Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
B y Christmas Eve, Melinda and Randy had been moved out to their own cabins. Randy hadn’t found a job with Wayside yet, but Connor had asked him to wait until after New Years to learn something. Both men were good with that plan.
Lacy sat on the sofa with Melinda and everyone from Wayside mingled around. Soft music played in the background and the tree was bursting with presents this year. This was the first Christmas where all of the Wayside men were married or engaged so the party had doubled its usual size.
Victoria had gone out of her way to make mountains of food. With around thirty people in attendance, there had to be enough to go around and give her the day off tomorrow. Connor had told her that even though his family was coming, she didn’t need to drive to Wayside, unless she wanted to. Victoria didn’t have family close by, so she often came in even when she didn’t need to.
Randy was currently in the kitchen helping Victoria. Pete, Cole’s son, and Adam raced around the fringes of the room, avoiding adults, and making a ruckus, though Lacy loved it. Children had been a rarity at Wayside, now there were two permanent residents and soon there would be a third when Gabby, Junior’s wife, ushered their baby into the world.
Peace filled her soul as the lights on the tree glowed. After finding out that one of the bodies removed from the chapel was Viceroy, she’d finally allowed herself to relax. She wouldn’t need to see him at trial. No one had to fear his return. Talking and laughing ebbed and waned around her. She wasn’t talking to anyone but felt part of everything. Connor came over from speaking to his father.
“Hey, how are you both doing?” He tilted his head slightly and his eyes finally held some joy. She loved to see that.
Melinda answered first. “Good. Now that I’ve been on the medications for a few solid days, the headaches have all but gone away. Not that I want to stop taking them before the prescription is up to find out if the pain is still there or not.” She laughed.
“I just got some news that pertains to both of you,” Connor said. “Dad talked to Officer Nixon’s family. He’s healing really well and should be able to come home by Wednesday of next week.”
Melinda shifted in her seat, all of a sudden looking uncomfortable. “That’s great. It will be good to have him around again. I’m terrified to go into town. What if Tod or Cal are there?”
Connor nodded once in agreement. “I know. He won’t be back on the job for a while, but he was the one who coordinated all the other officers. I’ve been reaching out to the man who temporarily took over and he hasn’t seen anyone who fits the descriptions. I gave them the family name and, unless they are hiding Tod and Cal, no one has seen them. So, that’s positive.”
Melinda frowned and said nothing. Lacy knew the look well enough to know that she didn’t believe what Connor said and she’d been shut down enough in her life that she wasn’t willing to defend her thought.
Lacy spoke up, “I think it’s wise to stay here for a while until we can be absolutely certain all danger has passed. With the amount of snow on the roads, maybe they turned around, knowing they couldn’t handle the weather here? Maybe they made it somewhere they consider safe and are biding their time? There’s no way for us to know.”
Connor’s lips slightly turned down. “I can see your point. Either way, it’s good to know that Officer Nixon is healing and will get out of the hospital soon.”
Melinda stood, gave Connor a weak smile, then took a deep breath. “It is. I’m going to go see if Victoria needs any help.” She didn’t wait for a response and headed for the kitchen.
Connor sat next to Lacy and laid his huge hand on her knee. “I get the feeling she doesn’t like me.”
Lacy covered his hand with hers. “You’re a guy, so, yeah. She’s not going to trust you for a while. I’ve talked to Gabby, even though she’s not taking clients until she has her child. I wanted to know if Melinda could meet with her instead of Brendon. I feel like she would interact better with a woman.”
Connor’s head slowly nodded. “I think you’re right.” He took a deep breath. “Look, my family is coming tomorrow. I would really like it if you could be there.”
Her heart jumped for a beat then pounded in her chest. “I’m not family, Connor.”
“Yes, you are. You’re my family. Will you consider being there?” He looked her in the eyes and her insides melted.
She couldn’t tell this man no. Not when it meant so much to him. “I can do that. Will Teddy and Gloria be there too?” She’d known the meeting was mostly for Ferd, but why shouldn’t everyone be there?
“Gloria is still a maybe. Dad didn’t want to force her to come because it could be legitimately uncomfortable for her. My brothers consider her a homewrecker. It’s crazy to me that they can completely paint Mom as innocent. Granted, she didn’t have an affair. She just didn’t love Dad anymore. What they did was still wrong. No doubt about it. I don’t know. The longer I live, the more I realize there are some situations that are gray. Not black or white.”
