Chapter Twelve #4
She hadn’t realized she could be so ready again so quickly, but as soon as he’d entered her all the way, she felt herself straining toward her completion.
He withdrew, and on his next thrust, a rolling wave of release gathered momentum with his withdrawal, then swept over her again.
It had never been like this before. She didn’t understand what was different, and she couldn’t find it in herself to care.
There was only the moment and the man. Her body convulsed again and again, drawing him in.
She clung to him, begging him to never stop. He thrust harder and faster until she couldn’t stand how wonderful everything was. She wrapped her legs around his hips and kissed him. They shuddered together in one last incredible explosion.
* * *
Sometime later, Jim felt the world come into focus around them. Heather was still in his arms, their bodies pressed against each other. He stroked her silky hair and breathed in the scent of their lovemaking.
“That was incredible,” he said.
“I know.” Satisfaction filled her voice. “I didn’t know it could be like that.”
“Me neither.”
He’d never had a woman respond the way Heather had.
He’d never felt so connected and complete…
or so terrified. Being in Heather’s embrace was like coming home, and that was a sensation he’d spent his whole adult life avoiding.
He didn’t want to connect. He didn’t want to get involved.
And it was way too late to be having these concerns now.
It had already happened. Somewhere between their first hello in the elevator and their lovemaking today, she had become his absolution.
“How long can we put off the sensible conversation?” she asked.
He knew what she meant. It was one thing for two consenting adults to agree to make love without promise of a relationship.
In that case, sex was a shared biological function that was supposed to make them both feel good when it was over.
But that wasn’t what had happened this time.
They’d gone to a different level and he didn’t know how to get back to where they’d been before.
What if he couldn’t? What if the only place he would ever belong was right here, with her?
“What do you want to do?” he asked.
He wanted her to answer all the questions because he had a bad feeling that if she asked them of him, he would be at risk of telling her what he really felt.
“I want to never move,” she said with a laugh, then shifted until she was sitting up.
Her hair was mussed, her face flushed. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. She reached over the side of the bed and pulled on her short robe.
“Okay, I’ve moved.” She drew in a breath. “I don’t know what I want. Actually, the truth is I know what I want and I know what is sensible. The sensible side of me says that we can’t be this intimate and still maintain a working relationship. I thought we could, but I underestimated the chemistry.”
“Agreed.”
Her green eyes darkened. “I don’t want to quit my job.”
“I don’t want you to go.”
“I want to stay friends.”
“Me, too.”
Her mouth twisted into a grimace. “I’m lying through my teeth about all of this.”
He knew exactly what she meant. The “right” thing wasn’t what either of them wanted to do.
But that alone convinced him that it had to be done.
He wanted to tell her how much he wanted her.
He wanted to say that even though it would never work out between them, he’d like to think that it would, at least for a little while. Instead, he tried to smile.
“One of us has to pretend to be logical so the other one can pretend to agree,” he told her.
“We’ll fake it until we’re ready to act like it’s real.
” He reached out and took her hand in his.
“I don’t want you to quit, and I don’t want to lose your friendship.
But we can’t stay lovers and stay uninvolved. ”
“I don’t want love in my life,” she said.
“I don’t want it, either.”
“So we won’t make a habit out of this.”
“Of course not.”
But he didn’t want to let go of her fingers and he very much wanted to pull her close and make love with her again.
He wanted to hear her say that she loved him and have her beg him to stay.
Because if she did that, he just might be willing to give this all a chance.
Even though he knew it was certain to end in disaster.
He knew that once he left her apartment, he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about her. He couldn’t imagine a life without Heather, but he also knew the kindest act would be to let her go.
She looked at him, then smiled. “You know, it’s not very late. Maybe we could agree to start being sensible tomorrow.” She slipped her robe off her shoulders. “Unless you’re too tired.”
Just for the night, he promised himself. He would return to reality in the morning. Just for now, he would let himself believe that maybe this time everything was going to be all right.
He reached out and tugged at the belt of her robe. “I’m not tired at all.”
She glanced down and saw the physical result of her words, then she leaned toward him. “Maybe this time I could be on top,” she whispered.