16
Night has fallen when I finally stop in front of Vadim’s place, breathless and confused.
I’d texted him that I would be late, but he hadn’t let me know that he wouldn’t be alone.
Felix is standing across from him, on the sidewalk by the building.
Loud and agitated, Felix is making sweeping gestures with his arms, while Vadim leans against the wall next to his front door, seemingly unfazed.
I approach slowly, hoping Vadim will see me before I have to draw attention to myself.
But it’s Mr. Hyperactive himself who catches my eye first and brings his little dance to a sudden halt.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Her Highness. You certainly took your time!”
“Hey, bestie, were you waiting for me?”
I’m not sure he appreciates me playing along with his dumb nickname routine.
“No, I don’t like princesses who play hard to get.”
“I think you need to lower your expectations, Felix. Learn not to bat out of your league.” I turn toward Vadim, who is chuckling quietly. “Sorry I’m late. We can go whenever you want.”
“I thought we were going clubbing, but he says we’re going to a restaurant. That works for me too,” Felix continues.
“Felix, repeat after me,” Vadim sighs. “‘I’m going to stop being annoying and go home like a good boy.’”
“Okay, man. I’ll wait for you at the Rooftop, in case your date goes badly and you need some cheering up.”
“I think I’ll be fine, Fe. Don’t worry about me.”
“Do you want us to wait for you at the restaurant? You know, in case you get turned away from the club because of… that?” With a sweeping wave of my hand, I gesture toward his outfit.
Evidently offended by my comeback, Felix lets out a bitter laugh.
“Well, now that you two have gotten acquainted, let’s get going,” Vadim says, amused by our verbal sparring.
“Take her to McDonald’s, man. She doesn’t deserve anything better.”
“Oh yeah, well at least you wouldn’t have any problems getting in there,” I fire back.
“Hey, Vadim, don’t they teach manners to rich kids like her?”
“Hey, Felix, don’t they teach you to speak to people directly instead of talking about them as if they weren’t there?”
“Yeah, but I’m not sure you’d understand, given that Daddy dearest isn’t here to explain it to you.”
I give him my finest middle finger.
“That’s good. You’re making progress,” Vadim quips. “Another two or three hours of banter like this, and you’ll be friends for life!”
“No thanks, I’m outta here. Do you have something for me, man?”
Vadim slips his hand into the back pocket of his jeans and pulls out a small wad of crumpled dollar bills, which he hands to Felix without even the slightest effort to be discreet. I still don’t like this, but at least he’s not trying to hide it from me.
Finally, we’re alone.
Vadim drapes his arm over my shoulder, pulls me close to him, and leads me down the road.
On the way, he whispers to me not to ask any questions until we arrive at his favorite restaurant.
And to keep the place a secret. Just for us.
It feels strange to me that he’s opening the door to a little corner of his hidden world.
It makes me happy. So, to get a little closer to him, I use the excuse of checking whether he still has money hidden away and slip my hand into his back pocket. He smiles. I think he looks happy, too.
In the small, dimly lit, almost empty restaurant, we order two burgers as Billie Eilish plays softly in the background.
The atmosphere is intimate and peaceful.
Vadim looks drop-dead gorgeous in his beige T-shirt—I’d gotten so used to seeing him in black.
I could stay there, drowning in his blue-gray eyes, without eating or speaking, for hours.
I just wish there were nothing else but this.
Him + Me. This connection, so natural, so precious.
But so fragile. I want him to keep looking at me like that, to make me laugh, tease me, seduce me, and unsettle me.
Suddenly, I have no desire to hear his explanations anymore. They could ruin everything.
We eat by stealing food from each other’s plates. I take his ice cubes, and he holds the ketchup hostage. We chat about the music, the decor, the overly salty fries, the barely baked brownie, the latest series we’ve been watching. Like a normal couple would.
But it isn’t long before Vadim’s expression changes. Darkens.
“So, are you ready for me to tell you everything?”
“I think so…”
“You’re the one who asked me to, Alma.”
“I know.”
“You had a lot more to say when we were with Felix,” he murmurs teasingly. “Do you want me to get him to come here?”
“Ha-ha. Very funny.”
He leans back in his seat and looks at me—long enough that butterflies flutter in the pit of my stomach.
“I’m ready to tell you everything, or almost everything. But not if you judge me. Not if you try to make me change my life. And not if you get that frightened look you had the first time I talked to you.”
“I’m not scared tonight, and I wasn’t scared the first time either.”
“Liar.”
His little smirk is just enough to irritate me.
