Chapter 6
Rachel
The weekend couldn’t come fast enough.
It’s hot and sunny out, so I quickly put on a pink summer dress that I match with strappy sandals and make my way outside before any of my roommates wake up. I’m not really interested in making small talk with them. Luckily for me, it looks like they’re sleeping in late.
Nothing like a nice walk out in beautiful St-Anne de Bellevue to clear my head of its trash.
I make my way past the rolling green hills of our campus, walking a bit faster than I intend to. The truth is, I need to burn some frustration.
A large part of me misses my baby sister like crazy.
Every night, I fall asleep with an ache in my chest. I took care of her for the first seven years of her life, soothed her fears like she was my daughter.
I intend to visit as often as I can, but I can’t afford a bus ticket there and back every weekend.
But another part of my brain keeps circling back to that tall boy and our evening together two nights ago. Mostly, I’m obsessed with one vital question:
Why didn’t he ask me for my number?
We had a perfectly pleasant evening playing hooky from that stupid party, wandering around campus in the dark and just… talking. By all accounts, it should have been boring, but there isn’t a single thing Karan can say that bores me.
At least, not so far.
I don’t even know why. But there’s something about his aura, the deep, baritone sound of his voice… He may be a stranger, but the other night, he made me feel at ease.
At home.
Oh, and he made me laugh. Gotta give him points for that, too.
So, when it was past midnight and we both headed back towards the residence building, only parting ways to head to our respective rooms, I felt like something more should have happened. But it didn’t.
I should have given him my number myself, or asked him for his, but I didn’t dare. I was too swept up in the moment, basking in the exhilaration of walking next to him.
Maybe he felt the same way.
Or maybe he’s decided he doesn’t like me.
Above me, tall trees loom over, letting the sun filter through their bright green leaves. To my left is the glittering lake, and off in the distance, I think I see a sailboat passing by.
I focus on the calming beauty around me to settle down.
Within five minutes, I make it to the boardwalk bordering the St-Lawrence River—home of St-Anne’s central commercial area, where old, quaint buildings decorate the edge of the water. It’s too early for the boardwalk to be busy. Instead, I’m gifted with the vision of a sunrise across the water.
I lean against the railings on the boardwalk and take a deep breath. My attention is so far away from my own body that I don’t hear anyone approaching until his voice booms from behind me:
“Looks like you could use a break.”
I jump and scream, then turn with a hand on my chest, my heart beating a mile a minute. Karan, looking sheepish, is nonetheless a pleasant sight against the backdrop of the restaurants and boutiques in my vision.
He wears the hell out of his crisp buttoned-up shirt decorated with dozens of tiny cacti, and his shorts let his long legs breathe. Instead of having his hair pulled up like the last two times I saw him, his wavy locks tumble free an inch past his wide shoulders.
“Shit, didn’t mean to scare you,” he says as he takes a step back.
I grip the railing and take a breath to stabilize myself. “You’re a ninja, or what?”
“Absolutely not. I’m surprised you didn’t hear me coming a kilometer away.”
I chuckle nervously. “I was zoned out.”
“Yeah, I should have thought of that and been more mindful of my approach.” With that, Karan takes a step forward. “Are you okay?”
My toes tingle at the thought of him getting closer.
I’m okay now, I want to say, but the last thing I want to do is be too forward.
He’s cute, and there’s definitely something about him that makes me want to get closer, but there’s a good chance he doesn’t feel the same way.
“I just…”
How do I explain everything that’s on my mind? The way I not only miss my sister, but feel this constant gnawing anxiety that she’s not safe without me?
I don’t have any proof. My parents are okay, I guess. They’re not the warmest people, and they’ve been pushing me and my brother Will hard, but it’s for our own good. There’s just something about the way they are with little Océane, though…
I can’t put my finger on it.
I decide to keep it simple. “I miss my family.”
“Hmm.” Karan walks up to the railing and leans against it, mirroring my previous pose. “I never thought I’d say this, but so do I.”
I arch an eyebrow. “Never thought you’d say this? Why?”
Karan laughs, and the deep roar of it makes my heart soar. “They’re kind of… overbearing. But they mean well.”
“Ah.” I turn and lean back against the railing, our forearms separated by a single inch of space. “Yeah, I get that. Mine said they’d help me through college only if I stayed on the honour roll for all five years of high school.”
“And did you?” His warm brown eyes transfix me.
“Yes.”
“Same. Even got the governor’s medal.”
“Oh, shit.”
“But I’m from Val-d’Or. And I went to an English school.”
My brow furrows. I know nothing about Val-d’Or, or any town in the Abitibi region, for that matter.
Karan smiles. “Nine of us graduated. Not much competition, you know.”
“Oh.”
“So…” Karan shifts his arm a tad, enough for the fine hairs on my forearm to feel his. I hold back a shiver. “I was right about how you could use a break.”
“This is a break.” I gesture around us, keeping my left arm in place so I don’t break our closeness.
Karan smirks. “Want some company?”
“You’re offering?”
“No, I’ll call my roommate so he can hang out with you.” Karan rolls his eyes. “Of course I’m offering, Rachel.”
“Just making sure.” I slip a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “There are probably a million better things you could be doing on a nice Saturday morning instead of hanging out with someone like me.”
“Someone like you?” Karan looks at me, puzzled. “And what would that be?”
When he moves his arm away to cross them in front of his broad chest, I stifle back a soft whine.
