Chapter Eight
Santino snapped his mouth shut. He wasn’t handling this as well as he normally would, and this new revelation had him on the back foot.
Here sat a man—and he was, in more ways than he should have been—who had been exposed to acts no child should ever know.
It reminded Santino that just because Orsen came across as innocent in some ways, he wasn’t in many others.
“I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t know what it was when I was younger and then she was gone.
I knew later what he was doing. He tried it with me a couple of times, but I ran away.
I always came back because that was home.
I know I’m not like others, but I’m not a child either.
I don’t want to see the world or do crazy things or sleep around.
I want a normal life with someone who cares about me.
A job. Friends.” Orsen tapped his chin, then looked at Santino.
“You see me through your eyes and not mine.”
Santino arched his eyebrows. Orsen was right. Santino did. “I guess I do. From now on, I’ll stop doing that, or at least I’ll try.”
“Thank you. What were we talking about?”
“You doing your work and me having to do some thinking.”
“I’d like to have a date with you.”
“And now you need to work.” Santino watched Orsen roll his eyes, but he settled and did the work Santino had assigned him.
A new case arrived, and Santino lost track of time as he worked his way through the case notes and began the financial analysis.
It was only when Orsen gently nudged him that he stopped staring at the monitor.
“What is it?” He smiled, seeing Orsen duck his head.
“You promised me pizza.”
“Is it that time already?” Santino glanced at the clock on the wall. “Two already? You should have come to me before.”
“You looked busy and I could wait.”
Santino stood and stilled. He furrowed his brow at the strange need to kiss Orsen, who was still seventeen. Sliding a hand through Charlie’s fur when he came over, Santino said, “Let’s order now.”
“You wanted to kiss me.”
“I did, and how did you know?”
“You swayed closer, your pupils dilated, and you, er, with your lips. You know, stuck them out a little.”
“Pursed.” Santino sat on the edge of his desk. “You’re good at reading body language.”
“I had to be. I had to learn when Ambrose would go after me. I guess I started to do it all the time.”
Santino breathed deeply, watching Orsen. They had said they would be honest with each other. “I did consider kissing you.”
“Why did you stop?”
“You’re seventeen, and it doesn’t feel right.”
“I’ll be eighteen in a few days.” Orsen smiled. “I’ll come for my kiss then. I can see you’re trying to do the right thing.”
Santino arched an eyebrow, then pointed to the door. “Let me place our order.”
Orsen grinned, bounced on his feet, then skipped out of the room.
Santino followed at a more leisurely pace, his mind going over their conversations.
Orsen did intrigue him. One minute childlike, then the next far too mature for his age, but he had a good read on the situation.
Santino did want to kiss him. Still wanted to, but Orsen was still seventeen, even if for only a few more days.
Would he feel different when Orsen had reached eighteen?
Santino knew he would, and, in the meantime, they could get to know each other better, because Santino liked being around Orsen. He had a unique way of viewing the world, and Santino wanted to show him what he’d missed out on.
“You have the menu on your fridge.”
“Don’t tell my mamma. She’d go nuts if she knew how much takeout I eat.”
“Is she mean?”
“No, but she’s Italian and taught us all how to cook. Me buying pizza is a sacrilege.”
“Something you shouldn’t be doing. I won’t tell her, but I demand a kiss in return.” Orsen smiled. “When I’m the right age because you have… morals.” Orsen tilted his head, then grinned. “I’m going to ask Cody about man-on-man porn.”
Santino spluttered. “What?”
“It’s called gay porn. I overheard Cody talking about it to TJ. TJ reacted like you and Cody laughed. A lot.”
“That’s because gay porn isn’t like real life. In porn they just stick it in.”
“You sound so funny. Stick it in.” Orsen giggled. “Not like you at all.”
Santino put his hands on his hips and scowled at Orsen. “You seriously want to watch gay porn?”
“I don’t know. Kids my age watch it, so maybe I should. Would that be living my life the way I should?”
“Are you playing with me?” Santino liked the teasing side of Orsen. “Teasing me because of what I said?”
Orsen shrugged, then flicked the takeout menu Santino held in his hand. Clearing his throat, he pointed to three different options. “Can I try these?”
“Deflection. You’re good. I’ll give you that.”
“Does that get me a kiss?”
Santino rolled his eyes. “And persistent.”
“Please. You’re really going to make me wait?”
Santino put his hands on Orsen’s shoulders and looked into his eyes, eyes like fire that made him forget what he wanted to say.
Those were some pretty eyes, unlike any that Santino had seen before.
Orsen stood on tiptoe and kissed him, then smiled.
“It’s the eyes. Ambrose would tell me he could get a lot of money for me because of them.
I used to hate them, but I like how you look into them. ”
“You shouldn’t kiss me like that.”
Orsen stepped back and straightened, his face hardening.
“I’m not a child. I haven’t been one for years.
I know I don’t know as much about everything as I should, that I’m…
innocent, but I’m not. I’m tired of always looking over my shoulder, of feeling alone and scared and horrible inside.
I want to laugh and tease you, and I want to eat pizza with you.
I want to get to know you, but I also want to kiss you. I really want to kiss you.”
“Can you give me time?”
Orsen slumped, then shrugged. “Fine. You can have time, and I’ll ask Cody to take me out.”
