13. Gage
GAGE
We paddle out to a rock cropping, where the seals rest in the sun. There aren’t any out here, so we take a break and sit on our boards, straddling them and facing each other. We cross our paddles so we can float together without drifting apart.
She looks at me with a genuine smile, two dimples appearing on her cheeks. I’d love to see that look from her again and again. Damn, she’s so naturally pretty and just adorable.
“So, how are you liking Seascape so far?” she asks.
“It’s good, I’ve only been here a couple of weeks, but I think it’ll be a great place to be for the summer. You said you’re from here, right?”
“Yup. I grew up in town and have never quite moved away. I went to Rhode Island University which isn’t far from here, but came back to open my shop when I finished college. What about you, where did you grow up?”
“I’m from a small town in Maine called Kennewick. The coordinates are inscribed on my necklace.” I lift the charm off my chest. It hasn’t come off since the day I put it on.
“Do you get back there a lot?”
“Nah, most of my family members don’t live there anymore.
” I look into the distance, a ping in my chest. A few small waves lap against our boards.
“My dad passed away suddenly when I finished high school and I haven’t lived there since.
He had a heart-attack when we were out sailing with my family right after I graduated. ” I swallow and turn back to her.
Her eyes well with tears. “I'm so sorry, that’s awful. Can I ask what happened to the rest of your family?”
“Well, my older sister, Gabby, went back to school in Boston and she still lives there. It was pretty hard on my mom, but she’s doing better now and lives in South Carolina.
” She reaches across, grabs my hand, and squeezes.
Her warmth spreads up my arm into my chest. “It got pretty bad for me; my dad and I were really close. My mom’s older brother Bill brought me out onto his boat and I’ve been sailing full-time ever since. ”
“Wow, so you’ve made a new path for yourself.” A softness washes across her face.
It had seemed like I was running away from something, not creating a new life.
I lace my fingers through hers. Her hand stiffens a bit, but then she relaxes it into mine and lets me hold her hand across our boards.
Our knees touch as a wave rolls past us.
“Well that’s my sad story. What about you? Do you have a big family nearby?”
“Yeah, sort of. My grandparents live in town and they’ve always been there for me. My parents split up when I was younger and then my mom moved away for good when I was in high school. My younger brother Ian and I pretty much moved in with Mimi and Pop.”
“Whoa. That's a lot when you're young. What about your dad?”
“Things are better with us now. It was harder when I was younger and didn’t understand, but my mom did a number on him too. We’ve been able to get past a lot of things, but we aren’t super close. Eventually, he got remarried and had two more kids with my stepmom. I see them every once in a while.”
“Jeez.”
“Yeah, that’s my life in a nutshell. And of course you met my cousins, Andi and Sam, they both lived here with their families when we were all really young, but moved away during elementary school. They always come back to Mimi and Pop’s every summer.”
“That’s a lot of kids for your grandparents.”
“I know, I have no idea how they did it all.”
We’ve drifted a bit past the rock cropping and a seal breaks our conversation by rising from the dark ocean water, perching up on one of the boulders, and barking at us.
A second seal quickly joins it and they bark at us together.
Living on a boat, I see quite a bit of sea life, but in instances like this I feel like a kid again.
“Thanks for bringing me here. This is really cool.” I squeeze her hand and let go.
She’s so easy to talk to and I feel like she is actually interested in me and hearing my story.
We watch the seals dive in and out of the water a few times before laying themselves out on the rocks in the sun.
The wind shifts and it’s time to paddle back to shore.
I don't normally talk about this shit with people. It’s usually information that I keep close to me. Something in her eyes made me feel like I could trust her. I want to see her again and see where things go. She’s sweet and fucking sexy.
“So the anniversary of your dad’s passing must be coming up soon.”
The question cracks my chest open and my face falls. It’s still as if I just lost him. Maybe if we weren’t sailing that day, there would have been more time to get him to the hospital.
“I’m sorry, I overstepped,” she apologizes.
“No, this time of year brings up a lot of memories and I don’t talk about it much with anyone. But, yeah, it’s later this week,” I say quietly.
“Do you have a tradition that you do in remembrance?”
I shoot her a puzzled look and shake my head. “Nah, I usually go sailing and then get drunk.”
“Would you like some company?” she asks, reaching for my hand again. “You shouldn’t be alone for that.” Her fingers are cold from the seawater but start to warm as our hands stay interlaced.
“Yeah, that might be nice for a change.” My heart is in my throat with the emotions this is bringing up.
For the past seven years, each one of us in my family has done our own thing on the anniversary of my dad’s passing, we only send a message in the group chat.
I’ve gotten through the day working or being alone.
It’s probably not healthy, but I don’t know how else to cope.
We finish our paddle as the wind picks up, towel off and load the Jeep with our gear. We return to the beach area to get our bags and it suddenly feels slightly awkward. She’s focusing on getting ready and avoiding eye contact. I get a sinking feeling in my stomach.
Her towel is wrapped around her waist, drops of water clinging to her toned form. Flicking her wet hair behind her, she slings her bag over her shoulder. “So this was a fun afternoon.” Her eyes soften toward me and she chews her lip.
I know that look, but I’m still hopeful. “Yeah, it would be awesome to do this again sometime.”
“Sure, I’m down for that.” She fidgets with her towel as I look at her, waiting for her to continue. “Look, I think that you're super nice.” Her knee bounces in place. “But I just got out of a relationship and am only looking for a friend right now.”
Fuck! And there it is, the real kicker, the friend zone speech. I have to stay chill. I pull my top lip into my mouth and dig my teeth into it. “Sure, I understand.”
“Thanks, I’m sorry if I gave off the wrong vibe the other night at The Rooftop.”
I fold up my towel, grab my shirt and hat from my bag, and stand to look at her. I’m going to be honest and shoot my shot. I take my sunglasses off. “I think you’re beautiful and I would love to get to know you better. Even if it’s as only a friend, if that’s all that you can do right now.”
She swallows hard, and I feel a pull in my belly. “Yeah, I’m going through some stuff and have to focus on myself. I need to do some work before I begin something new. Thanks for understanding.”
I nod and we pile into the Jeep. She starts the engine, and Taylor Swift comes on mid-song singing, “Lover.” Figures, the same song that we danced to the other night.
We’re both quiet on the drive back to town. I replay the conversation in my mind- I’m going through some stuff and need to focus on myself. What the hell do I say to that? Actually, I fantasize about you every night and really want to fuck your brains out as many times as possible this summer.
I can play the long game. I can be a friend, maybe the best damn friend she’s ever had. There’s still hope she decides that she wants more from me.