Chapter Three
Numb. Orsen felt numb when he wasn’t in pain.
He sat on the porch that wrapped around Crompton’s home and watched the birds fly overhead. Ambrose's death had been ruled self-defense, and TJ had searched the area around the sad, broken house Orsen had called home and found a skeleton. Female, from what Orsen had been told.
Tests were being conducted, but Orsen knew.
Ambrose had said he’d killed her. Killed Orsen’s mother, and now a skeleton had been dug up.
Orsen sipped his water, rocking back on the swing.
His shoulder hurt, and he had to go back to the hospital to have the stitches removed in a day or so, but he didn’t want to go.
He didn’t want to see the looks of pity on the nurses’ faces.
They made him cringe inside. He hadn’t set out to kill Ambrose, but he’d had no choice, and now he didn’t know what to do with himself.
He would be eighteen soon and he needed… he didn’t know what.
“Orsen.”
Orsen looked up at Crompton and gave him a weak smile. Crompton had told him he would have a place to stay and had kept his word. After giving Orsen some time to rest at the hospital, he’d shown up and told TJ that he would take care of him. Surprisingly, TJ hadn’t argued that much.
When the hospital had discharged Orsen, Crompton had been waiting outside with his truck.
Orsen sat in the passenger seat, staying silent, watching the world pass by as Crompton drove.
He had nothing to say. He’d been like that after TJ had interviewed him.
He didn’t want to go over what had happened.
He didn’t want to talk about it, or think about it, or see the images in his mind.
He’d killed someone. Taken someone’s life, even if it had been to stop that person from killing him.
The nightmares were enough. He didn’t need to revisit it during the day, too.
Crompton eased down on the swing next to him and passed him a plate with a couple of sandwiches on it.
Orsen took the plate, murmured his thanks, and forced himself to eat one.
Since that night, his appetite had deserted him, and if it wasn’t for Crompton, he wouldn’t have eaten at all.
Crompton and a couple of his farm hands kept an eye on him, and even though he should be thankful, he resented it as well. Resented that he felt the way he did, and that others had to take care of him.
“TJ needs to come out and ask you a few questions.”
Nodding, Orsen murmured, “He said he might have to.”
“You know he wouldn’t if he didn’t need to.”
“I know. He’s been really good to me.”
“He turned out all right.” Crompton’s gruff voice made Orsen smile slightly. An ornery man who didn’t suffer fools rarely made unnecessary comments or complimented people because it was a nice thing to do. If he said something nice, he meant it.
“He’s been kind to me.” TJ had spoken to him softly, making sure Orsen felt well enough to be interviewed, and when he could see Orsen struggling, he would stop the interview and leave.
Cody, his partner, had visited him too, and even though Orsen barely knew him, it had helped.
Helped more when Cody had told him a little about his life.
From what he’d said, it seemed Cody had gone through some dark times and appeared to understand Orsen. “I like Cody.”
“That boy.” Crompton leaned back in the swing and pushed it gently. “I remember when he left. Thought he was an idiot and would be dead within a month.”
“He came back, though.”
“You only have to see the way he looks at TJ to know why he came back.”
“You’ve seen them together?” Orsen sat back next to Crompton. “I don’t think I have.” Maybe once in the hospital?
“Had to go to the station and saw them together. Never seen a man so whipped like TJ,” Crompton grunted. “Went to call him out on it, but Cody set me straight. Won’t have anyone say anything nasty to TJ.”
“It’s a good thing they have each other.
” Orsen wanted that one day. Someone who would stand with him, help keep him safe.
Even if he had that, he wouldn’t know because he’d never experienced it.
Would he walk away, never understanding, or would he stay?
He didn’t know about life and relationships.
He only knew hurt and pain and anger. What would it be like to wake up to someone who would protect you and try to keep you safe?
Be there through all the good times and the bad?
He felt like Cody had that with TJ, and that was why he protected him.
“I think something bad happened to Cody.”
“I don’t know the details, but something did. Whatever it was, it changed him into who he is today.”
“He’s not much older than me, and has lived a life I know nothing about.”
“That’s because you had to keep Ambrose happy. I should have shot him when I had the chance.”
Orsen winced. “I should have done something.”
“You’re a minor. You’re not responsible for the wrongs Ambrose committed.”
“I always thought she hated me.” Orsen murmured the words. He didn’t know if he wanted Crompton to hear them or not.
“If the skeleton is Allison, we’ll give her a damn good funeral.”
Orsen sniffed and glanced at the plate in his hand. His chest tight, he swallowed. “I don’t know if I want it to be her. I don’t want her to be dead. I want to wake up one day and find she’s come back for me. That she didn’t forget me. That someone loves me.” The plate shimmered, then disappeared.
“I’m no good at this.” Orsen let Crompton pull him close, and he shuddered, his face wet and his throat scratchy.
“Why didn’t they love me? What did I do wrong?”
“Ah kid, it wasn’t you. You didn’t do anything wrong. You had shitty luck having Ambrose for a dad.”
Orsen heard a sound come closer, then stop in front of him, and he lifted his face, watching TJ approach. He knew why he was here. He could tell from the look on TJ’s face. “Is it?”
