Chapter 29 An Empty
An Empty Shell
Sitting on the edge of my bed late morning, deep in thought, I didn’t hear my bedroom door open.
“Going somewhere?”
My head snapped up, my gaze locking with Kian’s.
I followed his line of sight to the open suitcases on my floor. “I had a tiny crisis of faith.”
His eyes softened. “You about done with that?”
“I wasn’t sure--, before you called--” I swallowed, my brow furrowing. “How did you get in?”
His pretty mouth twisted to the side. “Jake.”
Pushing off the wall, he walked over and slung an arm around my neck. Tugging me close, he dropped his mouth to my ear and murmured, “I’m sorry it took so long, sweetheart. Will you come for a drive with me? We need to talk and there’s something I want to show you.”
In the truck, he laced his fingers through mine, every so often bringing the back of my hand to his mouth for a gentle kiss.
I stared out the window and the sun-soaked fields. “Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
I frowned, then smiled at the next turn. Twisting to face him, I squeezed his hand. “You finished the house!”
Laughing, he nodded. “Enough to show you.” Slanting an amused glance in my direction, he asked, “Do you want to see it?”
I sat up straighter in my seat. “Of course! I’ve been waiting for this for so long!”
His eyes bugged out. “So long? It’s only been six weeks! I’ve worked like a madman!”
I laughed, too excited at the prospect of seeing the house, ferociously curious if he’d taken any of my suggestions, and how they turned out.
“I hope it turned out okay. Did you use any of my suggestions? I didn’t steer you wrong, did I?”
He chuckled. “You’ll see.”
Pulling up to the driveway, I didn’t recognize it at first.
“It doesn’t even look like the same house,” I breathed. “It looks like it’s made of chocolate,” I squealed in delight.
Dark chocolate siding and a cedar roof took the place of chipped, peeling paint and rotten wood. The knotty redwood front door, trim, and wide, inviting front porch that stretched across the front completed the effect with sturdy redwood columns like his parents’ home.
“Oh!” I breathed. “You got a porch swing.”
He shrugged. “It was a nice touch.”
It was more than a nice touch; it was a dream. My jaw dropped. “You made the front window bigger!”
“It’s near twice the size it was.”
“It looks so good,” I whispered.
Something was happening in my chest. Warm and tingly, ripe with anticipation, and sharp with anxiety, like a kid waiting for Christmas morning but half expecting to find a stocking full of coal.
“I think I’m feeling too much, Kian,” I murmured, rubbing a palm over my aching heart.
“You’re okay, sweetheart. I’ve got you.”
I nodded.
Sweetheart.
Was there a nicer word in the English language?
Jumping down from the truck, he crossed around to my side and led me up to the front door. Instead of keying in a code, he flipped around his keychain until he found the one he wanted and fitted it into the lock.
“You put the shelves and the cubbies!” I exclaimed, running my hand along the polished wood. “They look great!”
“I’m glad you like them.”
With one glance, I took in the oak staircase leading upstairs and the wood beams lining the ceiling. “Nice!” I exclaimed, then pointed down the hall to the kitchen. “You put in a window!” Laughing, I rubbed my hands together. “I can’t wait to see the rest!”
I turned around.
And froze.
Like a dream of a dream, a comfy pink chair nestled into the corner of the room by the window, fluffy cream blanket folded over the back.
Kian preserved the brick fireplace, restoring it to its original splendor.
The floors beneath my feet showed no sign of the icepick murders but were exactly how I described.
“You can help me pick out the rugs,” he stated quietly.
“Kian,” I whispered, awestruck.
This was a family room that defined the word. A place to cozy up, watch movies and play board games.
Wood burning fire in the winter, front porch swing in the summer.
“I love the reading corner,” I whispered, walking further into the room. When I saw the long narrow desk, over-sized window, and bookshelves taking the place of a traditional dining room, I covered my mouth with both hands. “You did everything—"
Unable to look at Kian, I spun and headed straight for the kitchen. A large window where there used to be none, a butcher block, raw edge kitchen table with built-in bench seating, and shiny, high-end appliances.
