Chapter Six
Janelle
Six months after the proposal
I should know this by now, considering my last experience, but planning a wedding is exhausting. Rome and I are now discussing plans after taking six months basking in the newly engaged glow, and I’m already tired.
We know we don’t want a destination wedding. We’ll be on a month-long honeymoon, so we’ll save our travel for the two of us. We’re considering a few local venues, but we first need to decide if we’re getting married in the spring or fall.
Rome is researching places on his laptop while I’m reading through a planning checklist I found on Pinterest. I’m finding it hard to focus because one element of this whole thing is plaguing my mind. I put my tablet down and turn to Rome. “Can I ask you a question?”
He moves his laptop to the side and leans forward, pinning me with his intense stare. “Of course.”
“Are you gonna ask Arnold to be a groomsman?” I know Jalen will be his best man, and I’m sure Micah and Christian will be groomsmen, but I’m curious about Arnold.
He scratches his beard. “I hadn’t really thought about it. Honestly? I don’t think so. When you’re getting married, you want people you trust with your life up there with you. There’s an element of that that Arnold and I lost.”
I thought things had returned to normal for the two of them, but a couple of months ago, he confessed to me that their dynamic had changed.
Though they still hang out, they don’t talk anymore.
They keep their conversations surface-level or focus entirely on whatever activity they’re doing.
They don’t share anything about their relationships: Arnold because I think he knows Rome doesn’t particularly care for Ri, and Rome because he knows I want as much of my life as possible to be kept away from Ri.
Not feeling comfortable talking to someone about a considerable part of your life, like a significant other, tends to dampen a friendship.
I hate that that’s where they are, but I understand it and know it’s not my fault.
“Gotcha,” I say, biting my lip.
“Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“So, Evie is gonna be my maid of honor. I’m set on that. Dani will be a bridesmaid. But, I don’t know if I want Ri to be in the wedding.”
“Okay. So she won’t be then.”
It should be that simple. I went to Ri’s wedding after everything she put me through because I didn’t want to regret not going if we made up.
We’ve progressed, but I thought we’d be much further by now.
It’s been over a damn year. So, if I don’t ask my sister to be a part of my wedding, will I regret that, too?
“Right. But isn’t that wrong?”
He reaches for my hand, intertwining it with his and kissing the top. “If it gives you peace of mind, it’s not. Is having her in the wedding party going to make you happy?”
“No.” My answer is instant and firm.
“Then why are you considering it?”
I open my mouth to respond and then shut it quickly. I don’t have a response for that. Why am I considering asking her when I know I don’t want to?
My therapist will have a field day when I talk to her this week.
“Okay, you got me there. I relapsed for a moment there, but I’m back.
” I like to say that I’m a recovering people pleaser.
I’ll always struggle with it because it’s like an addiction.
I’ve backslid into old habits a few times in the last year, but I’m proud to say the slipups are few and far between now.
“Are you sure? We can talk it through more if you’re still not sure.” His eyes search mine, those onyx orbs seeing right into my soul.
“No, I’m good. I’d regret it more if I allowed her to be a part of our day, and she ruined it.”
“Nah, I’d borrow Claudette from my mom before I let her ruin that for you.”
I feel slightly guilty that the image of Rome tasing my sister makes me laugh so hard. The guilt lasts a few seconds longer before I give in to more tears of laughter.
Crawling into his lap, I plant kisses on his cheek and jaw. “I can’t wait to marry you.”
He puts his hand on my nape and kisses my lips. “Dr. Janelle Martin does eat.”
I chuckle. “And does.”
“Hi, sorry!” I yell as I frantically walk into the home Rome and I are touring today.
We’ve been house hunting for the last few weeks.
Rome wants us to have a home that’s ours from the very beginning and I want an office I don’t have to share with him.
We’ve seen a few places we like, but I was most excited to see this one.
Of course, the day has thrown every curveball it could at me.
I had to tell Rome I’d meet him here because I couldn’t leave the center when I planned.
Then, when I could finally leave, I had to make an unexpected stop.
I enter the spacious living room to find Rome speaking to our realtor, Harry. They turn to me, and Rome opens his arms for me to step into. I hug him and then Harry. “How’s Andie?”
