Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Ava
“ A re you two sure you don’t want any gifts?” Aunt Lacey asked. “Your cousin got a ton of kitchen appliances, not to mention money from people.”
I fought the urge to wrinkle my nose. I really hadn’t ever been super fond of expecting gifts from people, and expecting the high-value items (and checks) people often brought to a wedding—that just felt weird.
Even if this wedding had been the real deal, I wasn’t so sure I’d have been comfortable with a gift registry or any of that.
“We’re good,” I insisted. “We both have pretty much everything we need or want in the kitchen.”
She opened her mouth, probably to insist that we could always use something . Thank God, though, Mom picked that moment to call Aunt Lacey away to give her a hand with one of the flower arrangements that had come loose on a chair.
Perfect. Now I could pour some water down my throat, catch my breath, and collect my thoughts.
It was amazing how little time there was to do any of those things in the run-up to a wedding; I could only imagine what a stressed-out trainwreck I’d be if this were the real deal.
Needless to say, I was relieved we were taking a break.
It wasn’t “real wedding” stress, but there was definitely some real stress going on.
Things I couldn’t even talk to anyone about, because who could I tell?
Who was going to understand why every step of the rehearsal was messing with my head?
Or why all the doubts creeping in right now had nothing to do with cold feet or commitment or anything like that?
What are we doing, Tori?
This felt like something we should discuss. Like now. And also like something we couldn’t talk about because it would ruin everything. The wedding. The plan. The most important friendship I’d ever had.
Panic wrapped cold tentacles around my heart. Was this my gut telling me to slam on the brakes and not go through with this? Or did it even matter? I couldn’t bail. I couldn’t back out. I’d break my mom’s heart and quite possibly Tori’s and also?—
Also mine.
I swallowed some water to push back the lump I was pretending wasn’t in my throat.
No, I was overthinking all this. I absolutely adored Tori, and I was grateful for everything she was willing to be and do for my mom right now. That didn’t mean…
I drank some more water.
It didn’t mean anything. This was a performance. It was an act. It was something to let my mom live out a dream I hadn’t even realized she had.
Maybe that was why this was bothering me all of a sudden. It wasn’t the “marriage” to Tori—it was the reality about my mom. This had given her something to look forward to. When it was over… I mean, how many more things would she have before her disease caught up with her?
Fuck. Was this what grief was like? Being preemptively heartbroken because someone who was still here now wouldn’t be here for things later on?
Was I even going to be able to get through tomorrow?
I looked around and found my mom in the small crowd.
She was by the rows of chairs, laughing at something my dad was saying.
The fatigue from her treatments was impossible to miss; she leaned hard against the back of a chair and she got out of breath faster than she would have a few short months ago.
Her eyes were still bright and she was still smiling like everything was right in her world, but her face was paler, her hair was thinner, and she didn’t stand quite as straight anymore.
She was still here, but there was only so much time left.
My resolve started to return. I’d get through tomorrow.
I had to. I wasn’t sure how, but like hell was I falling apart.
My mom had a dream, and she was going to live that dream tomorrow.
Period. I’d hold myself together, damn it.
And if I didn’t quite hold it together, well, that was where waterproof mascara came into play.
I took another swig of water and looked around the venue.
I didn’t know where Tori was. Maybe she’d stepped out to use the restroom?
Gone to the lobby to talk to Sarah the banquet hall coordinator?
Well, she’d probably be back shortly, and this gave me a few minutes to compose myself.
We would need to get started again at some point, though.
People were starting to check their watches and phones, so maybe our break had gone on long enough.
Right then, Marco strode back into the room. He still had on his plastic devil horns, but his expression was completely serious… and he was coming right toward me.
My heart jumped into my throat. Oh no. Had something gone wrong? Had Tori left? What was?—
“Hey,” he said when he was close enough, and he kept his voice quiet. “Tori’s out in the courtyard.” I had never seen this man look so serious in all the years I’d known him, and he sounded downright grim as he said, “You need to talk to her.”
Panic surged through me. “Is she okay? Is?—”
“She’ll be fine,” he said gently. “But I think you two need to get on the same page before we keep going with…” He gestured at our surroundings.
Oh. Crap. That didn’t sound good at all.
Mute, I nodded. Then I headed out to the courtyard to find my fiancée.
