Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
K elly’s eyelids felt very heavy, but the warm blanket surrounding her was like heaven. She slowly opened her eyes to find herself in her own bedroom, with candles strategically placed around on the tables and dresser, a plug-in heater off to the side and directed at her made her feel so sleepy she wanted to drift right back off to sleep. A woman she didn’t recognize perched on a stool nearby.
“Hello. I’m Dee. I’m Brendon Ruse’s wife, and I’m also a nurse. You scared us pretty bad tonight.”
How she managed to say all that with a smile was beyond Kelly. She could barely smile to introduce herself. As Dee leaned forward and reached for Kelly’s wrist, pink slashes of scars became apparent across Dee’s face. She must have shown some surprise, because Dee immediately backed away. “Sorry. I should’ve warned you.” She turned to the side so her face was in shadow.
Could this woman have been trafficked too? “I thought I was the only one? If Brendon already married someone who was a victim, why are they so worried about Sam? ”
Dee looked confused for a moment and covered both of her cheeks with her hands. “I wasn’t trafficked. Just assaulted.” She took a deep breath. “But you’re proving that Brendon was right the whole time. For that, I’m grateful.” Dee brought her smile back but didn’t lean into the light. “Can I check your pulse and your pupils? I didn’t want to leave you alone, because I was afraid of how much pain you’d be in when you came around. I don’t want you to be embarrassed.”
Oddly, she hadn’t even realized she had no clothes on under all the blankets until Dee had mentioned how she might feel. “Is Sam here?” She tugged the blanket closer to her chin.
Dee nodded and stood, keeping her face turned toward the shadow. “There are clothes folded on that stool in front of the heater so they’ll be warm. I’ve been slowly bringing your temperature to normal since we brought you back. You’re very blessed. I was surprised that you weren’t showing more symptoms of frostbite, especially with hypothermia.”
“It wasn’t that cold until the snow hit me and the flakes were big and wet.” Kelly leaned forward and realized she had many layers of blankets on. Dee nodded, giving Kelly the impression to stay where she was for just a moment until she left. As soon as Dee slipped through the narrow crack of the door, Kelly finally got out from under the weight of the blankets.
Outside, the sun had already set. It had been light when she’d left for her walk that early afternoon, though her memory was spotty. She looked at her wrist, only then remembering she’d given her watch to Sam. If she knew him, he’d destroyed it. He was all that was good. He didn’t cling to evil things in the hope that they would be good .
Which meant he wouldn’t cling to her either.
She tip-toed quietly across the room and tugged on the loose-fitting sweatpants Dee had left for her. The plug-in heater looked older than the hills but was pumping out an impressive amount of warmth. The cabins were probably very old and retrofitted for everything modern. Sometimes modern and old didn’t fit so well together. Her sweatshirt was equally warm, but the outfit left her feeling slouchy and sleepy.
She made her way out to her living room to find that Dee had left, and Sam was the only one still there with her. He immediately stood and rubbed his hands down the sides of his thighs like he’d be sweating. Now that she thought about it, the room was really warm. “Gracious, we need a fan in here.”
He laughed softly. “Dee set the temperature; I just lived with it.” He went to the thermostat on the wall that controlled all the baseboards in the small cabin, though she’d never quite gotten the hang of making it work right.
“There, back to normal. It stopped snowing about an hour ago and we now have over a foot of heavy, wet snow on the ground. Since you’ve never lived here in the winter, I wanted to warn you that one of the guys will be coming around at about 4 A.M. to shovel all the front steps of the cabins. Since we never know when people will come, we do all the front steps. It’s easier to remove snow as it happens than to wait until there are feet of it to clear. It can get loud though, so, fair warning.”
There was Sam, thinking ahead for her comfort again. “Thank you.”
“Are you all right? I can camp out on your sofa tonight if that would make you feel safer.”
Light had no business with the dark. Wasn’t that something that preacher had said on Sunday? Don’t hide your candle under a bushel, that’s not where it goes. Something like that. All she knew was that her own self and her own soul were as dark as they could get and maybe she belonged under that bushel. “I’m fine.”
Sam grinned and ducked his chin. He was adorable when he did that. “Fine, huh?” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “I suspect that’s Kelly-speak for ‘I don’t want to tell you what I’m feeling because it’s complicated and I’m scared.’”
She crossed her arms tightly over her chest, slightly indignant. How dare he understand her better than herself? That wasn’t even fair. “So? Maybe I don’t want to drag you into the black hole that is my existence. I guess I’m healing though, because even a few months ago, if the same thing had happened, I’d have cursed you for saving me.”
His face went from joking to serious instantly. “First, it wouldn’t have happened because he wasn’t about to let you free. Second, I would’ve mourned as soon as I found out.”
Would he? He hadn’t been happy to see her at all when she’d arrived.
