Chapter 1 #2
I climb in the rear, slam the door shut behind myself, and sit my ass in a seat.
I wonder if the view will look any different as a free man.
The only times I’ve been in this vehicle I’ve been heavily monitored and shackled.
And then I realize I haven’t buckled my seat belt.
I do it quick, even though it’s a very short ride. Johnson’s still a cop after all.
Once he starts up the van, I get nauseous. A combination of so, so many things. But Johnson’s a chatterer, so I focus on him and not the waves of worry sloshing in my gut.
“Congrats, man.” Johnson’s so relaxed, making small talk, his arm slung out the window. “You got a woman waiting for you?”
I swallow hard and wonder if I’m really going to be sick.
“Don’t know,” I say. A vague response is better.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
I’ve got no one waiting for me. And the last thing on my mind is getting a piece of ass.
I’m still too focused on getting out of here with my ass intact in this set of cheap pants instead of an orange jumpsuit, but agreeing with him is the path of least resistance.
Within minutes, we’re pulling into a parking lot. Johnson leans out to chitchat with the guard on duty at the lot. I’m not sure if I’m free to get out, so I sit there, seat belt on, awaiting instructions.
“Hey!” Johnson calls out, giving me a wave. “You’re all good, man.” He points toward the street, an empty two-lane highway. “Bus will be by at some point.”
Johnson goes back to chatting up the other guard, so I open the back door and step out. Just like that. Hand on the handle. My foot on the pavement.
I turn slowly and shut the door behind me, every muscle in my body burning with tension. I grip the paper bag in my hand, my knuckles white. The same knuckles that got me sent here in the first place.
I relax my hands. Roll my shoulders. Take in a lungful of fresh air.
Then I turn my back on the prison, the van, Johnson…all of it. And I walk away.
“You fuckin’ bastard.” A black extended cab pickup truck slows to a stop about ten feet away from me. The window’s rolled down, and a heavily tattooed arm flips me off.
When the driver’s side door opens, a man about my size climbs out, his motorcycle boots pounding hard on the hot concrete. His muscular arms are exposed, but I cock my head when I realize he’s not wearing his leathers. No vest. No patch.
“You fuckin’ pussy,” I reply. “What the hell happened to you?”
Morris, the VP of the Disciples, crosses his arms over the chest of a short-sleeved black golf shirt. He looks down at himself and scrubs a hand over his chin.
“Lot has changed, man,” he says, a grin twisting his lips.
The passenger door opens, and a man who has no business fitting his massive girth into a pickup truck stumbles out.
“Tiny.” I nod. “Good to see some things haven’t changed.”
Tiny pulls a toothpick from between his teeth and snorts. “Just you wait, brother. Just you fucking wait.”
Morris comes at me in a run. He tackles me at full speed and sticks a shoulder in my chest before wrapping his arms around me in a hug. “Been waiting long, you son of a bitch?”
I stiffen at the shouting, at the contact, but try to slow my breathing to remind myself this is cool. I can be cool. To these guys, nothing’s changed. It’s just been a minute since we’ve seen one another. Still Disciples. Still brothers.
I pound Morris on the back and notice as he pulls away that there’s a wedding ring on his hand. “What in the name of…?”
“Told you.” Tiny lumbers over to clap me in the world’s sweatiest hug. “Talk about a ball and chain.”
“You asshole,” Morris says, shaking his head. “Way too soon for prison jokes.” He smacks Tiny playfully across the back. “This one should talk. Come on, we’ve got a lot to catch you up on.” Morris looks at the paper sack in my hands. “That your shit?”
I nod, suddenly regretting letting Morris and Tiny pick me up.
Once I was scheduled for release, they insisted, but I’d been so focused on getting out of prison, I hadn’t even thought about how I’d feel physically going home.
Seeing people I knew again. I didn’t know if I knew myself anymore, let alone these two.
But it’s only been five minutes since they rolled into the lot, and Morris is grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me. Hard.
“It’s fucking good to have you back, brother.” Something like tears glimmers in his eyes. “We’ve missed you, Crow.”
