Chapter 21 #2
His face twists even more. Something like anger flickers in his eyes. “I was trying to be considerate. Not everyone wants a hot load down their throat,” he snips, no longer pliant from lust. His hands quickly cover his cock and balls, face burning red now.
I get off my stomach and sit beside him. “Hey.” I gently remove his hands, making a point to gather some of his cum on my fingers. “I wanted this,” I show him the slick digits.
The anger quickly turns to mortification. “I…I didn’t know that.”
Something sharp pricks my senses. I’m no stranger to the world of kink, but everything I’ve observed sends warning bells and fire-engine red flags waving through my psyche.
Lex keeps his private life private. In the six years he’s been our manager, he’s never mentioned a partner of any kind—not even briefly. A month-long fling, a one-night stand, nothing. When he covers himself again, all of the pieces to this puzzle slot into place.
No one has ever really taken care of him.
No one has treated him like he should have been treated.
If no one has ever swallowed his cum, given him pleasure without him begging for it, and he’s so sensitive to the tiniest touch—oh my god.
“Look at me, princess,” I tell him gently. He finds my eyes after a few seconds. “You are delicious.” I pop my fingers in my mouth and lick them clean, pleased to find more of his flavor in his cum.
Those pretty amber eyes go wide. “Lie back for me,” I purr.
He swallows and slowly lies down. Once he’s flat, I glide a hand over his stomach, up his chest, and down his arms. Goosebumps sheet over every inch of him, and his nipples bunch up once more. I scoot down, roll on my side, and lean over to lap up his release.
“What are you doing?” he whispers, but doesn’t try to stop me.
“Cleaning you up,” I say easily, sucking his soft cock into my mouth and giving it a thorough cleanse. “Next time we do this, I want all of it warm and in my throat.”
“I didn’t know—we didn’t talk about it or anything.”
“That’s okay,” I soothe, crawling up his body. He parts his legs instantly, welcoming my weight and width between them. Cupping his cheek, I kiss him deeply, making sure he tastes what I do. A soft moan is my reward, and my heart swells hearing it. “We can talk about it now.”
“I’m used to being directed,” he admits, his fingers toying with the loops on my jeans. “Like they tell me what to do and I do it. If I’m good, they let me come.”
They.
Jealousy flares as he talks, but I want to know if my suspicions are right before I start becoming unreasonable. It’s not like I’ve been celibate.
“I don’t…I’ve never dated. It just seems too hard, and I’d never want to accidentally bring in a deranged fan and ruin everything for the band. So I do hookups mostly. Well, no, not mostly. Always. Always hookups. And I usually—always—” He stops.
I realize it’s because I’m scowling. Wiping the look off my face, I lean down and kiss his forehead. “Keep going.”
Wetting his lips nervously, he swallows again.
Fuck, I think he might be scared of me, and rightfully so. After how I’ve treated him, touched him... I don’t ever want to behave that way again. Whatever is happening between us is how things should be. I don’t want to be a miserable cunt to him, and I don’t want to fucking fight anymore.
I want…this. Whatever we’re doing. I want it.
“Well,” he says with a breathy sigh. “I’m always with couples.
I’m not sure why or how, but it ends up that way.
I think it’s because I’ve never had a legitimate boyfriend ever.
I like seeing people in love, and I like being included.
” A tiny shrug. “It’s pathetic, I know. But it’s really all I’ve allowed for myself.
To be a toy and then…” He trails off, moisture building behind his lashes.
“Do you like doing that? Being…in that position,” I say carefully.
He blushes. “To an extent. I like having…,” he pauses again, squirming beneath me.
I climb off him and pull the covers over his naked body so he feels less exposed.
It seems to help because he offers a tiny smile and continues, “I like having the attention. Two men obsessed with being inside me…it’s nice.
But there’s always this dirty feeling that comes with it, too.
Because I know it’s not me they want, if that makes sense. ”
Propping my head on my fist, I bite off the first few sentences that come to mind.
No one likes being used.
You deserve better.
I’m sorry, I’m a fucking asshole who can’t let the past stay in the past.
“I’ve been trying to fill a space that’s been empty for a long time,” he says quietly, eyes shut.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me that I’m never asked for anything past sex.
There’s never a follow-up phone call or a ‘Hey, want to go grab lunch or see a movie?’ It’s just…
shallow.” Tears are actively falling down his cheeks now.
Yeah, I can’t listen to any more of this. It’s tearing me up.
“Can I hold you?” I ask him.
“Please,” he whispers, curling into me.
I wrap my arms around him, tucking him into the crook of my arm and laying a heavy hand on his lower back. He keeps his arms against his front, sniffling and tears staining my chest. “I’d love to grab lunch and a movie with you,” I tell him.
A watery laugh bubbles out of him before he nods and says, “Me too.” A few beats pass before he peeks up at him. “Should I…do you want me to get you off?”
“I’m good,” I murmur. “This was for you.”