Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Tori
O n Tuesday, Ava and I met our photographer, Mariah, at a local park for our engagement photos. She’d wanted to catch the golden hour for the best lighting, and a number of shoots in her portfolio were at this park. Perfect.
We’d opted for one outfit change. We’d start out wearing what we’d arrived in—jeans and blouses—then switch to sundresses. Fortunately, despite this still being early spring, the afternoon was warm enough that the dresses wouldn’t be too cold.
Mariah was already here when we pulled in, getting her gear ready in the parking lot. She had an assistant with her who was carrying some reflectors and other equipment I didn’t recognize, and they both smiled as we approached.
Mariah was a lovely white woman who was probably in her forties or fifties.
She had gray hair pulled back in a ponytail, and though she was warm and friendly, she had a very no-nonsense air about her.
I’d liked that during our face-to-face consult, as had Ava.
Her portfolio had sold her, of course. Her style was soft, dreamy lighting with intense colors and poses that were romantic, silly, sexy—a little bit of everything, really.
Exactly what we were looking for, especially since we hadn’t really been sure what our style was.
At our previous meeting, she’d said, “Some couples are very low-key and mellow together. Others are silly and chaotic. I take your natural energy and work with that.”
That had left me at a bit of a loss. I knew what kind of vibe Ava and I had as friends, but as a couple? I mean, we weren’t a couple. So how the hell would I know what kind we hypothetically were?
On the way home, Ava had said, “Well, think of Derrick and Marco. They were friends before they got together, and they didn’t change that much once they started dating. So maybe our friend vibe is our couple vibe.”
Okay, yeah, I could work with that. Friend vibe it was.
Mariah shook hands with both of us. “It’s great to see you two again. Are you excited?”
“Definitely,” I said despite the confusing rock in the pit of my stomach.
Ava was grinning. “This is going to be so fun!”
Mariah smiled. “Engagement shoots usually are. So much less pressure than wedding portraits, and you can really see how much a couple adores each other.”
It took work to maintain my own smile. And to stop myself from asking if it would be obvious if a couple was faking it.
Or if one of them was dying inside because this didn’t feel as fake as it should have.
“How affectionate are you two comfortable being in public?” Mariah gestured around us. “I always like to check in with my same-sex couples before we start. Obviously we’re going to keep it PG, but are you okay with kissing? Cuddling?”
I gulped. “Oh. Um.” I glanced at Ava, then shrugged. “We’re fine with it.” I didn’t come out and say we’d practiced kissing for this; that would sound just a tad weird and might give away our whole plan.
“Yeah, it’s fine with me,” Ava said. “I mean, we’re not going to be making out or doing anything inappropriate, so…”
The flutter in my stomach made absolutely no sense. I’d never been a fan of PDAs beyond some kissing and hand-holding, but the thought of doing something inappropriate with Ava—here, at home, anywhere—didn’t make me uncomfortable or embarrassed.
Instead, my mind went to another page of Mariah’s portfolio. Could we skip the engagement photos and go with a boudoir shoot instead? Because oh my God, I would be so down with?—
Victoria. Get a grip. Holy crap.
I shook myself and fought the urge to nervously clear my throat. Hopefully I wasn’t blushing or something; the last thing I needed was Ava or Mariah seeing right through to my wildly impure thoughts.
“All right,” Mariah said, pulling her camera strap over her head. “Let’s get started.”
We did, and wow, this was an exercise in frustration.
Did anyone—Mariah, the assistant, or Ava—have a clue how much I wished she and I were always this affectionate?
How much I’d have given to cuddle up to her on a park bench like this? Or gaze into Ava’s eyes while we both tried (and failed) not to collapse into giggles? Or when she put her head on my shoulder while she was laughing, how natural it felt to wrap my arms around her and kiss her forehead?
God, this was both amazing and torture. Every time our fingers brushed, every time her soft skin warmed mine, every time we looked at each other…
How do I tell you I want this to be real?
Hopefully, I kept that all under the surface. So far, no one had given any indication that they’d noticed. With any luck, the camera hadn’t noticed.
After a while, Mariah switched lenses and said, “Let’s get the ring up close.”
At her direction, Ava put her left hand over the top of mine. Mariah adjusted everything a little, probably trying to get just the right shadows and composition. If she said anything, it flew over my head because I was laser-focused on the warmth and softness of Ava’s hand on mine.
After at least two dozen shots, Mariah lowered the camera. “I think we’re good here. We’ve still got plenty of light, so let’s switch outfits.”
The park had a swimming pool with changing rooms, and we used those to switch outfits. Neither of us wore much makeup as a general rule, but since we were doing a photo shoot, we took the time to put some on.
Ava was, of course, stunning. She always was, whether she was made up for a night out or not wearing a speck of makeup while her dark hair was tied back in a messy ponytail.
She was cute as hell in the sundress, just like she was in her oversized flannel pajamas or the elegant dress she’d worn as a friend’s bridesmaid.
I didn’t think it was possible for her to not look amazing.
And somehow, I was the one walking back out into the park with her, hand in hand like a real couple, as our photographer—our engagement photographer—waited.
Maybe it was just as well this wasn’t the real deal. I wasn’t so sure I could handle all the emotions that would come with actually marrying Ava.
Though, glancing at her on the way across the grass…
Maybe it would be worth it? I’d never been that overwhelmed by someone. I wasn’t sure I could handle it, but nothing ventured, nothing?—
“Okay, ladies,” Mariah said brightly. “Let’s have you sit on the edge of the fountain. The light is perfect.”
I shook my thoughts away, and we did as we were told, perching on the concrete ledge surrounding the fountain.
“This light is perfect ,” Mariah repeated as she raised her camera. “You two are gorgeous.”
I smiled and I was pretty sure Ava did too. We posed for a few photos, arms taking Mariah’s cues for where to put our hands, where to lean, how to sit.
And then…
“How about a kiss?”
My heart jumped into my throat. I turned to Ava, sure I’d find my own apprehension in her eyes. There was a little bit of concern, but mostly—was that a spark of excitement? Glee? Happiness?
She leaned in. Then I did. I glanced at her lips. Then her eyes. She did the same—gaze flicking to my lips before meeting my eyes again. We’d done this before, so I wasn’t sure why we were hesitating. Or even if we were hesitating. Maybe we just weren’t rushing? I didn’t know. I couldn’t think.
Somehow, the space between us narrowed to a sliver. We paused there, lips almost touching, my pulse absolutely thundering in my ears, and then…
Oh God.
Kissing Ava the first time had shaken my whole foundation. Doing it right now—in front of a camera lens capturing it for posterity—felt amazing. It was jarring, and it was perfect, and it felt like the most normal thing ever, and it felt like summiting Everest.
Or maybe I just wasn’t getting enough oxygen to my brain because, oh my God, I was kissing Ava and I’d forgotten how to breathe.
When we came up for air, we locked eyes, the whole world around us forgotten.
Distantly, I was aware of the camera shutter firing a few times. Even more distantly, the sounds of people going about their lives elsewhere in the park.
But mostly, my heart was pounding and my mind was reeling.
I want to kiss you again.
And this was our engagement shoot. We were supposed to be affectionate and romantic. This was what we’d been practicing for that night at home.
So…
I kissed her again.