Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
Nyte lay back, propping himself on his elbows. The shingles were abrasive beneath him, but the discomfort provided no distraction from the guilt that had skewered his chest.
He sensed Ember’s presence in the house below him. Fittingly, it was like a fire, radiating alluring heat. For so long, he’d felt like he was adrift in an icy abyss, bereft of warmth and light. All he had to do was go to her now and that ice would melt.
But instead, he was lying on her roof, staring up at a night sky in which the moon and stars were obscured by dark clouds and the city’s artificial glow. Hiding in the one place within the tether’s range to which she could not follow him.
An ageless nocturnus, hiding from a mortal.
That’s what this was, no matter how adamantly he insisted otherwise. Not avoidance, not claiming personal space. Just simple cowardice. Because being near Ember made it too difficult for Nyte to do what was necessary. Too difficult to break this damnable attachment.
He lay down flat, closed his eyes, and laced his fingers together, resting his hands on his belly. For what must’ve been the thousandth time, he recalled their exchange from a week ago.
I’m not giving up on you, Nyte.
And she hadn’t. She’d remained kind, considerate, and affectionate, had continued speaking to him, smiling at him, and flirting with him at every opportunity. And he’d given her nothing in return.
This new distance between them mirrored the physical distance he’d sought tonight. A chasm had opened between them, a wide, yawning maw so deep and dark that it may as well have been bottomless. Every day, every moment, Ember strove to bridge that gap.
Her efforts had been fruitless because of Nyte. That chasm existed because of him, and he could not let it be crossed.
All the guilt and loneliness bristling inside him were his own fucking fault.
For seven days, he and Ember hadn’t touched one another.
Not even the lightest brush of fingertips.
Nyte had made sure of it. He’d maintained space between them, had kept on the opposite side of the shop from her while she worked, and had pushed the tether’s limits in her home, staying in different rooms. He hadn’t eaten dinner or watched movies with her, and he’d walked behind her whenever they went out.
And he missed everything he was avoiding. Missed all those moments of connection and togetherness. Missed…her.
His skin thrummed with the desire to feel her, and that sensation only intensified with each inch of space between them. He was starved for her touch, craved the feel of her hands on him, of her lips against his own. Craved to be inside his witch.
Whenever he heard the shower turn on behind the closed bathroom door, he had to fight an overbearing ache low in his belly and turn all his willpower toward not joining Ember, toward not envisioning her naked body with water coursing over her smooth, pale skin.
Even seeing her clothed was often too much.
The way her garments hugged and accentuated her curves, the way her body moved, the way her hair framed her face, that luster in her eyes… it was all maddening.
Temptation stood in his path no matter which way he turned.
Baring his fangs, he lowered a hand to his groin, clamping it down to deter his cock from coalescing. How could his pelvis be throbbing when he had no veins, no blood, when he had a heart that did not beat?
Nights had proven the most difficult periods to weather. Seeing her lying in bed, serene and vulnerable, awoke an instinct in him to lie beside her, wrap her in his arms, wings, and tail, and shelter her through the darkness. And that instinct became overwhelming as the long, quiet nights wore on.
Despite what had occurred between Nyte and Ember and this prolonged aftermath, he’d had no choice but to accompany her while she worked and ran errands. He’d lapsed back into the security of keeping himself invisible to other humans, but it was only a small source of comfort.
Since he’d been quieter and more standoffish, she’d found a way to fill the silence. They’d twice gone to the library. Seeing so many books in one place, not as part of a wealthy mortal’s private collection but available freely to the public, had been astounding.
Ember had borrowed numerous books concerning magic, witchcraft, spirituality, and demons, and had spent hours combing through them and researching corresponding subjects on her computer.
That was what she was doing right now—sitting on her bed with a stack of books beside her and the laptop on her thighs, reading.
While he brooded on the roof.
Opening his eyes, Nyte sat up, bent his legs, and rested his arms on his knees. His tail thumped on the shingles behind him in a slow but restless rhythm.
He’d been determined to find Ember’s boundless curiosity irritating, but he’d succeeded only in finding it endearing.
She was actively seeking knowledge about her world, his world, and herself.
Watching her sift through so much rubbish to unearth the scraps of truth buried within had only strengthened his admiration for her.
She was intelligent and adaptable, keeping a firm grip on her sense of self despite learning that so much of what she’d known had either been incomplete or incorrect.
If only you could follow her example, you damned fool.
He clenched his fists. He couldn’t help but think of Sarnessa.
The succubus had been unshakably self-assured, keenly aware of every asset at her disposal and exactly how to apply those tools.
A sultry, seductive exterior hiding a cold, calculating core; feigned interest and intimacy masking ravenous selfishness.
Sarnessa was an incarnation of the extreme beauty and cruelty in an uncaring, unjust universe.
She’d temporarily curtailed her cruelty to achieve her aim—gorging herself on Nyte’s lifeforce. The only kindness she had shown him had been self-serving…and he’d only thought of it as kindness because he hadn’t known better.
Ember was nothing like that. She had wants, of course she did, but she’d never treated them as more important than Nyte’s.
Though the summoning hadn’t been intentional, she could’ve taken advantage.
Could’ve attempted some pact with him to her own benefit, as so many humans had with other supernatural entities.
But she hadn’t. She’d instead welcomed him into her home, treated him with caring and respect, had talked and joked and laughed with him. Ember made him feel not just wanted, but…worthy.
You’re seriously going to give up on love because of some nasty succubus who wasn’t worthy of your heart?
Those words stung in a way Nyte never could have anticipated not because of the past, but because of the present. Because of Ember.