“I dunno.” I look down at the mirror-like surface of the water, thinking back to everything I’ve been called throughout high school. “Quiet. Nerdy. Boring. Goody-two-shoe.”
“Hmm.” Karan relaxes his stance. “So, in other words… Introspective. Smart. Grounded. Honorable. Yeah, no, I can’t think of a better way to spend my Saturday morning.”
A warm flutter spreads through my stomach. Maybe there is something there after all.
By the time we make it back to the residences, I’m exhausted and sunburnt. The whole day has passed us by, and it’s almost midnight.
I can’t stop giggling. And it seems like Karan feels the same, because his shoulders won’t stop shaking.
I’m not sure why. Neither of us has said anything particularly funny in quite a while.
But maybe, after a full day of walking along the canal, eating ice cream, checking out the cute shops, enjoying local foods, talking about everything and nothing, and laughing so hard Karan snorted his slushie up his nose, we’re both a little giddy.
Or delirious from the sun.
We walk up the stone steps of the residence building, our pace slowing as we near the door. Once inside, we pause in the hallway.
I don’t want this day to end, but we both have homework and studying on our to-do lists tomorrow morning.
I hate the idea of parting ways with Karan.
He just… gets me. He sees me, unlike anyone else ever has. Even the asshole I dated in high school, who ended up cheating on me anyway, never made me feel the way I feel now.
I turn to him and shyly twirl a strand of hair. “Thank you for distracting me today.”
He turns, and we’re so close our chests almost touch. I can detect the warmth emanating from him. He smells good, despite all the time we spent out in the sun. And the way he’s looking down at me…
“Anytime,” he says.
Neither of us move. The air is so thick you could cut it with a knife. An urge to rise on my toes and close the distance between our lips weaves it way through my skeleton.
But I could never. What if I’m reading this all wrong?
No. I need to let him make the move.
“So…” Karan backs away, and I try not to let my disappointment show as he fishes something out of his pocket—his phone—and hands it to me. “You should put in your number. So we can do this again.”
“Oh. Yeah.” My neck and cheeks warm up as I fumble with his phone and input my contact details, handing it back with an awkward shove. “There you go. Just… text me, and I’ll have your number, too.”
“Yeah.”
We both stand awkwardly in silence, the moment stretching until I can no longer stand it.
“Okay, well, I gotta get to it.” I pinch my lips and wave. “See you around, then?”
“Yeah,” he repeats with a smile. “See you around, Rachel.”
I swallow back the lump in the throat as I make my way back to my room. This time, I thought for sure we had a moment. It couldn’t have been only me. I’m not that socially impaired, am I?
Or maybe we did have a moment, but he doesn’t want to kiss me. Guys like him might prefer taller girls with fuller curves.
I reach my apartment and quietly make my way to my room before I change into my pajamas and crash on my bed. My roommate is asleep, and our two other roommates are likely sleeping as well in the second bedroom. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. Puzzled, I take it out, only for my heart to skip a beat at the sight of the unknown number’s message:
Unknown number
Rachel, it’s Karan. Just realized I forgot to give you something. Can you meet me in the Western stairwell?
I quickly fumble on the tiny keyboard to type out my response:
Yeah omw
Karan
Cool
I look down at my pajamas—pink plaid shorts and a soft pink tee—wondering if I should change. I’m not even wearing a bra. Is it too early for him to see me like this? What if it makes him uncomfortable?
But I’m too wired and impatient to change, and so I rush out of my room just as I am, bare feet and all.
I don’t know what he wants to give me. All I know is that I’ll take any extra moment I can get with this boy.
I arrive at the stairwell first, but within seconds, the sound of the heavy metal door echoes from above.
My heart thunders against my ribs, my hands trembling from anticipation.
I do my best to remain motionless next to the wall, even when I catch a glimpse of Karan rushing down the stairs, red-faced and nearly out of breath.
“You’re here,” he breathes out in relief.
“I am.”
He stops in front of me, hesitation painting his soft features. Only a second passes before he speaks, but it extends into infinity as I wait.
I don’t dare touch him.
“I, uh…” Karan looks away, then back to me, a newfound confidence glinting in his eyes. “I forgot to give you this.”
With one step, he closes the distance between us, pressing me up against the wall; his hand lifts my chin just as he leans forward to bring his lips to mine.
The tightrope wound up in my spine finally snaps at the relief of his body against mine, of our lips pressed together; my hands weave through his hair, his pulse quickening against my collarbone.
His free hand tightens around my hip, and I’m drowned in the sensations of him, his clean taste, the roughness of his short beard against my face, the heaviness and warmth of his body contrasted to the cold of the wall at my back.
I’m floating, both ultra-aware of my body and so airy I could fly away.
This feels so right.
It’s all over too fast when he lifts his head up, his hand still cradling my cheek. The warm brown irises of his eyes are nearly taken over by his blown-out pupils.
“I’ve been wanting to do that all day. I couldn’t let you fall asleep without…”
“Hey!” a shrill voice calls out from above.
Karan jumps back. I look up to see a short and stout girl looking down at us from the railing. My stomach sinks when I recognize her as one of the RAs—residence assistants.
“No loitering around here after curfew! Go back to your rooms!”
I don’t want this moment to end. Karan grabs my hand and squeezes.
“Now,” the RA repeats.
I look into Karan’s eyes, and we both giggle at each other, our gazes communicating everything our lips don’t have time to say before we part ways.