“That isn’t fair, Orsen.”
“Life isn’t fair, Santino. I should know.” Orsen handed the menu to Santino. “I’m not hungry. I want to go home. Oh right. I don’t have one. Silly me. Guess it’s my age.”
“Stop it,” Santino snapped. “This petulant, childish behavior isn’t helping, and you haven’t let me explain why I’ve asked for more time.”
“I’m childish now. Well, I am only seventeen. It’s not like I killed someone, is it?” Orsen pushed past Santino and stormed into the study where his bag was.
“Stop.”
“You don’t get to tell me what to do, and I don’t like you right now.”
Santino grabbed Orsen by the shoulders and held him in position. “You listen to me. I’m attracted to you and I’m having a couple of issues with it. They are mine and not yours, so I asked for time to work my way through them.”
Orsen stopped pushing Santino and asked, “You do like me?”
“I do, and I told you that, but you are seventeen. You’ve been through a traumatic experience.
Your upbringing has been atrocious. You’re just now stepping out into the world and seeing what you’ve missed for all these years.
I’m the first person you’ve interacted with who isn’t from here.
This could be you confusing emotions because you’ve never really had them before—” Santino shook his head when Orsen went to say something, “—and I don’t want to get hurt.
What if I do begin a relationship with you and then you realize you don’t feel the way you thought you did and you leave?
What if you decide I’m too old for you or have more life experience than you and you can’t accept that?
I’ve been hurt before, Orsen, so I’m being careful. ”
Orsen moved between Santino’s arms and hugged him. “I’m sorry. I’m being impatient and stubborn.”
Santino hugged him back, realizing that in the time he’d known him, Orsen had grown an inch. “You’ve grown.”
“It happens. I’ve been told I might grow another inch now that I’m getting proper food. I like being smaller than you. I’m five foot nine now. What are you?”
“I’m six feet. Let me order pizza and then we can start fresh. I’ll get us a few so you can try them.” Orsen stepped back and rubbed his shoulder, then moved it back and forth. “How is it?”
“I had the stitches out and need to do more therapy. They gave me exercises, too. They’re boring.
” He grinned and Santino chuckled at him.
Walking back into the kitchen, Santino picked up the phone and placed their order, then went to the fridge and grabbed a can of soda for Orsen.
Placing it on the table, Santino put fresh water in Charlie’s bowl, then gave him some food.
Charlie almost barged Santino out of the way as he scarfed down his food.
“I don’t think I want a party for my birthday.”
Santino sat opposite Orsen and sipped his water. “Why not?”
Orsen frowned and let the tip of his finger slide over the condensation from the can.
“It doesn’t feel right to me. I want something quiet.
I don’t want to have what is expected because I’m a teenager or because I’ll be eighteen.
That isn’t me, and it’s not because of what I’ve been through.
I don’t need everyone to be there. I can be happy with you. ”
“I know the others are planning something for you on your birthday. Why not have it, then we can do something after?”
Orsen’s eyes sparkled. “Can we go back to your house? Maybe later I might want to go out somewhere nice, but not yet. I don’t feel ready for that.”
“We go at your pace.” Orsen arched an eyebrow that made Santino smile. “Okay. Some things will go at your pace.”
“Tell me. Do you want to kiss me?”
Santino sighed but nodded. “I said I do.”
“Do you want to do other things with me?”
Just how much time had he spent with Cody? “I haven’t moved past the kissing part yet.”
“I asked Cody about it.” So, he had been spending time with Cody. “He told me how it should be. Then we talked about man porn.”
“Gay porn.” Orsen waved Santino’s comment away. “So, gay porn. Two men together? Three? A gangbang?”
“I… what? No, don’t tell me. I like being innocent about that.” Orsen’s eyebrows went up, then down. “Really? Three men? How?”
“Think about it,” Santino murmured dryly. He watched Orsen screw his face up, then his eyes go wide.
“Oh, that’s a no for me. I think.”
“It’s arousing to think about, but not to actually participate in.”
“Have you ever done anything like that?” Santino licked his lips. “Ooh, you have.”
“I was much younger then and I wanted to get out of mamma’s house. Her name’s Luna and I love her, but I needed to get out. I went a little nuts at college.”
“Tell me.”
“Orsen.” Santino exhaled. “It was a long time ago. I was eighteen or nineteen.”
“So around my age.” Orsen arched an eyebrow and sipped his soda. “Tell me. Did you have three men, or what is it called?”
“Threesomes, and I had a couple. I enjoyed it then, but it isn’t something I’d do now.
I slept around, fucking anyone. Drank quite a bit, too.
It was hedonistic at the time. I was free to do what I wanted, and I did, but then one day I woke up and realized I was wasting my life in the clubs and bars on pointless hookups.
My last relationship ended, and I knew I wanted a different life.
I’d met TJ on a case and spoke to him about Robinson.
I came over to visit and bought this place.
I like the easy-going life here. It’s a large town, but not too large, and the city isn’t too far away. ”
“I don’t want to sleep around with different men,” Orsen murmured. “I want a home. A place I can go to and know I’m safe. Someone who loves me waiting inside who’s happy to see me. I guess some would say they’re simple things, but they’re good enough for me.”
They were simple things, but ones everyone should have, especially Orsen, who deserved them and so much more. “Then I’ll help you get them.”