Because he wanted nothing more than to give her his heart, and that was exactly why he had to resist. That he’d become so enamored with Ember as to willingly disregard the painful lessons he’d learned wasn’t romantic, it was alarming.
Besides, once she had his heart, what need would she have for him again?
He told himself that such a notion ran against everything he knew about her, but he could shake neither the thought nor the unsettling sensation in his gut that accompanied it.
Nyte speared his fingers into his hair beside his horns, dragging his claws over his scalp. If only that bit of pain, or the chill in the air, or anything were enough to clear his mind and alleviate the fiery, crushing pressure in his chest.
Ten days…he needed to endure just ten more days, and then he would be free. Free to escape this torturous temptation, free to…
To wallow in despair?
Bowing his head, he lowered his gaze to the roof.
Was that really what he intended to do once the spell broke? Slink back into a dark pit, tail tucked between his legs, and waste away as eons crawled by?
When he felt the familiar arcane pulse that signaled Starling’s arrival, he didn’t bother lifting his head. “What do you want?”
The sprite’s glow cast Nyte’s shadow long and dark across the shingles, the shadow shrinking as she came closer.
“Why are you still up here moping?” Starling demanded. “You are wasting time, you foolish demon!”
Nyte’s brow furrowed. There was something layered into her voice, something more than her impatience and annoyance. Was it…a hint of concern?
Starling fluttered to his front, calling his eyes to her, and planted her hands on her hips. “Go to her. Before I force you to do so.”
Nyte tilted his head, studying his little friend. There was an odd urgency in her voice, an uncharacteristic tension in her posture. She’d appeared to him several times over the last week, repeatedly scolding him about his lack of progress with Ember, but she’d never seemed so off the other times.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
She thrust her hands out in an exasperated gesture. “You! Why are you so determined to let her slip through your fingers?”
But he was watching her closely now, and he didn’t miss the tightness in her brow or the erratic twitch in the beating of her wings.
“Starling…”
The sprite offered an exaggerated shrug, turning her face away from him.
He lifted a hand and gently nudged her middle with a crooked finger. She grabbed the digit with two clawed hands, tensing as though to push it away, but stopped when he gently said, “Starling, please.”
She squeezed his finger, let out a miniscule huff, and withdrew to hover back and forth in the air before him. “Fine. I did not want to speak of it, because you are moody enough already, but if you will not give me peace…”
Nyte’s brows fell. There was so much there to which he could’ve responded, but he chose to let her continue. It was the easiest thing to do, and his existence had been sorely lacking ease for what felt like millennia.
“All right, so, you are no longer in the Pit of Despair, which is good, yes? Great even!” The sprite continued flitting back and forth, gesturing with all four hands as she spoke, only occasionally looking at him.
“And you are even making progress. Finally breaking this shell you formed around yourself. Even if you are being stubborn.”
She shot him a glare to emphasize that last word. “But you were there for a long, long time—in Despair, I mean—and your sudden absence has drawn some attention. And it is not that attention is a bad thing, because some attention is good, like the attention Ember shows you, but…”
Everything within Nyte stilled, and all sound faded from his perception. The tightness in his chest intensified to an impossible degree, and that old, bitter pain roared through him, clawing at his soul from within.
“But what?” he rasped, the words like broken glass slicing his throat.
Starling paused, arms falling to her sides, and drew in a deep breath. Her mouth opened as though she meant to speak again, but it was several seconds before anything came out, and her voice was particularly small when she spoke. “Sarnessa knows.”
Nyte’s hands curled into fists, claws biting into his palms. “Knows what?”
“That you are out. And she miiiight be looking for you…”
The surge of emotions that flooded Nyte was so powerful that he couldn’t register what any of them were, leaving him stiflingly, torturously numb. “She either is or isn’t.”
The sprite winced, lips drawing back to reveal her tiny, pointed teeth, and hummed hesitantly. “Is.”
Nyte growled. “Sun scorch me to fucking cinder.”
“But”—Starling displayed all four palms placatingly—“she has not an inkling of where you are. So you need not worry, not at all. And if that succubitch shows up, I will make her regret that she ever touched you.”
If Sarnessa was looking for him, it was only a matter of time before she found him.
Only a matter of time before she came back and…
What would she do? What could she possibly hope to accomplish?
This time, he wouldn’t be vulnerable and na?ve.
This time, he’d be on his guard, and he’d be ready to tear her asunder.
But Ember… His dear little which had no defenses against any demon, much less an ancient succubus.
By all the hells, there was far too much left to chance here.
Far too much left unknown. And the thought of Ember coming to any harm was like a spear of cold iron rammed up through his ribs and into his heart.
That cold was offset by a firestorm of rage at his core, a roaring blaze threatening to break free.
If Sarnessa touched Ember, if she so much as looked at Nyte’s witch, he would inflict a thousandfold the suffering that he’d endured.
Though he felt like he was about to explode with all the pressure built up inside him, he forced himself to speak. “Help me keep vigil over this house. So long as I am bound to her, Ember is in danger. Sarnessa is not one to pass up a meal.”
“What do you think I have been doing all this time?” the sprite replied with a toothy grin.
Nyte shook his head at her, unable to keep the corner of his mouth from twitching up. “Of course you’ve been playing voyeur all this while. What else should I have expected?”
Starling giggled. “I did say this would be entertaining.”
“When this is through, I need to find new friends.”
“You will not need new friends, Nyte. You will have your soulmate.”
He could not bring himself to reply. That word felt too heavy, too potent, too…
Too right.
For the first time, Nyte understood what he was feeling. Understood firsthand the thing he’d inspired in mortals for so long.
Fear.