“You’re the one who’s scared, Vadim. You keep dancing around the subject, doing everything you can to put off this moment!”
“I just don’t want you to drop everything and run once I’ve told you.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Unless you lie to me. Or unless you killed someone.”
“What, you wouldn’t help me bury the body? Lancaster, I thought you were more badass than that!”
His deep voice, his playful look, the way he runs his hand through his hair… Everything unsettles me, and I start spouting nonsense. “No. I mean, yes. Well, maybe…”
“I haven’t killed anyone, Alma.”
“Stop messing with me and spill it, Arcadi.”
He nods silently.
“Keith got me a scholarship so I could go to film school. I work odd jobs to pay the rent for my apartment. That’s our deal.”
“Why didn’t you get a dorm room on campus?”
“Because I don’t want to be policed twenty-four hours a day. I need my independence. I’ve almost always been alone, so I have a hard time living with other people.”
“Okay, so far, no dead bodies.”
“But there’s Felix. He’s my partner in hardship. We spent our childhood in the same foster homes, getting separated and finding each other again. We’ve made some bad choices, but he has always helped me. I owe him, and I can’t let him down.”
“And he needs money?”
“He has nothing, Alma.”
Even though Vadim is speaking quietly, I can hear the emotion in his voice.
“Why doesn’t he live with you?”
“Keith said no. He doesn’t want us to go back to the way things were, dragging each other down. That’s part of the deal.”
“So, why doesn’t he work?”
“He has a record. It’s complicated. When you’re not born into the right circumstances, your past follows you your whole damn life.”
He drowns the sense of injustice he feels in a gulp of soda.
“And so what’s this ‘business’ you’re doing?”
“I have a kind of job,” he admits. “On campus. I get paid to do assignments for other students. Rich kids, like you.”
I can’t help but burst out laughing at this uncalled-for dig.
“I do my assignments myself!”
“Okay, let’s say lazy, rich kids. Or dumbasses who need to improve their grades so they can play hockey, football… or basketball.”
“I’ve got no idea who you could be talking about.”
My feigned innocence makes him smile.
“Anyway, they give me their topic, I write an essay for them, they get an A, and I get my money. That’s all.”
“How much?”
“It depends on the subject.”
“A lot?”
“Enough for Felix to get by. And for me to be able to take you out to a restaurant.”
I don’t know whether to laugh at that… or be embarrassed.
Vadim watches me intensely, and I find I’m powerless in the face of it. His expression is filled with something I can’t decipher.
“You know I have money. Well, my parents do. I could pay for dinner.”
“No way.”
“I could help you with the other stuff then. All I’d have to do is give you my allowance. You wouldn’t need to do this anymore.”
“Alma, stop. That’s exactly what I wanted to avoid. I’ve never asked anyone for anything, never accepted money that I hadn’t earned. I do just fine on my own, and I don’t want to owe anyone anything.
Anyone.
“Vadim?”
“Yes?”
“I’m not really just anyone, am I?”
He looks away, and I guess I won’t get an answer to that question. My heart tightens a little.
“I don’t want anything to happen to you. What if you get caught?”
“I won’t,” he says quietly. “No one has any interest in this getting out—not them, and not me.”
“You’re so sure of yourself.”
“Do I have a choice? Alma, I know you don’t really approve, but I’m not hurting anyone. I use the only thing I know how to do: think. I do assignments for people who need them, and I earn a little cash. No one goes to prison for that!”
I try not to fall into the trap, but it’s already closing around me.
The trap’s name is Vadim Arcadi.
I’m moved by his story, his past, his courage, his freedom, his devotion to the few people he holds dear.
By his sharp, brilliant mind that he doesn’t ever boast about.
At college, barely anyone has any idea he’s capable of getting excellent grades without breaking a sweat.
He could have become a petty criminal to make money—a thief, or a drug dealer.
Instead, he uses his intelligence to help out his buddy.
If this were the plot of a movie, I’d already be sobbing in the dark in front of the screen. I’m that sentimental. If this were a movie, I wouldn’t be afraid. I’d follow him to the end of the world. I’d support him. He’d protect me. He would be my Clyde, and I would be his Bonnie.
If this weren’t real life…
His puts his hand gently on mine, and the tender gesture takes me by surprise.
“What are you thinking about, Alma?”
“Nothing. Well, I’m thinking about everything you just told me.”
“I can’t stop your little head from worrying, but Alma… it would kill me to have you pity me.” He breathes these words so softly, I barely catch them. But I can see in his eyes that he isn’t lying. “I don’t have much, but I still have my pride.”
“Vadim…”