4. Chapter 4
Chapter 4
NOLAN
The dim orange glow of the table lamp isn’t much, but it’s better than trying to go just by the moonlight alone. I left Caspian sprawled out on the bed, still naked and snoring softly when I gave up on the idea of sleep a few hours ago. I never knew racing thoughts could be so bulletproof that even a few shots of tequila and the orgasm of a lifetime wouldn’t be able to touch them, but here we are.
Caspian’s words keep playing on repeat in my mind, as persistent as the ache in my ass and the taste of him on my lips. At first, I couldn’t get past the way he saw me and wishing I really was that person he was describing. But the longer I lay there lingering on them, the more his comment about my art started to itch under my skin until I couldn’t ignore it any longer.
A breeze from the open window flutters the edges of the notepad I found in the kitchen, and the quiet, rhythmic scratching of my pencil against the paper breaks the silence. It’s been years since I’ve picked up a pencil to draw, and it feels like a muscle I haven’t worked in ages. My hand cramps slightly, but I ignore the feeling, too consumed by the gut-deep thrill of taking a blank page and turning it into something . I can’t believe I ever let this slip away.
I bite the tip of my tongue absently, my eyes burning from the lack of sleep and poor lighting, but it’s not enough to make me blink or pause. I feel like I have years of neglecting this side of myself to make up for.
The creak of a floorboard and the quiet shuffle of footsteps finally make me tear my eyes off of the page and still my hand. Caspian stands in the doorway, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, still bare assed. He grunts and I snort a laugh.
“Is this need to constantly have your dick flapping in the breeze a lifestyle choice or…?”
His expression is sleepy and confused for another second before his lips twist into a cocky grin and he playfully thrusts his hips, making his dick quite literally flap in my direction.
“Don’t tell me you’re offended by nudity, Nols. You didn’t seem to mind last night… or tonight… What the fuck time is it anyway?” He looks around the mostly dark living room as if it’s going to hold a clue about the time.
“No idea.” I turn my attention back to what I’ve been working on.
It’s not anything particularly impressive, mostly just random sketching, but I feel like I’ve unleashed something I’ve been burying for too long. My mind races with images of things I want to draw. If I had a sketchbook and some decent colored pencils it would be easier. I suppose that will have to wait until daylight hours though.
The couch dips and I look up again, my jaw cracking with a yawn as exhaustion finally starts to catch up with me.
“What are you working on?” Caspian asks, nodding at the notepad.
My skin heats and I have the urge to flip the drawing upside down so he can’t see it. I sink my teeth into my bottom lip and tilt it towards him instead.
“It’s nothing really. I just… You were talking about my artwork earlier, and it made me think about how long it’s been since I’ve drawn anything.”
His brow furrows and he glances at the drawing, then back at me.
“Really? That’s surprising. I remember you carrying a sketchbook everywhere, filling it up with colorful character drawings whenever you had a few spare minutes. I figured it was like the way I was always writing short stories in comp notebooks, a compulsion in your brain that can’t be ignored.”
I set the notepad and pencil down on the coffee table and sink lower on the couch, stretching my legs out towards him without actually touching him. Am I allowed to touch him now? I suppose the ‘what the hell was that?’ talk will have to happen eventually. He doesn’t seem to second guess it or get tangled up in his thoughts though. He scoots closer and lifts my feet to put them on his warm, bare thigh.
My stomach flutters and my heart trips over a beat. Why does this feel even more intimate than fucking? I swallow, considering what he just said, feeling a long-buried sense of guilt rise up in my gut.
“It used to be,” I confess, looking past him at the sky outside, just starting to turn gray with the coming sunrise. “I ended up double majoring in college—fine arts and business. I told myself that the business degree was a fallback, you know, if I couldn’t find a way to make a career out of stupid little character sketches.” I chuckle, but Caspian growls and frowns.
“They’re not stupid.”
My lips twitch in a half-grin and I keep going, spilling my history even though he didn’t ask, part of me hoping that if I get it all out there, maybe I can figure out where I went wrong and how to fix the mess my life has become.
“My parents told me it was the smart thing to do, and it made sense.” I shrug. “Then graduation started creeping up and the fact that I’d have to figure out a way to pay for rent, get health insurance, feed myself, and generally be an adult really started to sink in. Everyone I talked to told me I should get a ‘real job’”—I make air quotes with my fingers—“and do my art on the side. They said once I got some traction, I could think about making it my main focus.” I huff out a laugh at how logical it all sounded then and how stupid it feels now. “They kept throwing around phrases like ‘job security.’ Clearly that worked out.”
“You just stopped doing your art?” he guesses.
“Not right away, but work got busy, and I didn’t have as much time and energy. Then my focus became all about the next raise or the next promotion, and I guess somewhere along the way it just fell by the wayside.” I sigh and Caspian rubs my leg in a comforting motion.
“If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?” he asks. “Forget realistic, forget your bills, what’s your wildest dream?”
The question makes a slow smile spread over my lips and something expands in my chest. If I could do anything ? I haven’t asked myself that question since I was a teenager, full of nothing but optimism and daydreams. Once you’re an adult, no one ever asks you about your silly fantasies anymore, it’s all about what’s practical.
