23
My afternoon classes drag on and on and on, but eventually I arrive at the café, almost two hours early.
After some bargaining, complaining, and disappointed pouting, Clémentine finally agreed not to tag along.
Sitting there alone, I spend what feels like endless minutes watching the students enjoying their usual end-of-day routine: giant sodas, deep conversations, loud bursts of laughter.
I make myself as small as possible, my forehead resting against the window, my eyes fixed on the street where Vadim is due to appear any minute now.
What will he be wearing? Will he look different?
Will he be just as good looking, just as tall?
Just as striking? It feels strangely like I’m meeting him all over again for the first time.
I’m so nervous about seeing him that I’ve already played the scene out a hundred times in my head. Should I stay seated or stand up? Keep quiet and let him speak or say something right away? But what? Keep my guard up or throw myself into his arms?
Of course, I know exactly what I’m dying to do.
But I won’t do it. I’m terrified that he’ll throw himself into my arms though, and then mistake my reserve for detachment.
I hate public displays of affection, especially those couples who have no inhibitions at all and make a huge spectacle of themselves.
That’s not me. And I don’t really like the idea of throwing myself into his arms when I still don’t know why he got arrested. With everyone watching us, too…
Seriously, getting here two hours early wasn’t my best idea! I have way too much time to think.
I slump forward onto the table in front of me, my head between my arms, trying to block out the endless stream of questions.
I stay like this for several long minutes, shut off from the world and the noise around me.
Then, a hand gently settles on my head and starts stroking my hair.
I recognize his scent before I even see him or hear his voice.
Vadim is here.
I snap out of my daze and slowly sit up as he slides into the booth beside me. His hand is on my face now, his thumb caressing my cheek.
“Were you sleeping?” he whispers. “Is that all I get after a week apart?”
His gray eyes are unreadable. Sad and disappointed or challenging?
Vadim smiles at me, and something clicks.
Our two bodies draw closer, melting together, and we hold each other as tightly as we can.
Curled up in his arms, my nose against his neck and my lips against his skin, I breathe him in, filling myself with his warmth, his energy, his very presence.
But the few people staring at us make me feel uncomfortable.
Why did he arrange to meet me at the Sunset?
“You went a little overboard with the Ciao Amore,” I say, slipping out of his embrace.
I immediately regret it.
“And you went a little overboard with Nicki Scott while I was gone, didn’t you? One week without me and you turn bratty?” he teases with a cocky smile.
“That girl gets so much crap from people even though she hasn’t done anything wrong. I have no idea why.”
“And why are we talking about her again?”
“Because you’ve barely spent a minute with me and you’re already annoyed by me,” I reply, hurt.
“Do you want me to leave, Alma?”
“Do you want me to cry, Vadim?”
“Why do I get the feeling you don’t actually want me here?” he asks, frowning.
“I’ve been waiting a week for this…” I sigh, in an attempt to defend myself.
“Then why are you being so hot and cold with me?”
I don’t know. Why am I pushing him away when he’s all that I want? Why am I so suspicious, so defensive, as if I need to make him pay for something? Have all the things people have been saying on campus somehow managed to worm their way into my thoughts?
“I didn’t imagine things going like this,” I admit, looking at him dejectedly. “And I’ve had plenty of time to picture it.”
“Okay, I know this must have been hard for you. I’m sorry. I missed you,” he says, taking my hand.
“Me too.”
Finally, I soften a little, but I still hide our intertwined hands under the table.
“What are you doing?”
“Nothing, I just don’t want everyone staring at us.”
“Who gives a fuck?! I’m here. I’m free. I’m with you. They can stare all they want. And if they have a problem with me, they can come say it to my face!” he shouts, loud enough for everyone to hear.
“Shh, please! Keep your voice down.”
“Apparently, spending seven days without me didn’t do you much good. I feel like I’m back with the uptight little Lancaster from the beginning of the year.”
He flashes me that provocative smile, but for once, I don’t take the bait.
“Apparently, spending seven days in jail didn’t do you much good. Are you going to give me an explanation or not?”
“They had to let me out—they had no proof. I’m in the clear now, and I can get back to living my life.”
“But no proof of what? Why won’t you tell me what this is all about?”
