Chapter 13 No Shame
No Shame
After telling Kian about Jakey, I went home and took the framed picture of Jakey sitting with his guitar out of my drawer. It was the only one I had, and I only had that one because I’d kept it at Cocoa Loco.
I sat looking at it for a long time before tucking it away again.
But I thought about it constantly, taking it out several times a day.
Jakey had been so happy that day, shocked and over the moon with glee. I’d been sure to get Gary’s approval before buying it, knowing it would only add friction, throwing fuel on the fire of Gary’s control issues every time he saw it if it wasn’t half his idea.
I touched his sweet face through the glass, remembering how he whispered, ‘Thanks, Mom’, that contraband word sliding off his tongue with ease. I had just snapped the picture, moving close to show it to him when he dared say it.
I froze, then leaned into him, pressing my hip against his shoulder in acceptance.
Acknowledgement.
And gratitude.
The alarm on my phone went off and dragged me back into the present. Looking at the time, I grabbed my book bag and ran out the door, laughing when I nearly plowed into my aunt on the street.
My eyebrows shot up at her disgruntled look. “Are you going tonight?”
Raising her eyebrows along with her book bag, she smacked me on the ass. “Let’s go. This is a good one.”
I rolled my eyes. “You love your cowboys.”
She wagged her eyebrows. “Especially when there are two of them!”
I laughed and threw my arm around her shoulders.
Her face softened. “It’s good to see you laughing. I hope you enjoy yourself tonight. Try not to get us kicked out too early.”
“Oh, no,” I breathed. “Are we not meeting at Michelle’s tonight?”
“Nathan is taking her out for their anniversary. We’re going to The Beanery.”
“Well, shit,” I huffed. “Looks like book club is going to be short tonight.”
It was not.
In fact, the owners of The Beanery got smart and put a sign on the door stating there was an event, and restricted orders to take out only.
In celebration, Noelle, Harley, Wren, Shae, and I were the last ones there.
Wren chewed her lip as she stared at the display case.
Noelle rolled her eyes and laughed. “For goodness’ sake, Wren, there’s only one left and we all know you want it.”
“I do,” she admitted. “I so do.”
Facing the beleaguered barista at the counter, I ordered four coffee refills and Shae’s French Vanilla Cappuccino. “And can you add the last chocolate croissant, two brownies, a chocolate chip cookie, and the birthday cake cupcake?”
“That better be for me,” Harley mumbled when I got back to the table.
“It is,” I assured her.
Noelle and I dived on the brownies while Shae snapped up the chocolate chip cookie to dunk in her French Vanilla.
“You’re disgusting,” I groused.
“Dunking is a time-honored tradition.”
Noelle scrunched up her nose. “It’s the soggy crumbs in the bottom of the cup that kill me.”
“Are you a dunker?” Shae asked.
She shook her head. “Hawkley.”
Harley laughed as the rest of us stared at her, the thought of Hawkley, that grumpy bear, dunking his cookies giving us the giggles.
Noelle smiled serenely but her eyes twinkled. “He has hidden depths.”
“What’s up with you?” Harley challenged.
I looked around the table to see who she was talking to, but everyone was looking at me.
I pressed my fingers to my chest and raised my eyebrows. “Me?”
“Yeah,” Shae answered. “You’re not yourself.”
“Well then, who the fuck am I?” I quipped.
“Deflection will get you nowhere,” Wren advised.
“Spill, lady,” Noelle added.
A sigh the size of which might have instigated a tsunami on the other side of the planet escaped me. I didn’t like thinking about him, never mind talking about him, but perhaps it was time I began to purge him from my system.
I learned my lesson and learned it well when I was married to Gary. It did not bode well to isolate yourself or cut out your friends.
“My ex-husband isn’t a good man,” I began. “At first he was sweet and charming, but over the years it got to be where I couldn’t do anything right.”
“He was critical of you?” Wren asked softly.
I nodded. “I embarrassed him.”
“What the fuck?” Harley muttered, her brows crashing down over her eyes.
“He said I was too blunt, abrasive, and aggressive.” I shrugged.
“You mean direct, to-the-point, and assertive?” Shae challenged.
I snorted. “Yeah, that.”
“All the traits we admire in men,” Noelle surmised.
“In-fucking-deed,” Harley clipped.
“We’re getting off topic,” Noelle murmured. “Let her tell her story.”
“He began excluding me from his business social functions because I challenged the opinions of his co-workers.”
“What does he do?” Shae asked.
“Litigation lawyer.”
“When I found out he’d been taking his PA in my place, we had a knock-down, drag-out fight that ended with him kicking me out.”
Noelle gasped.
“My name wasn’t on anything other than my business and a tiny rental condo I bought before I met him.”
My mind drifted into the past. “It took three weeks for me to understand what he’d done to me all those years.
He never contacted me or asked me to come home, so I found a tiny walk-up above this charming independent bookstore run by an incredibly grumpy silver fox straight out of one of your romance novels, Noelle. ”
“Finally, this story is beginning to look up,” she teased.
I smiled. “That apartment became my haven. I pulled my things out of storage and set it up so nicely. And it was barely a hop, skip, and jump to Cocoa Loco.
“After another month of no contact, I filed for divorce.
“And that’s when the phone calls, emails, and text messages began.
“First, he was ‘checking on me.’ Then, he wanted to reconcile. When I instructed my lawyer to send a letter insisting any and all correspondence go through our lawyers, he began to unravel.
“And when he found out I’d had contact with his children, he went ballistic.
“It got to the point where my hands shook every time my cell dinged with a notification. I silenced all alerts, blocked his messages, and sent his emails to spam.
“So, he began showing up at my door.”
“That’s terrible, Bridge,” Wren murmured.
“It took a year to get to that point, but playing possum in the far corner of my tiny living room for the third time within two weeks made me reevaluate my life.”
“You sold everything and moved,” Shae surmised.
I nodded shortly.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you.” Wren’s sweet voice rang with sincerity.
Harley narrowed her eyes. “Why are you telling us this now?”
I swallowed. “Because he started messaging me again.”
“Shit,” Noelle hissed.
Harley dipped her chin. “You think he might come here?”
I shrugged.
She smirked. “Don’t worry. We’ll be ready if he does.”
“Tell Susie to keep an eye out,” Noelle advised. “She has her finger on Sage Ridge’s pulse at all times.”
“I’ll do that,” I agreed.
I didn’t want to drag all that business here.
But I didn’t want the bad business dragging me back to where I was a few months ago either.
“I’ll talk to her,” I promised.
“And we’ll let the guys know,” Wren added.
When I opened my mouth to protest, she held up a palm.
“There’s no shame here.” She smiled softly, her eyes earnest. “At least, it’s not your shame.”