13
When I get to campus on Monday morning, I keep close to the walls. I scan the faces of my fellow students, looking for a sign, for some indication that I’ve been exposed. A trace of the compromising photo in mocking, suspicious, disapproving, or malicious expressions. But I see nothing.
Before classes start, I go looking for Timothy. I have to speak to him soon. Before someone talks to him, before he hears the rumor. I want to be the one to tell him first, to look him in the eye and say that it’s over.
I find him. I tell him. I tremble a little. And I apologize.
Tim takes it without flinching. His gaze is hard and dark.
He steps back when I try to touch his arm to soothe him.
He hasn’t uttered a word since I started the speech I had rehearsed in my head: It’s me, not him.
I need freedom. To find myself. To find my place in the world. I want to stay friends.
He finally breaks his silence to ask the question I dread the most. “Is it Vadim Arcadi?”
“It’s more complicated than that, Tim. It’s—”
“Don’t treat me like an idiot, Alma. I heard he was at your place yesterday.”
“Yeah, he’s my partner for the short film project. I told you that.”
“But you never told me you invited him over.”
“I’m suffocating, do you understand? You, my family… You’re all watching me. I have to report to you all and justify every move I make.”
“I’m keeping an eye on you because you’re acting crazy! You’re skipping classes, coming home late, lying to me, sleeping who knows where. You don’t dress like you used to. Even the way you speak has changed.”
“I don’t know what to say except that I’m sorry, Tim. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“I don’t want your apologies. I was going to break up with you anyway.
Do you really think I want to be with a girl who doesn’t give a damn about me, barely even looks at me, feels nothing, and behaves like this?
The whole campus is talking about you behind your back.
Do you know what they’re saying about you? ”
“I don’t care, Tim. You can all say and think whatever you want.”
But the photo flashes back into my mind—terrible, impossible to hold back—as if it was a giant poster pinned up at the campus entrance.
Who knows?
Who saw it?
Who took it?
“Think carefully, Alma. About the consequences your actions have. For yourself, but for your family too.”
“See? You’re all trying to mold me, to shove me into a box where I can’t breathe! No matter what I want, what my dreams are, you dictate my behavior and expect me to just smile and bend to your will.”
“Yes, because you’ve changed since you’ve been hanging out with him!”
“Maybe I want to change!”
“Listen to me carefully, Alma.” Tim lowers his voice, comes closer, and grabs my arm. “If I find out something is going on between you two, if I hear something I don’t like—”
“Let her go,” a voice says behind me.
That voice. His voice. A mix of nonchalance and authority. Deep and soft. Warm and steady. A voice that doesn’t need to shout to be heard.
“What the hell do you want?” Tim snaps, still holding my arm.
“I told you. Let her go,” Vadim repeats, still just as calm.
“Is that a threat, Arcadi? Would you rather I lay hands on you?”
“Yeah, good idea. We could hug it out.”
“Or I could rearrange your face, so I don’t have to see your ugly mug around here anymore.”
“That wouldn’t change the fact that Alma doesn’t want to see yours anymore.
So, you’re going to be a good boy and let her go.
Hey, I get it, man. Getting dumped sucks.
Especially when you’re the king of the campus, with a title to protect.
And when your brain is as shriveled as yours, I guess violence is all you’ve got.
But why don’t you pick on someone your own size? That would be a lot more entertaining.”
A vein bulges on Tim’s forehead, and his jaw muscles look like they’re about to explode.
“Watch out, Wallace, you’re not at your best when you’re angry. I’m just saying, for your sake. You know, in case you want to find yourself another girlfriend.”
Tim charges at his smart-mouthed nemesis like a battering ram, driving his head into Vadim’s gray hoodie, which makes a pitiful shield. My stomach clenches.
The two boys roll on the ground, and a circle of onlookers forms almost immediately around them.
Some try to separate them—mostly girls, rather than guys.
I try too, without success. The basketball players egg their captain on, while I try to figure out what to do.
The best thing I can think of is to look around for a guy strong enough and smart enough to stop them.
The fight is vicious, but they’re too busy grappling with each other to land any real blows. I take what comfort I can from the brief sight of Vadim’s intact face beneath his tousled, dark hair. I yell at the boys to stop, but they don’t pay any attention.
