27. Chapter 26
P hoebe was late again, but Julia expected that.
She sipped her decaf coffee, heavy on the cream with a shot of caramel.
At least the coffee shop near the hospital had decaf, unlike the fancy new one she’d taken Jinx to.
She hadn’t indulged in one for a while, worried she’d crave the real thing, but it was nice to sink back into the couch and enjoy the familiar flavor.
She’d arrived early, so she’d already been sitting there for half an hour. If Phoebe took too long, Julia really would ditch her friend for her boyfriend. The term still felt funny. Julia had a boyfriend, and she was waiting for him to get off work.
Jinx had a half shift on Saturdays, and she’d suggested picking him up from there so they could spend the afternoon together.
Meeting up with Phoebe near the hospital would tie in perfectly if her friend ever arrived.
If she didn’t, Julia would merge some cute dragons and chill until Jinx got off work.
She scrolled through the levels—she’d already beaten them all—looking for one that was quick.
“Sorry, sorry, I’m here!” Phoebe said, sinking onto the couch next to her.
Julia pressed the button to make her phone go dark, looking up with a smile. “Hectic day?”
Phoebe shrugged, squirming a little. “Not really,” she admitted. “Kyle tried to shoo me out early, but it’s still hard to leave them. I guess it’s silly for me to miss them when I’m with them twenty-four seven.”
“It’s not silly. You love your kids, and wanting to be around them is great, but I’m glad you called. We haven’t hung out in a while.” Julia leaned forward, grabbing the cup she’d ordered for her friend. “I got you hot chocolate. It should have cooled enough to not scald your mouth by now.”
“Ooh, gimme,” Phoebe said with a grin, taking the cup and taking a big sip. She hummed at the flavor. “That’s good. Perfectly lukewarm. Thanks.”
The last of Julia’s tension eased at the happiness on her friend’s face, and she turned into the corner of the couch so she could face her. “Thanks for meeting me here. I know coffee isn’t your thing.”
“I get it. You and Jinx are still in the honeymoon phase of dating.” Phoebe winked at her.
“I miss those moments sometimes, but every time I do, Kyle surprises me by leaving work early or coming home for lunch unexpectedly.” She wrapped her hands around the warm mug, staring down into the milky brown liquid that used to have marshmallows. “I really am lucky to have him.”
“Yeah, you are.” Julia accepted the scowl that followed. “You sound better.”
“Kyle sat me down for a talk. He has a way of cutting through my bullshit without pissing me off. I’m going to try to let go a little.
Take the alone time he’s been offering, even if it is just me sitting in my car alone and listening to an audiobook or something.
Don’t worry, I won’t expect you to meet up with me all the time. ”
“I’m not worried.” Julia could say no to her friend when she needed to. Whether Phoebe took it well was a mixed bag. “That sounds good for you, Feebs. I hope it helps and you end up enjoying the alone time.”
“I’m sure I will eventually.” Phoebe bit her lip. “It’s just, Kyle is looking forward to getting alone time with the kids, and you know me. I’m jealous.”
Julia lifted an eyebrow. “Of the kids or of Kyle?”
“Oh, of the kids, for sure. Kyle will figure out soon enough it’s not all baby smiles and cute giggles. More often, it’s blown diapers and smooshed crackers in my hair.” Phoebe’s smile softened. “I could never regret it, though. I love being a mom.”
“Good. ’Cause it’s not like you can put them back where they came from.” Julia snorted at her friend’s outraged expression.
Phoebe couldn’t hold it, already starting to laugh. “Where would that be, exactly? Up my cooch?”
Julia laughed with her friend. The sound was familiar, and she realized she’d missed it. When they wound down, she wiped at her eyes. “We should stop while we’re ahead.”
“Probably. I know babies aren’t your thing, even if you have offered to babysit.”
Julia shrugged. “As long as I can give them back, spending time with them isn’t so bad. They’re more fun when they’re older, though, like Rachel’s kids. Jinx and I offered to babysit them together next weekend.”
“Both my brothers are good with kids.” Phoebe frowned down at her drink. “I’ve never understood why Charles hasn’t settled down to have his own. Never met the right person, I guess.” She tilted her head, as if considering the idea. “Not sure how Jinx feels. Have you guys had the kids talk yet?”
