Chapter 15 Ashleigh
Ashleigh
We sit on the edge of the bridge, legs dangling above the slow-moving river. The mid morning sun glints off the water, making everything look too normal, too peaceful for what just happened.
The shops are open, I inhale a whiff of coffee, people rush past, cars drive by… Everything is just very normal.
Meanwhile my hands are still shaking. I fist them and try to hide it, but Kaden sees everything. I shot my father. I actually pulled the trigger and killed him. I can’t decide if I’m completely numb to the reality of that fact or if it’s a delayed reaction, my mind just waiting to fall apart.
Kaden sits close, his thigh pressed against mine. It’s warm and solid. Just like him. Safe and ground me. He doesn’t say anything for a long while, and I’m grateful for that. He just lets me sit and catch my breath as I stare at the water, watching the ripples.
“I’ve never—” My voice breaks and the words stick in my throat. I clear my throat and try again at forcing them out. “I’ve never k- done that before.”
He nods in understanding, as steady as ever. “I know.”
“I killed him,” I swallow. The scene keeps replaying in my head—the way my father looked at me, the shock in his eyes, the way his body crumpled to the floor. I squeeze my eyes shut.
“I know.”
“How do you feel about that?”I whisper. I dread his answer. What if he hates me? What if he thinks I’m evil?
Back in that garden, I didn’t dare look at him. I couldn’t distract myself by making even the slightest wrong move. If I’d seen his face and read his emotions it would have affected my judgement. I knew what needed to be done.
But it hadn’t stopped me from picturing the disappointment and disgust written over his features.
“I told you, I love you.”
“But Kaden, I shot someone. My father.”
“Ash, you’ve never needed anyone's validation before, don’t start looking for it now.” I turn to find his eyes, shocked at his directness. “Deep down, you know what you did was right.”
“At first I was scared, for you. I was worried when you left this morning, then I panicked that something might happen to you - because of me.” My eyes begin to water, but I grit my teeth to keep them at bay. “But we never would have been free of him.”
“You protected us. You gave us a real chance at freedom.”
I squeeze my hands together, knuckles white. “I keep seeing it. Over and over.”
He shifts closer, “It won’t always feel like this. But you made the hard choice, Ash. For us. For yourself. You were brave.”
I let out a shaky laugh, “I don’t feel brave.”
Kaden finally reaches out, resting his hand over mine, our fingers entwined. It’s warm and reassuring. “I’m proud of you. We won’t have to run or hide. You made sure of that.”
Daylight floods the bridge, wiping away all existence of the morning frost. I close my eyes and let Kaden’s words anchor me. I hope that, in time, the guilt will fade and the future we fought for will finally feel real.
We sit in silence for the longest time; holding hands, with me resting my head on Kaden’s shoulder.
“Hey Ash, Happy Valentine’s Day.” Kaden’s lips press to my forehead as I giggle into the material of his coat at the absurdness.