2. Charli
CHARLI
The café is bustling on Thursday, which helps take my mind off my impending date with Ty.
The worry hangs like lead in my belly. We’ve been circling the same issue for the past year.
But what is it that I’m afraid of? We have a long history, and I should want to commit, but every time we get back together, things are good for a while.
Then he stops listening to what my dreams are and doesn’t really understand my needs. It starts to feel as if I’m drowning.
Maybe he finally gets it and is ready to make some changes.
All this time in my head makes me wound up and I need a physical release, but it’s way too nice for the gym.
I already have my board strapped to the top of my Jeep.
It's perfect for getting to all the beaches and dirt roads I like to explore.
The more remote the beach, the better. Hopefully getting on the water will take my mind off everything bothering me.
It’s early afternoon when I leave work, walking along the wharf toward where I’m parked.
The piers spread out in the harbor, the wooden planks worn and sunbaked.
The docks form a maze of boats tied up in neat rows.
I’m not paying attention when I dig in my bag for my sunglasses and drop my keys, which go skidding across the sidewalk and stop in front of a guy in a pair of flip-flops.
“Hey, sorry, those are my keys,” I blurt out to grab his attention.
I slip my shades on and quicken my steps so he won’t step on them. The bright afternoon light reflects off the water, making it hard to see, even with my sunglasses. I shield my eyes before I bend down to grab them.
“No worries.”
The hairs on my neck prick up at the deep voice.
My eyes drift up long tan legs to see a broad man in threadbare cargo shorts, a worn Sunshine State t-shirt, and a dark ball cap, dirty blonde hair peeking out the back.
Sunglasses conceal his eyes. A light scruff of stubble peppers his square jaw.
Mother of God, he’s effortlessly handsome even in casual clothes.
He turns and stares at me as he’s holding the door to the marine shop.
Another guy is beside him in a yacht crew uniform.
I can’t tear my eyes away from Mr. Sunshine State’s face, so handsome it verges on pretty.
Thankfully, my shades hide my eyes too. I definitely interrupted them and now I’m squatting on the sidewalk like I’m going to pee.
Standing, I give a lame little wave, my mouth curving into a nervous smile before I back away.
He lets the door go and steps toward me. “Hey, are you okay?” His voice is smooth and gentle. Now that he’s closer, I catch a whiff of epoxy. He must be from a boat.
I blink, startled by how he’s reading me. “Um, I’m on my way out from work and I wasn’t paying attention.”
He slips his sunglasses off, sticking them into the neck of his shirt as his tender brown eyes peer into my face. My belly does a little flip at the way he looks at me: curious, sizing me up, taking me in.
His friend calls out a “see ya later” while he walks back toward the pier.
Mr. Sunshine State glances at him and gives him a wave, shifting closer and putting his hands in his pockets. “So where do you work?”
I tuck my bag to my side and chew the corner of my lip. “I own The Sweet Spot next door. It’s a café.”
A huge smile spreads across his face displaying a row of perfect white teeth. “My buddy there said that place was amazing, but he didn’t mention you.”
Heat flushes my cheeks. He must be a summer person. My history with Tyler prevents anyone local from making a move on me. I swallow before answering him. “Thanks, you should come by sometime and try our food.”
“Oh, I will for sure. I’m Gage by the way. I’m running a boat here for my uncle.” He puts his hand out for me to shake.
As our hands meet, warmth spreads up my arm. My eyes flick to his. A look of recognition passes over his gaze before it disappears. Did he feel that too? “I’m Charli. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Charli, I like that. Is that a nickname?”
My mouth quivers in a tight smile. Everyone around here knows my full name. It’s nice being a bit unknown. “It’s for Charlotte. I was kind of a tomboy growing up here.” I roll my eyes behind my glasses.
“So you're from here?”
I nod and remove my shades. “Well it was nice to meet you, but as I said, I’m on my way out.” I start to back away from him.
“I’ll look for you at the café, Charli.”
