24. Alex
TWENTY-FOUR
Alex
September
“ H ow are we feeling tonight, Tulsa?” I speak into the mic, my fingers dancing over the strings of my guitar.
The crowd responds with whistles and applause. The heat of the lights warm my back, and they paint the stage in a red and purple glow.
Somehow, all of my annoyance towards humanity seems to disappear when I’m on stage. It’s almost like I become someone else. Someone that’s simultaneously a stranger, while also being the center of attention. I love it.
“My name is Alex Anderson and I’m so thankful to be here tonight with Terrestrial Rain.” More applause follows, and then I play the intro to my most popular song, it has over 500,000 views on YouTube. A song I wrote about Opal over two years ago.
I expected to feel anxious about performing for large crowds in new cities, but I don’t. I feel electrified. I feel like I can forget all the bad things that have happened in my life and become someone else entirely.
After the song ends, I thank the audience again before walking off the stage.
Even though I know they didn’t buy tickets to listen to me specifically, I’m still enamored with the feeling of playing on a real stage for real people.
“You sounded good, kid.” Roger, the band’s manager, claps me on the back.
I pull my phone out to check it. I have a missed call and one unread message, both from Opal. I haven’t heard from Dad since the day I left, and the last thing he said was basically that I was making a huge mistake and good riddance. It was obvious he wouldn’t miss me, the feeling’s mutual.
I wasn’t surprised, but I can’t say I wasn’t disappointed. It seems like no one in my life has ever missed me, except for Opal.
I tap her name, the phone rings several times. Hopefully she isn’t asleep already.
“Hey,” hearing her soft, sleepy voice instantly calms my nerves.
“Hey, bluebird. I miss you.” I walk out the backdoor of the venue and climb into the band’s bus. I follow behind them in my van on the road, but they let me come in here and hang out in between shows.
I hear her sigh, and I can easily imagine her laying in bed, her eyes heavy and her face bare. “I miss you too. How are you?”
“Good, just got done playing my set for the night. I’m wiped, we drove over nine hours today.”
“I bet.”
“I want you here. When will you be able to come to a show?”
We’ve only played four shows so far, but every time I’ve been thinking about the fact that she should be there. Watching me from backstage, where I can run to her and kiss her as soon as I’m done playing.
“I don’t know, Alex. You know I don’t have a car that’s gonna get me that far.” I don’t miss the hint of exasperation in her tone.
“I know, baby… I just miss you. I need you here.”
“I gotta go, it’s late. Can I call you in the morning?”
My brows scrunch together. I know it isn’t exactly early, but it’s barely ten o’clock. And we’ve been talking on the phone for at least an hour every night since I left.
I rake my hand through my hair. “Okay, yeah that’s fine, we can talk tomorrow.”
“Love you,” she says.
“I love you too.” She disconnects the call before I do and I’m left with an empty feeling in my chest. I’m only in Oklahoma, but right now it feels like she and I are on opposite sides of the world.
Ever since the day I left it’s felt like this unspoken distance between us has kept growing. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, and every day I feel riddled with guilt for leaving her behind.
But she reassured me, time after time, that it would be okay. That we could make it work. That she wanted me to go and follow my dream.
I wince and rub my head to stop the blooming ache that’s forming there. At some point I doze off, until the sounds of the band member’s voices wake me from my shallow sleep.
“You sounded good, little dude,” Dax, the band’s drummer, says before ruffling my hair. He and I have become friends rather quickly. He’s cool, and in some ways he reminds me of my brother. He’s always got a smile on his face and he’s always cracking a joke, just like Ezra always did.
I feel bad for not staying to listen to them play tonight, but I was so exhausted that all I wanted was to relax and have a few moments of silence.
“Thanks, man.” I fist bump him before he walks back off the bus, probably to call his partner. They’ve been together for five years and he says he’s going to propose to them soon. That at least gives me hope for my own relationship, seeing that some people make long distance work.
He’s also sober, which I assume must be hard especially considering the other band members don’t shy away from the typical musician’s lifestyle. Drinking is an every night thing for them, and I’ve even seen them cutting up lines of what I assume was coke.
Alexa, the band’s main vocalist and keyboard player, sits down beside me on the small leather loveseat.
She’s nice, she’s just a few years older than me, so we’re closer in age than I am to the rest of the band. But she’s kind of pushy and demands a lot of attention from everyone. Including me. I’ve never gotten along well with people that need to be the center of attention all the time.
“Want one?” She shakes the can in her hand after she takes a sip.
“Uh, sure.”
It’s not the first time one of them has offered me a beer, but being underage I felt like maybe it wasn’t a good idea. Tonight though, I just want to rid myself of the anxiety still lodged in my gut from my conversation with Opal.
“Here you go.” She smiles and hands me a can of Pbr.
“Thanks,” I give her a tight grin before popping the can and taking a long swig.
“Feeling the stress of touring yet?”
“You could say that.”
She blinks at me a few times. Her eyes are blue, I notice, but not the same color as Opal’s. They’re darker. And her short hair is blonde with pink tips. They couldn’t be more opposite of each other if they tried.
“I’m here if you need a shoulder to cry on.” She winks before taking another sip of beer.
“I’m fine, thanks though.” I realize that she’s sitting closer to me now than she was before she got me the beer, so I make it a point to move a couple inches in the other direction.
“Missing your family?” One of her eyebrows quirks up.
I shake my head, pinching the back of my neck. “My girlfriend, mostly. I’m not super close to my family.”
A flicker of interest crosses her face. “Girlfriend? That must be hard. I don’t think I could do the long distance relationship thing. Or any relationship, for that matter.”
I know she’s probably expecting me to ask her why, but I’m not interested. “Yeah. It’s not easy, but we’ll make it work.”
She gives me a lopsided smile, but she looks slightly disappointed about my lack of interest in her love life. “Well, good luck. Sounds like she’s a lucky girl.”
“I’m the lucky one,” I say, making sure it sounds final.
“I was thinking, maybe we could sing a duet together. Maybe one of your songs.”
“Yeah?” I instantly perk up, surprised by the offer. I’m just their opening act, and not a very well known one by any means. I’d never expect any of them to offer me something like that.
“Why not? You’re a good singer, I’m a good singer, together we’d sound great.”
“Okay, yeah, I’m down.” I’d be stupid not to take the opportunity. And she’s right, we probably would sound good together. Even if she is slightly annoying.