Chapter 34
Any aspirations for a better night sleep were dashed by around 3 a.m. this morning.
Tossing and turning all night was already my thing, but Deacon’s arrival has made it even worse. Plus, there’s the churning in my stomach every time I picture his sad eyes.
He seems sincere, but my reluctance to trust him again might just be the undoing of any hope I had for us.
When I do fall asleep, my dreams are weird. Deacon’s running away with Adeline Walsh, and I’m running after them, but I can never catch up.
Tap tap tap.
My eyes flicker open.
Tap tap tap.
Is that the door?
I’m only dressed in sleep shorts and a tank top, so I push myself up and slip my bathrobe around me.
I pull the door open and meet the blue eyes I know so well.
“Deacon? What are you doing?”
He flashes me that panty-dropping smile that caught me the first time. “Bringing you breakfast. I know how much you like ham and cheese croissants, and you’re cranky until you’ve had your first coffee of the morning.”
Scrubbing my face with my hands, I take a moment to process that sentence. It’s like nothing ever happened.
“I … why are you here? Did you stay here last night?”
He turns and points at the house next door. Compared to my parents’ place, the Larsen house is huge. It’s at least five bedrooms with a verandah running all the way around. I spent a large part of my childhood wishing that was our beach house.
“I’m staying right next door. And I’m here for the duration.”
My brows twitch. “Duration?”
“As long as it takes, Pip. I’m not going anywhere. I want to be right here to show you how sorry I am and try and find a way forward with you.” His jaw clenches. “I didn’t know Adeline sent you that picture.”
I blink rapidly. “Well, she did.”
“Nothing happened.” He shoves his hands in his pockets. “I went out to a club for a drink, and she showed up. She sat beside me and took the photo before I realised what was really happening. I turned her down. She said some shit. I made it clear that I didn’t want her. I made it clear I only wanted you.”
My throat tightens.
“And then I told her if she used that selfie to hurt you, I’d destroy her career.”
I lick my suddenly dry lips. “You did?”
“And yesterday I made a phone call that messed up the deal she wanted. I’ll keep doing that forever to make her pay for what she did to you.”
My heart thuds. Why the sudden turnaround? He hated me enough to walk away on what was the biggest day of my life. Why am I even listening to him?
Because I want to know why.
“Why did you leave me?” I croak.
He hesitates, just for a moment. “Can I come in?”
I shake my head. “No. Just tell me.”
All my feelings of inadequacy come flooding to the surface. Was I just not enough for him? Is this where he tells me our relationship was a mistake? Why is he here?
Part of me wishes he’d left well enough alone because I’m not sure I’ll like the answer.
“Mum came to see me the night before the wedding.”
“What?” My head’s in a spin. Deacon made it clear to her that he didn’t want her there—I know he did.
“She made me believe—no, that’s not right. She got in my head and told me she was still seeing Lucas.”
I gasp. “That’s a lie.”
“I know that now.” He winces. “But there are things I didn’t tell you about Mum and Dad’s split and how much it fucked me up. She … she had photos of you and Lucas at lunch with her.”
For a moment, I study him. His expression crumples, and my chest tightens at the sight.
“She told me you knew all about her still being with Lucas. I felt betrayed.”
“You believed her?” Tears well in my eyes.
“Yes. I’m an idiot. I shouldn’t have, but I’m so messed up, Pippa. What I should have done was come and see you, talk to you, have you wrap your arms around me and reassure me that I was wrong. Instead, I fucked up everything.”
I drop my gaze. It’s all a lot to take in. Deacon didn’t trust me—instead he trusted a woman who did nothing but lie to him.
“There’s more I need to tell you, but …” He sighs. “It’s all a lot to deal with.”
He reaches out and runs his thumb down my cheek, swiping away a tear.
“I thought I wasn’t good enough.”
Deacon shakes his head. “Are you kidding? I’m the one who isn’t good enough for you. At the very first test, I ran. I’m here because I want to put things right because I destroyed the one good thing in my life, and I’m so in love with you.” He drops his hand and takes a step back. “Go and have breakfast. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
I’m left standing in the doorway—coffee in one hand, a warm paper bag in the other, wondering how on earth my life changed again in the space of twenty-four hours. It was only yesterday that I sat on the beach, my mind in turmoil over how I could start over.
Now my past is right in front of my face and I’m not sure how long he’ll persist, but I have no intention of leaving. This is my recovery place that he’s invaded.
Wrapping my head around everything he’s told me won’t be easy. His mother’s a monster. I knew that. Maybe there’s more to learn about what happened after he left town, but I’m not that surprised she messed with him.
After all, she had the balls to come after me that day.
There’s a paper napkin tucked inside the bag with the croissant, and I pull it out and place it on the coffee table when blue ink catches my eye.
Curious, I pick up the napkin and unfold it.
I love you.
Where was this man on my wedding day?
* * *
It’s late afternoon when my phone starts buzzing.
Unknown number.
Nine times out of ten, I ignore those, but there’s always the odd time I get curious and answer. And being out here without a lot of human contact, that’s happening more and more often. “Hello?”
“Pippa? It’s Adeline Walsh.”
My teeth grind so hard, my jaw aches. “What do you want?”
She takes in a sharp breath. “I deserve that.”
“I’m sure this isn’t a social call, so just get it over with.”
Is this the part where she rubs in that she was with Deacon? He says nothing happened, but I’m not sure if I can trust him after he didn’t trust me.
“I’m sorry I tagged you in that photo. I saw him and I took the picture before he even realised it was me. Nothing happened. He told me to get lost.”
I swallow hard. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because he told me he’d destroy my career if I hurt you. I just lost a potential job because of it.”
“So, you’re calling me because you lost a job—not because you’re sorry.”
“Wait …” She sighs. “I guess, but I really am sorry. I’ve worked for Infinity for ages, and I thought I knew Deacon, but I didn’t. He was so angry with me and he did warn me what would happen, but I thought …”
“You thought that if he left me, he wouldn’t care about what happened after.”
There’s silence for a moment.
“Yes. I’m sorry.”
“Thank you for letting me know.” I kill the call because talking to her any more is just a big waste of my time.
She really did lose a job because of that photo.
If Adeline went to the trouble of tracking down my number to apologise, she must be terrified he’ll do what he threatened.
As dusk falls, the lights flicker on next door.
I sit in my darkening living room, my gaze fixed on the other house.
I’m still in the dark as to why Deacon left me, even after he said something about his mother making him think I’d betrayed him. Why the hell would he believe his mother after her past behaviour?
No matter what happened, Deacon chose to abandon me on our wedding day and leave me to pick up the pieces.
I need to tell him about the baby.
Chewing my bottom lip, I lean back on the couch and look up at the ceiling.
No. Not yet.
If this is some masterplan by Deacon to win me back, I need to let it play out. I need to know he wants me for me and not just for the baby.
I’m so unsure about whether to trust him or not.
I want to believe he’s here because he wants me, but it’s hard to forget the hurt and humiliation of my wedding day.
It’d be so easy to fall into his arms again, but I have far too much pride for that after everything he put me through.
Being jilted was painful enough.
His jaunt around Europe made it hurt more.
He’ll have to prove to me he means what he says.
I won’t settle for anything less.