Tori was walking along one of the flagstone paths. When her face came into the light, she’d obviously been crying, and the second she met my gaze, tears started falling again.
“Hey,” I said, and closed the remaining distance between us. “Come here.” At least she didn’t recoil when I touched her, and she let me pull her into a tight hug.
She was shaking hard, sobbing against my shoulder, and I had no idea what to make of this.
Of any of it. I’d seen her cry plenty of times, and God knew I’d seen her upset and devastated and everything in between.
But this? This was something I’d never seen before. She wasn’t just upset—she was broken .
Stroking her hair, I whispered, “Tori. Talk to me. What’s wrong?”
She drew back, wiping her eyes with a shaking hand, and she didn’t look at me. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”
My heart dropped. “You can’t— what? ”
“I’m sorry.” She brushed away some more tears and sniffled.
“I don’t want to bail. I don’t want to let you down or take away your mom’s dream, but this…
” She shook her head as the sobs took over again.
“I don’t think I can do this. I want to give your mom her dream and—I’m sorry, Ava.
I just can’t do this.” She wiped her eyes and looked in mine. “Not if it’s fake.”
“Not if it’s—” I blinked. “What do you mean?”
“I love you,” she whispered shakily. “I always have. And maybe I’m stupid because it took going through all the motions of getting married to you to make me realize…” She shook her head and dropped her gaze. “I can’t pretend to do the thing I wish I could do more than anything in the world.”
“The thing—you mean… marrying me?”
Pressing her lips together, she nodded.
My heart did so many things in that moment, I couldn’t have put a name on any of them. Tori loved me? She wanted to really marry me? She’d been standing right in front of me this whole time, wishing I felt for her exactly what I did feel for her? Was this happening?
“I’m sorry,” Tori whispered. “I just… I know it’s the worst possible time, but while we were standing up there…” She shook her head and avoided my eyes again. “I can’t fake that. Not with you.”
“Then let’s do it for real.”
Tori’s head snapped up, and she stared at me with wide eyes as tears drew muddy paths down her cheeks. “What?”
I smiled as my own eyes welled up. “Let’s get married. For real.”
“Like… now?”
“Well, tomorrow, but…” I half-shrugged. “Everyone’s here.
We’re already doing this. And… it… I mean, I’ve loved you since forever.
I just didn’t think you did, and I didn’t realize how much I—God, and then ever since that night we made out in the kitchen, I can’t stop thinking about how much I want this to be real. ”
Her lips parted. “You do?”
“Yes. Maybe I’m stupid too. I live with you. I tell you everything. We’re…” I paused, and my voice tried to shake apart, but I kept going. “Remember when I said I didn’t want bridesmaids?”
Tori’s brow furrowed, and she nodded. “Yeah. I remember.”
“Okay. Well. I didn’t want them because I’ve always known I’d want you as my maid of honor when I got married because who else in the world would I want for that?
I can’t even pretend to put someone else in that spot.
Not even for…” I gestured back at the hotel.
“But I was stupid for ever thinking I’d want you as my maid of honor because that would mean I’m marrying somebody besides you. ”
Tori’s chin quivered. “Really?”
“Yes.” I took a deep breath. “I love you, Tori. I always have. Everyone always says you should marry your best friend, and…” I gestured at her. “Here you are.”
She stared at me, disbelief etched all over her tear-streaked face.
I swallowed hard. “I don’t know how I didn’t figure it out.
Or how I didn’t catch a clue when you were willing to do all of”—I gestured at the venue—“this just to make my mom happy. And all the crap you’ve taken from your family because of us?
Even when you weren’t getting anything out of it?
” I exhaled and shook my head. “If I hadn’t already been in love with you, I would be now. ”
“You… You were? Even before…?”
I nodded slowly, my own composure threatening to crack.
“I didn’t know it until recently. I don’t know why.
I just… I don’t know. If we hadn’t done this, then God only knows how long it would’ve taken me to figure it out, but I know it now.
” I pushed back the lump in my throat. “I love you, Tori. For real.”
Her lips parted as she held my gaze, her eyes searching mine as if she didn’t quite believe me.
And then, just like she had in our kitchen that night not long ago, she moved in. One second we were staring at each other. The next…
Oh God.