He rolls his eyes, his love for that woman rolling off him in spades. “She’s good. She and Audrey are trying to jump me to get a dog.”
The Martin family has known Harry for a while. He helped both Rome and Jalen find their homes. He’s come over plenty of times just to hang out, and I’ve gotten to know him pretty well. So, when he says his wife, Andie, and his six-year-old daughter, Audrey, want a dog, I know they’ll get one.
“What kind of dog do they want?”
“I don’t know, some damn ankle biter. It’s not happening.”
“Mhmm. Okay, well, when you get the puppy, let us know so we can come see it.”
He laughs but agrees.
Rome and I take our time looking through the house.
Like I thought from looking at the pictures online, it’s perfect.
It has the minimalist style Rome prefers, with all the modern touches I’d want.
Our current house has a room for Kam and another guest room for anyone else.
This house has double the rooms and separate offices for us. It feels like a forever home.
“So, what do you think?” Rome asks.
“I love it. What about you?”
“Me too. I could definitely see us building a family here.”
My neck heats as the pregnancy test sitting at the bottom of my purse flashes in my mind. Checking to ensure Harry isn’t within earshot, I lower my voice. “Glad you think so since we might be doing that sooner than we thought.”
I watch my words register in his mind. Confusion shifts to surprise and then glee. “Are you pregnant?”
“I’m not sure. My period is late, and I haven’t been feeling well lately, but that could just be due to stress. You know my sleep schedule has been off, too.”
Rome’s eyes fly back and forth between my eyes and my stomach. “Should we go get a test?” He goes to grab my hand to walk us out of the house, but I laugh and gently pull away.
“I already have one with me. I thought I’d take it when we get home.” I could’ve done a blood test at work, but I want to experience this with Rome, no matter the result.
“Or we could take it here.” He waves to the master bathroom.
“Here? Isn’t taking a pregnancy test in a house that’s not ours weird?”
“It’s not ours yet, but if you are pregnant, how cool would it be to find out at the home where we’ll raise them?”
My lips fold into a cheesy smile as I turn to the bathroom.
Once I pee on the stick, I set a timer on my phone and rejoin Rome.
We take another walk around the house, imagining how we would decorate a nursery and what we would need to do to baby-proof the house.
We immediately agree on an ocean theme for the nursery, and Rome finds a decorative sea turtle rug on Etsy within seconds.
We’re tossing ideas for a backyard playground when my timer goes off. Our eyes lock briefly before we take off for the master bath.
“Wait, wait, wait,” Rome rasps, grabbing my arm before I can grab the test.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I just wanna say I love you. No matter the result.”
He wipes the rogue tear that springs to my eye and kisses my forehead. I take a deep breath and pick up the test.
Negative.
It’s so funny. Rome and I talked about kids.
We want them, but we were going to hold off for a bit before trying.
We want to enjoy married life alone for at least a year.
That was always the plan, and yet I’m disappointed.
It’s amazing how attached I got in only a few minutes.
I know what this disappointment looks like.
I’ve helped plenty of women deal with it time and time again.
Experiencing it for myself is a special kind of hurt, though.
“Not pregnant,” I whisper.
Rome pulls me in for a hug, taking the test out of my hands and shoving it in his pocket since the bathroom doesn’t have a trash bag. Normally, I would joke about him putting something in his pocket that I peed on. I don’t feel normal right now.
“Are you okay?”
“Are you?” I ask, looking up at him.
“I was excited for a minute. It wouldn’t have been planned, but I would’ve loved this baby with everything in me.”
“I know you would.”
“You’re disappointed.”
“I am,” I admit. “But it’s just not our time yet. That’s okay.”
“Maybe we should rethink our timeline? Maybe move it up a little?”
I’m not sure how I feel about that. Any answer I give now would be driven purely by this current void in my chest. Part of me wants to stick to our original plan, but part of me would love nothing more than to start trying now.
“Maybe. I think I need more time to think about it.”
“We got all the time in the world, J.” He kisses me again and walks us out to find Harry.
Wherever we go from here, I know we’ll be more than okay.
The end. Again.