Sam shook his head. “I can see you’re surprised. I would’ve been, too So, I’m glad you’re here to give me the chance to sort through the feelings I didn’t realize I still had.”
Feelings? She’d felt the pulse between them, but she’d assumed that was because he was the only one she could trust. “I don’t know that I’ll ever be in a place where I can face those kinds of feelings again.”
“I don’t expect you to. But I want you to know that there are people who care about you. There are people who think you’re worth fighting for. You are worthy. You matter. Your past is your past and no matter how much you’ve convinced yourself that you did this, you didn’t. It was a trick. A lie. He manipulated you. I won’t believe anything else. Let us help you heal. You may never be the same Kelly you were. That’s okay. Be the new Kelly who knows Jesus and has let Him work a healing.” Sam reached out to her, his hand low like he was reaching for a child.
He had to have known that shoving his hand into her space would make her recoil, but she truly felt welcome to touch him and there was no force behind it, mental or physical. It was a symbol of welcome to become something she never thought she’d be again: innocent.
Kelly reached out and took Sam’s hand. Invisible sparks surged up her arms to her chest and she let herself feel them, though they were terrifying. “I shouldn’t be near you, Sam. I’m going to pull you into my darkness and I don’t want that.”
“You won’t. I’m stronger than that. Why don’t you let me help you walk out of the darkness and back into the light?”
Good boys did not go for bad girls. Grandma’s words were absolute. Yet Sam still offered her the invitation. Didn’t that prove she could be wrong, at least sometimes? “I want to.”
“Then make that choice. Work on healing. Nathan can’t get you here. He can’t track you anymore. The fear is gone.”
Mentioning Nathan by name brought back all the feelings, all the dread and fear. She yanked her hand away and turned. “You don’t know that. There’s no way you can say that with any truthfulness. He’s out there. Until he’s behind bars or dead, he’ll still be out there making life a living hell for hundreds of girls. And that’s only those under him. There are so many more like him. This world will never be rid of the stain.”
Sam stepped closer to her and peeled her hands from around her, gently shook them to encourage her to release the tension in her arms, then looked into her eyes. “It starts with one, Kelly. You’re that one. We are here to help one woman at a time and if we can only help one, then it’s worth it.”
He was supposed to be helping her heal, but all she wanted to do was run. She didn’t deserve this place. Someone else did. Someone who was ready to shed the sin and allow the good to replace it should take her precious spot. But if she was going to leave, she had one chance to say goodbye. One chance to make him understand how she felt, even if she didn’t.
Kelly dove toward him and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her fingers in his thick hair. She kissed him like she used to, not like she was forced to. The feeling was so different, so exciting, so terrifying. She ended the kiss as quickly as she started it, leaving him looking shocked.
“You need to go. I need some time alone.”
He slowly nodded, clearly speechless. “I’ll . . . send Zeus.” He headed for the door and finally found his voice. “Are you sure you don’t want me to sleep on your couch?”
“No. I need to be alone.” Because even after that kiss, she needed to plan her escape.
An hour later, with Zeus at her side and a pack on her back full of one pair of clothes, some jerky, and some food for the dog, she set out toward the fence. Nathan wouldn’t be there after the snow, but that had to be the spot closest to the road. Once she crossed that fence, she would no longer be on Wayside land. Her footprints wouldn’t matter, since someone would see her on their cameras. Once she hit a road, she’d hitch a ride to Cheyenne. There, she could find a homeless shelter and try to start over.
She could do this. Alone.
Kelly tugged on the hem of the coat Lacy had let her use. It wasn’t hers, but she didn’t have her own yet. Taking it felt like stealing. Especially since Lacy had said she’d exchange it once they had one to give her. But they wouldn’t want her to freeze either.
“Just another thing to add to my list of bad things.” She headed in the direction of what she assumed was the road. Going up the driveway would make sure someone noticed her right away, since there were cameras all up and down the length of it.
Hopefully, there would be some traffic along the road she hoped was there that wasn’t someone from Wayside. That’s all she would need was to get picked up and brought right back to where she’d begun.
Zeus whined at her side as he looked at their tracks behind them. “If you don’t want to go with me, you don’t have to.” Though she hoped he did. Facing the unknown was easier with a huge dog at her side.
He seemed to harrumph at her audacity as he walked, now looking forward. The dog had more personality than some people she’d known. She heard the hum of an engine somewhere close by and she rushed forward to catch the path of the headlights. Then she would know right where the road was.
Her feet were soaked through her tennis shoes, and the jeans she’d changed into were wet up to the knees. She would have to catch a ride soon. At least the car or truck would be warm. The knife in her pocket that she’d taken from her cabin junk drawer would help protect her in case they got too friendly and got around Zeus.
