14. Lauren
CHAPTER 14
LAUREN
“ A nd this is a classic Matisse,” Nico said, gesturing to the painting in front of them. Lauren tilted her head in hopes of getting a better view.
“Um, Nico? It says right here it was painted by Monet.”
They exchanged a glance that turned into a shared laugh.
“Okay, okay. I wanted to impress you with my art knowledge and I’ve clearly fallen short.” Nico shrugged. “Sorry, sweetheart.”
“Hey, you don’t have to impress me with your art knowledge. I’m impressed by your professorial skills already.” Lauren nudged him with her shoulder. “And it’s nice to know there’s something you’re not an expert on.”
“There are lots of things I’m not an expert on. How to read ancient Sanskrit, for instance. Or how to program an app. Or the basics of microbiology.”
“Sure, but there are lots more things you are an expert on.” They strolled to the next painting in the collection, another gorgeous Monet. “French. Literature. Poetry. History. Classical music. Cooking.”
“Cooking?” Nico wrinkled his nose. “You are terribly mistaken. I can cook approximately three meals, all of which are fairly average.”
“I like all three of your meals,” Lauren said loyally. “And you’re an expert at romance. This is a lovely date.”
It really was. Louis was spending the day at a friend’s soccer-themed birthday party, so Nico had invited Lauren to an afternoon of browsing Parisian art museums. Although neither was an expert in art, it was nice to explore the more refined side of Paris and see some of the paintings Lauren had read about in college. And it was nice to have a relaxed afternoon with Nico.
It would have been even nicer if Lauren hadn’t felt a little sick. She’d eaten a slightly sketchy kebab last night after returning home late from an evening with Céline, and her stomach was upset with her this morning. The late night had also left her feeling a little tired. In fact, if Lauren were being honest with herself, her whirlwind schedule of teaching and socializing and time with Nico and Louis had left her feeling tired a lot lately.
It would pass, though. And for now, Lauren was more than content to slip her hand into Nico’s and stroll through the hallowed halls of the museum. Something felt magical about being here in such a beautiful, old building surrounded by art that had lit up the world since before Lauren was born. And something was even more magical about being here with Nico.
“Here we clearly have a picture of a pineapple.” Nico gestured to a piece of abstract art with a yellow swirl in the middle.
“I think that’s a lagoon,” Lauren countered. They both paused and tilted their heads.
“Or an abstract understanding of the concept of hope,” Nico suggested.
“Maybe so. A very expert analysis.”
They moved on. As they approached the next painting, a young girl around Louis’s age passed them. She was hopping from tile to tile, seemingly much more interested in the flooring than in the art. Lauren’s heart tugged as the girl skipped by.
“As nice as it is to have an afternoon just the two of us, I miss Louis a little.” Lauren bit her lip. “I hope that’s not too strange to say.”
“Lauren.” Nico wrapped his arm around her and pulled them both to a stop. Lauren looked up at him and felt a stirring in her chest, a kind of longing for something she couldn’t put into words. “It’s the sweetest thing in the world that you miss Louis when he isn’t here. Although I am enjoying today with you, very much. Actually, I’ve enjoyed every day with you. I…”
The moment stretched. Lauren stood there in Nico’s arms, looking up at him, and the world fell still. It was as intense as when they kissed or made love and it felt like they were the only two people in the world, even though they were doing nothing more right now than looking at each other.
“Lauren,” Nico repeated.
“Yes?”
But he didn’t continue. He just looked at her, and she looked at him. Lauren got the feeling she knew what he wanted to say. She felt it too. She had since that day they’d had a picnic at the river, when Nico had brushed a kiss across her cheek and thanked her for getting them outside. It had been a small moment, nothing special, but Lauren had realized in that moment that she loved Nico. She would do anything for him, or for Louis.
Lauren wanted to hear Nico say the words that were in her heart, but she could be patient. They were taking things slow, after all, and she knew from the way Nico looked at her that he felt the same way she did.
So, she raised onto her tiptoes and kissed him lightly on the mouth. She wanted to communicate that it was all right, that there was no rush, but that she loved him too. It seemed to work, because when she pulled back from the kiss, Nico was smiling. She took his hand.
“Let’s look at some more art.”
