Chapter Eighteen
Jason didn’t intrude again for the next couple of days, but I knew he would be back. And true to my prediction, it was late in the afternoon a few days later when the doorbell rang. My heart jumped, but not from fright this time. I didn’t want to admit that it was from excitement, but it was hard to deny my quickened pulse.
I looked through the peephole and saw Jason standing there, looking as gorgeous as he had the other day. I opened the door a bit, and I was hit with the full brightness of his dazzling smile. He was holding a white plastic bag and held it up enthusiastically.
“I come bearing gifts,” he said with a grin. “Dinner from Thai Kitchen.”
Thai Kitchen was my favorite Thai place in town but it had been ages since I had eaten their food. I was surprised that Jason remembered I loved that restaurant. The wafting aromas from the bag were tempting but I hesitated on opening the door wider so he could come in. I still didn’t know how I felt about him being here. I had previously agreed to let him come over again just to get rid of him. Now, I really did want to let him come in, but I was afraid it would open a door I couldn’t shut again.
Jason raised an eyebrow. “Remember, you promised I could come over.” His tone became teasing. “And I have your favorite—Pad Kee Mao. You can’t turn that away.”
I smiled and tried to relax. It wouldn’t kill me to have dinner with him once. And I would make it clear that this was a one time thing, and that I preferred to be left alone.
I convinced myself it was okay, and stepped back, making room for Jason to come in. He didn’t hesitate and strode right in, walking to the kitchen and taking out plates and cutlery like it was just yesterday he had hung out here, not three years ago. Luckily for him, I hadn’t changed a thing. I couldn’t bring myself to rearrange the way my mother had kept everything.
In short order, he had the table set up, including the bottle of wine I didn’t see he had in his other hand before he stepped inside. He poured each of us a glass of red wine and we dug into the food. We didn’t speak for a while as we ate, but I could feel his gaze on me every now and then. I felt self-conscious but I didn’t dare meet his eyes. Instead, I forced myself to concentrate on the food. Maybe it was because I hadn’t had it in so long, but the Thai food was even better than I remembered it.
After a while, Jason cleared his throat and put down his fork. “I can’t believe it’s been three years. I’m sorry I never contacted you during that time.”
I shook my head. “There’s no need to apologize. There was no reason to contact me.” Jason’s expression darkened and I hurried to continue. I knew what he was thinking about and I didn’t want to talk about what happened to my mother. “You didn’t know. Let’s just drop it.”
Jason looked like he wanted to say more, but he just nodded. “I meant it when I said I wanted to be friends again. I’ve been pretty isolated these past few years. Most of my time has been spent studying plants in the rainforest, away from everyone else. It was just me and a few colleagues. Being with you makes me feel human again.”
It might have been for different reasons, but it seemed like both Jason and I had been isolated. I couldn’t lie that I didn’t feel the same way around him. It was like I realized I was alive again, with blood running through my veins and a heart that beat and felt emotion.
“It’s nice to see you, too," I admitted. I took a deep breath before continuing. “I’m not going to try to hide the fact that I’ve stayed inside this house for the past three years. You’ve already heard about it anyway.” I hesitated before continuing, not used to making myself vulnerable anymore. “It’s just hard for me. I hate the feeling that I have no control over what happens out in the real world. I have no idea what other people’s intentions are, good or bad. And it makes me afraid.”
I was surprised I had revealed my feelings to him. Even when Chloe was badgering me to leave the house, I had just told her I didn’t feel like dealing with people because it was a pain and I just preferred the comfort of my own home. I’m sure she knew it was rooted in deep fear, but I couldn’t bring myself to admit that to her. Yet here I was, telling Jason, someone who I hadn’t seen in years. I felt myself flush and I self-consciously looked down at my plate of food.
Jason reached over and put his hand over mine, making my heart beat rapidly. “I understand.” His jaw tensed. “I mean, I understand and I don’t. I’ll never understand what it’s like to go through what you went through. I can’t even begin to imagine it. But I understand your feelings. I’m not here to push you into doing things you don’t feel comfortable with. I just want to spend time with you.”
There was a fluttering in my chest. I didn’t know how to respond to him, so I just nodded and picked up my fork. I started eating again, sliding my hand out from under his.
Jason took the cue, and started eating again as well, changing the subject. He told me about what he had been working on at Biotechnics Major and it was a fascinating subject. It seemed like his time had been split evenly between the lab and the rainforests, and the stories he regaled me with were funny and full of adventure. It satiated a need to hear about the outside world I didn’t realize I had. Jason was still working for Biotechnics Major, but doing so remotely. He had a lot of data that he needed to interpret and report on, so it worked out that he could come back to Hyattsville to sell his parents’ house while still keeping on top of his projects.
Before I knew it, an hour had passed and I felt full and relaxed. Jason’s stories, along with a couple of glasses of wine, had put me at ease and I felt more content than I had in a long time. He had purposely avoided asking about my life, and I was grateful for it. I had told him a little about my job as an editor, which allowed me to work completely from home, but that was about all I shared of my life.
“It’s still early,” Jason said. “Why don’t we clean up and then see if we can find a movie to watch here?”
As relaxed as I felt, it was getting a little too comfy and cozy. It would be too easy to get used to having Jason around, and I would feel the loss when he left. And I had the feeling sooner or later, he would start his agenda of trying to get me ‘better.’
“I’m actually pretty tired,” I lied, when in fact I was feeling awake and alive. I faked a yawn. “I should get to bed soon.”
Jason raised an eyebrow. “It’s eight o’clock. You’re going to sleep at eight o’clock?”
I felt foolish, but I stuck to my story. “I have a deadline coming up, and I have to get up early tomorrow to work.” I bit my lip. “But I appreciate you coming over and bringing dinner.”
I willed myself to say the words I needed to say. That he shouldn’t come over again, and that this was the last time I would let him inside. As much as I knew I should say it, the words were stuck in my throat. It had been so good to spend time with him. Instead of the dull ache I constantly felt, I had laughed and joked around, listened intently to thrilling stories, and shared my thoughts on issues at his job. I had felt alive.
Jason frowned when I turned down his suggestion of watching a movie, but he acquiesced. “Okay, I understand. Thanks for being good company. This was the best dinner I’ve had in a long time. And not just because of the food.”
I didn’t respond because I didn’t know what to say. I turned down his insistent offer to help clean up, and told him I would just chuck everything in the dishwasher.
His last words to me before I closed the door was “see you soon,” and I just smiled at him. I knew that, despite knowing better, I would let him inside again.