Chapter 60
A fter that first night, I didn’t bother getting us two beds whenever we stopped at an inn. I also didn’t bother putting her sleeping roll anywhere but right next to mine when we had to sleep in a barn.
Rowan didn’t comment on it, but she did let out a small sigh of relief whenever she saw our sleeping arrangements.
After several slow days of travel, we finally reached the cabin. As soon as it came into view, Rowan’s shoulders eased, like the cabin itself soothed her.
Seeing her comfortable in this space, it was hard not to wonder what my mother would have thought of her, whether she would have been horrified by all of the princess’s Lochlannian tendencies or amused by them.
I didn’t bother pretending that the princess would stay anywhere but with me and took our bags directly to my rooms. Once we had cleaned up from traveling, Riina called us all to the table for a dinner of hearty stew and freshly baked bread.
Rowan actually hummed while savoring each bite, much to the caretaker’s and the men’s amusement. When we were done, it was time for the sauna.
We had been in the sauna together before, back when I was the only one of us with scars. Then, she had been seated near me, but this time when I settled toward the stones, as I always did, she stayed closest to the door.
Had she learned from nearly passing out?
Or was there another reason she was seated as far from me as she could possibly get? Perhaps I wasn’t the only one thrown off-kilter by whatever the hell we were these days.
I turned the possibility over in my mind, feeling my self-control slip in a way I rarely allowed it to do.
I shouldn’t go there. Shouldn’t let my mind wander and dwell on things that were better left buried and forgotten.
But then I thought of her panic at the separate beds, her insistence on wearing my shirt, the way her eyes sparked with rage when a barmaid brushed against my arm.
She was half-asleep in the sauna when Kirill took her to the river. I stayed behind, needing a few moments to clear my head. At least, that was the intention, but if anything, her absence only made me feel less lucid.
I quickly went to the river myself, heading inside shortly after she did.
Nico pulled me aside as soon as I entered the main room. He handed me a sealed envelope. “This came a few days ago from Lynx.”
I sighed, glancing down at the seal with the face of a wildcat embedded in the wax. The entire reason we were here at all.
Presumably, Nico had waited to tell me until I was alone since it wasn’t customary to share this location with other clans.
I had told Arès to direct correspondence here, though, being reasonably sure that he would agree to the meeting place, since it was in their favor.
Sure enough, this was only a confirmation. I quickly scanned the letter before thanking Nico and then made my way upstairs.
The room was quiet as I climbed into the bed next to Rowan. She wasn’t quite asleep, though she was close, her face smashed all the way into her pillow. I could have waited until the morning to talk to her, but I wasn’t sure how early they would arrive.
“We’ll have company in the morning.” My tone was low, but it still seemed too loud in the quiet space, with only the backdrop of a crackling fire.
“Who?” she asked, her voice heavy with sleep.
I debated exactly how much to tell her. “Clan Lynx.”
She rolled over to face me, sinking into her pillow once more. “Is this your business here?”
I didn’t move, stealing glances at her from the corner of my eye.
“It is,” I confirmed.
She narrowed her eyes. “Why not just say that?”
It was a fair question. She hadn’t asked why we were coming to the cabin, but I certainly hadn’t offered that information. It was all complicated, from the clan politics to my own aversion to marriage.
“I wasn’t sure they were still coming until we got here, and Nico’s bird returned with a confirmation.” It was true enough, the simplest answer.
“Why is Arès coming here?” She spoke slowly, somewhat pointedly, like she was trying not to physically drag an explanation from me.
“He isn’t,” I corrected. “Lady Mila is, and her brother, Lord Luca. To discuss an alliance.”
I knew I could have said it another way, could have clarified that it was with Taras. I wasn’t sure why I was hedging, except that the moments in the tavern played relentlessly in my mind.
The brush of the barmaid’s arm, Lemmikki’s eyes sparking. Even the ends of her hair seemed to crackle for a moment before she settled down. She wasn’t prudish by nature, so it wasn’t like she was offended on principle.
It was probably wrong to bait her, but it was a puzzle I couldn’t help but solve. I found myself holding my breath for her reaction as all of the things I was never supposed to want tried to break free of the boxes I had stuffed them in.
Sure enough, she froze.
“What kind of an alliance?” Her tone said she already knew the answer, but I responded anyway.
“A marriage alliance.” It was true. Technically.
“Oh.” Her hand clenched around her pillow.
“Is that something you want, though?” she asked in a voice that wasn’t half as casual as she was trying to make it. “Marriage?”
I considered her question. Marriage had never been optional for me. It was only a matter of when, for me, something I would push off as long as I could to await my father’s eventual demise.
Though lately I had begun to consider what would happen if I just…didn’t. If I let the clan go to Taras and his children.
Still, I shrugged. “It’s generally considered an inevitability.”
“How very romantic,” she jibed.
It was another mark of the very different lives we had led. She had argued with her mother against finding someone she wanted to marry. I had lived in dread of the day my father would feel lucid enough to force me into an alliance with someone who would only ever see me as someone to fear.
Even if he didn’t, though, I had always thought I would eventually marry for the good of my people. If Taras hadn’t been an option for Mila, and hell, even now, if Arès refused…
That was something that didn’t bear thinking about.
“Not everyone has the luxury of romance, Princess,” I reminded her. “Some of us have responsibilities.”
“Yes, I’m sure marrying Mila will be a real chore for you,” she snapped. “No one wants a wife who’s funny and gorgeous and smart.”
I bit back a laugh, finally rolling on my side to face her. Knowing it made no sense, that nothing good could come of this conversation, I still couldn’t help but bait her just a little.
“So, am I to understand you think Mila and I would make a good match?”
I wasn’t sure if I wanted her to rise to the challenge or not. Looking at her delicate features, warm and shadowed in the firelight, it was impossible to want anything rational at all.
She averted her gaze, though, forcibly fluffing her pillow rather than face me.
“I think Mila would make a good match for anyone.”
I sighed, irritated with myself and her for reasons that made no sense, even in my own head.
“Well, I’m sure Taras will be thrilled to hear that.”
“Taras?” She went still, giving her defenseless pillow a break from her manhandling.
“Yes, Taras.” I said it like it was obvious, like I hadn’t just let her believe something else intentionally. “He is the third-highest-ranking person in Bear.”
“Not you? Even though marriage is an inevitability?” The relief in her tone shouldn’t have made me feel anything at all, but I clung to it anyway, letting it warm the coldest parts of me.
“Generally, it is,” I acknowledged. “But in my case, I would be just as happy to see the line continue through Taras. There is plenty of chaos in my life without introducing a wife into the equation.”
A small smile tugged at the princess’s lips, like she heard all the things I didn't say.
Of course, there wouldn’t be chaos in my life for long, not once she left. But somehow it was harder to remember that here in this cabin.
I got the feeling I wasn’t alone in that.