32. Chapter 32
Chapter thirty-two
Cason
Rolling over on the hard ass concrete floor, I close my eyes for the billionth time, but sleep won’t come.
Unfortunately, we didn’t get far down the road when we ran into a small horde of them.
When we tried to take another route, we found a roadblock that no one wanted to mess with after meeting the two men earlier.
Although I hope there are new communities forming out of the wake of this disaster, it’s hard to tell friend from foe and while I suspect Jason could fight his way out of something, I’m not sure about Larry.
It was better to backtrack, but we ended up back at the feed store where we were forced to hunker down for the night.
It’s not the best scenario but without knowing the area well, we’re safer here. However, I need to replace the atlas we lost a few days ago. I can’t exactly use my now dead cell phone and it’s probably better to rely on something that doesn’t require power and a cellphone tower to operate, anyway.
I hate that we’ve left our group at the farm to worry but risking death by fighting in the darkness would have been stupid when all we had to do was wait a few hours until the sun rose again.
Once I see the light of dawn through the windows though, I rise, stepping around my companions to assess the situation outside.
The small horde still lingers down the road, blocking access to our route home.
We could drive through them but the damage to the vehicle might be insurmountable and it’s another risk not worth taking.
There is the gas station across the street though and I’m hoping I might find a map of the area to provide an alternate route.
It was not my intention to leave without saying goodbye yesterday, but Shelby was sleeping so soundly and well, peacefully that I chose not to disturb her.
Now as I wander the aisles of the mini mart, searching for a map, I pause on a turnstile of books and smile, reminded of the book, spread open to whatever page she stopped on and lying next to her head when I stopped by yesterday morning.
Shelby reads smut, or so my mom liked to call it with a secret smirk.
After selecting a few books, all based on the half-dressed dude on the cover, because—what do I know about romance novels—I shove them in my bag before finding the maps I was looking for.
They cover quite a few regions and even parts of the state, so I grab them all, including the road atlas beside it.
Since my stomach started rumbling the second I stepped inside, I fill a few bags with snacks and water before eyeing the no doubt stale coffee with a sigh.
The guys are raring to go when I return and we assess the safest route, which will take us five miles out of the way before heading out.
Five miles wouldn’t be a big deal if we weren’t constantly running into them—the damned and I just hope it's smooth sailing because I’d like to be back at the farm before the group no doubt waiting for us begins to truly panic.
Shelby
I’m walking in the pasture amongst the cows and eyeing the beast that Lance wasn’t joking about—it’s beady eyes staring into mine—when the truck comes into view.
My heart jumps into my throat at the sight and I follow it with my eyes as they turn down the lane, pass under the sign and Jason waves from the front passenger seat.
Of course, Cason is driving, and I can’t see his head past Larry’s huge noggin but knowing he’s alive and driving that vehicle eases the panic pressing at my lungs. I don’t know whether to be worried or just relieved as I stalk toward the fence before climbing through.
I guess it doesn’t matter because I am relieved and my face creases into a smile when Jason emerges from the truck and grabs me up before swinging me around. I’m so freaking happy that I giggle, which I haven’t done in years but this feeling flying through me is almost euphoric in its intensity.
“You are a sight for sore eyes, sugar,” Jason says.
After tapping his shoulder, I say, “Okay, calm down, tiger. You were gone for a day,”
As soon as he sets me on my feet, I turn to Cason, but his eyes slide from Jason’s hand touching my waist and back to my face before he says, “You look better. Rested.”
“Thanks,” I say, my cheeks heating.
There’s an intensity to his stare that I don’t understand but I think I like it. The pleasure fades though when Jason grabs my shoulder, leading me toward the house and Cason turns away, his head bowed.
Larry grins on his way by and I turn once they’re gone. It’s hard to decipher Cason’s mood but judging by the stiff set to his shoulders, he’s either worried or upset.
Once again, I’m caught between my instinct to soothe and the truth, which is that it isn’t my job, especially since he’s leaving.
With a mental shrug, I force myself to follow the guys inside where I find Zoey in Jason’s arms. When he spins her around, she shrieks and wraps her arms around his neck with a wide smile.
The sight warms my heart which fades when Nora says, “Thank god, you’re back. This one wouldn’t leave the window. I thought I might have to pry her away with a crowbar to eat.”
“Ha, ha!” I chuckle uneasily as Cason steps inside and his eyes meet mine.
His brows furrow once more before smoothing into another mood I don’t understand. Thankfully Zoey turns his attention when she runs to him before practically jumping into his arms.
I look away from the bronzed muscle when he picks her up. No more, Shelby. Enough. I should be focusing on my loss, and I am but is it wrong to admire something true and strong?
Cason embodies the feeling I so desperately crave—life and I’d rather embrace something real.
Unfortunately, I sense a tension with Cason and the familiar sting of confusion presses at my chest before I walk away. I’m so fucking tired of the whiplash.
Cason may make my heart race, but he also confuses the shit out of me and it’s this that I cannot accept. I didn’t fight off my husband, causing his death, only to land in the same position of questioning myself and everything I do.
Cason’s not a bad man, this I know, but that doesn’t mean I’m willing to slide back into behaviors that would have ultimately cost my life.
I can’t. I won’t.
Cason
When the sparkle behind her pretty blue eyes dulls, I silently groan. It should have been me who grabbed her up and spun her around, admiring the glorious spill of that golden hair on her shoulders.
Instead, that fucker Jason did the honors and what annoys me the most is that I know if he hadn’t, it’s not like I would have stepped in.
I don’t do shit like that, and yet, here I stand, trying to push back the bitter sting of regret and what I do believe is jealousy.
Fuck me.
When Lottie passes by Shelby in the hall, my thoughts turn and I say as she stops beside me, “We ran into your neighbor, Bob.”
“Ah,” she says. “That’s good, he’s alive then. What about his—”
“Son?” Larry interjects and she nods. “Didn’t say much but Bob told us to stop by on Monday if we wanted to meet the rest of the survivors.”
“Monday,” Lottie murmurs before chuckling. “Does anyone know what day it is?”
At her question, we all glance around before Nora snorts and says, “Yes, but only because I’ve been keeping track on a piece of paper.”
She waves toward her room, and I watch her go before easing past the group and following. When I reach their room, I pause outside the door as Nora says, “You feeling okay?”
“Hm,” Shelby says, and my mind conjures up those blue eyes and golden hair. “Yeah. I guess. Nora?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think it’s possible to fall in love with someone when your heart still beats for another?”
Wait. What?
Clutching the wall, I bow my head as Nora says, “I don’t know, babe, but if that someone did, it would have to be a different kind of love, right?”
I shouldn’t be hearing this. It’s not my business and I don’t want to invade Shelby’s privacy.
After backing away, I set the books I grabbed from the mini mart on the table by the door and step into the sunshine.
Is it possible that Shelby still loves her husband? I’ve seen it before, women who somehow manage to find something redeeming about their partner despite the bruises lining their bodies.
Back then, all I felt was pity. Now, I can’t describe the pain curling up my chest, but it isn’t fucking pity.