“The bare bones of it, yeah, but it’s not like we’re at the point where that’s an issue.
” Jinx was still acting like he couldn’t have any.
It was a relief to Julia since she didn’t want any, but she wanted to make sure he would really be okay with that and that he wasn’t making a decision based on fear.
Not that she was going to have kids with him if he changed his mind.
She frowned as she straightened on the couch. Wait, was she already thinking long term with him? Shit, she’d been the one to bring it up, too. Did that give Jinx hope? Her stomach churned when she thought about them not being long term.
Phoebe’s fingers danced in front of her face. “Hey, Jules? Did I lose you?”
“Sorry,” she mumbled.
“You were thinking pretty hard. Don’t tell me you’re daydreaming about a family with my brother. Oh, damn, our kids would be related, then.”
“I’m not having kids. You know that.” Julia took a breath. “I was just thinking about what it would be like to be with him long enough where that was something we needed to talk through.”
Phoebe blinked at her, then her lips tilted up in a smirk and she poked Julia in the cheek. “Somebody is finally admitting she likes my brother.”
“What?” Julia batted her friend’s finger away as her heart thumped. “You’d be happy about that?”
Phoebe snorted. “Well, I’ll be disappointed that I won’t be hearing fascinating sex things anymore because you’ll only ever be doing them with my baby brother .
” Her voice rose on the last two words, and Julia flushed.
“But Jinx has been in love with you forever, so of course I want him to be happy.”
Julia stared at her. “You didn’t want him to be with me.”
“It’s not like you can unfuck him, right?” Phoebe shrugged. “Besides, it took me a while, but I figured things out. You’ve been in love with Jinx forever, too.”
A buzzing filled Julia’s ears as she stared at her friend, shaking her head.
Phoebe let out an annoyed huff. “You’re so slow! Come on, you can’t really tell me you don’t love my brother. You’ve loved all us Holdens for as long as I can remember.”
Julia shifted in her seat. “Well, you’re like family.”
“Exactly! See?” Phoebe leaned toward her, almost dumping her hot chocolate in Julia’s lap. “Now say it for real. Say you love Jinx.”
Julia rolled her eyes. “Sure, I love him, but I’m not in love with him. Not the way he deserves.”
Phoebe snorted. “Wrong. You’ve always treated Jinx way better than me.”
“I have not.” Julia felt like she was a child again, arguing about whether she liked someone more.
“Please. You and I fought all the time over the years. I’ve never once seen you yell at Jinx.”
“That’s because he’s nicer than you,” Julia snapped, annoyed with her friend again.
“Well, sure, but you’re missing the point. You’ve always been sweet on him.” Phoebe’s face held a smug look that made Julia more annoyed. “You might as well admit it. I know I’m right.”
“You’re not right. Liking a person and wanting to be around them doesn’t mean you’re in love with them.” She’d been fighting that idea ever since her sisters had suggested it. She leaned forward, setting her cup down on the nearby table with a snap.
Phoebe did the same, turning more fully toward her. “Sure, if that’s all it was, but you do stuff for him you’d never do for me. I mean, you went hiking, Julia, and it was your idea! That’s what started me thinking.”
“He likes to. I wanted to do something for him.”
“Do you want to go with me to that classical music in candlelight event? I really want to go with someone.”
Julia cringed. “No. That’s not my scene.” She’d be bored to tears listening to some pianos play for hours, even if the candlelight was pretty.
Phoebe spread her hands. “See? Now, what if Jinx asked you to go?”
Julia hesitated, picturing him with excited and hopeful eyes, and her chest softened.
“That won’t happen,” she reassured herself.
“I know the music he likes, and that’s not it.
” They had some overlap, though he’d introduced her to a few indie artists she hadn’t known before, and they weren’t half-bad.
“You take everything so literally. It was just an example. You knowing his music taste is another one. I bet you know almost everything about him.”
“We’ve known each other since we were kids.” Julia didn’t get why Phoebe was pushing this.
Her friend blew out a breath. “Fine. So what TV show am I into right now?”
Julia’s mind went blank. They hadn’t talked about TV shows for a while. “That’s a bad example. Jinx and I watch TV together when he’s over. I don’t do the same with you.”
“God, you’re annoying,” Phoebe muttered.
Julia crossed her arms over her chest. “Right back at you.”
