Chapter Two #2
“A Mezcalita. ” She pauses. “You want to try it?” She holds her glass out to me, mischief shining in the chocolate brown of her irises.
I take the glass from her outstretched hand, ignoring the sensation that creeps through my body at the contact from our fingers.
The minute my lips touch her glass, her eyes blaze and her breath escapes in a sharp hiss.
I register the taste of the mezcal and pineapple juice sliding down my throat.
I even register the coarse texture of the Tajin rim against my tongue.
The drink is fine, but I can’t stop imagining how it would taste on Janelle’s lips.
She clears her throat. “Do you, um, do you like it?”
“It’s not my favorite drink, but it’s good.”
She tilts her head to the side, taking me in. “What’s your favorite drink?”
I take a moment to study her, gliding my gaze down her form, lingering a second too long on those God damn waist beads, and then back to her face. “I haven’t had it yet.”
Her jaw drops but she doesn’t have a chance to say anything before the waiter enters our peripheral. She leans down to ask, “Bienvenido. Can I get you a drink?”
Everything in me wants to keep the connection Janelle and I have right now. Pull her down the rabbit hole of lust with me, but I know I’ve said too much already, so I turn my attention to the waiter. “I’ll have what she’s having,” I say.
She turns to Janelle, then eyes the drink in my hand, and nods. “Not a problem.”
She asks the table if we’re ready to order appetizers and Arnold takes over, ordering for everyone. I couldn’t care less what we eat but when I turn back to Janelle, she’s deep in conversation with Eve. Shit.
Once the appetizers are ordered, Janelle and I fall back into easy conversation but the moment is no longer charged like it was earlier.
I don’t know what made me push things like that when I said I wasn’t going to explore the emotions she has me feeling but fuck, I can’t resist. Resisting Janelle is like resisting the urge to breathe.
It tears you apart from the inside out until there’s only fragments of you left.
Quite frankly, I’m tired of trying.
“Hey, Nelly, did you remember to bring the picture of Pops with you to add to my bouquet?”
The past two hours at dinner have been full of this. Every time Janelle gets comfortable or gets involved in a conversation not centered around the wedding, Amerie tosses her a random wedding-related question to reel her back in.
Janelle clenches her fist under the table, then smooths her hand over her knee. “Yeah, Ri. Remember I showed you earlier?”
“Oh, right. Okay, thanks.” Amerie turns her attention back to Arnold, giving him a megawatt smile and quick peck on the lips. “Oh, wait, but did you bring the pink ribbon I wanted to tie around my bouquet for Wheezie since she can’t come because of her treatments?”
I catch Janelle grip both her knees tightly before speaking through clenched teeth. “We never talked about a pink ribbon on your bouquet, Ri.”
The entire table stops in their tracks.
“Yes, we did. I remember telling you I wanted to do that. Why wouldn’t I want to honor Wheezie?”
Wheezie is their aunt who is currently battling cancer. From what I hear from Arnold, her chemo is going well, but she’s unable to travel at the moment. If I remember correctly, though, it’s Janelle who’s extremely close to Wheezie whereas Amerie checks in out of obligation.
Janelle swallows deeply and I wonder what thoughts she just choked back. I wonder if anyone else notices the storm brewing in her eyes. I catch glimpses of resentment, rage, melancholy, and defeat all before she blinks them away into a state of neutrality.
How often does she mask her true feelings for those around her?
She clears her throat as she rubs her fists up and down her thighs. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m sure I can find some pink ribbon here though.”
Amerie’s eyes sink to the table.
“I’ll help you look,” Eve offers.
“Yeah, it’s not a problem. I can get Javier to point us in the right direction. I’ve already bonded with him,” Dani laughs.
Micah’s eyes cut to hers, but she doesn’t seem to notice before he homes back in on his drink.
Janelle’s focus remains perfectly planted on Amerie, who is looking everywhere but back at her.
Christian and Micah both look at me, but I’m too busy looking at Arnold wondering why he’s not saying anything or at least making a move to comfort his fiancée.
Something tells me that what Janelle needs at this moment is a chance to breathe, and giving Janelle what she needs is somehow becoming a necessity for me.
I grab my glass and tap it as I stand. “Before we wrap up for the night, I just wanna say a quick word. Amerie, there’s still time to get you out of here if you wanna run.
” Everyone at the table laughs, including Janelle, which is all I wanted.
“Nah, but really, congratulations, you two. You have built something special here and I’m excited to celebrate with you.
Thank you for letting me be a part of this. ”
“Wouldn’t have it any other way, man.” Arnold raises his glass to me.
“To longevity and prosperity,” I say, quoting Arnold’s motto to him and everyone else.
“Cheers,” everyone says in unison.
Finally, dinner is over and everyone decides to call it a night, feeling the effects of the long day.
“Walk with me to our rooms?” I hear Eve ask Janelle.
She smiles in return, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “I’m actually gonna go for a walk on the beach first. I’ll see you in the morning?”
“You sure you’re good?”
“Yes,” she drags out the word. “I just need to feel some sand in my toes.”
Eve rolls her eyes. “Such a hippie. Aight, girl, see you in the morning. Text me when you get back to your room though so I know I don’t have to come fuck someone up.”
“Yes, ma’am.” They hug and I watch as Eve heads in the direction of her room with everyone else while Janelle heads in the opposite direction.
Go to your room.
Do not follow this woman like some kind of creep. Go to your room.
My feet feel heavy, probably because I already know which direction I want to go. I’m just waiting for my head to get the message across that it’s a bad idea.
