Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Mia
My mind and body were still reeling from last night.
Or early this morning, if we were being precise.
Bower had dropped me off at the marina and let me find my way back to my cabin on my own.
At that point the sun had started to rise, bathing everything in an orange glow.
We hadn’t exchanged a word since he’d driven us out of the secret bay.
He wouldn’t even look at me. I could tell his flashback had embarrassed him.
When he’d hit the floor of the boat after the engine had popped, I’d immediately known what was happening. I’d never seen one in person before, but I had read about them in my psychology classes in college.
I wasn’t close to an expert, but Bower had all the telltale signs. He’d spent many years in the military. He hadn’t shared much about his time overseas, but judging by the way his body had tensed and sweat had bubbled up from his skin, it hadn’t been easy.
I wished he would feel comfortable opening up to me, explaining what was going on in his head, but he hadn’t said anything, and I didn’t want to push.
I didn’t like it when people poked around at me, asking me questions about why I was the way I was.
I wasn’t about to make him explain what was going on in his head to me.
And I knew that sometimes somethings were just unexplainable.
I rolled over in bed. My body ached in the most delicious way. Bower and I had had sex last night. I was no longer a virgin. The clock next to my bed read three o’clock.
I’d finally fallen asleep at six this morning, after I heard my mom start the coffeepot. Ruby must’ve been keeping my parents away for the day. No way they would let me sleep until three in the afternoon otherwise.
Bower had been weird last night, but anyone would act differently after a panic attack. They needed time to decompress and recover. I understood Bower needed that. Hopefully ten hours was enough for him, because I already needed to see him again. Needed to feel his lips on mine.
If he thought one flashback was going to set me back, he had another thing coming.
He’d accepted all my sensitivities, and I was more than ready to accept his.
Knowing that he faced challenges like me made him more appealing, more interesting.
It made me feel more connected to him, like I didn’t have to push myself to be perfect either.
My feet hit the floor as I sat up, stretching my arms above my head.
I felt that stretch between my legs. I was sore, but in a way it felt good—a reminder of last night, Bower pounding into me, my eyes rolling to the back of my head.
Part of me was mad I had waited so long to have sex.
I’d been missing out on so much all these years.
But the other part of me was glad I’d waited.
Bower had made it special, an experience I wouldn’t have gotten with anyone else.
I was still wearing the clothes I’d come home in. They smelled like bonfire smoke and lake water, but I didn’t have the energy to change last night.
I felt like a new person. Something about how Bower and I had connected last night made me hopeful that we could make this work between us.
There was something between us that neither of us could deny, and it had me thinking of what our relationship could be—our future together.
Maybe it could be here, in my favorite place in the world…
maybe it’d include fishing and kids and time spent on the lake.
I made quick work of changing clothes, throwing the smokey ones into a pile in the empty closet with my other dirty clothes. I pulled out a clean outfit from my suitcase and got dressed, tying my dirty hair up into a bun.
The cabin was quiet when I emerged. Hopefully I could grab something to eat and escape the cabin and my parents, who would no doubt want to know why I’d been out so late last night. I heard their muffled voices from the deck, through the sliding glass door.
I grabbed a muffin left over from breakfast sitting on the stove and drank some stale coffee right from the pot. Who was I? In one night, I’d lost my virginity and a need for cups.
I tiptoed through the cabin, sneaking out the front door, closing the screen door slowly so it didn’t slam.
“You little tramp.” I froze. Turning to find Ruby, standing in the grass just outside the cabin, a canned beer already in her hands. I guess it was past three, after all, and we were on vacation. “I had to tell Mom and Dad you weren’t feeling well so they’d let you sleep.”
“Thanks, Ruby,” I said. I took a bite of my muffin and tried to act casual.
“You look different…” she said, her eyes narrowing.
“Whatever do you mean?” I asked as I took another bite, although my mouth was already full.
“I’d say it was the ten hours of sleep you just had, but I think it’s something else…”
I swallowed the dry muffin, letting it scratch my throat on the way down.
“You had sex with him, didn’t you?” she hissed.
I looked anywhere else but at Ruby. She knew me too well; my eyes would give me away in an instant.
“Look at me, Mia.” On reflex, my eyes met hers. “You did!” Ruby jumped up and down, clapping her hands.