Phoebe snorted. “My favorite ice cream flavor, then.”
Julia’s heart rate began to settle. “Chocolate chip with cookie dough.”
Phoebe made a buzzing sound. “Wrong!”
“I am not! You’ve liked that flavor for forever.”
“I still do, but it’s not my favorite. Ever since I was pregnant, it switched to mint chocolate chip.”
Julia frowned. That sounded familiar. “I’m a shitty friend, aren’t I?”
Phoebe rolled her eyes. “You are not! Friends don’t have to know everything. I mean, come on, we don’t talk every second like you do with Jinx.”
Julia shook her head, her lips twitching. “I don’t talk to him every second.”
“Stop being so literal. I bet you talk every day. Even if it is just a text.”
Julia’s pulse fluttered. “It’s usually not just a text.” She liked to hear his voice. That was so corny. Her ears heated just thinking it.
Phoebe pointed. “Ooh, you’re blushing. That’s so cute!”
“Stop it,” Julia muttered, her hands lifting to cover her ears. “That still doesn’t mean I’m in love with him.”
“You’re so stubborn. What would love look like to you?”
Julia’s heart beat loud in her ears. “I don’t know. I’ve never been in love.” Her voice grew quiet by the last word.
Phoebe’s face softened. “Exactly. Love is being kind and patient and wanting the best for someone, but you do that for everyone, so that description doesn’t help.
” She waved her hand through the air. “But with someone you love, you also want the physical stuff. Not just sex, though that’s a big part of it, but hugging and kissing and cuddling, too.
There’s a reason touch is a love language. ”
Julia’s hands slid away from her ears. The physical stuff wasn’t an issue with Jinx. She’d always craved sex, but now she craved it with him specifically. She hadn’t missed her hookups at all, even though they weren’t fucking every night.
“You should also want to be around the person, want to hear what they have to say, both good and bad, and just, you know, want them in general. It doesn’t have to be twenty-four seven, but when you have a quiet minute to yourself, who are you thinking about? Yourself? Or him?”
Julia stared at her friend. She hadn’t seen that soft expression on her face in a long time. It looked good on her.
She cleared her throat, shaking her head. “I’m still not sure. I can’t say anything to him until I am, and you shouldn’t either. I don’t want to give him false hope.”
Phoebe sighed. “Fine. I won’t tell him like I was going to.”
Julia didn’t believe her. Phoebe couldn’t keep anything to herself. “It really might hurt him. I need time, Feebs.”
“That’s just like you, worrying about him.” Phoebe leaned forward, picking up her hot chocolate. “Can you just do some self-reflection, too? He shouldn’t have to wait if he doesn’t have to.”
That idea made her squirm inside. Luckily, her phone rang.
She’d picked one of the new songs Jinx had turned her on to as her ringtone, which made it hard not to think more about Phoebe’s words.
“That’s probably Jinx. Has that much time passed?
I didn’t realize.” She glanced at the time and frowned.
“No, he’s got half an hour left. Oh, it’s Charles.
” She swiped to take the call. “Hey. Charles?”
“Are you near the hospital?”
Her heart started thudding, but it felt different this time. “Yeah. I’m waiting for Jinx in that coffee shop nearby. Is something wrong?”
“And Phoebe’s with you?” Charles asked, his voice too fast.
She glanced at her friend. “Yeah. Is everything all right? Is it Jinx?” The nickname made her heart race even faster. Even if he did have a lot of accidents, none of them were ever serious. He couldn’t be—
“Yeah. He’s going to be okay, but they’re admitting him.”
“What? What happened?”
“I promise you, he’s going to be fine. It’s good it happened here at the hospital. I’m already here. Come over and I’ll tell you the details in person. Bring Phoebe, too.”
“We’ll be right there.” Julia wished Charles would say more, but his name was being called and he hung up.
Phoebe’s face had paled. “Did something happen?”
“Yeah.” Julia scrambled up from the couch. “Let’s go. They’re admitting Jinx to the hospital. Charles said he’s okay. It’s probably observation stuff.” Julia was telling herself that, too. Charles wouldn’t have lied.
Phoebe took her hand. “Let’s go together.”
Julia nodded. They left their cups on the table instead of taking them to the designated area, but Julia didn’t care. She needed to see for herself as soon as possible that Jinx was fine.