Clémentine runs over to me, eyes wide, and leans in to my ear. “I know it’s awful, but… they’re fighting over you!”
Keith Johnson bursts into the circle, grabs Vadim around the waist, lifts him off the ground, and hauls him a few yards away. He’s incredibly strong—Clem is speechless—but I notice that Vadim has stopped struggling.
The small crowd scatters as quickly as it formed.
Tim picks himself up with the help of his buddies and shouts a pathetic “I’m not done with you, Arcadi!”
I stand there with Clémentine for a moment, long enough to hear snatches of the conversation between a furious Keith and Vadim, who is clutching his ribs as he tugs his jacket on, still wearing his trademark infuriating smirk. His irresistible smile.
“You’re heading down the wrong path again, Vadim, and I won’t always be around to keep you out of trouble.
Grow up! Focus on your studies and avoid getting yourself expelled—that’s all I’m asking.
I didn’t get you this scholarship just to watch you waste it!
And stay away from that buddy of yours. I know he’s hanging around again. ”
Vadim is no longer smiling. He runs a hand through his hair, like he always does when he’s uncomfortable.
“I’ve got another appointment now, but I’ll check in on you tomorrow. This discussion isn’t over. Keep a low profile until then, understood?”
Vadim watches his caseworker leave. Clémentine does the same, mesmerized.
“You’re drooling, D’Aragon!” Vadim runs a finger down his chin, teasing my friend.
“I could use some discipline, too… See you later—I think I can still catch up with him!”
I approach Vadim and take a look at his face, which doesn’t look too bruised.
“I’m fine. I’m pretty sure Timmy punches as badly as he kisses…”
“Stop looking for trouble, Vadim.”
“What? You didn’t find that entertaining?”
That cocky grin makes me smile for a moment.
Students walk past and stare at us before moving on. I hate being the center of attention.
“Was he talking about Felix?”
“Who? What do you mean?” Vadim stops inspecting his sore, red fists and looks up at me.
“Keith. Did he tell you to stay away from Felix? Why?”
“No reason. It’s his job to monitor who I hang out with. He’s gotta prove he’s doing something to earn his paycheck at the end of the month, right?”
“I don’t really get it. I feel like you’re hiding things from me.”
“Hey, can’t we talk about my crushing victory against a seven-foot-tall giant, my bravery, and my war wounds instead?
And about the fact that I defended you like a valiant knight and that you’re proud of me or something like that?
” Laughing, Vadim puffs out his chest theatrically, locks eyes with me, and waits for his compliment.
“You have dirt in your hair. Your jeans are ripped. Your hands are all messed up. You provoked him, and now you’re changing the subject so you don’t have to answer my questions.”
“You’re a pain in the ass, Alma Lancaster. Never satisfied. And I want to kiss you.”
And I’m going to let him, eventually…
“Not here. And not before you give me an explanation.”
“What’s to explain? He was holding onto your arm. I can’t stand it when men are aggressive like that with women. I can’t let it happen.”
“Explain about Keith! What is he worried you’ll do with Felix?”
“You did break up with him, didn’t you? I didn’t do all this for nothing?”
“Vadim!” I shout in frustration.
“Alma!” he yells, mimicking me.
I can’t help smiling at that.
He steps closer and wraps his arms around me, bringing his face close to mine. He stops an inch from my lips and whispers, “So, is this it? You + Me?”
Don’t give in… not yet…
“If it’s going to be You + Me, you have to talk to me. Sometimes I feel like there’s stuff I don’t know about you.”
“That’s all in my past.”
“Secrets ruin everything.”
“I never make the same mistake twice.”
“But what mistakes? What past? You accuse me of being trapped in my perfect little world, but you refuse to leave yours. Or to let me in.”
Vadim sighs and takes a step back. His expression changes. It hardens, turns cold. Maybe he’s even more handsome this way, but he feels so distant, so far out of my reach.
“I don’t feel like kissing you anymore.”
He turns and walks away. Slow, but deliberate. He is slipping away from me, and I don’t try to stop him.
Today I broke up with my boyfriend for him, he fought for me… and we haven’t even kissed.