucas.
“I know you love Deacon. He’s been my best friend since you were little. But he’s made his choice, and I made mine. I’m sorry you got stuck in the middle.”
I clamp my lips together. No. He doesn’t get my words. I’m not even going to acknowledge him. It’s not just Deacon and his father whose hearts are broken.
The rest of the ride home is silent.
I might not ever speak with Lucas again.