Lacy nodded. “I know. If I’d heard about this situation outside of the family, I’d be quick to judge. I’m still not sure how I feel. Trouble is, they sinned twenty years ago. Once. God doesn’t see sin as big or little. It’s all sin. But who am I to hold it against them if they’ve repented? I have to assume they did.”
Connor took a breath so deep his chest puffed, then he released it. “According to my dad, yes. He did. He felt horrible about what happened. He still cared about my mom, but he was seeing no love in return. I don’t want to rehash it all. I just wanted to say that Gloria may not be there. Dad will.”
She squeezed his hand. “If you want me to stand by your side, I’ll be there for you.” Truth was, she lived in the lodge and had nowhere else to be. If she wasn’t invited, she’d have to stay up in her room.
The last few nights, alone in her bed, she’d thought about her time in New Mexico. She’d thought about the kisses and the things they’d said. They’d had conversations that she wished could’ve happened instead of the divorce. If only Connor had been open to it. Then again, she’d been so hurt at the time, she probably wouldn’t have listened.
“I want to talk with you tonight, if you don’t mind? We haven’t had our usual TV sessions since we got back from New Mexico,” Connor said.
“I’d like that.” She noticed Teddy heading for the tree. “Looks like the supper must be ready. Teddy is about to pray. Want to eat with me?” She’d hoped he did, but he had other family members now and so many friends. She didn’t want to pressure him into spending time with her.
“I’d like nothing more.” He leaned over and kissed her temple.
That was the first time he’d kissed her in front of people. She glanced quickly around the room, but no one seemed to have noticed. There was a lingering heat on her temple where his lips had been, like her skin tried to hold onto the contact long after it was done.
Teddy limped slightly as he approached the center of the room. “Can I have your attention, please?”
The room slowly quieted.
“Thank you. This has been a year of a lot of trial, growth, loss, and gain. We’ve seen some terribly hard times and beauty too. That is what God is all about. He holds us and leads us through the worst things imaginable out the other side to the glorious sunlight. Never, ever drop His hand. Hold tight to Him. If I’ve learned anything this last year, it’s that He is the one steady. The one constant. He is faithful in all things.”
Teddy bowed his head. Lacy followed suit, and Connor threaded his fingers through hers. They hadn’t prayed together in years and the lack, now noticed, tugged at her heart. Praying alone was good, between her and God. But praying with Connor, was an experience so intimate and so inexplicable, she hadn’t realized how much she missed it.
As Teddy finished the prayer, blessing the meal and the praying for all the people present, her heart added a hearty amen. Hopefully, the coming year would be the best of all.
The evening had all gone well, so why was Connor so stuck in his head? He paced in front of the tree long after everyone had headed home. Lacy had gone upstairs to shower, and he still couldn’t force himself to go up there. What if things had changed?
Stop. Stop sabotaging yourself before you find out what a situation will bring.
He wanted to trust that Lacy wouldn’t pull back, that she would always be there. She wasn’t like his mother. Hadn’t she proven that over and over? Hadn’t she sat there next to his bed after he’d been shot? She could’ve left. Nothing kept her there. Not a ring, not a piece of paper. Nothing tangible.
He looked down at the wedding band on his finger. The moment Lacy had returned from Gloria’s after saving everyone from potential disaster, she’d run upstairs and put her ring back on her finger. The wedding ring he’d purchased for her after saving months of earnings from working for his dad. Until she’d left for New Mexico, he’d never seen her take it off. That too, had been unexpected.
“Connor? Is everything okay?” Lacy’s voice drew his attention to the stairs that led up to the living quarters he shared with her.
She stood at the middle of the staircase in flannel pajamas. Her hair was up in a damp bun and shorter sections of hair framed her face, some clinging to her shoulders. She was the most lovely woman he’d ever seen. His eyes would never roam from her. He’d even risk his man-card by calling her adorable. To him, there wasn’t a positive word he couldn’t bend to make it fit her.
“Just mulling a few things.” He tucked his hands behind his back and turned toward the tree.
When he’d been a child, the tree held some kind of wonder. Problems came into focus when he could stand there and think about the lights, Jesus, and what His birth meant. Something so simple as a symbol of Christmas helped clear the cobwebs.
Lacy touched his shoulder. He hadn’t heard her approach. “What’s wrong? I didn’t want to put the popcorn in the microwave without you.”
“Risking your book for some oily popcorn, huh?” He turned back to face her and rested his hands on her hips.
