21. Gage
GAGE
Cap and I arrange for the campers to visit me on the Wanderlust while she’s docked at the pier. We have a little field trip, as there are too many kids to go on a sail. They have enough fun exploring the boat at the pier.
After Cap sends my webpage in the camp newsletter, I get a ton of new bookings.
It seems like all the campers and their parents want to sail with me.
I’m totally not complaining. Actually, the kids are growing on me.
I think I’m able to teach them a thing or two out on the water by having them learn to tie knots or hoist the sails.
I also agree to do some more activities with Cap during some of the other camp sessions.
It’s officially blocked out on my calendar.
I sit at my computer drinking my coffee and trying to get some work done. Staring at the schedule, my coffee is getting cold and I’m getting antsy. At this point, I can’t concentrate on anything so I decide to go for a run to clear my head.
Charli is on my mind all the damn time. It’s getting harder and harder to restrain myself, and it’s physically painful.
My hand is working over time to keep up with my blue fucking balls.
I can’t take it when she touches me, knowing I can’t have her the way I want her.
It’s damn near impossible to hide it from her any longer.
I get a semi every time I'm near her. Everything about her drives me wild: her bright green eyes, the way she smells so good, her soft skin, and especially the damn short-shorts she wears that show off her long toned legs.
It’s still cloudy out and there’s a layer of fog spread across the harbor, maybe it’ll burn off later in the heat of the day.
After a few stretches at the pier, I take off on a slow jog.
I’m not really into it today, but I need to do something physical.
I follow Harborside along the water and try to focus on my breathing and pace.
A Jeep passes by me and she’s back on my mind. I truly value her friendship and don't want to mess it up. I haven’t been this close to anyone in years and it feels good to have someone in my corner who wants to see me and spend time together.
But she’s sending me mixed signals. Maybe she’s not over her ex like she says she is. That thought’s been nagging me since I stayed over with her. Aren’t people supposed to wait a while before dating again? It could just be too soon for her. Fuck.
A mile or so in, I turn into a neighborhood and pass by houses with flowers, swing sets, and sheds in their yards.
Living on the boat keeps me detached, but maybe there’ll be a time when I have a home again.
I hadn’t given it a second thought until I became friends with Charli.
She’s on that track. Sure, she’s a little older than me but she runs her own business.
I’m just floating through life, literally on a boat.
I work for my uncle and maybe she sees me as going nowhere.
That was the case in my past. It’s not as if I picture myself sailing for work forever, but I’m not sure what my future holds.
A dog barks, startling me as I turn a corner and run by a house set back from the road.
I move to the other side of the street and he stays in his yard.
There’s a view up at the top of the hill and I push a little harder to get there.
I take a quick break and look out over the neighborhood below, I could get used to this place.
Last night is what’s getting to me. It took all my strength to watch the movie instead of pulling her onto my lap.
I figured that I’d go home when it was finished but she wanted to make me cookies.
When she dipped her finger in that batter and put it in my mouth I thought that I was going to come in my shorts.
She looked right into my eyes like she knew I wanted her, and I lapped that sweet batter up and swirled my tongue around her finger.
It took all my strength to restrain myself.
She had her hand on my thigh, and I knew I wouldn’t make it if she moved it an inch.
Then she just went back to making the goddamn cookies like we didn’t just eye fuck right there in her kitchen.
I could barely function after and had to get home or I was going to rip her clothes off and ruin our friendship.
Reaching the top of the hill, I pause to admire the scene of the harbor below.
I have to get over myself. If she wanted to be more than friends she would’ve said something.
Still, I think she knew what she was doing; the outfit, asking me to feed her, licking the batter.
She’s pushing me for sure. I’m not sure why though.
If she were any other woman, I’d be all over the signs and we’d be fucking by now.
I pull at the back of my neck, and continue on my run.
I want more from her. That’s why I said what I said last night.
I don’t want to do something that I’ll regret if she doesn’t feel the same.
I’m trying to be there for her, be fun, be light, and make her life better with me in it.
But maybe that’s not what she wants. I have no degree, no real home.
I’m just some slacker who lives for free on his uncle’s boat.
Rounding another corner, I head back out onto Harborside with only a mile left to go. My thoughts are still muddled, but my feelings are clear. After weeks of being together as friends, I think that I’m at the breaking point. I’m going to ask her out again, on an official date.
* * *
Later in the afternoon, she stops by the boat with some more muffins for me. We sit in the cockpit under the solar panels because it’s a scorcher. I have an evening charter, so she can’t stay long. We’re stiff and a little awkward, so much for my resolve.
She picks at the hem of her Sweet Spot t-shirt as we sit side by side on the bench. Nervous energy is pouring off her and she can’t sit still. “So I follow this travel blog and I’m thinking about taking a trip to Iceland.”
My mouth drops open and I stare at her. “Wow.”
She fidgets again and twists to face me. “Do you think I’m crazy?”
I scrub my hand over my chin. “No, I just didn’t know you wanted to go there.” Fuck. I don’t want her to go alone. I would go with her. Or, maybe I’m caught off guard by the woman I like taking a trip. But instead, what do I say? Wow! I'm such a dumbass.
“I’ve been waiting to travel even though it’s important to me.” She looks down. “I’ve never really been anywhere outside of New England.”
I reach out to her knee. When she doesn’t respond I grab her chin so she has to look at me. “I understand that you want to go away.”
She smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Thanks.”
I let my hand fall to her neck, my thumb grazing her jaw as my palm slips back under her ear.
“I just hope it’s to something and not away from something.
” She doesn’t need or want someone like me, in a dead-end job.
I can’t believe I’m in this situation again. She wants to go to places like Iceland.
She blinks at me. “I want to see somewhere and not waste any more time.”
My fingers drift into her hair. The ache in my chest tightens. “You’ll have a fantastic trip.” She’ll probably meet some Icelandic dude. And he’ll sweep her off her feet for real.
She chews her lip. “I love my hometown, but I need to prove to myself that I can do this on my own.”
“I’m sure you can.” She’s stronger than she thinks she is.
Steps on the docks break our connection and I glance up to see Teddy arriving for his shift. She pops up and says, “Hey, Teddy. Have a good sail tonight.”
He waves to her and throws me a look. She bends to grab her bag. “Oh, before I go, let’s talk about the Fourth. Will you have time to hang out?”
I give her a tight smile. “I'll be pretty busy. But I want to see you.”
She stuffs her hands in her shorts pockets. “My brother and cousins will be down, and I’ll be working too.”
We both shrug, acknowledging that it’s out of our hands, and I stand to give her a hug.
Teddy boards the boat and steps toward the foredeck and away from us.
I hold her close to me and breathe in her scent.
She links her arms behind my back and squeezes me tightly.
Tilting her head to my face, she says, “I’ll see you soon. ” And then she’s off.
I go through the motions of the sail, but I feel empty inside. My mind wanders to the holiday. I’ll be out straight with work. If I can only see her when her family is visiting, that’s fine. As long as I’m with her that’ll have to be enough for me.