39. Alex
THIRTY-NINE
Alex
I throw a banana and a few strawberries into the blender with a handful of ice, then top it off with a spoonful of protein powder. Dad hates it, but lately he’s refused to eat anything else. He doesn’t even really like smoothies, but it’s the closest he’ll get to eating real food.
A soft knock comes from the front door.
“Who the hell is that?” my father grunts from the living room.
I roll my eyes. “I don’t know, Dad.”
“Don’t answer it, it’s probably some fucker trying to sell me something.”
I shake my head as I pour the smoothie into a glass, then I set it on the table next to him before walking to the door.
“What did I just say, son? Don’t answer it unless you’re going to tell them to leave.”
I ignore him as I peek through the peephole, and my heart slams against my chest when I see Opal on the other side. I scramble to open the door as quickly as possible, afraid that if I hesitate she might leave.
Her arms are crossed tightly over her body, and she has a nervous look on her face. She’s wearing a pair of tiny athletic shorts and an old Fleetwood Mac t-shirt, her hair in a messy bun on top of her head. She’s so fucking gorgeous I can’t breathe.
“Hey?” For some reason it comes out sounding like a question. Her eyes meet mine, and instantly I know something is wrong.
“Are you okay?” My eyes bounce back and forth between hers. She opens her mouth but nothing comes out, her chest is heaving, it almost looks like she’s having a panic attack. I’m tempted to reach out and touch her, try to comfort her in some way, but I refrain.
Something must have happened. Maybe her grandma is hurt. Shit, I hope not. “Opal, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?”
“Um,” she shuts her eyes. “Can you talk for a minute?” Her voice is small and shaky.
“Of course,” I shut the door behind me, but not before I hear my dad yelling, asking where I’m going. I ignore him, knowing he’s way too lazy to get up and see for himself anyway.
Her lips press together tightly, and she stares down at my bare feet. “I’m pregnant.”
My stomach dips, and I swear the world around me starts to spin. What did she say? “What?” She flicks her eyes up to meet mine again. “You’re…pregnant?”
She nods.
“Is it-is it mine?”
Her eyes narrow on me slightly. “Yes, Alex. That’s why I’m telling you.”
Obviously. Holy fucking shit. This is not how I expected my day to go.
“What about your boyfriend?”
She shakes her head. “Ian? He wasn’t technically…well, it doesn’t matter.” She rolls her eyes. “I ended things with him right after…well, after you and I,” her voice fades as if she’s embarrassed to elaborate.
I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or worse. This whole time I assumed she had chosen him over me.
“What-” I rake my hand through my hair, letting out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. “What are you going to do?”
She shakes her head and shifts her gaze down to our feet. “I don’t know yet.”
“What do you need from me?” I ask.
She flicks her eyes up to meet mine. “Nothing, if that’s what you’re offering.”
“I’m asking you what you need, I want to be here for you.”
“I don’t know if I’m going to keep it.” Her voice is full of pain, her blue eyes misty. Those words feel like knives in my chest, but I try not to let it show how much they affect me.
I swallow down my emotions, knowing that this is more about her than it is me. It’s her body in question, and it’s not my place to try and influence her choice in the matter. “If you choose to keep it I’ll be there every step of the way.”
A tear streams down her cheek and she quickly wipes it away. “I don’t know if I can bring a child into the world this way. A baby deserves two parents that love her,” she glances at me for a second before looking away again, “that love each other.”
“I know that.” We stare at each other for a moment and the eye contact feels somewhat intimate, like we’re sharing a silent conversation. “Marry me.” The words seem to leave my mouth before my brain tells them to.
“What?” she shakes her head, her mouth hanging slightly ajar.
“Marry me, Opal.” I reach out my hand, brushing my fingers against her waist.
Her brows furrow together the way they always do when she’s confused. “Are you nuts?”
“Maybe,” I shrug, a slight smirk forming on my lips.
She backs up so that I’m no longer touching her. “We don’t even know each other anymore, Alex. We’re practically strangers.”
I know she’s being more logical than I am, but I refuse to believe that. We could never truly be strangers. “I’ll be here for you in any way that you’ll have me. I’ll do whatever it takes to be a good dad. We’ll be a family.”
I think a tiny smile appears on her lips, but it’s gone too fast for me to be sure I wasn’t imagining it. “I don’t want the baby to wonder who his dad is, or feel like his dad isn’t interested in being a part of his life.” The breeze blows tendrils of brown hair over her sad eyes. “I can’t let you walk in and out of our kid’s life the way you walked in and out of mine so easily.”
Her words maim me to the core, I can’t argue or tell her that she’s wrong, though, because she has every right to feel that way. I haven’t given her any reasons to trust me.
I know how hard it was for Opal to grow up without a father figure. Always wondering who her dad was and why he didn’t want to stick around.
“I promise that won’t happen,” I say with as much conviction as I can, but I know my promise falls flat. “I want to be a part of my kid’s life, I want to be a part of your life.”
She sits down on my doorstep, and I sit beside her, close enough that our arms brush against each other. She pulls her arm away so that she’s no longer touching me, as if the contact will somehow cloud her judgment or change the situation we’re in.
“Maybe we could try co-parenting. We could see how it goes.” Her face is somber as she stares at the small space in between us.
I don’t particularly like the idea, but I’m not in any position to argue. “Is that what you want?”
She peeks over at me, studying my face. “I want to be sure that you won’t break my kid’s heart the way you broke mine.”
The idea of having a child with Opal doesn’t scare me as much as it probably should, I just never pictured it happening like this.
“Okay. Then that’s what we’ll do.”