39 #2
“Stop wasting your time, and go back to playing with your little ball, Tim.”
“Okay, don’t get defensive. I just wanted to tell you that I’m here. And that… I… I still care about you.”
“Tim, I don’t need you to be there for me. I just need you to give me some space.”
He clearly couldn’t care less about what I’m telling him, because he immediately moves on to something else.
“Oh, by the way! I think we signed up for the same spring break program! You and Basile are going to the Santa Catalina camp, right?”
“He is. I’m not sure. Haven’t decided yet.”
Actually, it was settled, signed, and paid for months ago.
Clémentine had insisted on it, because she wanted to experience a journey into the wild.
A rejuvenating trip where she could connect with nature.
Unfortunately, I still haven’t managed to convince Vadim to come along.
A week without him is going to feel like torture.
And on top of that, I’ll have to spend the week camping in a nature reserve with my ex, my big brother, and my best friend who barely remembers I exist.
Back in my room at home, I use one hand to turn on my computer and the other to send texts from my cell phone, telling Vadim and Clémentine to get online immediately.
Clemy_juicy: What is it? Did you get kidnapped and you’re messaging me from the trunk?
Alma_from_paris: Would that make you want to talk to me?
Clemy_juicy: Just keep it short. I’m in a hurry!
Alma_from_paris: Another mysterious date?
Clemy_juicy: You’re so perceptive!
Alma_from_paris: And you’re still not going to tell me who this guy is?
Clemy_juicy: Nope. But I’ll certainly let you know if I do decide to tell you, Alma.
Alma_from_paris: Clem, I don’t get it. Either you’re dating someone in my family—but I can’t imagine who, seeing as you’re not really my brother’s type and my dad already has his hands full—or your man is, like, ninety years old?
Or maybe he’s in jail? Or he a serial killer?
Or a thirty-five-year-old male cat lady who still lives with his mom?
And you’re too embarrassed to introduce me—is that it?
Clemy_juicy: Oh my, that last one sounds great. But no.
Alma_from_paris: We used to tell each other everything! And we saw each other all the time! Why has that changed?
Clemy_juicy: Look, when you were spending every single second with Arcadi, I didn’t throw a jealous fit!
Alma_from_paris: Clem…
Clemy_juicy: Anyway, what did you want to tell me?
My throat feels tight. Losing Clémentine is like losing a member of my family.
Alma_from_paris: You remember that we signed up for the Santa Catalina camp for spring break, right?
Clemy_juicy: Oh, yeah. But I don’t think I’m going to go. I have other plans.
Alma_from_paris: What? You can’t do that to me!
Clemy_juicy: You know, you can be so selfish! Not everything revolves around the amazing Alma! I’ve got my own life too!
Alma_from_paris: Just not between March 22nd and 28th, please…
Clemy_juicy: I don’t know, we’ll see. Gotta go. TTYL.
In sixteen years of friendship, I think this is the first time Clémentine has spoken to me like that.
I’ve seen it all: her passing crises, her rebellious phases, her fleeting fads.
I’m well-versed in them all. I put up with them and support her through them—they’re part of her charm.
But she has never been this distant with me, this indifferent. It’s as if we’ve become strangers.
Who could possibly be changing her like this?
A window starts blinking on my screen. I open the new conversation with a heavy heart.
Arcadius: I got your text. Is it serious?
Alma_from_paris: That depends.
Arcadius: My girl, a walking mystery…
Vadim almost manages to make me smile.
Alma_from_paris: If I say spring, nature reserve, wildlife… what do you say?
Arcadius: No.
Alma_from_paris: Yes!
Arcadius: Still no.
Alma_from_paris: [broken heart emoji]
Arcadius: I am not going to spend a week observing flowers and saving foxes!
Alma_from_paris: No, it’s not like that at all! Think of the ocean, fresh air, nights under the stars… freedom!
Arcadius: If you want us to go sleep outside, we can do that tonight, Alma. I don’t need a guide and twenty students to keep me company. They just want to feel superior, but the truth is, they’re going to behave like everyone else during spring break: get drunk, get naked, and sleep around.
Alma_from_paris: Tim will be there.
My trump card.
Arcadius: Wallace? That dumbass? Is that supposed to make me change my mind?
Alma_from_paris: I don’t know. Aren’t you worried about me spending a week alone with him? Without you?:)
I grin like an idiot, feeling my heart beating a little too fast.
Arcadius: You let me see Cheyenne… without you.:)
Alma_from_paris: What’s that supposed to mean?
Arcadius: Feeling a little less smug now, Lancaster? I get the impression you have fun making me jealous, but you don’t like it when I play the same game as you…
Alma_from_paris: No.
Arcadius: You can’t even imagine the kind of conversations I have with her…
Alma_from_paris: Cut it out, Vadim.
My fingers strike the keyboard with more force than necessary.
Arcadius: Yesterday, she asked me what I liked about you.
I stare at the screen, surprised. And nervous.
Alma_from_paris: What did you tell her?
Arcadius: Your intensity and your passion, even when you try to hide them so you can better play the role you were born into.
Your need to challenge everything, your thirst for adventure, your courage, your convictions.
Your heart—so pure, so brave. It’s exactly what this world needs.
You dream big, you see farther than others, Alma. It brings tears to my eyes.
Alma_from_paris: I don’t know where you got all that from…
Arcadius: Stop putting yourself down. Stop apologizing for existing, Lancaster! Ever since I decided not to go to Russia, you’ve been fading away… Wake up, yell at me, push back against me!
Alma_from_paris: You’re an idiot, Arcadi.
Arcadius: That’s more like it.
Alma_from_paris: An idiot who understands everything.
Arcadius: Oh, yeah?
Alma_from_paris: I was so afraid of losing you, Vadim, that I still can’t believe you came back for me.
And now that you’re here, I feel like I could break everything just by touching it.
I’m so afraid of not being enough for you that I let you get what you need from other people.
Because I love you more than anything—more than myself.
Arcadius: Damn it, Alma, you’re the one I want! This is the Alma I want!
Alma_from_paris: Even if I’m sitting here crying my eyes out all over my computer keyboard?
Arcadius: Yes. And even if I have to go to some damn wildlife conservation camp on Santa Catalina Island. And even if I have to punch a giant basketball player in the face to remind him that you’re mine.