36. Charli
CHARLI
The following afternoon I decide to swim at Seal Rock Beach since the town beach will still be crowded.
A few groups of people are enjoying the heat of the day here.
Kids play at the edge of the water and a boy is out fishing in a kayak.
I vow not to commune with the seals today.
The water’s warming up and I do some easy laps across the width of the cove.
I focus on my breathing and the movement of the waves while I make my strokes even.
I’m tired when I get out and feel more clear-headed.
Yesterday with my dad and family was really good.
I guess they’ll be back so Daphne can take some pictures for Gage, and maybe get a sail in too.
Calling him my boyfriend was a step, and it rolled off my tongue so easily.
He fit right in with my family and was so good with the boys.
But we need to talk more about our relationship and I’m a little uneasy.
I wish he weren’t set to sail away and we could keep things how they are with us.
It’s inevitable that things will change one way or another when the summer is over.
When I return to my Jeep my phone has a notification from the travel blog: A space just opened up for our ICELAND excursion in September. PRICE DROP! Book today. The trip hadn’t crossed my mind in some time. I know it'll be while Gage is still here, but it’s a deal I can’t pass up.
I call Oliver quickly to confirm that he’s okay with me taking time off to go away.
Then, I make the short drive to the dock to meet Gage when his cruise returns.
The excitement makes my muscles hum. I put on a hat to cover my crazy hair and my clothes are wet over my bathing suit.
It’s difficult waiting in my Jeep until I see him unload his passengers, then I tear off down the pier to see him.
His face lights up when he sees me, he smiles wide, his teeth showing bright white against his tan skin. It calms me down. He’s been nothing but supportive of me all summer. It’ll be okay when I tell him what I want to do.
He sends Owen off to be done for the day as I board the boat. We kiss hello and get comfortable in the cockpit. We sit close facing each other. He circles my knee and his hand drifts up my thigh.
“Did you go for a swim?”
“Yeah, I took a few laps at the beach.”
“I thought I wouldn’t see you until later?”
“Well, I wanted to talk about something quickly.” I blurt out, “You know when I talked about traveling to Iceland with a women’s travel group. A spot opened up and they're offering a discount and I think I’m going to go.” I blink rapidly at him and wait for his response.
He takes off his sunglasses and there’s a lighter ring around his eyes. He presses his lips together and squeezes my thigh. “If you want to go away, that’s up to you.”
I search his face, it's blank. “Are you sure, you're leaving soon, and we . . . ” My stomach sinks, I wonder if I’m feeling more for him than I bargained for. Angela was right. I can’t deny my feelings.
He clears his throat. “Of course I want to spend as much time with you as I can, but if you want to do this trip, I don’t want to stand in the way.
” He pulls me onto his lap and circles my waist. His shirt’s sticking to him in the heat.
I lean my head on his shoulder and feel a hot tear form in the corner of my eye while I stifle a sniffle.
He lifts my chin and kisses me softly. “You need to make your own choice. I’ll be here when you get back. ”
An internal war is fighting inside of me between my head and my heart.
I finally feel strong enough to take a trip and so much of it has to do with my relationship with Gage.
He makes me feel seen and understands my dreams. But I know that our time together is limited and I want to spend as much of it together as possible.
The opportunity for this trip couldn’t come at a worse time.
I go home and book the vacation because I don’t want to regret missing out on the opportunity.
There’s a discount and Oliver can cover with work at the café while I’m gone.
Feeling nervous, excited and confused, I want to go.
But we haven't finished discussing our relationship. I can’t even think about saying a real goodbye to him.
I eat some leftovers, shower and lie in bed naked.
I’m almost asleep when Gage arrives at my place.
We don’t speak. He just strips off his clothes and he makes love to me.
He’s tender and sweet. We hold each other’s eyes as he covers me with his body, filling me perfectly.
Our bodies respond to each other, our kisses slow, our hands roaming, connected completely.
We get lost in each other until we both finish.
After, he lies beside me and we drift off to sleep without saying a word.
Something has shifted between us. We didn’t mean for it to get this far when we started.
If I have to say goodbye to him it will be total heartbreak when he leaves.
