Chapter 30
C ameron breathed a little easier as they pulled through the castle gates and headed toward the city. The presence of Dieter behind the wheel didn’t exactly relax him, but just getting outside the castle and putting some distance between himself and Alric lifted some of the weight from his chest.
Not that he wanted to be away from Alric.
Shit, maybe that was the problem. With every day that passed, Cameron spent more and more time with the dragon.
It had to be obvious that he was falling for Alric and falling fast. No wonder people assumed.
They didn’t seem to realize just how much that assumption alarmed Cameron.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want it—he just had no idea if he was ready for it.
Choosing Alric meant turning his life completely upside down, and that was a rather hefty decision to make.
Gunter’s words had been the straw that broke the camel’s back. Or in this case, Cameron’s last nerve. Because if even Gunter, who was admittedly very out of touch with castle gossip, had picked up on it? Then Cameron might be screwed.
As the feet turned into yards with the looming threat of becoming miles between them, Cameron felt his skin growing too tight and itchy. A part of him already wanted to turn around and find Alric. He was like a freaking drug addict going too long without his next fix.
This was stupid.
He didn’t need someone like he needed air. This wasn’t his first relationship. No, there hadn’t been a lot of others in his past. Okay, maybe only three and they hadn’t lasted long, but dating had never been like this.
With his other boyfriends, his day didn’t automatically get better when he saw their smile.
He didn’t endlessly think about them and wonder what they were doing.
He didn’t worry about whether they were taking too much on and needed a distraction.
He didn’t plot ways to “randomly” run into his boyfriend.
Oh my god! Was he a stalker or a boyfriend?
“Cameron, take a deep breath.”
Dieter’s calm voice pierced the spiraling thoughts, and Cameron could now hear the ragged panting was actually coming from him.
A high-pitched laugh escaped him, and he shoved a hand through his hair. “I’m good, I’m just freaking myself out a little.”
“What do you mean?”
“I just realized I’ve literally never acted like this with a previous boyfriend.
That I’m making life altering decisions for Alric without a second thought when I really should be thinking about it.
Oh, and I would never have upended my entire life for any other guy I’ve dated.
And it’s kind of alarming, to be honest.” He frowned as the thought hit that maybe he shouldn’t be confessing all of this to Dieter.
And wait, now that he thought about it…. “Why are you driving me, anyway?”
Cameron looked over and there was no telltale smile or anything to give away that Dieter knew exactly what he was talking about. The old dragon had a very good poker face.
“You’re the king’s advisor and things are getting a little crazy with the Jaeggi.
I’m sure there are more important things for you to do right now, and there are plenty of guards available to run to town with me.
I’ve got Warin in the car behind me, in fact, which begs the question of why we’re in separate cars.
With you driving. This seems a little below your pay grade.
Did Alric or Lisette send you to keep an eye on me? ”
“Do you really think there’s anything more important than the safety and well-being of the king’s mate?”
“Oh god,” Cameron muttered, sinking lower into his seat. His heart skipped, tripping over itself to find an exit from his chest. “You think I am?”
Dieter’s laugh was louder this time, and his smile lingered.
It made him look younger in a way, his eyes brighter and the lines in his face shifting from worry to joy.
“I suspected the first day when Alric returned to the castle after meeting you. He didn’t talk about a mage who would help our people.
He talked about the man with hair that kept falling into his large brown eyes, who had the sparkling sense of humor and brilliant mind.
When Alric talks about you, I see a glimpse of the young, happy man I knew prior to the war. ”
Cameron was pretty comfortable with the idea that he was a mage and he could perform magic.
He was finding himself, his true self, for the first time ever.
Which involved moving to another country, learning another language and culture, and the whole shebang.
All of that was huge enough on its own, but did Cameron stop there?
No, he had to date someone on top of it all.
And not just any man. No, his boyfriend-possibly-mate was KING of the FREAKING DRAGONS.
“But to answer your earlier question, they both sent me. Since it’s my job to help Alric think clearly and use reason when things feel overwhelming, they thought I might be able to do the same for you.”