Hearing my old name brings water to my eyes, but there is no way I am going to let it flow. I let Morris hug me again, and then Tiny plants a meaty palm against my back.
“Come on, brother,” he says. “Let’s get your ass home.”
I climb into the back of Morris’s truck and roll down the window first thing. After being locked down for so many years, the last thing I want is to be closed up in a small space for a long ride, even a truck with two of my oldest friends.
Morris and Tiny yammer up front, talking about things and people I have never heard of and know nothing about. They include me, calling back to me, asking me about everyday things like food and getting me a phone.
It’s overwhelming. I shut down and just nod, listening to what they say while the fresh air messes up my hair on the drive back to the compound.
I’m sure I’ll adjust. I’ll adapt. Just like I did inside.
But right now, despite the fluffy clouds overhead and the brilliant sun on my face, I’m like a bird whose wings have been clipped.
After dreaming of the flight for so, so long, I feel like I’m falling.
That feeling doesn’t ease when we pull into the parking lot of the compound.
The three of us head inside on a much different vibe than the one I left on. I remember that day too clearly, but I refuse to think about that now.
When Morris yanks open the door and shoves me inside, it’s this surreal feeling, almost like time travel. The place is familiar and so much the same, but it’s been so, so long, it’s hard to believe it’s real. And then I hear the screams.
The first person I see when I walk in is Madge. Her stream of curse words would put my cellmate’s colorful vocabulary to shame. But by the time I’m all the way through the door, she’s got her arms around me and is holding me tight.
“Oh my freaking God. You’re a goddamn sight for sore eyes, Crow,” she says.
She sounds genuinely happy to see me, even though it’s been a lifetime.
People finish college in the time I’ve been gone.
Shit, med students become doctors. Kids finish almost an entire primary education.
The world is a very different place than it was when I left it.
I can see and hear it already. But if Madge is any indication, some things didn’t change much at all.
“Hey,” I say, tentatively at first. I’m not sure where my words are. Where my old vibe went. I used to talk a certain way to women, back when women were plentiful in my life and not carrying weapons to take my ass down if I so much as looked at them sideways.
She’s holding me tight and rocking back and forth, but my hands are in the air. I pat her on the back until she finally releases me and looks into my face with what I think are tears in her eyes.
“What happened to you… That whole godforsaken mess… It’s over now, Crow. And I’m going to make you a casserole to celebrate.” Her words are so unexpected. Kind. Warm. Sincere. Things I’ve had very little of and don’t really know how to respond to.
She turns and bustles away, but Morris clamps a hand on my shoulder and tugs me close.
“Listen, sexy,” he says to her, pouring on the charm. “I know it’s been a while since Crow enjoyed a Madge special, but our brother’s got dinner plans.” He nods at me. “Rain check that casserole.”
He steers me away from Madge while Tiny walks past and calls out to anyone who’s around, “Hey, assholes. Crow’s home.”
“Mammoth here?” I ask, looking around.
Tiny shakes his head.
“He left when he and Tamara got serious. She’s not around either, so you can stop looking around like your head’s on a swivel.”
“I wasn’t looking for her.”
Tiny crosses his arms, raising an eyebrow. “You told her you were going out of state to do your time in order to lure her to the prison. Don’t look me in the eye and say you weren’t making a play for her even back then.”
I shrug. “A man’s got to try, brother.”
“She’s off-limits. She’s happy and so is Mammoth.”
He doesn’t need to say anything else. That ship sailed the day she showed up at the compound and I decided to be a dick to her. I drove her right into Mammoth’s arms, and he deserved her more than I did. They were right for each other.
Within seconds, Dog and Eagle are thundering through the compound, lifting me up, arms around my chest. The hugs and the shouts and the enthusiasm surround me, and for a moment, it almost feels normal.
I can remember the last time I was here, surrounded by my brothers.
That was a hell of a different day. A somber farewell. The end of my life as I knew it.
This should bring shit full circle. And yeah, the feeling of being welcomed back is good, but I know not to get too attached to it. Anything good in my life, I have to be really, really careful with.
I know how easily it can all just disappear.