“Because it doesn’t matter, Alma. It’s in the past. The only thing that matters is us. I don’t want us to be apart anymore. I can’t stand it. I realized that while I was in there. It’s all I could think about.”
Vadim grabs my face with both hands and kisses me passionately. My first reflex is to push him away. My second is to look around: every student in the Sunset is watching the show. And Vadim has already jumped to his feet, fury flashing in his eyes.
“Are you ashamed of me? You want to hide me away, is that it? Then get the hell out! I don’t want to waste my time with this version of Alma. I don’t know her! Go back to your little life and forget about me!”
Shocked by the roughness of his words and the rage in his eyes, I grab my bag, slide out of the booth, push past Vadim, and sprint toward the exit. Once I’m in the street, I run even faster, letting my tears flow freely, unable to think of anything except getting home and locking myself inside.
Behind the heavy door, I find Georgia and collapse into her arms. She is always there for me.
I don’t know how long I’ve been crying. Several hours, at least. Neither the comforting words of the woman who watched me grow up nor a phone call from my best friend have been enough to calm me down. I lie there, sobbing in my bed, refusing to let my mother or even Lily in.
Night eventually falls, and the whole house goes to sleep.
But as my head rests on my damp pillow, I can’t help replaying the scene of our reunion, going over the words we exchanged, the reproaches, the teasing that went too far, the lingering resentment, the jabs that should have made us laugh instead of driving us apart—and that painful, impossible-to-understand distance between us.
Our hands reaching for each other but never quite meeting, our bodies drawn to each other only to pull away again, my lips refusing his.
As if the gap between us was too wide to ever be crossed, and all that lost time could never be made up for.
Yes, it is possible… Anything is possible.
Vadim Arcadi has taught me that.
I wipe my eyes and grab my cell phone from my nightstand. Once I start writing the text, I can’t stop.
[I’m an uptight brat who has no clue
what she wants. You’re a reckless
troublemaker who wears
way too much cologne.
But together, we managed
to become something good.
We fall apart when we’re alone.
Vadim, I was so afraid of losing you…
and that made me afraid
to find you again. I’m sorry.
Do you want to tease me again?
Kiss me and hold me again?
I loved you so much when
you were gone. I think
I could love you even more
if you were me.]
His reply comes so fast it makes me jump. Under the covers, my phone screen lights up the darkness of my miserable little cave.
[That was the longest
text in the entire history
of texts.]
[That is the lamest reply
in the history of replies.]
[So… no more
hot and cold?]
[It’s finished. I’m so cold without you.
Come keep me warm, Vadim… I dare
you to spend the night at my place!
Come to my room, right now?]
[If I get caught,
just so you know, you’re
coming to jail with me.]
[Wherever you want, as long as we’re
together. I’ll wait for you downstairs.]
Ten minutes later, I’m standing on the doorstep of my house waiting for Vadim to arrive, the front door half-open so I can see out.
Georgia, who is a light sleeper, heard me sneak downstairs and came to check on me, asking softly if everything was okay.
She accepted my lie without a word and went back to bed, giving me a knowing wink.
Vadim appears at the gate, and I give the button that opens it a short press, taking my finger off after a few seconds—just long enough for him to slip inside.
The automatic security light turns on as he passes, and I pray it doesn’t wake anyone.
I run toward him in my socks and jump into his arms in the middle of the driveway.
He kisses me, and I don’t push him away.
Not even slightly. This reunion looks much more like the one I’d dreamed of.
We’ve been alone in the world, in the cold, but now the heat between us rises again. Our mouths find each other, our hands roam, our bodies come together, our hair and fingers become tangled, our sighs mingle, and my desire finds its way back to his. Unchanged.
“We should go inside, shouldn’t we?” Vadim whispers, catching his breath.
“Come on then, you’re the outlaw. Show me how you sneak into a house without making a sound,” I challenge him with a grin.
He laughs at my old-fashioned turn of phrase.
I try to click the heavy door of the house closed as quietly possible, but Vadim asks me to let him do it, given my legendary lack of stealth.
Then, we quietly head upstairs. In my head, I thank my mother for her love of carpeting, which makes things so much easier for us.
Finally, we slip into my room and stand behind the door for a moment, hearts pounding, smiles on our lips, listening for the slightest sound.
Everyone seems to be sleeping soundly though. The night is ours.