“It’s too much,” Cameron complained on a sigh.
He turned his gaze out his window, watching the rolling green countryside unfold just past the car as they drove down out of the mountains and into the valley that held Sonthofen.
The air warmed a bit as they left the mountain and went into the valley.
Enough that Dieter adjusted the car’s temperature.
“You can’t honestly tell me you’re surprised.”
Cameron groaned softly. “No, not exactly. I mean, I campaigned hard for him to date me. It’s not like I went into this blind, as it was mostly me to begin with. It just seems fast.”
“Some know right away. Your sister—”
Cameron huffed a laugh. “Cassie is different. She’s always been different. She’s fearless. She has no problem jumping straight into something with a woman. Doesn’t seem to care if her heart’s gonna get stomped on. She just leaps.”
“Do you think Alric is going to stomp on your heart?”
Sighing, Cameron dropped his head back against the seat and closed his eyes.
Would Alric intentionally hurt him? Never.
There was zero doubt in his mind Alric would do anything and everything to keep him safe and happy.
“No. No, it’s more the culmination of everything on top of what I feel for Alric.
Which is a lot. Because choosing Alric means I’m immigrating to another country, learning a new culture, a new language—all of which is stressful and huge by itself—and to top that off, I’ll be gaining two new jobs.
TWO. Because being a mage is only one job that I come with.
Being Alric’s mate also means learning how to be a co-ruler of a clan, and that’s…
whoa. Just a lot to take in all at once, you know? ”
“I do not discount what you are saying, as you’re perfectly correct.
It is a great deal to consider. But you’re wrong to think Alric would demand all of that from you at once.
” Cameron opened his eyes to see Dieter give a little shake of his head.
“You will have every ounce of support that he can give you, young mage. For that matter, the entire clan is behind you. I don’t want you to hesitate to choose Alric because you feel overwhelmed. ”
“I can’t help feeling overwhelmed, Dieter. Like, that emotion isn’t easily shuffled off to the side.”
“I do understand. What I’m trying to convey is that you need to speak more candidly to Alric about this. Your hesitation with him has not gone unnoticed, and he fears you might have doubts. Or that you’re second-guessing your choice in him.”
Cameron jerked around in alarm. “What? What have I said that gave him that impression?”
“It’s not what you’ve said, but what you’ve failed to say. I believe Alric has known you are his mate since that first day, but he’s been terrified of making a mistake too similar to the one that cost him his family. Not to mention he doesn’t believe he deserves someone as perfect as you.”
A loud scoffing noise erupted from Cameron’s throat, and he shook his head. “I am not perfect.”
“True, but you are in Alric’s eyes.” Dieter paused, and his smile softened to something a little dreamy. “The same way I am sure no one is as perfect as Lisette.”
Insecurities. Cameron sometimes forgot those rode along in Alric’s brain, whispering evil things.
He’d been so wrapped up in the huge consequences of his actions that he’d failed to really think about how Alric perceived all of this.
Oh damn. He really didn’t mean to give the impression that he had doubts.
Well, he did have a few, but they were perfectly natural and could be dealt with.
One doubt in particular reared its head. Cameron hoped and prayed that he and Alric were meant to be, but really, he had no baseline to guide him. How did the dragons and mages know? With such confidence? “When did you know Lisette was your mate?”
Dieter slowed the car for a particularly tight turn and lowered the visor against the glare of the sun.
“It took a little while. I was young and brash. Best friend to the king of the Burkhard clan and his most trusted advisor, I was sure I knew everything. She was a young, know-it-all mage we’d met on a trip to England.
We butted heads from the first moment. I was sure there was no one more insufferable and she thought the same of me.
Every time we spoke, it was like thunder rumbled through the air.
And yet, when it was time to leave, I couldn’t.
My human brain was in denial, but my dragon knew she was mine. I had to take her home with me.”
“What about Lisette? Did she know?”
“Luckily, she did prove to be smarter than me.” Dieter looked over at Cameron and grinned broadly. “She’d figured it out. When I arrived at her home to ask her to return to Germany with me, she was already packed and waiting.”