Chapter 8 Playing Hooky #2
In the living room, a pile of half-folded laundry took up one corner of a wide, comfortable loveseat that reminded me of the over-priced set I once had with Gary.
Lego blocks, plastic this time, not chocolate, scattered over the surface of the coffee table.
Two scraped-clean dinner plates sat on TV trays drawn up close to the couch facing a massive television while a children’s animated movie flashed brightly on the screen.
Two matching picture frames propped on a side table, one a wedding photo, one a photo of a blond woman holding a baby I presumed to be Isaiah, made up the entirety of the décor, or at least, all I could make out on my way to the kitchen.
Kian ran a rough hand over his head and jerked his chin toward the living room. “I, uh, wasn’t expecting company.”
I shrugged. “People live here. It’s fine.”
“Yeah, Dad, it’s fine!” Isaiah agreed.
Setting the box down on the kitchen table, I flipped the lid open. “Ta da!”
“Happy Birthday Daddy?” Kian quirked an eyebrow, his eyes dancing.
“Made to order as per Isaiah’s instructions,” I grinned, allowing myself this one small tease. “Daddy.”
A deep rumble began in his chest, filled his belly, and finally overflowed as he began to laugh.
I giggled, his unspoken praise sparkling inside me like great, round, effervescent bubbles filled with light.
Isaiah beamed, eyes wide with wonder, his little head on a swivel as he looked back and forth between us in the small, sunlit kitchen. “You’re happy, Daddy? Are you happy?”
Kian nodded at Isaiah, sweeping him up in his arms as he hugged him tight. With one look at me, his eyes crinkled and his laughter resumed.
Surprised by his joy, I laughed out loud as he set his wiggly, giggly son back down.
Isaiah jumped up and down, clapping his hands as he bounced off his dad’s solid frame. “You’re happy, Daddy?”
My giggles erupted anew even as his words stung, his wonder sinking like a rusty anchor deep into my chest.
Kian chuckled and tousled his son’s hair. “Yeah, buddy. I’m happy.”
Still smiling, Kian reached out one strong, calloused hand and grasped my upper arm. Hauling me into his chest, he splayed one hand across my back and pulled me in tight. His other hand tunneled into my hair to cradle the back of my head, holding me fast, balanced as I was on the tips of my toes.
His big chest rumbled with the remnants of his laughter as he rocked me back and forth.
Rapid-fire thoughts, a surge of pleasure, the itch of trepidation, and the weight of my heart’s ache snapped and hissed like live wires. I tentatively wrapped my arms around him and splayed my hands across his broad back.
“Thank you, Bridge,” he murmured.
Just like that, his voice wrestled those wires into submission. I closed my eyes at the rightness of his steady, solid form encompassing mine, and my body molded to his. “You’re so welcome, Kian,” I replied warmly, my hands moving up to rest on his wide shoulders.
Nuzzling his face into the curve of my neck, his chest rose with his deep inhale as he hummed and settled against me.
I tipped my head to the side, automatically giving him access to my neck as I cuddled him closer.
I closed my eyes. Knowing you’re lonely for touch and feeling what you’ve been missing were two entirely different things.
Was he as lonely as I was?
With his next breath, his body stilled.
An icy frisson of alarm raced through my body as every cell came online, attuned to the shift in the atmosphere.
I blinked, eyes wide, frozen in place.
Kian’s hands tightened, his fingers clutching me roughly as the muscles in his shoulders turned to boulders.
“Isaiah,” I ordered, turning my head to the side to face him. “Go choose a movie for us, okay? I have another surprise, but I don’t want you to see it yet.”
Kian’s body trembled in my arms.
“A movie?” Isaiah exclaimed, his eyes darting between me and his dad, a hint of worry blooming between his tiny brows.
“Yup! A movie.” I wagged my eyebrows. “We’re going to stay up late!”
His mouth gaped open. “Best birthday ever,” he whispered as he raced from the room with one final look back at his dad.
I turned my attention to the man in my arms. Cupping my hand around the back of his head, I tucked him further into my neck before wrapping my arms around him as tight as I could. “You’re okay, Kian,” I murmured.
He swallowed audibly, his fingertips digging into my back, his fist tightening in my hair, body taut with the effort to suppress his emotion.
“You’re okay,” I promised him quietly, seeing my next steps clearly laid out in front of me. “You’re not alone.”
He nodded against my neck, a rough sound escaping his throat as the muscles in his arms turned to marble.
“I know, baby,” I whispered, arching my body further into his. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”
Maybe it was irresponsible to promise, but in that moment, I could have moved mountains.
Kian’s long, shuddering breaths warmed my skin as I ran my hands over his broad back in slow, easy circles.
His body sagged against me as his breathing deepened and evened out. The sounds of the movie on the tv, the lawn mower’s steady hum, and the chirping of birds reached me once more as his grip on me loosened.
He drew back slowly, and I sank down onto my feet.
I stared up into his face and searched his beautiful eyes. “Okay, big guy?”
Where I expected him to duck his head to conceal his face, he simply dipped his chin and captured my gaze. Cupping my face in his hands, his watery eyes stared into mine. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m so glad you’re here.”
I covered his hands with mine and closed my eyes.
Because he was healing something inside me as well.
“I’m glad I’m here, too.”
“Bridge.” He swept his thumb over the apple of my cheek. “If it was going to be anybody, it would be you.” His grip on me tightened as he continued fiercely. “One hundred times over, it would be you. I just don’t have it in me to risk failing yet another person I love.”
He paused. “And you deserve someone who can give you everything I can’t.”
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, his scent filling my lungs.
This was a good man, a truly good man. But we were friends and friends were all we’d ever be.
Because I didn’t want a man who would so easily give me up to someone else.
Exhaling, I nodded and tipped forward until my forehead hit his chest.
He wrapped his arms around me and held me loosely against his body.
When he rubbed his cheek over the top of my head, I snuggled closer.
And when he pressed his lips to my crown, I pretended not to notice.
Because as much as I might want this to turn into something more, it wasn’t the right move.
Not for either of us.