25. Love #3
Okay. So I finally found the nerve to suck his dick.
I didn’t do it because I expected him to go down on me in return.
No one ever has. Even though I made it clear it would take me a while to feel comfortable fellating him, I couldn’t bring myself to let him eat me out, either.
My time in that cell… none of those fuckers ever wanted me to feel good.
They would slip their hands into my leggings, shoving their fingers inside of me, not to make me come, but because it was another violation that got them off.
And if I did come despite myself? They used that to justify everything they did to me.
But they never kissed me. Not on the mouth, and not on my pussy. Connor… I love the way he takes my lips. But to let him lap at my slit… my heart jumps as the promise of how pleasurable he would do his best to make it, while my head shuts down at the thought that he even wants to.
One look at the hunger on his face? Yeah, he wants to, but can I let him?
I swallow roughly. I enjoyed tasting him more than I thought I would because it was Connor. Maybe… maybe it’ll be the same for this.
His eyes twinkle over my head. “What’s the matter, baby? Don’t tell me I have to sedate you first.”
Holy shit.
A shiver runs through me, so fierce and sudden, I nearly climax from that alone.
When I made my offer to my husband at Christmas, it was partly out of jealousy for that sex doll of his.
It took me some time to realize that I didn’t even want a plastic Haven to have any part of Connor.
He took me, he promised me I was his and he was mine, and he warped me into this: a woman who needs him more than her next breath.
However, I very quickly discovered that nothing turns me on faster than waking up to sticky thighs and no panties. Knowing that Connor needed me so damn badly that he fucked me while I was fast asleep… I almost always have to nudge him awake so that I can experience my own orgasm the next morning.
“Have you… have you before?” I whisper.
“Have I sucked your pussy lips into my mouth, taken the taste of your juices straight from the source, and buried myself in the one place I belong more than any other? No, Haven. You told me I could fuck you while you slept. You didn’t say anything about eating your pussy.”
That’s Connor for you. He could keep me as his captive for months, then force me to marry him, but when it comes to a sex act that I refused him because I was uncomfortable with that, it was a boundary he didn’t cross even while I was unconscious and couldn’t enforce it.
That more than anything has me pushing off of the ground. Before I can second-guess myself, I tug off my leggings, tug off my panties, and shakily climb on top of his lap.
That tiny bit of permission is all Connor needs. Lifting me easily, he positions me just the way he requested. Instead of just diving in, though, he lifts his head, searching my face.
“I want this.” His voice is husky and deep. “So fucking bad. I’ve dreamed of this… but if you don’t want to—”
I grab his hair, fisting the strands. Before I can talk myself out of it, I yank his face against my visibly soaked pussy the same time as I scoot forward, giving him complete access to me.
“Dont. Drown,” I bite out.
His laugh is muffled, as is the way he says, “Worth it,” before using his tongue to do something other than talk.
Control. I need the illusion of control, and once I have it, I let myself go.
I have no idea what this is supposed to feel like. I always thought I would be pleasantly bored, having someone lick me, while waiting for my future Owed husband to shove it in, bounce a few times, then get the hell off of me.
But my Owed husband is Connor Heyward, and he worships my pussy the same way that he worships me. He digs his fingers into my thighs. For a heartbeat, I think that I’ve smothering him so I try to shift back. Nope. His nails leave grooves in my skin as he pins me down, pulling him toward him.
“Don’t go anywhere,” he snaps before returning to nuzzling my clit.
The heat of his mouth revs up my need. He dips his tongue inside of me, then laps at the moisture that keeps on coming. Every time I get used to the sensation, he flicks my clit with the tip of his tongue before scraping it with his teeth.
He hums. The vibrations works as well as the suction of my cheeks did on him, and though I could let him do this to me forever, it isn’t long before I’m doing exactly what he orders me to: come on his face.
I gasp, and for the first time ever, I tell him, “I love you.”
I’ve thought the words. When Connor obsessively tells me every day that he loves me, I’ve even quickly scrawled on a page: love you, too. But as the words bubble up inside of my chest, exploding the same time as I do, I can’t keep them down.
I love him. Maybe it’s right. Maybe it’s wrong—
Okay. It’s wrong, but that’s not going to stop me, is it?
And even if it did? It’s sure as fuck not going to stop Connor, and now he has two ‘H’s carved into his body to show the entire world what it took me more than twenty-eight years to understand: we were made for each other.