They spent the rest of the afternoon strolling through museums, making increasingly improbable guesses about the paintings — “I think this was done at two in the morning in the parliament,” Nico remarked at one point — and enjoying each other’s company. As evening came on, Nico suggested a coffee, and Lauren agreed. It was the kind of day she’d dreamed of having in Paris, from the museums to the café to the handsome man by her side.
That evening, when Lauren returned to her apartment to grab some sleep before the next day’s classes, she realized that today marked six weeks that she’d been in Paris and about a month that she and Nico had been dating. It was hard to believe that it was only that long. Over the course of less than two months, Nico and Louis had become so important to her that she could no longer imagine life without the two of them. Nor did she want to.
Lauren hadn’t been sure how long she’d spend in Paris, but she’d imagined staying for a few months before returning to “real life” in Nebraska. Yet now, she could no longer think about going back. Her life here felt as real as anything.
As she sank into bed, she saw her future unspool before her. She would stay in Paris. Her teaching abilities would slowly increase under Céline’s expert tutelage. She would date Nico and grow to love him and Louis more each day. Eventually, she and Nico would speak the words she was sure were in their hearts. Maybe, in a year or two, they could move in together. Maybe, someday, there would even be a wedding, more children, the big family Lauren had always dreamed of.
Lauren fell asleep that night wrapped in dreams of her future. So much of her life so far had felt beyond her control, from the loss of her mother when she was young to the choice of college based on financial aid to moving back home to care for her grandfather and taking the only job she could find in her small town. Now, finally, Lauren had the time and space to make her own choices, and she chose this Parisian life with the guys she loved.
Lauren woke the next morning with the previous day’s nausea back in full force. She grumbled to herself as she slid out of bed, then found herself running to the bathroom and kneeling in front of the toilet. Oh, no. Maybe her nausea the day before hadn’t been from a sketchy kebab, but from some kind of twenty-four-hour bug. Hopefully she hadn’t passed it on to Nico yesterday.
Lauren brushed her teeth and made her way into the kitchen, where she forced herself to drink a mug of warm mint tea and eat a few crackers. Surprisingly, once she’d eaten a little, the nausea seemed to subside.
Perhaps she should have taken the day off work, but she was solo teaching her favorite class of adult learners this morning and didn’t want to miss it. She’d spent several days preparing a lesson plan she was excited about. And anyway, she felt better now after eating something.
She showered, then dressed and began her walk to the campus. She nibbled on a few more crackers as she walked. The fresh air seemed to do her good, and by the time she arrived at her classroom she felt almost normal.
The class with the adult learners went better than Lauren could have hoped. They seemed to enjoy the activity she’d created, a Jeopardy-style challenge with the vocabulary and phrases they’d been working on, and participated enthusiastically in the conversation that followed. Lauren left the class on a high and was excited to see Céline waiting for her outside.
“How did it go?” Céline asked, falling into step beside Lauren. They made their way towards the small on-campus café where they frequently spent time between classes.
“Really well.” Lauren described the class, including a few too many details in her excitement. “I’m just glad I came. I felt a little nauseated this morning, but in retrospect it was probably just nerves.”
“Probably. I used to get sick with nerves before my classes.” Lauren paused. “Although you did say you were feeling a little sick on Tuesday, too.”
“I guess so.” Lauren pulled to an abrupt stop and turned to Céline. “And I’ve been tired. You don’t think…” She bit her lip and her hand raised to her grandfather’s ring. She’d been reaching for it less and less, but in this moment, she needed to feel him with her. If there was a chance she was… pregnant…
“When was your last period?” Céline asked. Then she wrinkled her nose. “I’m sorry; that’s such a personal thing to ask.”
“It’s been a while.” Lauren counted back on her fingers. “I had my period about two weeks before I came to Paris. And… not since then.” She bit her lip. “I thought it was just the stress of adapting to a new country and a new relationship.”
“It probably is.” Céline linked her arm through Lauren’s. “But maybe we should get you a test. There’s almost an hour until the next class.”
Lauren nodded and tried to stay calm, but the pieces of the puzzle were clicking together. A little nausea and a late period wouldn’t be much to think about alone, but together… and there was the exhaustion Lauren had been facing for the last few weeks. She’d thought it was all because of the stress and excitement of a new country and a new relationship, but there could be another explanation. A more likely explanation.