* * *
After we close on Sunday afternoon, Oliver and I discuss the logistics of me being away for a week. I’m not worried about that, but he knows that something is up with me.
He makes us some fresh iced coffees and waits me out. Standing by the counter, I confess, “I’ve fallen for Gage. It was supposed to be a fun summer fling, but it’s gotten intense, and quickly. It’s only been like a month.”
“How does he feel? The same?”
“I don’t know. I mean he met my dad, Daphne and the boys and we had a really good day. Then yesterday he said that I should make my own choice about the trip.”
“Why is that bad? I mean honestly, you used to let Tyler dictate a lot of your life, Charli.” He sets his coffee down and adjusts his glasses.
I heave a breath. “I know. I know. But I thought that maybe he would ask me to stay.”
He taps his fingers on the counter. “You like him because he lets you be yourself. You're only going to be gone for less than a week -six days?”
“You’re right. Thanks for reminding me.”
“He can come work here if he’s bored.”
“So funny.”
He rubs his ear, which is his nervous tell.
“What else?”
He rolls his eyes at me. “You always know.” Stuffing his hands into his apron pocket, he says, “The old deli by the Westfield Beach Road is vacant.”
My stomach drops and I exclaim, “No way!” I begin to pace the waiting area. “It would be perfect. So close to the beach. Right by the junior college. The health center and doctor’s offices. Oliver!”
“Right.” He opens his arms and I fly into his embrace.
We have a quick brainstorming session in the moment about the possibilities for expanding to open a second café. With my head spinning, we say our goodbyes and I stop at the market before I make my way home.
I buy the ingredients to make pasta with meat sauce and a salad for dinner. After starting the sauce cooking, I let it simmer. Gage won’t be home until later. Ugh. Home. We haven’t finished our discussion and he’s been here each night since the first night he stayed. I want him here every night.
I can’t resist and open the wine early, I pour myself a big glass and go sit in the backyard while the sauce cooks. But, the wine isn’t helping my mood, it’s making me more sullen. Nevertheless, I go for another glass when that one is done and FaceTime Andi and Sam for a group call.
Sam picks up first. “Hey, long time no see.”
“Thanks for picking up. Sorry I've been MIA.”
“It’s good to see you're not still underneath Gage tonight.”
“Ha ha.” I take a gulp of wine.
Andi answers. “Hey ladies.” She makes a face. “What is up with you?”
I recant the details of booking my trip, telling Gage, and talking to Oliver.
Sam responds first. “That’s a lot for one day.”
“I know, the feelings are overwhelming me.” I take another sip and top my glass off.
“How much have you had to drink?” Andi asks. “Maybe you should eat a piece of bread.”
“That’s a good idea.” I set down the phone and sink a crusty piece in the sauce. “I’ve only had two-ish glasses,” I mumble on a mouthful.
“Ease up on the wine until you eat some more,” Sam adds. “When will Gage be there?”
I chew and dip again. “Maybe eight?” I say with a mouthful.
“That's a-ways away,” Andi sighs.
“Maybe you should take a bath? And relax,” Sam chimes in.
“That sounds good. I might try that,” I say on another bite.
“Look, the trip will be exciting, and Oliver’s going to be fine running the shop for a few days,” Andi says.
“You're right. Oliver can handle it. And I've been wanting to travel for years.”
“Cheers to that.” I drain my glass and set it aside. “Also we’re going to eat at Mimi and Pop’s tomorrow night.”
Sam smiles wide. “Actually?”
“Yes, Pop invited Gage over the other day.”
“Mimi is the perfect hostess,” Andi reminds me.
“Anything else?” Sam pipes in.
I press my lips together. “His sister is visiting next weekend.”
“I’m sure she’ll love you!” Sam gushes.
“Send us some pictures,” Andi pleads.
“Miss you,” we say in unison.
I hang up and draw a hot bath. I soak for a good twenty minutes before I have to add more hot water. I get out and dry off, before I slather on some lotion and slip into my robe.
Gage arrives and slips off his shoes by the door before he asks me, “Are you feeling alright?”
I don’t want to get into the trip now, so I plaster a fake smile on my face. “I started in on the wine without you, but I think I’m just tired. How was your day?” I ask to change the subject.