“Shh!” I threw my half-eaten muffin at her. She yelped as she dodged the blueberry confection. “Mom and Dad are right around the corner!”
“Heaven forbid they know that their middle-aged daughter had sex!” Ruby lowered her voice to a whisper-yell.
“First of all, I’m not middle-aged. Second, shut up.” This time I dodged the muffin Ruby picked up from the ground and flung at me. The muffin hit the cabin, falling to the ground like confetti around me.
“Congrats, sister. You’re finally grown.”
I rolled my eyes and bumped Ruby’s shoulder as I walked past her.
“Can I buy you a drink?” she asked before she tilted her head back taking the last sip of her beer. “As a congratulatory gift?”
I looked around the space in front of our cabin, standing on my tiptoes, hoping I’d see a tall man with a backward hat roaming around.
Ruby smirked. “You’re looking for him, aren’t you?”
“No, I’m not,” I lied, crossing my arms in front of my chest.
“Someone’s in loooveee,” she sang.
“Stop it, Ruby.”
“Can’t go more than ten hours without getting your fix, huh?” She came up beside me, squeezing her hand beneath my bent elbow, pulling me toward the lodge. “Come on, lover girl, I’m buying you a drink. I’m sure we’ll find your boyfriend on the way.”
The entire lodge was decorated in red, white, and blue. I’d forgotten it was the Fourth of July. Arguably the most festive weekend up north. Your first time having sex would do that to you. I was thinking of little else other than the sex with Bower and the breakdown he’d had last night.
As soon as we walked into the restaurant, I looked for him, my search coming up empty. My shoulders dropped. He wasn’t here yet. He’d show up—he had to. It was my last full day here.
The bar had pleated fan flags hanging on the U-shaped counter, and someone had hung rope lights along the ceiling of the bar that alternated between red, white, and blue bulbs. The folded chalk board signs advertised the drink special tonight as Firecrackers.
“Mia, Ruby!” I turned to see Chloe waving at us from a table with Caleb and Betty. They already had a basket of fried cheese curds steaming in the middle of the table. Fuck yes. I’d eat while I waited for Bower to show up.
My sister and I walked over, sitting down next to Caleb, and I dug into the basket without asking permission. Greasy food hit different after a late night. Never mind that this was basically my breakfast, at a time when it was nearly dinner for everyone else.
“I was just reminding Betty that next year I get to dress the baby up in a cute red, white, and blue outfit!” Chloe said, rubbing her hands over her baby bump.
“The baby…all this broad talks about is the baby,” Betty said with a sigh, mostly to Ruby.
I tried to hold in my reaction. Bower’s grandma had never talked like that before. Betty with dementia was sassy.
“It’s more interesting than what you like to talk about, Betty,” Chloe clipped back. “Walking uphill to school both ways.”
I tried not to smirk. Oh, Chloe was a worthy opponent for Betty’s sass. That must’ve been why she watched Betty so often.
“It was the snowstorm of fifty-seven, and the icicles were a foot long,” Betty said. “We had to walk around with our eyes to the sky so we wouldn’t get impaled.”
“That sounds morbid,” my sister said.
“That’s a tame one. Stick around—Betty has some zingers,” Chloe said, winking at Ruby.
Betty turned and looked at me, her face blooming into a big smile. “Mia!” she said. Everyone at the table froze, looking between the two of us.
“Hi, Betty,” I said, smiling back. I didn’t know why she always seemed to recognize me, but it made me feel special. Like I had back when I was having Popsicles with her.
“Stop by the cabin later. I have something for you,” she said.
I nodded at her before she turned away, her face drooping, the lucid Betty retreating into herself, lost again. Everyone watched, sadness sweeping over the table when she was gone.
“It’s the strangest thing that she recognizes you,” Chloe said. “She hardly recognizes Gill anymore.”
“Yeah, I don’t know,” I said between bites of cheese curds. “We’ve always had a connection when I was growing up, but I don’t know why she would recognize me over her husband.”
“Firecrackers for the table!” Dean brought over a tray of drinks from the bar.
It was the perfect distraction. Bower wasn’t here, and it’d hurt to see that Betty wasn’t aware of who she was sitting at a table with, besides me for that short moment.
It was the Fourth of July—my favorite holiday.
Part of me wanted to compartmentalize my worries for a little while, distract myself until Bower showed up and we could talk.