I turn into the alley, my heart racing in my chest. Was he flirting with me? Did I flirt with him? Oh my God. Do not look back! I’ve been with the same guy for so long, I don’t know what to make of these feelings, it’s confusing.
I hurry to my Jeep, climb in, and start the engine. Music crackles to life from the radio as I check my rearview mirror and see Mr. Sunshine State watching me. I click the front windows down, put it in gear, and move down the alley.
Should I be checking out other guys when I have a date with Tyler planned for tonight? If I have to ask myself, probably not. I pull out onto Harborside Avenue and head past the shops and restaurants that dot the coastal road to Seal Rock Beach.
Once I’m on the outskirts of town, I turn up the volume as reggae beats pump out of the speakers and my hair swirls around me. The air outside is sticky and thick, but the water will be brisk since it’s not quite summer yet.
My mind hums. The sun glaring off the water reminds me to pay attention to the road, which I do for the rest of the drive to my destination. The beach is secluded, my only company is a pack of seals sunning themselves on boulders.
Putting away my Ray-Bans, I pull out a pair of scratched old beaters with a strap and peel off my tank.
My black bikini is sporty but still shows off my ample chest and butt.
No matter how much I work out, I can't get rid of these double D’s.
I slip on my hot pink long-sleeved rash guard and strap on my water sandals to protect my feet on the pebbly beach.
Inhaling the salt air, the tension in my shoulders eases.
A seagull caws in the distance and I notice a couple of seals perched on the rocks, resting.
I roll my neck from side to side and step into the water.
It’s a shock to my hot skin, but soon my feet numb a bit as I get deeper and pull my board and paddle along beside me.
When I get thigh deep, I dunk myself once and pop up out of the water. Damn, it’s freezing.
Pushing the thoughts of Tyler and Mr. Sunshine State away, I go through my therapist's mantra.
You are your own person.
You are loved.
You are enough.
But, maybe it’s time for more. A travel blog I follow has me wanting to manifest some changes in my life.
Annalise, the blogger, is about my age, dirty thirty, and is a world traveler.
I stay on my knees as I paddle out and think more about what I want.
Financially, I’m secure and business is good.
Personally, I’m in a rut; but settling down seems like the worst choice I could make right now.
There’s still my urge to travel and explore. But if I leave everything I’ve built in Seascape behind, won't that make me just like my mom? True, I wouldn't be abandoning a kid, but what about Mimi and Pop? They were always there for me, shouldn't I be there for them as they get older?
As I approach the rock formation, the waves break near the cut, tilting my board.
Two seals are basking in the sun at the water’s edge.
I smile to myself as I’m reminded how much I love this place.
I resolve to bring up traveling together with Tyler tonight as I continue on my paddle.
As I pass the boulder, I stand on my board and coast around the perimeter of the cove, really getting a workout.
After coming out of the water, I’m more relaxed and glad I came here today instead of hitting the gym. My watch buzzes on my wrist.
Mimi: Hi Honey- we’re going out for drinks with the Millers on their boat. We’ll be out until after sunset. See you tomorrow. <3
Me: Ok. Have fun Mimi, and don’t get too tipsy like last time. ;)
Mimi: Lol.
A wry smile curves my lips. My grandmother has a better social life than I do by a long stretch. No wonder she’s still Chairwoman at the Seascape Yacht Club.
It’s almost 4 p.m., and I still have time to get ready to meet Tyler tonight without rushing around.
Pulling off my rash guard and wrapping a towel around my waist, I toe off my wet sandals before hopping into the front seat.
I adjust my towel and redo my bun while looking in the rearview mirror.
About twenty new freckles have appeared across the bridge of my nose from the afternoon sun and my hair is a frizzy wreck.
I pull up and park in my shared driveway.
I love where I live, a cute two-bedroom apartment in the back of the large white colonial house that my landlord Mrs. Kritsky owns, nestled in a little neighborhood in Seascape.