“This kitchen…” I swallowed. “This is a kitchen for a cook.”
“It is,” he agreed.
I closed my eyes.
Could it be or was it too much to hope for?
I’d been disappointed so many, many times.
“Look out the window,” Kian ordered softly with his hand at the small of my back.
I moved forward in a daze. Seeing my vision, my dream, come to life was almost cruel if it couldn’t be mine.
My lips parted with realization that it was the very next best thing. “Kian! You built this house for you and Isaiah!”
He grinned at me, his eyes crinkling with amusement and something that looked suspiciously like pain. “Do you like it?”
“I love it,” I confessed, moving toward him.
Grasping me by the shoulders, he spun me around to face the window. “It was the best I could do,” he murmured.
Outside, an old paint rag hung on a long laundry line and fluttered in the breeze.
I laughed. “Nothing like the smell of an old paint rag hanging on the line.”
Pinching my butt, he jerked his chin toward the window, pointing first one direction, then another. “The wood oven will go right there, and I laid the foundation for the firepit over there.”
“It’s perfect,” I whispered.
“I like this speechless version of Bridget,” he teased.
“My voice may never return to its usual pitch and volume again,” I confessed, my voice shaking.
Pulling me back against his chest, he teased, “We should be so lucky.”
I elbowed him lightly, eliciting a soft ‘oof.’
His voice dropped. “Be nice, Bridget, or I won’t show you the rest.”
Pushing away from him, I headed for the stairs and declared, “Oh, you’re showing me the rest!”
He remained downstairs, hands on his hips. “Still bare bones up there, Bridge.”
I turned and cocked an eyebrow. “Are the bathrooms in?”
He shook his head and held out his hand, his face as serious as I’d ever seen it. “What I want to show you is outside.”
Walking around to the back of the property, he stopped at the doors of the outbuilding he claimed had to be torn down.
“So, I never did make it up to you for that dinner you bought me at Susie Q’s.”
My brow furrowed. “You have chickens in here?”
His eyes lit up, and he burst out laughing. “No, no chickens.”
Shaking his head, still chuckling, he swung open the door and ushered me inside.
Stainless steel countertops stretched along one wall. Five bright, shiny new kettles lined up on a second countertop, bookended by a massive, double refrigerator on one side, a utility sink and grease trap on the other.
A working island took up the center of the room while shelves stocked with bags and bags of callets lined the back wall.
I couldn’t breathe.
Like I was walking through blackstrap molasses, I made my way around the room. Cooking racks stacked with pans. A peg board holding my molds.
I pointed, my vision glazed. “These are mine.”
Voice gritty, Kian answered, “Everything is yours.”
Hope rose as high as the waves on the lake in a summer storm and flipped my panic switch.
Spinning away from him, I protested, “Kian, this—this is not—it’s so—” I flung my arm out to encompass the industrial kitchen that near knocked me on my pudgy ass. “This isn’t—this has no resale value! You can’t sell this! How could you just go all in on this?”
Hitching his hands on his hips, he stared back at me steadily, but I couldn’t hold his gaze. “All in is the only way I know how to be with you, Bridget. I’ll never be any other way.”
I shook my head and looked down at the floor, my heart fluttering wildly in my chest. “You can’t know that for sure.”
“I do—”
“You don’t,” I snapped, facing him. “If it comes to a choice between me and Isaiah, it will be and should be Isaiah! And where does Jake fit in all this?”
Stepping close, he firmly cupped his hands around my face and held me still. “Bridget, I will always, always, always choose us. Jake is part of us.”
“You can’t.” I panicked, the cumulation of everything I might one day lose reaching astonishing heights that had the power to crush me. “Isaiah comes first. He has to.”
He shook his head gently, his eyes warm and reassuring. “Isaiah needs me at my best. You’re what’s best for me.”
I closed my eyes and fought my tears.
He continued, gently cupping his big, calloused hands around my face. “Isaiah needs a stable, loving, environment. You give him that.”