“I’m sorry. We’ve identified her. It is Allison.”
Orsen burst into tears, great sobs wracking his body, and he felt arms go around him, pulling him forward. “What did I do wrong? Why did he do it? Why didn’t he love me?”
“Orsen.” TJ was in front of him, holding him. Hands rubbed his back, and he let TJ take his weight. He couldn’t stop crying. Couldn’t stop the tears from falling. He held on to TJ with his right hand, his left still in a sling, gripping TJ’s shirt.
“I just wanted them to love me,” Orsen whispered the words so brokenly TJ hugged him tighter. “What did I do that made him hate me? Why did he hurt Mom?”
“I don’t know. What I do know is none of this is your fault.
You did nothing wrong.” TJ rubbed his back and rocked him gently until the tears finally subsided.
Orsen didn’t move, his strength deserting him.
TJ kept hold of him until Orsen finally lifted his head.
TJ wiped the tears and gave him a soft smile. “Why don’t you go and get some sleep?”
Orsen shook his head and wiped his face. “I want this over with.”
“I don’t think—”
“You heard the lad. Ask your questions, then go.”
TJ stood and stared at Crompton, hands on his hips. “I don’t think—”
“You’re a good sheriff for caring, but the lad needs this done now. Ask the questions, then go.”
“Orsen—”
“I want this over and done with. Please.”
TJ stood and stared off to one side, then nodded. “We know Allison disappeared several years ago. Can you recall how old you were when you last saw her?”
“Nine or ten?” Orsen shrugged. “It’s been years, and Ambrose said she’d packed her things and gone. That she didn’t want to deal with a piece of shit like me.”
Orsen lifted his head and saw TJ and Crompton looking at each other. “So, eight or nine years ago. Was there anything left behind? Any clothes or jewelry?”
“He sold them all. Said she’d left them, so they were his. He got drunk and angry and lashed out at me. I believed him. I never thought he’d done something to her until… until he… he went—”
“So you had no idea he’d done something to her?” Orsen shook his head. “As you know, no charges will be brought against you—”
“Better not be, or I’ll be down at the courthouse to speak to whoever I need to.”
“Thank you, Crompton. As I said, there will be no charges against you. We do need to deal with Ambrose’s estate. Everything will be yours as his only living relative.”
“I don’t want it,” Orsen snapped. “You can burn it down to the ground.”
Orsen heard the deep sigh TJ gave. “The house is only a part of it, and if you want to demolish it, I’m sure there will be plenty in Robinson who will help. And if you want to rebuild, the town will help too. You have quite a bit of land.”
“I do?” Orsen didn’t know that, but it wasn’t like Ambrose would tell him. Ambrose had only kept him around to be a punching bag or to catch hares and fish to keep them fed. Any money they had, Ambrose drank away.
“You now own fifty acres of land, Orsen.”
“What?” Orsen looked up at TJ. “I don’t understand.
” How could they have had that much land and be piss poor broke all the time?
Land in the area sold at a premium, and Ambrose had fifty acres and let it go wild?
He could have sold one acre, and they would have been in the money.
He’d gone without food so many times, worn clothes that were old and threadbare, and slept on a dirty mattress on the floor.
“All that land and I went hungry,” he murmured.
“I don’t know why he did what he did, but I’m speaking to the judge to get everything transferred over to you as quickly as possible.” TJ lay his hand on Orsen’s. “Don’t do anything too rash. Let things settle, then decide.”
“Anything else, TJ?” Crompton asked.
“Orsen. You’re free now. No charges will come from this and now that we’ve identified your mom, you can lay her to rest.”
Orsen breathed. He felt his chest move up and down with every breath he took. A strange sensation took over. It felt like he was there and not there at the same time, even as he felt himself tensing up, something bubbling under the surface, clawing inside of him, desperate to break free.
He shot up and stormed off the patio, running as fast as he could.
He ignored TJ shouting his name, ignored Crompton, too.
He ran past the barn he hid his medical supplies in and climbed the fence.
He knew where he had to go, and he ran straight there.
His shoulder hurt, the pain building in it, but he gritted his teeth and carried on.
He burst through the trees, seeing the dilapidated cabin ahead, and headed straight for it.
He could whoever was chasing him hear getting closer, but he would reach the cabin before TJ reached him.
As soon as he did, he kicked the front door, ignoring the tape that covered the entrance, and ran inside.
He grabbed anything he could lay his hand on and threw it.
He kicked the old ratty furniture, grabbed the empty booze bottles that littered the place, and threw them.
TJ came in and grabbed him, but Orsen shook him off.
How he managed it, he didn’t know, but he did, and he grabbed an old frame hanging on the wall and smashed it on the floor.
TJ stepped in front of him, hands held up and murmured his name.
Orsen screamed at him, then screamed again because it felt so fucking good.
He screamed and screamed, then suddenly stopped.
He stared at TJ, then fell to his knees and curled over.
All the anger and hatred bleeding away, leaving him weak and trembling.
He took deep shaky breaths, then muttered, “Burn it to the ground. I want it gone.”