Chapter Twelve
Emmie
He kisses me like he’s trying to tell me something without words.
Like if he holds me close enough, he can make it easier to breathe.
I don’t look away when his eyes trace every inch of my skin as though he’s memorising it.
I don’t flinch when his hands settle on my waist, warm and careful, like I might break.
This is really happening. I thought I’d be scared. I thought I’d freeze or panic or change my mind. But I’m not. I’m calm. Nervous, sure. But not afraid. Because it’s him. Because this doesn’t feel like some reckless moment I’ll regret.
It feels right.
His lips trail over my skin, his tongue leaving a damp path as he moves down my body, settling between my legs.
He slides his hands up each thigh, spreading them wider.
I almost cover myself, almost slam them closed again.
Not because I don’t want this, but because I have no idea what he’s about to do and then I cry out in surprise as he drags his warm tongue over my opening.
I lift my head, watching as he does it a second time, lapping at me hungrily.
Then his thumb presses against me, putting enough pressure on that sweet bundle of nerves as he moves it in small circles.
My hands grip the sheets just so I have something to ground me as he continues to torture me with his thumb. And then I feel a slight pressure as he pushes a finger inside. With the thumb still rubbing, the slight uncomfortable feeling is soon replaced with something else. Something hot.
He checks again, murmurs my name like a question. I nod; eyes locked on his. “I want this. I want you. ”
He moves slow, slower than I expected. Like he’s giving me time to change my mind. Like he’s listening even when I don’t speak.
A warm feeling grows in my stomach, almost like a glow getting brighter with each flick of his finger.
And then he stops, crawling back up my body and settling himself between my legs.
We’re both breathless now and his eyes sparkle as they stare into mine.
“We don’t have to go all the way,” he pants, and I feel his erection pressing against me.
I wriggle, and he groans, dropping his head to my chest. I smile, running my fingers lazily through his damp hair. “Please, Kai. I want this.”
He gives a slight nod then leans over me to pull open the bedside cabinet drawer. He retrieves a condom, but I don’t question how he knows it’s there. Instead, I watch intently as he opens it and rolls it on like a pro.
He grins, taking my nipple in his mouth, making me forget any questions I have as his tongue works like magic.
I’m so lost, I don’t immediately feel the sting as he pushes at my entrance.
It’s not sharp, but it’s enough for me to catch my breath.
I falter, bracing myself in case the pain gets worse, and Kai senses it, pausing.
For a second, shame tries to creep in. Is this normal?
Am I doing something wrong? But then he looks at me brushing the hair from my cheek.
“You okay?” he asks, his voice low and rough.
I nod, and I mean it. “Yeah.” Because I am. Because in this moment, I trust him more than I’ve ever trusted anyone.
He moves again, this time soothing me with words as the burning sensation intensifies. And suddenly, I feel too full, and he finally stops, panting with his eyes screwed shut.
“Are you okay?” I whisper.
He nods, keeping his eyes closed as a strangled noise leaves his throat. I wait patiently, but when the burning becomes too much, I fidget, hearing a deeper groan from Kai. “If you keep doing that, this will be over soon,” he whispers.
I smile, realising he’s struggling to control himself. “Okay. Sorry.” I bury my face into his neck, my tongue darting out and tracing his ear. His head tips into my touch and I graze his lobe with my teeth. He growls again and I giggle. I like teasing him.
He releases a long breath and opens his eyes. The green is piercing as he begins to move, slow and careful, each thrust making me gasp with discomfort.
After a few more minutes, it doesn’t hurt as bad, and I begin to relax.
I run my hand over Kai’s brow; his body is slick with sweat, and as he moves faster, he lifts my leg, hooking his hand under my knee and chasing his release at a punishing pace.
And then he stills, his entire body tense as he groans in pleasure.
His head drops against my chest, and he shudders, his shoulders slumping.
The room is silent apart from our heavy breaths.
Kai drops down beside me, grabbing a tissue from the box on the side and removing the condom.
I see red on the tissue and immediately sit up, horrified to find my inner thighs coated with blood.
I mean, I knew I’d bleed, but I didn’t think it would be this much.
Kai brings me from my racing thoughts, pulling me to lay in his arms. “It’s okay,” he whispers, “It’s normal.”
“Is it?” I ask, “That much?”
He chuckles. “How do you feel?”
I shrug. “No different.”
