31. Charli
CHARLI
Having my own business is generally great, but this week it’s kicking my ass.
It’s the last week of July, the price of eggs is through the roof and a stomach bug is going around my staff.
I swear that teenagers are infested with germs and they breathe the same air as me all summer.
I could probably catch the bug through osmosis.
Oliver and I are strict with our cleaning routines, but I don’t know what they all do in their free time. Kids have been calling out all week.
So far, it looks like Oliver, Sonja and I will have no days off until next week.
During the lunch rush, one of my staffers gets hit with it mid-shift and goes home early.
My watch vibrates with messages and I can’t even look.
They’ll be there later. I scan the names quickly to make sure it’s not Mimi or Pop.
Then I see Mom flash across the message header.
What the actual fuck!
I don’t even want to know. And Gage made plans to go for dinner in Port City tonight.
He said he was craving sushi and there’s nowhere in Seascape for that.
I don’t want to bail on him and be a downer, but my mom is such a trigger for me.
I still have trouble processing my emotions when I talk to her, even if it’s only by text.
When the line starts to peter out, I tell Oliver that I need to take a quick break. I make my way to the bathroom and lock the door to read the messages. She’s written to me and Ian. All I see are certain words flashing at me: new job, Brighton, reconnect . . .
My stomach drops. Why is she coming here? Why would she move back here? Tears spring from my eyes. I don’t want her in my life after she abandoned me and Ian. It’s easier to pretend she doesn’t exist since she’s so far away. My phone buzzes again with a message just to me.
Mom: Mimi told me about your trip to Iceland. That’s great that you’re getting out of Seascape. Maybe you’re more like me than you care to admit.
My temples start to pound. Who the hell does she think she is?
She has no right to comment on my life. It stirs the gnawing feeling in my belly that I’m like her.
That I’ll leave the people I care about behind to fulfill my dreams. It’s what I did to Tyler.
And who knows what I’m doing with Gage. We haven’t discussed what we are yet.
I pull myself together and get Oliver’s attention. “Look, I just need to stay back here for the rest of the day.”
He rubs my arm. “What’s up? Did you barf? If you did, you should go home.”
“No, worse, my mom texted me and she might be moving back.”
His eyes bug out. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
I swallow. “No.” Eww, I feel nauseous. Maybe it’s the bug and not my mom.
“Sure, I’ve got you. We’ll be fine. You should just take off.”
I decide to see the seals again, but this time I wear my bathing suit and drive my Jeep, no need to scare people again with a wet walk of shame.
This must be seal weather for sure: clouds, drizzle, and fog.
The water is the same gray as the sky and the fog across the bay is like a giant white blanket coming to get me.
There's a whole group of porpoises as I swim toward the rock cropping.
I take slow laps past them, the saltwater stinging my eyes from all my crying.
I turn and lay on my back to feel the ocean as it sways with small ripples of waves.
As I stare at the sky, the wind pushes clouds across the bay and a light patter of rain begins to fall across the water.
When your own mother leaves you, it makes a hole in your heart, a hole that is awfully hard to repair. Leaving is something I can’t forgive her for and she never made amends to me or my brother. I’m a grown woman and still have abandonment issues.
That was part of the reason I stayed with Tyler for so long, leaving meant I was like her, giving up on something even when I knew it wasn’t right anymore. She represents everything that I don’t want to be. But I’m still afraid I’ll turn out like her nonetheless.
And I know I’m falling for Gage, hard. I didn’t plan on it.
That’s probably why they call it falling.
But he’s not going to live here and I don’t know where I stand with him.
Maybe that’s why I never broke up with Tyler before.
I knew he wouldn’t leave here. I dunk down into the water and swim back to shore.
Gage is there on the beach, waiting for me in his raincoat, the water running off the brim.
He walks toward me as I emerge from the ocean.
Now it’s full-on pouring. His coat is open in front and he takes me in a bear hug.
“Why didn’t you call me? You don’t have to do this by yourself.
You’re not alone anymore. I was really worried about you when you didn’t answer my texts. ”
I croak out, “Who told you?”
“Oliver.”
I sniff and rub my eyes. “I turned off my notifications because I didn’t want to read anymore messages from my mom.” We make it to his truck, and he wraps me in a towel.
“We can come back later and get your Jeep. You’re freezing.”
Once we’re at the apartment, we get our wet things off and he puts me in a hot shower.
I stand and let the water run over me. I’m so wrinkly after swimming and the rain.
The curtain rustles and he joins me. He washes my hair and soaps me up, then helps me dry off.
I walk to my bed to lay down and feel the bed dip as he comes beside me.
He brushes back the wet strands and holds me to him.
I lay motionless while he pulls the blanket around us.
“You’re so warm.” I bring his hands up to kiss his fingers.
“You’re catching up now. Why did you swim?”
I shut my eyes before opening them to look into his face. I press my hand to his muscled chest. “She was happiest on the water so when I missed her I went to the beach.”
“I want you to know you can count on me for whatever you need.” He brushes my hair back.
“I always dealt with my feelings about my mom alone and I’m not used to having someone there for me. How did you find me?”
“It’s where you went last time you were upset. Still, I wish that you told somebody. People worry about you when you don’t respond to messages.”
I sigh. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“My mom sent me a message that she might be getting a new job and moving back here.”
“Huh. Wow. That’s a lot.” He rubs my side and asks, “What does that mean for you?”
“I don’t want to see her around. I’m afraid she’ll disrupt the life I've built without her. This is my home. I’ve worked too hard to have it ruined.”
“You have a lot of people who care about you here. And you’re stronger than anyone I know.” He tucks a loose hair behind my ear.
I breathe deeply. “It’s less painful when she’s not around. It seems more like she didn’t choose to leave us behind. She’s just gone.”
“Gone is gone. That’s hard too.”
I lay back and turn my head to face him. “I’m sorry, baby, I didn't mean it like that.”
“I know. I would give almost anything for another day with my dad, just to be with him.” His brown eyes water with emotion. “But, my dad didn’t choose to leave.”
He presses his lips to mine, a slow kiss building between us. He climbs on top of me and takes his time loving me. Being with him is exactly what I needed. I’m afraid to tell him that though.
Feeling completely cared for, I drift off to sleep in his arms. I’m not alone anymore, I have him to lean on when I’m stressed, for now.