Chapter 33
Rachel
While Cayce and Corey horse around with their grandfather, I make the most of the opportunity and curl up on the couch in front of the fire stove, a book in hand. I bring up one of the blankets to cover myself up to my chest, then wrap my feet under my legs and allow myself to fall into the pages.
It doesn’t take long for Karan to join me. When he does, sliding up against me and wrapping one arm around my shoulder, I close my eyes to savour the moment.
How good it feels to be able to be close to my husband again like this.
Reveling in the heat of his body against mine alone is a soothing balm over all of my worries, of which there are plenty.
We didn’t wrap up everything with a neat little bow when we left the A-frame cabin, and part of me can’t help but linger on our unfinished business.
At least we both put everything on the table. There is no longer a heaping pile of worries bubbling up inside me, rotting into resentment. That doesn’t mean we’re in the clear yet, but at least, I can enjoy a moment of cuddling on the couch without feeling sick to my stomach.
He wants to try. I want to try.
We’re going to make it.
I look up from my book and turn my head to look at Karan, who, it turns out, was already looking at me.
“You creep,” I whisper with a smile.
“What? I can’t help it if you’re the most beautiful thing to look at.”
“You’re happy just sitting here doing nothing and looking at me?”“Just?” Karan chuckles and kisses my forehead. “Baby, sitting here doing nothing and looking at you is the best gift I could ever ask for.”
If nothing else, I know without a doubt that Karan’s love for me runs deep and true. How can I doubt it when he speaks words like these?
I only hope it’s going to be enough.
The hairs stand at the back of my neck. My pulse stutters. I don’t realize why at first—not consciously. But when I turn to look towards the kitchen and spot Martine with my sons, my blood goes cold.
She’s taking out the lasagna. Both of my sons are at her heels, almost frothing at the mouth.
What the fuck?
“Karan.” I elbow him, and he looks down at me with big eyes, then follows my glare to where I’m looking. “I thought you said you were going to talk to her. Go stop her. Now.”
If I don’t want to cause drama, it’s got to be him. Not me.
Karan’s brow lifts in understanding, and he smiles.
Smiles.
“Oh, yeah,” he starts, seeming absolutely way too chill for what’s going on. “I talked to her. She said it was fine.”
A gulf opens at my feet, and I tumble into a free fall with no warning.
All my hopes—the ones I’ve been carefully nurturing over the past few days—wither and die, leaving only their acrid taste in my mouth. The future I’d dreamed of crumbles down to rubble before my eyes.
They were only words. Stupid words. Useless words.
Words mean nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I can never win. Not against Karan’s mother. She’d already won this battle and claimed her territory decades ago.
“Rachel?”
Karan’s name on my lips sounds so far away, he might as well be on another planet.
Maybe I’m the idiot. I expected too much. People don’t change—not really. Not deep down.
I’ve set my expectations too high.
And now my heart shatters into a thousand pieces.
But I can break down later. First, I’ve got to protect my boys.
“Karan.” I leave no room for negotiation in my voice. “Go. Fucking. Stop her. Now.”
“Bu—”
“She’s wrong.” My entire body trembles from the white-hot rage burning through every fiber of my being. “I’m a pharmacist, Karan. I think I would know.”
I can’t believe he still doesn’t trust me.
“Go, or I will.”
Eyes round with uncertainty, Karan nods and gets up. I don’t wait to watch the argument unfold between the two of them.
I need some air.
As Karan heads towards the kitchen, I walk to the door, grab my boots and coat, and run outdoors.
I pace towards the path that leads to the frozen bay, taking deep breaths to keep myself upright. It may be cold, but I’m fuming and can hardly feel the wind against the skin of my face.
It’s too quiet out here. The world holds its breath around me. Even the frozen bay lies perfectly still, its surface like glass, while inside my chest everything fractures and bleeds.
How can the world be this peaceful when my entire world is falling apart?
I reach the frozen shore and stare out at the horizon, only allowed to stand here for five seconds before I hear him call out my name.
I don’t turn.
“Rachel!” he repeats, his panicked voice and the sound of his boots crunching against the snow at breakneck speed the only things disturbing this peaceful tableau. “Rachel, what are you doing out here?”
He really needs to ask?
With all the fury gathered within me, I turn just in time for him to nearly collide into me.
“Why don’t you ever believe me?”
Karan looks taken aback. Whatever he was expecting, this wasn’t it. “What?”
I don’t know what makes me more angry; the fact that he did what he did, or the fact that I have to fucking spell it out for him.
“I told you, Karan. I told you the lasagna wouldn’t be safe. Did you think I told you this for fun? Just to make a scene or cause a fight with your mom, or what?”
Karan’s mouth gapes open. “You did… but then she said—”
“That!” I gesture with my arms, barely able to control my movements. “That’s exactly fucking it, Karan! That, right there, is the problem.”
“Wait, wait, wait.” Karan shakes his head. “I just went and told her not to feed it to them. It’s fine, Rachel. There is no problem.”
“The problem isn’t the fucking lasagna!”
I should lower my voice if I don’t want the people living in the cabins around the bay to peer outside.
But I don’t care. Let them stare.
“I told you something, and then you decided to trust your mommy over me. Me. Your. Wife.” I point to my chest, poking myself so hard it almost hurts. “The problem, Karan, is that it took me telling you something twice before you actually took action and trusted me over her.”
This time, Karan doesn’t interrupt me. He looks at me with full focus, ready to listen.
Too little, too late.
“And you know.” I laugh without humour. “You know your mom’s judgement is iffy with health stuff. I’m a pharmacist, for fuck’s sake.”
“I’m sorry,” Karan breathes out, his gaze falling to the ground.
I’m sure he is sorry, but right now I couldn’t care less. Not with the burning rage scalding my insides.
“I can’t fucking believe you.”
“Fuck, Rachel, you’re right.” He rubs the back of his neck and deigns to look at me again. “She seemed so sure. But you’re right; I should have trusted you first. And I’m going to from now on—”
“No.”
A look of surprise, then confusion sets in his eyes. “What?”
“I said no.”
I clench my jaw, determined not to fucking cry. I think I’m too pissed for it, anyway.
“I’m tired, Karan. I’m so fucking tired of fighting her for your approval. We just spent three days talking about this, and then we come back and you do this? No. I’m done.”
Hurt flashes in his eyes as his expression crumples. “Rachel, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying I’m done. This is over.” I take off like a shot, rage fueling my limbs as I sprint back toward the cabin.
“Rachel, wait!”
But I’m done waiting for him. In the thick snow, Karan’s heavyset shape works against him, and I make it to the rental car before he has a chance to catch up to me. By the time he does, I’ve already locked the doors.
He bangs against the window with an air of panic. “Rachel! Rachel, get out of the car!”
“I’m going into town,” I yell through the window so he hears me. “Don’t you fucking dare follow me.”
Ignoring his pleas, I pull out of the driveway, letting all the tiny pieces of my heart fall like a trail of crumbs behind me.