When she reached the small gravel road, all she could see were distant taillights. If Dominic or someone else was watching the cameras, they’d be after her soon. While they said she wasn’t a prisoner there, she was still fairly sure they wouldn’t allow her to hitchhike wherever she wanted to go, either.
Glancing down at herself, she realized belatedly that the black coat and dark jeans had probably helped her hide in the trees, but if she wanted someone to stop and pick her up, she’d have to find a way to make herself visible. Did she dare take off her coat and bag?
Another engine rumbled in the distance and Kelly’s heart raced. If she stood in the middle of the road, they could definitely see her. Then again, they could just as well hit her and keep going. No one would ever know.
When he neared where she stood alongside the road, she started waving both arms as she took a few steps out onto the road. Yelling was too much noise, and they probably wouldn’t hear her, anyway. The truck rumbled past, then slammed on its brakes. Kelly prayed that it wasn’t anyone from Wayside or Nathan as its lights flashed white, letting her know he was going to reverse.
Slowly, he backed up, then rolled down his window. “Everything okay?”
He wasn’t anyone she recognized, and Kelly breathed a sigh of relief. “My dog and I need a ride toward Cheyenne. You headed that way?”
He was older than her, perhaps in his early fifties, and looked friendly enough. He frowned deeply. “I ain’t never picked up a hitchhiker in my life, but you look enough like my daughter that you’re probably okay. Your dog has to stay on the floor, though.”
He hadn’t gone anywhere near the seat in Sam’s pickup, so she was pretty sure Zeus would happily do as he was told. She went around the back of the truck, shrugging off her backpack as she went. She heard the truck’s locks open and climbed inside the heated cab, then called Zeus to jump up to the floor.
Even as she closed the door, her heart ached. She might never see Sam again. That was for his good. He wanted to help her and that was noble, but her brokenness wasn’t going to ever heal. He would end up caring for her while he nursed her back to some state of ‘better’ than she was before. She wasn’t even sure what that would look like or if it was possible. Then he would get hurt when she was never able to fully care for him in return.
That wasn’t fair. Life wasn’t fair.
“Why are you headed to Cheyenne?” the older man asked quietly as they headed down the road.
“I’m Kelly, by the way,” she evaded most of his question. “I need a place where there are a lot of people.”
He nodded slowly as if he understood her confusing words. “I’m John Willis Sr., though my son John Jr. is more well known around Piper’s Ridge. Pleased to meet you. I couldn’t help but notice you were right next to Wayside Ranch. Was that by happenstance?”
If she said she’d heard of it, he might want to take her back there. If she said she’d been hitching before, he would ask why she had snow all over her. There was no good answer.
“I got dropped off on another gravel road. Not sure which one. I’d been walking for quite a while when I made it to the place you found me, and you came along almost right away.” This guy was a witness. As soon as she reached Cheyenne, she’d have to hide. If he knew the guys from Wayside, he might ask them if they knew the hitchhiker he’d picked up.
“Huh, that so? It snowed pretty hard earlier. So hard that there weren’t many people on the road at all. Were you out in that?”
She snorted because she had been, but couldn’t tell him that. Especially because, other than below her knees, she was dry now. “Nope, we pulled over when it started to snow but when it cleared, he asked me to get out.” She was a terrible liar. This wasn’t going to get her anywhere. The less she said, the better off she’d be.
“That was pretty terrible of him. Glad you’re okay. If you’d managed to find Wayside while you were walking, you would’ve found a good place to start over. They’re good folks. Want me to bring you back there? You did say you wanted a fresh start.”
She shook her head while trying to keep her cool. “No, that’s okay. It would be pretty hard for me to find a job way out here and they might not take my dog.” She scratched Zeus behind the ears as he looked back and forth between the two like he was following the conversation.
The older man’s brow rose. “Your dog looks familiar, but I’ll grant you that a lot of dogs look similar.”
Zeus whined at her feet and laid his head on her knee. Don’t you dare give me away. We’re supposed to be a team. She hoped her thoughts were conveyed through her eyes, since she couldn’t say them aloud. Maybe bringing him along had been a bad idea.
“You are headed to Cheyenne though, right?” She risked looking at him.
“That was my plan. My daughter lives there and she got her little car stuck in the driveway. I’ve got no time for these little housing developments where they do everything for you, but they do it on their time. They called and threatened to have her car towed if she didn’t move it by 4 A.M. She called me, so upset. Who is going to come out this late after a storm and pull her out of her driveway?”
“Her dad?” Kelly said, reminded of her own father. Her parents had loved her, but they’d let her be just who she wanted to be, mostly avoiding giving her much in the way of instruction. ‘Feral’ is what one teacher had called her. Maybe they were right.
The man snorted. “Yup, even if I’m an hour away, she can still count on her dad.”
Tears clogged Kelly’s throat and she wished her dad was still there to help her now.