It’s ancient, but cheap. I put a few flowerpots out on my steps and I decorated with mostly white and blue inside, which matches the coastal vibe of the town.
Area rugs cover the wood floors and the kitchen has bright white cabinets with white countertops to match.
There’s a small yard and I can walk to everything if I really want to.
Sure, most of my neighbors are elderly, but there are a few families sprinkled here and there.
It’s nice hearing the kids play in their yards when I’m home in the afternoon.
I take my time in the shower, washing and conditioning my hair, and shaving. I hum a tune as I slather on my favorite vanilla body lotion and tie my short silk kimono summer robe around my body. Maybe music will lighten my mood. “Alexa, play beach music.”
I want to dress up a bit, but not look like I’m trying too hard.
After the long shower, my skin is puckered.
I look in my closet to choose my outfit.
I really should go shopping and get some new clothes, I live in my athleisure.
My phone buzzes and I reach for it absentmindedly as I flip through my clothing, a smile breaking out across my face when I see who it is. Andi.
I hold up the phone and she comes into view. She’s on her deck in southern New Hampshire where she’s a vet tech and dog trainer. Immediately she whistles and says, “Oooh looking sexy tonight. What’s up with you?”
I grin. “Miss you too. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow,” an annoyed tone in my reply.
“Seriously, are you going on a date tonight? Tell me, who is it?”
“Yes, I’m actually meeting Tyler for dinner.” My nerves are on alert as I brace for her response.
Her lip curls and she flicks her auburn ponytail. “Charli, that is so disappointing,” she says, her tone harsher. “I thought you two were over after the last break.”
Her comments make sense in my mind, but my heart is another story. I can’t let go of him for some reason. “Look, I saw him this week and he asked to get dinner to discuss his ultimatum. He deserves the chance to meet. Okay?”
She scowls at me. “There are other guys out there.”
“You know I have a weak spot for him. And?—.”
Andi cuts me off. “And what? You need more than sex. Plus, you both want different things. He’s ready to settle down and you’re not.”
“Look, I’m just going to have fun tonight and then we’ll talk about our future.”
“Charli, you’ve been with him since high school. If it was going to happen, it would have!”
“Andi, we haven’t been exclusive and together all that time,” I huff. “We just picked up after he got out of the Navy.”
“I can look someone up from my collection for you.”
“Gross, I DO NOT want the leftovers from your Love Collection.”
“Don’t look at it as leftovers, look at it more like a test drive, or a pre-owned car. Plus it has all the details that you’ll need for a guaranteed good time.”
“I’ve dated other guys. Shit, I've got to finish getting ready. I’ll see you tomorrow anyway.”
“Okay. Love ya. See you tomorrow.” She gives me a wave through the screen.
“Bye.”
I toss my phone on my bed and rummage through my closet.
My usual style leans toward Sporty Spice, so a sundress might be trying too hard for tonight.
I pull out some tan flowy linen pants with black pinstripes to go with a cropped and ruched tan off-the-shoulder top.
I add some big gold hoops and some dainty gold necklaces to stack, then slip my rings on my fingers.
If I give in to Tyler’s ultimatum, he needs to agree to travel with me.
Sure, he saw the world while he was in the Navy.
But I’ve always been here, making the right choices and trying not to be like my mother.
She put her wants above everyone else’s.
I plan on seeing some exotic locations before I have a family.
One thing is for sure, I won’t make the same mistakes that my mother made.
Her choices have caused a divide between us and wrecked our family.
Over the years, I’ve pretty much given up hope on having a classic mother/daughter relationship with her.
She’s my mother, but she wasn’t cut out to be a mom.
My life choices will be mine. That’s why I told Tyler that I wanted to travel together.
My watch buzzes again.
Tyler: My last boat will dock at 5:30. Let’s meet at 6:30 at the Taqueria. I know you have to get up early tomorrow. XO
Me: Sounds good.
Will our date tonight be a new beginning or the beginning of the end? I’m on the fence and I’m scared of what that means.