“It’s never good the first time, I promise it gets better.”
I rest my head against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. I don’t know what I expected. Fireworks? Instant euphoria? I just feel quiet. Like something has shifted inside me and I haven’t caught up with it yet.
“I’m sorry if it hurt,” he says softly, brushing a thumb along my arm.
“It didn’t really. I mean, yeah, a bit. But it was more weird, than anything. Like I was somewhere outside myself watching it all happen.”
He kisses the top of my head, and we lie there in silence for a while. His fingers are laced with mine. His body is still warm, and mine’s still shaky. Not in a bad way, just overwhelmed. “I’m glad it was you,” I whisper.
He tenses slightly, just for a second. Then his arms pull me tighter. “You have no idea how much that means to me.”
“I thought I’d regret it,” I admit, staring at the dark ceiling. “Not because of you. Just because of me. Because I’m messed up. Because maybe I was trying to prove something, even I don’t know what.”
“You don’t have to prove anything,” he murmurs. “Not to me.”
Another beat of silence. My voice is barely a breath when I say, “Do you think I’m different now?”
He pulls back just enough to look at me. “You’ve always been different, Em. That’s why I couldn’t stay away.”
I stare at him for a long moment. “But now you’ve seen everything. The anger. The walls. The messy parts. And now this.”
He leans in and kisses my shoulder, slow and soft. “And I still want all of it.”
Kai
She’s curled against me, skin warm, breathing slowing. I stroke her back gently, watching her eyes flutter closed like she might fall asleep right here in my arms. But then she shifts, and I feel the tension creeping back into her shoulders. “I should clean up,” she says, her voice small.
I sit up first and reach for the hoodie that’s draped over the chair. “Yeah, okay. Come on.”
She winces slightly as she moves to sit up, and I grab the blanket, wrapping it around her before she can get self-conscious. She’s already seen the blood, already had that flash of panic. I don’t want her feeling ashamed on top of it. None of this is something to be ashamed of.
She stands slowly, clinging to the blanket like armour.
I grab a towel from the bathroom and hand it to her before pulling on my boxers and stepping around the mess we made in Luna’s perfect house.
Serves her right . There’s blood on the sheets, but I keep my expression neutral, like it’s no big deal, because it isn’t, not to me.
But I know Emmie, and she’ll overthink it until she’s spiralling.
“I’ll take care of the sheets,” I say. “You go clean up, okay?” She nods and disappears into the ensuite.
I strip the bed, roll the sheets into a ball, and toss them into the hallway. I’ll find a rubbish bin on the way out.
When she comes back out, she’s got damp hair, and a towel wrapped around her. Her eyes find mine across the room, and there’s something in them, something fragile and without her saying the words, I know she’s thinking about earlier and what those bitches did.
“I, um-” she hesitates, then glances at the heap of clothes. “I don’t want to put that stuff back on. I had my own stuff here; I think it’s still in Luna’s bathroom.
“I’ll go find it. Stay here.”
I slip out of the room. There’s still the low beat of music from downstairs but it’s quieter now and I imagine most of the guests have left. I find Emmie’s clothes in the bathroom and rush back to the room. We need to get out of here without seeing Luna or Bella.
She quickly pulls her own clothes on. I run a hand through my hair and glance around the room. “We can’t stay here. If Luna sees us-”
“You’re ashamed?”
I rush to her, cupping her perfect face in my hands. “No, Em. Not even a little. I just don’t know what I’ll do if I set eyes on her right now.” I slip my hand in hers and lead her from the room.
We make it to the front door just as the morning haze settles over the garden. Emmie’s wrapped in my jacket, and her damp hair is tied in a messy knot. She looks exhausted, but she's still holding herself together like she’s determined not to crack again.
We’re halfway down the path when I hear him. “Ayo, Kai!” Austin’s voice cuts through the stillness like a blade.
I turn and spot them. Austin, Henry, Bella, and Luna, all lounging on the garden furniture like the night didn’t end in complete humiliation for someone they all targeted.
Bella’s sipping something from a red cup, sunglasses on, the smirk practically glued to her face.
And then Luna whispers something that makes Bella laugh and I clench my fist in anger.
“Didn’t think you’d still be here,” Austin calls. “You two finally do it?”
Emmie stiffens beside me. I feel her hand grip tighter around mine. “Leave it,” she mutters under her breath. “Please, Kai. Just ignore him.”