Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
W hile Rowan appeared to have the luxury of shirking all of her responsibilities, even here, I was forced to endure the company of every minimally eligible lady in this room—and their fathers—for the entirety of the ball.
It was after midnight when I finally returned to my room, coming to terms with the rather unpleasant discovery that it was only a few doors down from Korhonan’s. At least, I assumed as much, by the very Socairan navy-clad guards down the hall.
Was he even in that room right now?
And if so, was he alone?
I bit back a wave of fury—what seemed to be my constant emotion since I received that storms-blasted letter—my fists clenching at my sides, lest I break down the door to find out.
Scowling, I turned to Henrick, who was still on guard outside my room.
“Has anyone been in?” I asked, gesturing toward my door. It was an effort not to ask the same question about Korhonan’s.
“Only the manservant, and he left quickly.”
I nodded my thanks, giving a short outline of when to switch guards before heading into my room and closing the door. Despite Henrick’s assurance, I still drew my sword and made a quick perusal of the room, checking to ensure it was empty before undressing.
The chambers weren’t huge, and there weren’t many places for someone to hide. Still, I rested my saber on the edge of the intricately carved wooden desk, somewhere within easy reach, just in case it was needed.
Then I helped myself to the bottle of whiskey the manservant had left, pouring a generous helping from the decanter. As Davin had admitted earlier, there were several that tasted perfectly fine, without the sickly-sweet honey flavor of the one he had given me when he first approached me at the ball.
I downed it in one go and poured another, trying not to think about tomorrow’s council meeting or whatever stipulations I might give. I needed to fortify myself to come up against the entire Lochlann family tomorrow, to find a way to keep my clan safe from Elk without jeopardizing any chances at trade we might have.
And, of course, the fire-haired princess would be there.
I let out a heavy sigh, running my hand over my face. What had I been expecting? To find the same version of her who had been stuck in Socair, injured and captive?
It wasn’t as though she had ever chosen to be there. Even if there were moments when she felt like she almost belonged. Like she had wanted to stay.
I shook the thoughts away, drowning them in yet another glass of whiskey before climbing into bed. It was large, but still smaller than mine at the estate. The blankets on top were too heavy for the mild temperatures, and I tossed them to the side, settling in the middle where I had taken to sleeping while I reaccustomed myself to being the sole occupant.
Thinking of the size of these beds and how many occupants they would hold only led my mind down an altogether more irritating path, one that seemed a constant companion since seeing Korhonan with my lemmikki.
Bile rose in my throat, unwanted images assaulting me along with memories in his tent of a breathy sigh, a body flushed with want for her .
Then possessive hands curled into my hair, nails scraping along my scalp, teeth tugging at my lips and all the things I almost allowed myself to want before I remembered who we both were.
Der’mo .
It was still too warm in here. Suffocating, even.
I wrenched myself out of bed, cracking open a window to allow some of the cool night air in.
That was better. Marginally.
I needed to move, to spar, but there were too many eyes on me here, so I settled for getting some work done. There was no end of things to check on at the estate, and at this point, I would use anything to distract me from everything and everyone that was here. I sunk into the narrow winged-back chair, moving to open the drawer in search of parchment when a scraping sounded to my right.
Der’mo.
I had known better than to relax in a castle surrounded by the enemy. I had done a cursory check for passages earlier, but the servants coming through the front door had made me lower my guard.
I reached for my sword, getting to my feet to defend myself against the assailant when a chaotic head of crimson curls came into view. Then Rowan was there, standing in my rooms, looking only slightly less likely to murder me than an enemy soldier.
And a fraction as capable, if the minute wobble in her stance was anything to go by.
For reasons that were a mystery to me, she had clearly come here in somewhat of a hurry, and with no small amount of anger to accompany her, judging by the glower she wore. Her emerald robe swept the floor, lopsided and tied loosely with a matching silk belt. A wide expanse of her sheer white nightgown was visible all the way down, flowing but just fitted enough to outline her curves.
I wrenched my gaze forcibly back to her face, only to find that she had turned her death stare on my bed. It gave me a second to put my mask firmly in place so that my voice was casual when I spoke, like I wasn’t entirely caught off guard to have her intruding through a panel in my wall after a night of pretending I didn’t exist.