The message never comes.
I don’t know when it happened but somehow my body got my heart and my mind to be on the same page with it.
When I catch up to Janelle, she looks like a dream. I take a moment to mentally capture the image of her so I can keep it if she decides to turn me away.
“Hey,” I say, quietly hoping not to startle her.
It seems to work because she turns to me in a lackadaisical spin. “Hey, Rome. You not tired?”
“Nah, not yet. I wanted to get some fresh air before heading back.”
“Me too.”
“Do you mind if I walk with you?” I ask even though both of our feet have already started carrying us farther down the beach.
“I don’t mind,” she whispers.
The stress on her face during dinner keeps playing in my mind.
The clear hostility between her and her sister plagues my every thought.
I heard from Christian that there were rumors that Janelle was hung up on Arnold and so things were awkward but that never struck me as true, and not just because I don’t want it to be.
Even during dinner tonight, there was no tension between Janelle and Arnold.
She barely paid him any attention, in fact.
The heat was strictly between Janelle and her sister.
“I’m gonna ask a question and I’m sure it’s a question you hate and I hate that I’m asking but I’m going to do it anyway. Feel free to tell me to fuck off.”
She chuckles. “Well after that buildup, I can’t say I’m excited but go ahead.”
“Are you okay?”
She skids to a halt, turning to face me.
I wait for the animosity in her gaze, but it doesn’t come.
Instead, her eyes are soft and inviting, reeling me in so fast I can’t seem to stop it.
“Honestly, I’m surprised it took you this long to ask.
Even Christian’s self-absorbed ass asked me when everything first happened.
I was beginning to think you didn’t give a fuck about me.
” She shifts from one leg to the other and I reach out to grab her hand.
“Janelle, I…”
She puts her hand up to stop me short. “I’m just fucking with you.
I do hate that question but I know you meant well so it’s fine.
You weren’t around a lot when Arnold and I were together, so you didn’t see but we just weren’t right for each other.
I mean, he was basically just the homie that I happened to be exclusively fucking.
There was never that spark, that something.
You know?” Of course I know. Because I think she and I have it.
“But him and Amerie? They just fit. So, I couldn’t be happier for them.
Really. I just don’t know how I became the spinster in this story.
Shit, if anything I’m the God damn Fairy Godmother.
” She looks down at her feet but I grasp her chin and force her eyes back to mine.
“My parents. ” She stops and laughs humorlessly.
“Not my parents, my mom. My dad knows me better than that but I think he’s just trying to survive his wife.
Anyway, my mom thinks that because I haven’t dated anyone seriously since that I’m obviously not over him and am just putting on a brave face.
I guess I’m just wondering when my value became tied to a man in her eyes.
Can’t I have the freedom to just…be? To love myself enough to be comfortable in my own company?
If you want to get real about it, I’ve been happier being alone and keeping things casual than I ever was with Arnold.
I’m sorry, I know that’s your boy but I’m just tired of having all of these emotions placed on me that I don’t feel. ”
I can’t lie, hearing her say that she never felt a deep connection with Arnold unleashes something in me. The will to keep it at bay dwindles with every passing moment.
“You have this energy about you that puts people on high alert. When you walk in a room, everyone knows they’re in the presence of greatness and for some, that can be overwhelming.”
“Does it overwhelm you?” she asks, tilting her head farther.
“Not at all. I’m just happy to exist in your orbit.”
A small gasp slips through her lips, almost imperceptible but I catch it. I lock it in as my new favorite sound that I vow to hear from her in every way possible.
I don’t know who moves first, but our lips connect. Her lips are soft and warm, timid but all consuming. I grab her waist and pull her flush against me, eliciting a sweet moan from her. Her hands lift and I think she’s about to grab my shirt and pull me in but she pushes against my chest instead.
“I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” Her voice comes out in heavy pants. “I…oh fuck. I shouldn’t have done that.”
I grab her hand and stop her rant before she can hurt my pride. “I like how you just took all the credit like I didn’t kiss you too.”
“Okay, but…”
I cut her off. “But nothing. You telling me you regret it? That you don’t want more?”
Her jaw drops but her lidded eyes tell me exactly what I need to know. “I dated your best friend.”
“And yet, he’s marrying your sister.”
Her lips twist into a frown as she squeezes my hand tighter. “So what? I should just be petty?”
“It’s not about being petty. It’s not about them at all. What is it that you want? I get the feeling you don’t do enough of that.”
“Enough of what?”
“Enough of what you want.”
“Bold of you to assume that you have anything to do with what I want.”
“I’m not trying to be bold; I’m just hoping you’re feeling even a tenth of what I am.”
She tilts her head, squinting her eyes. “What is it that you’re feeling, Rome?”
As I contemplate my next words, I keep asking myself, is this worth it? Is doing this with Janelle, even if it’ll only be one night, worth the potential fallout with one of my best friends if he finds out?
There should be some sort of doubt in my head, right? Some feeling that I need to take a step back and rethink things? I consider myself to be a good man so there should be some hesitation here. Shouldn’t there?
There isn’t. The only answer on my mind is yes. She’s worth it all.
“I feel like I need you. I need my lips on yours and my hands on your body. I feel like I need to make you feel good right now or I just might explode.”
I can feel the moment she makes her decision.
Her body relaxes against me and her arms drape over my neck. She searches for something in my eyes and the moment she finds it, she exhales deeply. “Fuck it,” she says as she pulls my face down to hers.