“I’d love to do the artwork for video games.” The answer surprises me even as it leaves my lips. I can’t believe I actually forgot that I used to want that, that I was bold enough to think I could do that once. “It’s an impossible job to get though.” I shake my head.
“Fuck impossible.” His voice is full of conviction and cocky confidence that makes me huff out a laugh.
“Oh, that easy?” I deadpan.
“Didn’t say it was easy, but there’s a whole hell of a lot of wiggle room between ‘easy’ and ‘impossible.’”
I guess I hadn’t thought of it that way. Sure, it might be hard, but if I’m going to have to apply for hundreds of jobs anyway, why not include some game companies? Would putting myself out there and going for it be any harder than where I ended up following the ‘easy’ path this whole time?
A sense of peace settles over me and my eyelids start to feel heavy. I yawn again.
“Yeah. Maybe I will,” I hear myself murmur as sleep finally pulls me under.
CASPIAN
Sunlight streams in through the windows and the smell of coffee and salty ocean air fills the house. My fingers fly over my keyboard, words appearing on the screen in front of me, summoned out of thin air like magic. Seventy books in my backlist and I swear it still feels like an unexplainable alchemy every time I start a new one.
I hear Nolan start to stir in the other room. After he fell asleep, I put a blanket over him and left him to get some rest. I was wide awake though, so I decided to capitalize on the energy flowing through me and dancing under my skin after last night by pouring it into a new book.
I finish off the chapter I’ve been chipping away at for hours and close my computer just as Nolan shuffles into the kitchen.
“Coffee?” I offer, my chair scraping against the tile floor as I get to my feet.
My own cup has gone cold while I focused on the charming banter in the opening chapter, so I pick up my mug and carry it over to the sink to dump it.
“Sure, thanks,” he says in a sleep-rough voice that makes sparks dance over my skin. “I see you’ve found a pair of pants.”
I glance down at the shorts I pulled on after he fell asleep and chuckle.
“Disappointed?” I flash him a grin over my shoulder before grabbing a mug for him and filling both.
He murmurs something I don’t catch, but the flush on his face when I turn around makes me think it was likely a compliment.
“How do you take it?” I let my voice dip low with the innuendo and his blush deepens.
“You’re a surprise, Cas, on every level. But I think what a flirt you grew up to be might be the most unexpected part.”
I smile a little wider. He’s not wrong. I don’t think anyone could have looked at the shy, nerdy kid I was back then and guessed where I would end up. Somewhere along the way I think I just decided I cared more about being happy and authentic than about embarrassing myself. It’s a fucking wild thing how much easier everything gets once you let go like that.
“I’m assuming that’s a compliment, so thank you.” I hold up his coffee mug again to remind him of the original question.
“Black is fine.”
I nod and carry the coffee over to the table, Nolan’s eyes tracking me the whole way with a look of desperation. I’d like to think it’s for me, but considering he only slept for about four hours, I’m guessing it’s the coffee he’s dying to have inside of him.
I stop right in front of him, and he holds out a hand for the mug, but I hesitate. A slightly cruel thought passes through my mind and I smirk again, holding the cup out of his reach.
“What did last night mean? Was it a one-time thing? Do we need to tell Slater? Are we going to pretend it didn’t happen? Where are you at with everything?”
He blinks, then whimpers, making another grab for the coffee. “Dude, you cannot rapid fire questions like that at me before caffeine.”
I grunt. “One answer and I’ll give you the coffee.”
Nolan eyes me for a second, either thinking through what I asked or considering whether it’s worth it to get the coffee from me, I’m not sure which.
“I don’t think we need to tell him. Not right now, anyway,” he answers.
I frown. That wasn’t the question I was hoping he would answer, but I guess that’s on me for giving him the option. I grunt again and set the mug down in front of him, then round the table to reclaim my seat.
He brings the mug to his lips and takes a long sip, his eyelids fluttering with ecstasy as the nutty coffee blend hits his tongue. The little moan he lets out makes my cock twitch and swell, remembering all the sounds he made while I was buried inside of him last night.
“Not right now?” I echo his answer. “As in, we’ll tell him later?”
He sets the cup down and licks his lips. Thoughts I can’t read dance behind his eyes, and I sit quietly, waiting for him to say something. If it’s up to me, last night was the start of something, but I need to know where he’s at with it.
“You heard the part about how I’m an unemployed, homeless loser right now, right?” He gives a self-deprecating laugh.
I shake my head. “Reframe it, Nols. You’ve got a new chapter in front of you. It can be anything you want it to be.”
He narrows his eyes a fraction and then a soft smile forms on his lips.
“You are a surprise, Caspian,” he says again.
“A good surprise?” I dip my voice low just to be cheeky, and he snorts.
“I think so.” He takes another sip of his coffee, holding my gaze as he swallows. “We’re both here for the summer, right?” I nod, my heart rate kicking up, hoping he’s going where I think he is with this. “Good. So, let’s just see what happens. If we decide this is something, then we’ll tell your brother.”
Something. Something real, something good , something life changing. Yeah, this could definitely be something.
“Deal.”