He scrubs a hand over his face. “It was a long afternoon. The people were obnoxious and one guy had too much to drink and got seasick.”
“I’m sorry. That sucks for you guys.” I pour him a glass of wine and he takes a long sip. “Are you hungry?”
“Yeah, this smells so good.” He moves toward me and gives me a hard squeeze. “Thanks for cooking tonight.”
We finish the wine together and then we eat on the couch by the coffee table.
“Did you book the trip?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“It’s five days?”
“I think six with travel.”
I shift and climb up to his lap to straddle him. I take his face in my hands. “Thank you for supporting me.”
His hands drift up my thighs under my robe. “This trip is for you.”
“So, now that you’re my boyfriend, what are we when it’s time for you to leave?” My statement just hangs there.
His brow creases and his Adam's apple bobs. “Well, it's my uncle's boat and I’m supposed to bring it to the USVI and run charters there with him in the winter, and then return north in the spring.”
I bite my lip. “Does that mean you might not do that?”
He squeezes my legs with his large hands. “I don’t know what else I’d do. I don’t have a degree in anything and I don’t have a job here, or my own place to live. I can’t live on the boat all winter here.”
My stomach turns and my chin quivers. “You’ve been staying here almost every night this summer, since we got together.”
“I have,” he says on a deep sigh. “I’d still need a decent job. I’m not going to live off you.” He chews on his bottom lip.
“So you only want to sail for work?” I ask, afraid for his answer.
“I didn’t say that. But, I don’t want a nine to five job. That’s not me.” He brings his hands down to fiddle with my robe. “You have a business here. You can’t work remotely.”
My lip quivers. “Well, we could have a long distance relationship until you come back here.” I sniff. I don’t want to cry now. “I could fly down to see you once or twice.”
His fingers find my chin, tipping it to him. “I guess, but that’s a lot to ask of you, to wait for me. I don't want you to put your life on hold for me.” A sheen of tears fills his eyes.
“I wouldn’t be.”
“You would. Look, when I was younger, I tried having a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend when I first sailed with Bill.” He takes my hands in his. “Being apart was too hard for us. I wasn’t there for her and eventually, she broke up with me.”
“I’m sorry things ended badly for you two, but you were a kid then. What about what I want? I won’t break up with you.” A lone tear trickles down my cheek. “I know I don’t want this to end.”
“Me either,” he answers, his voice shaky.
He unties my robe letting the front gape open. His hands run up my side to cup me. His thumbs move back and forth across my nipples. “So fucking gorgeous, baby.”
“I'll miss you.” My throat is tight.
“Me too.”
He slips my robe off my shoulders and it falls to the side.
We kiss and touch until we can’t wait any more.
He lifts his shirt over his head revealing his defined chest and tight abs.
I pull the front of his shorts down, his erection presses flat to his belly.
I grind my wet center along his shaft enjoying the friction.
“Jesus, Charli,” he says before laying his head back on the couch to watch me.
My legs shake as I rock over him, his fingertips toying with my clit. “I want you inside me.”
Thankfully, I stuffed some condoms in my robe pocket, so we don’t have to stop what we’re doing. I reach for his length and guide him into me, slowly. I ride him on the couch, his big hands sealed around my hips. His gaze flicks between my face and my chest bouncing in front of him.
Something in his eyes is different tonight.
Maybe it’s about the trip, or our conversation.
I take his face in my hands and seal my mouth to his.
I can’t get close enough to him. He squeezes my flesh and slams me up and down on his lap until we’re both breathless.
I come apart first, digging my nails into his shoulders.
Then he wraps me in his arms, holding me to his chest as he finds his release.
I run my hands through his hair and leave a kiss on his temple. This man.
We leave the dishes in the sink, and I put the leftovers in the fridge.
When we lie down to sleep, I play the big spoon and rub the knots in his shoulders until he falls asleep.
The moonlight filters through my curtains and lights up the planes of his arms, casting a small shadow across his jaw.
His hair falls back across the pillow next to me.
God, he is so handsome. I watch him sleep for a while before my eyes shut. I haven’t just fallen for him.
I love him.