She immediately put her hands loosely around the back of his neck. “Would it surprise you if I said I might skip the book tonight and watch what you’re watching?”
That was new. Watching TV together but separate had been how they’d passed their evenings for as long as he could remember. “I guess I would be.”
“Maybe not every evening, but we can this evening. Relaxing is a good idea going into tomorrow. It’s liable to be stressful.” She ran her fingers through the short hair at the nape of his neck, sending delicious sensations down his spine.
“True. Thanks for agreeing to be there.” Lacy had never met his brothers. She only knew of them because he’d told her they existed. They hadn’t come to Connor’s wedding, nor any other event.
He pulled her in a little closer. “I need to say something before we go any further. I hope we’ll get to a point where we can talk about forever again. But before that, we need to broach a topic that might hurt.”
She stiffened slightly. “I’d hoped we would get there too. What’s on your mind?”
He rested his forehead against hers and let her warmth seep into him. “I’m sorry, Lacy. I should’ve said it a long time ago, but I’m sorry. My refusal to face my fears cost us time together, but worse than that, it cost you the chance to have children. I know you wanted them. I took that from you and it’s not something I can ever make up to you.”
She hugged him tightly. “Connor, I’m not dead yet. I’m not even thirty-five. People my age still have children. Also, you’re putting the cart before the horse. We have no way of knowing if we could even have children. So, take that guilt off your shoulders. It’s not yours.”
“But it is.” He knew that to be true because he felt it so deeply. There was no moving forward for them until she knew and understood that he was sorry for their past.
“Connor.” She cupped his scruffy cheeks, asking without words for him to look at her.
The moment he searched her eyes, all he found was forgiveness and love.
“I don’t hold our past against you. What happened is in the past. It may have started with you, but I wasn’t strong enough to fight back, to ask the questions I should’ve. I didn’t refuse when I should have. You couldn’t force me to sign, but I did. Instead of waiting and finding out what the issue was, I gave in. I gave you the divorce. I’m sorry for that too.”
“I don’t hold that against you. I was in no condition to wait for you or argue with you. Which was another reason to be sorry.” He’d been so angry when he came home. After serving, nothing felt right. Moving back into civilian life had been a shock to his system and Lacy hadn’t been a part of the military, he’d assumed she wouldn’t understand his frustrations.
“Either way, we both understand where we were coming from and can move forward. Right?” Her brows lifted in question.
“Agreed.” He wanted to kiss her, right there in the glow of the Christmas tree. Instead, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet covered box. He slowly opened it to reveal a single gold band.
“What’s this? I have a ring that I love already . . .” Lacy’s brows dipped.
“I talked to a jeweler who said that you can wear this separately if you want to or he can solder the two together. I wanted something to signify what we’ve been through and the new promise between us. Will you accept this as a promise to be faithful to you for the rest of my life? To never leave your side, ever again?” He held out the box to her.
Her fingers gingerly took the box, and she stared at it. “I wasn’t expecting this. I don’t know what to say. I’m not going to leave you, Connor.”
He let himself smile. “I know. At least, my head knows. I’m still working on the rest of me getting the memo, but I’m working on it. It would mean a lot to me if you wore that ring to remind the world, and me, that we’ve already been through the fire and made it through to the other side.”
She slipped the ring from the plush pillow that held it and slid it on above her wedding ring. The band was narrow, smaller even than the band of the first ring. It was delicate and the color perfectly matched the original ring.
“Yes, I’ll wear it. I’ll remember what we’ve been through, and I’ll fight from now on to keep us together.”
He gently kissed her. It was quick, too much and his emotions would take over. He felt far too much for this woman to play with fire. “I wish I could marry you in the chapel this time.”
Her eyes dimmed for a mere second. “We’ll rebuild it, but I don’t want to wait that long, if you don’t mind.” She grinned. “I’ve waited a long time as it is.”
“Agreed. I have to get some things settled between Brendon, myself, and Ferd. Not to mention this family get together and finding Randy a job. We need to find some type of closure for Melinda. After that, we can set a date. Fair?”
“Absolutely.” She looked down at her rings again. “In the meantime, let’s go have our TV time before it gets too late to watch anything.” She laughed. “I’m getting too old to stay up late like I used to.”
He followed her up the stairs, unable to keep from grinning. Life was not only returning to normal, but looking up. Just a few more weeks of uncertainty and he could have all things he’d dreamed of for years.