As they walked to a nearby pharmacy and Lauren purchased a pregnancy test in its little pink box, she felt more and more sure that there was no need to take the test. She already knew what the result would be. And sure enough, when she took the test in the professors’ bathroom, Céline waiting outside the door to offer moral support, it didn’t even take the full two minutes for two strong, clear lines to bloom inside the plastic window.
She was pregnant.
For a moment, she just sat on the closed lid of the toilet, the test in her hand, reeling. Despite the difficulty and unexpectedness of the situation, her first reaction upon seeing those two lines was happiness. Lauren had always wanted to be a mother. She’d dreamed of having a big family and raising children. Her experience with Louis in the past few weeks had only confirmed that she loved children and wanted to have more of them. She wanted to be like a mother to Louis, if he and Nico would have her, and she wanted to be a mother to whoever this baby would become.
The problem was that this wasn’t how Lauren had imagined becoming a mother at all. She’d dreamed of a positive pregnancy test with her husband by her side, of packing a bag and hurrying to the hospital for the birth, of spending long nights together with a newborn. For most of her life, the role of “husband” had been played by someone whose face she couldn’t quite see. Recently, that role had been taken by Nico.
But Lauren had imagined a pregnancy a few years down the road. She and Nico had agreed to baby steps, not another baby. He’d shown repeatedly that, as much as he loved Louis, he struggled with the way he’d become a father. Now, seven years later, history seemed to be repeating itself. After only a few weeks of dating, Nico was about to become a father all over again.
Panic gripped Lauren’s heart. There was a good chance Nico would respond badly to the news of another baby. She couldn’t blame him. But the thought of losing him, the man she loved and the father of her baby, was too much to bear. And, if Nico didn’t want anything to do with her, she would lose Louis, too.
“Lauren?” There was a gentle knock on the door. “Did you see the results?”
Lauren stood and walked mechanically to the door, where she let Céline in. Then, still numb, she held up the positive test. Céline looked from the test to Lauren and back again, her eyes wide.
“Wow. How are you feeling?”
“I’m feeling a lot of things.” Lauren gave a watery chuckle and Céline took her hand.
“Come on. Let’s go to my office and talk. And don’t worry about the next class. I’ll cover it for you.”
“Thank you.” Lauren let Céline lead her down the hall to her office. They sat side by side on the couch, where they’d graded tests together and giggled about Lauren’s romantic life, but the atmosphere was much heavier today.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Lauren said, her voice breaking slightly.
“We can talk about options,” Céline said. “You?—”
Lauren raised a hand. “I don’t want options, Céline. I want this baby. And I want Nico, too. I just don’t know if he’ll want either of us.”
“Oh, come on.” Céline put her arm around Lauren. “I know this all seems huge and terrifying right now, but remember what a good guy Nico is. And he’s a wonderful father. You’ve told me how loyal he is to Louis and to you. I’m sure he’ll take a new baby in his stride, even if it comes as a bit of a surprise.”
“I hope so.” Lauren wiped her eyes. “I just can’t help thinking about how we agreed to take things slowly. This is the opposite of taking things slowly.”
“Sure, but it isn’t your fault.” Céline smiled at her. “You didn’t decide to get pregnant. I’m not sure how well American schools teach you these things, but it does take two people to make a baby.”
Lauren rolled her eyes, but she felt a little better. Céline had a point. Nico couldn’t very well be upset with her for getting pregnant, not when the pregnancy came from something they’d both wanted to do. And they’d been careful. It just hadn’t worked.
“I guess you’re right.”
“I’m always right. Now, the important thing is that you’re honest and straightforward with him right away. Just after Jean and I got married, an old boyfriend sent me a few messages. I didn’t realize it was getting flirtatious soon enough, and even though I shut things down right away once I knew, I felt really bad about it. I decided not to tell Jean, but he knew I was keeping something from him, and it all turned into a way bigger deal than it would have been if I’d just been honest.”
“Be honest.” Lauren took a deep breath. “I can do that.”
She would talk to Nico soon. She just needed a little time to decide on the best way to tell him. And to get used to the idea that in just a few months’ time, she was going to become a mother.
Even though Céline had told her to be honest, it was better to tell Nico the right way than just to blurt out her news. Surely he would understand if she delayed for a day or two.