“Lemmikki?” It was the politest way I could ask what she was doing, barreling into my room in the middle of the night to glare at my furniture.
She didn’t answer, only narrowed her pale green gaze further.
“Does that bed offend you?” I pressed, still confused about her purpose in coming here.
Her eyes snapped back to mine. “I’m only surprised to find it so empty.”
Of all the things I expected her to say, somehow that was not one of them. Reactions flitted through my mind too quickly to process, offense and indignation and what might have been an iota of amusement if she hadn’t been such a storms-blasted hypocrite.
Besides, if she had actually been surprised to find my bed empty, why had she come?
“And yet, you came in without knocking,” I pointed out, trying to force a smirk past the irritation winding through to my very soul. “How very voyeuristic of you.”
Crimson crept up her neck, into her cheeks, but she lifted her chin defiantly.
“She left already, then?” Each word was carefully enunciated, and I wondered if she had helped herself to the bottle in Korhonan’s room, just as I had helped myself to mine.
Which she was she referring to, I wasn’t sure, of the many who had made subtle and less than subtle offers tonight? Picturing a hand on my forehead and green eyes glaring from across the room, it wasn’t hard to guess.
At least Fiona had been clear in her intentions instead of whatever-the-hell games my lemmikki was playing tonight.
I picked up my glass, trying very hard not to break it in my grip. Though I drained half the contents in one long sip, it didn’t give me a single ounce of control.
So I shrugged my shoulder and baited her, memories of the night before Mila came to the cabin surfacing unwanted into my mind. “You know how I feel about people in my space for too long.”
It was true, usually. I did hate people in my space. Hell, for that matter, it was true right now, also. The last thing I needed was her, here, intruding on my carefully wrought control the way she always did.
But it hadn’t been true when she was at Bear—not that I was going to admit that right now.
She blinked, her lips parting in outrage.
“Right.” She nodded. “Because why have company when you can be bitter and alone?”
Her words hit too close to the way I’d felt the past few months, the time she had been no doubt writing back and forth with the long-lost not-quite-love of her life. And then the evening she spent dancing with him not, three feet from me, and then came to throw that in my face for reasons I didn’t remotely feel like dissecting.
A frustrated sigh escaped me. “Did you need something, Lemmikki, or did you merely leave Korhonan’s bed to scrutinize mine?”
I heard the emptiness in my tone, just as I saw her react to it. She stiffened, casting me a frigid smile.
“Theo is asleep anyway, so I thought it would be a decent time to drop by and make sure you aren’t leading the women of my court on, what when all you have to offer them is temporary .”
Something precariously close to rage clouded my vision, pounding through my veins and reverberating with the sound of my own furious heartbeat. First, she confirmed that she had, indeed, come directly from Korhonan’s bed, then went on to imply that I had toyed with her when she was the one halfway to marrying someone else.
Words were spewing forth before I could stop them, coated in sarcasm and dripping with vitriol I couldn’t quite hide—wasn’t sure I wanted to.
“It’s noble of you to be so concerned about them, but you really shouldn’t trouble yourself. It’s only the clingy ones who have a problem with that.”
Rowan froze, and for the first time since she traipsed uninvited into my room, I saw something besides anger and indignation on her features. Her green eyes widened in surprise before she tilted her head, allowing her curls to obscure most of my view.
It didn’t stop me from hearing the slight hitch in her breath when she spoke.
“I see.” Her tone was quieter now. Emptier. “Well then, by all means, do continue in your pursuits. I’ll just leave you to it.”
It was rare that I spoke without first considering my words, and rarer still that I regretted them, but a wave of remorse washed over me just the same. I closed my eyes against the unfamiliar sensation, trying to shut out the image of the shattered expression she hadn’t quite managed to hide.
The one I had put there.
“Lemmikki—” I began, not even sure what I was going to say next.
That I had no intentions of pursuing anyone?
That she had started this entire game when she came to my room?
That I hated her sometimes, but hated hurting her even more, even if I didn’t completely comprehend why?
In the end, it didn’t matter what I might have said because she cut me off.
“No.” She shook her head, turning to go. I might have tried to stop her until she muttered, “I should get back to Theo.”
Right. It always came back to Korhonan with her.
Even if something in her tone sounded curiously like a lie.