Chapter 105
CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED FIVE
S ilence was nothing new for us.
Not after this past week where words failed us for all the worst reasons, where every walk down the hall was accompanied by a weighty hush filled with all the compromises we couldn’t bring ourselves to make.
But the silence that greeted my words was different. It settled around us like a blanket in the dead of winter, shutting out the elements beyond. We hardly dared to breathe as we lay inches apart, her hand still in mine, her gaze fixed firmly on my own like she was half waiting for me to take the words back.
Then she sucked in a breath, molding her body against my own, relaxing fully against me like she could finally let down the guard she had been forced to carry for too long.
Like she was finally home.
And when she murmured a request to go back to our rooms, I finally let myself relax in turn. I pressed my lips against her forehead, letting the taste of her skin thaw me from the inside out.
She’s still here. Still alive. Still mine.
I repeated the words like a mantra in my head, convincing myself a little more with each step we took toward the haven we had carved out for one another.
No sooner had the door shut did Rowan fall into my arms. She rested her head against my chest, breathing me in as deeply as I did her.
I wrapped my arms tighter around her, pulling her closer. It hit me all over again how perfectly she fit in my arms. How close I had come to losing her forever.
My fingers dug into her a little more, as if to remind myself that she was real. I pressed a kiss to her head, followed by another and another, slowly working my way down to her face.
She tilted her chin up, trying to capture my mouth with hers as I gently backed her up against the door. I pulled her bottom lip into my mouth, and a small gasp escaped her.
I took my time, exploring the contours of her mouth, relishing the taste of her. Storms, I had missed her.
A thrill of pleasure ran through me as she caressed the seam of my lips with her tongue, the warmth of her mouth stoking the flames of my desire.
She tasted like the first drop of rain after years of drought. Like the first deep breath of spring air after a long and bitter winter. Each stroke of her tongue against mine was delicate, deliberate, and impossibly perfect.
Our hands were still laced together, our fingers intertwined—neither of us willing to let the other go.
Slowly, I lifted her hands above her head, pinning them to the door. She let out a breath, arching her hips into mine as I ran my lips down her neck, savoring the tender spot where her pulse thundered against her skin.
“Lemmikki, did you take your herbs?” My question came out in a low rumble, and she nodded.
Something in my chest tightened at that. If she suspected there was a baby, she would have waited until she knew she was wrong to take her herbs. Despite how much I had hurt her, despite all her anger, all her pain, she hadn’t given up on us these past few days.
I continued my ministrations, taking my time to enjoy the softness of her skin, the way she reacted to each touch, each caress of my lips.
When I forced myself to pull away again, it was to release her hands and meet her eyes.
Twin flames burned within them, bright and eager. I searched her gaze for a moment, watching a different life play out for us within their depths. The same vision that had brought me so much pain only hours ago—the riotous black curls and mischievous green eyes—filled me with an unexpected hope now.
I could hear the echo of tiny footsteps racing through the castle halls. Laughter, life, and chaos woven into each day because, of course, our children would inherit their mother’s wild and unrelenting spirit.
“Do you think that when this war is over, you might want to...abstain from taking them?” I asked carefully.
Once Iiro was dead. Once the fighting was over. Once we could think past tomorrow and look forward to every day after.
“Yes.” The word escaped her lips in a whisper as she nodded.
I beamed down at her, somehow happier in this moment, knowing we were planning for a life outside of all of the death and bloodshed and scheming.
I pressed my mouth against hers again, worshipping at the shrine of her lips and her tongue.
Heat washed over me as I ran my hands along her hips, gripping her even tighter. She shivered against me, her breaths coming more quickly with each passing second.
Then her hands were on the buttons of my uniform. Her fingers trembled with urgency as she hastily undid each one.
As soon as the final one was free, she pulled away long enough to rip it off. It fell to the floor and was quickly followed by her gown and undergarments and shoes.
I lifted her hips, my fingers clenched around her muscular thighs as I wrapped her legs around my waist and carried her to our bed.
It only took another heartbeat to divest myself of my trousers and shoes before falling into the bed after her.
I buried my face in her neck, breathing in deeply.
“ Der’mo , Lemmikki,” I growled, and she arched into me at the sound. “I missed you every second of every day.”
I took my time indulging myself as I ran my hands, my lips, my tongue against every inch of her, lingering at my favorite places and reveling in the way her body reacted.
Eventually, I worked my way from her ankle back up to her shoulder, grazing her skin with my teeth. She let out another gasp—a sound that lingered between pleasure and pain that threatened to undo every ounce of my resolve to draw this out.
“And I missed that little sound you just made,” I added, murmuring against her skin.
I trailed my fingers along her skin until she was arching into me, her body pleading as surely as she did.
“Evander,” she said in that demanding way of hers.
That, I had missed most of all.
A low chuckle escaped me before I relented, caving to her at last.
Her nails scraped along my arms and my back, pulling me closer until there was nothing between us but the air we breathed into one another.
I didn’t know how much time had passed while we lost ourselves in each other. I worshipped her body with each kiss and caress of skin, idolizing every gasp and moan and way she said my name, all to atone for the sin of walking away from her.
And I realized, now that she was back in my arms, that I wouldn’t have the strength to do it another time. I was far too selfish to go a single day without this, without her, ever again.