I swallowed my sob but it came out my nose.
He chuckled and kissed the tip that was sure to be red to match my blotchy face.
“Isaiah needs a family.” He swallowed audibly. “And that’s what we are.”
Throat too tight for words, I nodded.
“He needs a mother, Bridget. You up for that?”
I nodded again, this time with a garbled laugh as I covered his hands with mine.
He frowned. “I’m afraid I’m going to need you to do better than that.”
Stomach dropping, I blinked up at him. “What do you mean by better?”
He shrugged and brushed his thumbs over the apples of my tear-stained cheeks. “You’ll have to sign your life away. Twice.”
I blinked and drew back, dropping my hands as realization hit. “Of course. I understand completely and I have no problem signing a prenup.”
He shook his head as he dropped his hands. “Oh no. I need much more than that. I have the papers with me. I’ve already done my part. As soon as you sign, I’ll file them.”
I cocked my head to the side. “You want to do this now? Like, right now?”
He dropped the stern facade and offered me his sweetly crooked smile. “I think it’s best we don’t have any misunderstandings going forward.”
I was living in the twilight zone, the space between wake and sleep, between dreams and reality.
North was south and left was right.
Lacing his fingers through mine, he led me back up to the house and straight to the long narrow desk lining the wall of the soon-to-be library I envisioned. The surface was clear save a pen and a manilla folder I hadn’t noticed when overwhelmed with everything all at once.
Dropping my hand, he jerked his chin toward the folder and stepped back. “I’ll give you a minute to read it over.”
I’d dropped down some sort of wormhole in the space-time continuum. Was that a thing? I was spinning with confusion and simultaneously suffused with joy.
With a tentative finger, I flipped open the folder.
Halfway down the page, my hand flew to my mouth to contain my gasp. With tears stinging my eyes, I forced myself to begin again at the top, then spun around to face Kian.
And found him on one knee with his hands braced on his thigh.
“Without you this house is nothing but an empty shell.” He offered me his crooked smile. “Without you, I’m an empty shell.
“I stumbled toward love with you over a platter of baked chicken. But it was when you smacked my hand away from the last French fry that I well and truly fell.”
I huffed out a laugh, sniffing and smiling as tears streamed down my face.
Smiling up at me, hazel eyes warm and reassuring as always, he continued, “There’s not a lot I’m sure of and life offers no guarantees.
“I don’t know if I’m doing a good enough job with Isaiah, if I’ll ever fully recover from my wife’s death, or if I’m worthy of a second chance.
“But I know I love my sons.
“I know I made the right move coming to Sage Ridge.
“And I know I can safely build my world around you.”
A small sob bubbled up in my throat, causing me to gurgle and snort.
His eyes twinkled as his big chest rumbled with laughter. “Sweetheart,” he winked, “I’m begging you to not cry.”
Wiping my face, I smiled through my tears. “You know I love a man begging on his knees.”
“I know,” he laughed, then sobered. “My sweetheart, if you give me your heart, I promise I’ll hold you in every beat of mine.
“I love my family, but I live for you and Isaiah. You are every second beat of my heart, and I swear to God, you’ll own the last one.”
Pressing my lips together, I nodded tightly. “Mhm.”
From underneath the palm resting on his thigh, he pulled out a ring box and snapped it open.
Reaching for my hand, he slid a platinum band boasting a large center diamond flanked by two slightly smaller ones.
“The side stones represent you and me, the center stone is everything that is us: you, me, Isaiah, Jake, and anything and everyone else you’ve hidden in your precious heart. From now until forever, I will always put us first.
“You’re my future, but I’m going to love you like there’s no tomorrow.”
Mouth trembling, I smiled down at him. “I’ll hold you to it.”
“Is that a yes?”
I nodded. “It’s a yes.”
Rising to his feet, he swept me up, bent me over his arm, and kissed me like it was the last time.
When he finally let me up for air, he tucked my face into his neck and murmured, “Just wait until you see what I got you for a wedding gift.”